All comics by ekedolphin

Profile

 

by ekedolphin
8-21-02
Duuuuude, where's your legs?
Duuude, like, I don't know, dude.
Are they like, over there, duuuuude?
Duuude, like, there they are.
Duuuuude, cool. Now I will burn you with my mind!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

by ekedolphin
8-21-02
Meanwhile, in heaven...
Hey, duuude, I've never seen you here before.
Yeah, duude, I just like, escaped from hell.
Cool. Say, you wanna pet my cat?
No, dude, your cat sucks!
Did you miss me?
...damn.

 

by ekedolphin
8-21-02
Meanwhile, at a magic show...
For my next demonstration, I will turn this young lady invisible!
WOO-HOO! Now I can sneak into the boys' locker room!
Now, let me make sure I read these instructions very carefully...
Hey... I feel... funny...
ABRACADABRA!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

 

by ekedolphin
8-21-02
And now for my next demonstration... I will turn this common everyday hick into a great and powerful ruler!
Well, gosh darn, that does sound tootin'.
Now, let me read again how to do this, so we won't have another incident... *snicker*
Gosh darn it, you ain't gonna flame me up like that little girl, are ya now?
ABRACADABRA!
Hey, it worked!

 

by ekedolphin
8-21-02
So, who will be my next volunteer?
Anybody?
Fine! Then I'll just have to sit here and play with my new computer.
DAG-NAB it, I told you to keep your hands off my keys, you varmint!

 

by ekedolphin
8-22-02
Joe takes his new computer home...
You know, this country accent of yours is really starting to get on my nerves.
Well gosh darn it, it's the way ah grew up, y'know.
Looks like I'm gonna have to buy an upgrade.
What kind of upgrade d'ya right mean?
You sell Dell upgrades here?
Duuude, you're getting a Dell!

 

by ekedolphin
8-22-02
After Joe installs the new upgrade from Dell...
Duuuude, you've got mail!
This is actually an improvement...
Duuuude, it's from your girlfriend in Alaska! Duuude... people actually live there?
No, they don't... she's a penguin.
Duuude... that explains a lot.
Just read this letter she wrote me... she's such a sweetheart.

 

by ekedolphin
8-22-02
Meanwhile, down in the fiery depths of hell...
We hope you enjoy your time here in hell...
Well, thanks, that's... somewhat unexpected.
I'll have you know, I'm really that much of a bad guy.
That's good to hear.
I mean, it's part of my job to help condemn people to an eternity of firey torment, but I'm really a nice guy.
Sounds like a nice job you've got. How much are they paying you?

 

by ekedolphin
8-22-02
I'm telling you, once you get used to the heat, hell really isn't all that bad.
Really?
Yeah, and I can do cool tricks with my mind, like this.
GWAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
And since your eternal soul never burns up, I can do that over and over and over and over and over...
Cool! Let me try.

 

by ekedolphin
8-22-02
Meanwhile, back at Joe's house, he's just read his e-mail from his girlfriend...
Hmm, what to write, what to write...
Duuude, like why not write her a poem, or tell her she's beautiful or something?
Naaah. You don't understand my girlfriend all that well. You gotta use reverse psychology on her.
OK, so what are you gonna write, duuuude?
"And you're a dirty rotten scumbag whore..." Oh, he is so sweet!!!

 

by ekedolphin
8-22-02
The twins get into a fight...
You know you're a moron, right?
I know you're a moron, right!
Gaah. I said YOU'RE a moron.
Right. YOU'RE a moron.
Gaaaah! Fine, I'M a moron, which would make YOU a moron.
Ah-ha, you just called yourself a moron!

 

by ekedolphin
8-22-02
Your typical day in the park...
Would you like an acorn?
GET AWAY FROM ME!
...You're not very nice. Oh, big brother!
What's your big brother gonna do... whack me to death with his tail?
You called, little brother?
Oh, SHIT!

 

by ekedolphin
8-22-02
Now just stand very still...
YIKES! Please... please don't cut my head off.
Cut your head off? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Why, this axe isn't even real!
Whew, that's a relief. Then why did you want me to stand still?
So I can burn you to death with my mind!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

by ekedolphin
8-22-02
Upon Rick's first arrival into Hell...
Hi! Welcome to Hell.
...Damn. How'd I get here?
Remember that Joe guy setting you on fire with his mind?
Yes, I remember that, but... why am I *here*?
You honestly thought you could get away with not paying your taxes, didn't you?
OHMYGOD! Hell is run by the IRS!

 

by ekedolphin
7-01-03
Whoa... I've gotta lay off these drugs...
Drugs? I've gotta stop all this drinking.
What are you talking about?
Dragons aren't real! I've *got* to be drunk!
Funny... I thought *humans* were just an urban legend.

 

by ekedolphin
12-31-08
Today's top story... Lindsay Lohan is back in rehab...
...and tonight's final story, an attack in Kundu has left 47 people dead and 210 seriously injured...
Heh.
Good to see they've got their priorities straight.

 

by ekedolphin
12-31-08
A typical day for Zoe...
Pardon me, I was wondering if you could direct me to the Greek restaurant?
OHMYGOD BOOBIES!
OK, you die now.
AAAAAAH!
Could you help me find... oh, jeez, don't YOU start, too.
Kno-- knockers...

 

by ekedolphin
12-31-08
So tell me something, Zoe...
Yeah, what's up, Jon?
Does *everyone* in this universe besides me have the power to set people on fire with their mind?
I'm not sure what you're trying to imply...
...on an unrelated note, we should maybe get outta here before the police arrive.

 

by ekedolphin
12-31-08
By the way, how did you get out of Hell, anyway?
Oh, you know, it was a mix-up. Someone committed a filing error.
...You sucked off the devil, didn't you.
YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT!

 

by ekedolphin
12-31-08
So, two Irishmen walk out of a bar...
...Okay...
...That's the joke.
*sigh*
I don't get it.

 

by ekedolphin
12-31-08
So, the Detroit Lions have done it. They finished with the first 0-16 record in NFL history.
...
Gotta hand it to them, they don't believe in doing anything halfway.

 

by ekedolphin
12-31-08
Meanwhile, in the infernal flames of the abyss...
So, come on, you gotta let me outta here. I'll do anything!
Meanwhile, in the infernal flames of the abyss...
...Anything?
Meanwhile, in the infernal flames of the abyss...
Gabe! How'd you get outta hell?
...You don't want to know.

 

by ekedolphin
12-31-08
Man, I cannot believe I sucked the devil off to get out of hell.
It's like I've lost all self-respect now. Uck, I just wanna kill myself.
My guess is that's exactly what the devil had in mind...

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
So Jon, what's *your* New Year's Resolution?
...To get into your pants.
Um, I haven't made one yet.

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
Meanwhile, in the fiery pits of endless torment...
...So, what brings *you* here?
Um, I was looking at some girl's knockers, and she burned me to death with her mind?
...goddamn it, Zoe.

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
So you're saying that girl burns people to death with her mind all the time?
Yeah, the demon told me she does it about once a week, on average.
...
Ah.
I *did* say, "on average".

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
So what are you *staring* at, anyway?
Nothing; what are *you* staring at?
...
...Damn it, we need some chicks down here.
Word.

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
We return to the abode of our favorite nihilistic psychopath...
So, what should I write to my girlfriend in Alaska?
How about, "Guess what? I haven't changed my shirt in seven years."
...You're not very nice.

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
A short time later, in Alaska...
"Guess what? I haven't changed my shirt in years."
That Joe... such a romantic.

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
I *still* think you should have told her just how *many* years it's been since you changed your shirt.
*snicker*
Oh, go bite yourself. You don't even *wear* a shirt.
...Touché.

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
With apologies to Patton.
...And that's why America *has* never, and *will* never lose a war...
...Because damn near all of us can light people on fire with our minds.

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
With apologies to The Princess Bride...
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father...
GAAAAAAH!
Oh, shut up.

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
August 21, 2002
Duuuuude, cool. Now I will burn you with my mind!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Earlier today...
Oh, shut up.
GAAAAAAH!
...And what have we learned?
Man, that shit never gets old.

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
Joe goes to raise a complaint with the strip creator...
What gives with the title of that last comic? Are you trying to imply that I can only light one person on fire at a time?
...Yes.
...I should light *you* on fire right now.
Try it.
...Damn it, it's not working.
In this strip, I am GOD, you moron.

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
So what do you *mean*, I can't kill more than one person at the same time?
...Dude. Have you ever seen three people in the same panel in this comic strip?
That... is actually a very good point.
Between you and Zoe, I had to put *some* restraints on your mass-murdering capability.

 

by ekedolphin
1-01-09
...And what the FUCK is with these goofy-ass rainbows and bubbles and shit?
I put them there just to screw with your mind. I can see now that was a futile gesture.

 

by ekedolphin
1-02-09
With apologies to I, Robot...
Murder's a new trick for a robot. Respond.
I DID NOT *MURDER* HIM!
...OK, actually I did.
I knew you looked shady.

 

by ekedolphin
1-02-09
With apologies to Brokeback Mountain...
I wish I knew how to QUIT you!
While back in the strip creator's fantasy world...
You didn't actually expect a *good* joke there, did you?
No. No, I did not.

 

by ekedolphin
1-02-09
With apologies to 300...
For the last time, I ORDER you to take off your clothes so we can mate with you!
Not gonna happen, shit-face.
You dare defy the future overlord of the galaxy?! This is MADNESS!
I can't *believe* he just set himself up for this line...
GWAAAAAAAAH!
Madness?! THIS... IS... EARTH!

 

by ekedolphin
1-02-09
...Thought we'd screwed up there for a moment, didn't you?

 

by ekedolphin
1-02-09
With apologies to The Matrix...
I know what you're thinking, 'cause right now I'm thinking the same thing. Actually, I've been thinking it ever since I got here...
Why, oh why, didn't I take the BLUE pill?
Good point.
...Well, if I had, it would've been a very short movie.

 

by ekedolphin
1-02-09
With apologies to RoboCop...
Can you FLY, Bobby?!
...
Well, yeah, these wings aren't just for show, you know.

 

by ekedolphin
1-02-09
Continuing our RoboCop story...
What's the matter, officer? Having a little trouble? Allow me to introduce to you our little insurance policy called Directive 4: Any attempt to arrest a senior OCP employee results in shutdown.
GWAAAAAAH!
Who said anything about *arresting* you?

 

by ekedolphin
1-04-09
Hey, what are you...
...GWAAAAH!
Take it easy friend, I don't wanna--
AAAAARRRRG!
Maybe I *can't* light more than one person on fire at a time...
...But I can still do it in rapid succession.

 

by ekedolphin
6-16-09
So, I joined the Facebook phenomenon earlier this week.
Welcome to the 21st century. What've you been doing with it?
Mostly checking up with people I knew in high school.
I thought you didn't *like* anyone you knew in high school.
...Um... I didn't.

 

by ekedolphin
6-20-09
This was an actual conversation at work...
Hi, I'm looking for the Madden video game.
OK. Madden NFL '10 hasn't come out yet, but we have both Madden '08 and Madden '09.
Madden '09 is the newer one, right?
*blank stare*

 

by ekedolphin
6-20-09
This happens at work *all* the time.
Hey, I'll just be renting this movie tonight.
OK. Lemme grab a rental copy for you.
What, you mean this isn't a rental copy in my hand?
No, it's a sale copy.
It, uh, has a price sticker on it.

 

by ekedolphin
6-22-09
...Man. I was sorry to hear that your grandfather passed away, man.
Thanks, Sunshine. You know, it's funny... after my uncle's death last year...
...you'd think I'd learn to realize...
...that bad news always comes late at night.

 

by ekedolphin
6-22-09
My Karaoke highlight reel for last Saturday night
He say, I know you, you know me, one thing I can tell you is you got to be free...
There's no such thing as a winnable war; it's a lie we don't believe anymore...
So here I am, with open arms, hoping you'll see what your love means to me... open arms...
It's not far back to sanity, at least it's not for me...
HAHAHA!
...Shut up, Mom.

 

by ekedolphin
8-01-09
This is why we run out of fives so quickly..
That'll be $2.12.
Here's a twenty.
That'll be $2.93.
Out of twenty.
Three hours of this later...
Here's a $20 bill for the two sodas and three Pixy-Stix.
You know, not to be rude, but I'm not a goddamn bank!

Showing page 1.

Next »