All comics by evilh

 

Pharmacologically Me by evilh 6-21-05
In the Human Resources Office... I don't think I'll be missing too much more work. I stopped taking the medication that gave me insomnia, nausea, and diarrhea. Good, then we won't have to hire someone to help out the IT guy. We'll just keep flogging you.	The Art of Blowing Smoke Up Anal Orafices Thanks. The doctor said the withdrawal symptoms shouldn't effect my ability to be at work. That's wonderful. You know we really depend on you around here.	Later That Day... I wonder if I could get off humping the watercooler. Hmm? We really need to find money in the IT budget.

 

Pharmacologically Me: Corporate Politics 101 by evilh 6-26-05
Just When You Thought it Was Safe to Come to Work... Yeah, it's been really great working on this project with you. Us peons have to stick together to save these folks. You know, they couldn't dial a phone without us." Blah, blah, blah....yeah, shut up and go away bitch, I am working here.	Apparently MY Hipocrosy Knows No Bounds... Gee, she's not the total bitch everyone thinks she is. Absolutely right, hun. I am so totally writing an email to your boss telling him how awesome you've been during this audit."	Smiling Benignly, Thinking Malignantly That's great. You know I could use that. My review is coming up. I don't expect a raise, but I so deserve a promotion given what I do." You mean, gossip and kiss ass? You are on your way to management, bitch.

 

Like sands thru the hourglass, so are the minds of my peers by evilh 7-04-05
Spatherdab, or the art of Corporate Gossip - Part I. Ok, so the new theory is "Cuntus Maximus" is pregnant. What the hell makes you think that?	Spatherdab - Look it up, it's a real word. English even. Hey, all sorts o'crap. Ask yo' girl, cool HR chick or repressed Homo guy; we all agreed. Her and Tweak have been fighting and she's looking a bit Reubenesque in her Hoochie Wear. Jesus, ain't ch'all got anything better to do with yo' time than think about that shit?	Reality Check... Bitch, where do you work and what color is the sky on your planet? Ok, I'll give ya part of that. I work here. But the color of my sky, is whatever the mortgage company tells me it is.

 

Pharmacologically Me: The Peter Pansy Principle by evilh 8-10-05
Why Do They Have A Job, Episode I: Katie/Katarina "So, is she gone for the day or what?" "Hell if I know. She said she may be back, but might call me to close her door and shut down her PC."	Why Do They Have A Job, Episode I: Katie/Katarina "Where did she go? I mean, she was only here for a couple of hours." "Over to the project site, supposedly and then to a XYZ Organization Meeting."	Why Do They Have A Job, Episode I: Katie/Katarina "Hell, she spends more "work" time dealing with XYZ than the company's business."............................ "Wish I made 75 grand a year for taking care of my personal shit." "Doesn't matter, even when she's in the office she's on personal calls about her daughter's gymnastics or acting, fundraising for the ballet or bitching about other stage moms to stage moms."

 

Pharmacologically Me: The Peter Pansy Principle by evilh 8-10-05
Why Do They Have A Job, Episode II: Helen, the Teflon(TM) Ho "So, apparently costing us 50K in fines, shagging a married co-worker, and giving out her security code to her kid was not enough." "Holy shit, what did the bitch do now?"	Why Do They Have A Job, Episode II: Helen, the Teflon(TM) Ho "She is pissing off Melissa by acting like her boss and telling Rose to just do whatever folks in the field want." "Well good fucking luck to her getting anything done by alienating the "go to" folks. Damn, but she is stupid."	Why Do They Have A Job, Episode II: Helen, the Teflon(TM) Ho "Well, I can't say it's all her fault. I mean, look what she has gotten away with to date. It's like she's coated herself in cooking oil. She's the Typhoid Mary of business; just a carrier." "That's it, bitch has pictures of someone burying a body or so screwing a donkey or something."

 

Pharmacologically Me: The Peter Pansy Principle by evilh 8-10-05
Why Do They Have A Job, Episode III: Prudence, Ph.D. "I hate this place. Prudence is going through my mail and taking anything easy for herself. Then, giving me all the difficult crap that ends up on her desk." "Well, duh? I used to think she was just stupid. But, I've come to realize, she is just extremely pretentious and lazy."	Why Do They Have A Job, Episode III: Prudence, Ph.D. "Then, as my supervisor, she has the unmittigated gall to comment on my review that I have inappropriate disagreements with her. The 'nerve' of me having a professional opinion." "Chill, you know she's just trying to make herself feel superior. Must have something to do with the half-assed online degree she's got that someone else wrote the disseration for."	Why Do They Have A Job, Episode III: Prudence, Ph.D. "I don't understand why she's here. I mean, what the fuck does she do? .............................. Oh, I'm already looking to get the hell out of here." "She got here at the right time, she has a Ph.D. (no matter how lame), and she kisses ass like a freaking pro. Ain't nothing ever gonna change around here. Accept it or start looking."

 

Pharmacologically Me: "And Other Duties As Assigned..." by evilh 8-12-05
Because I'm Just An "Assistant" "So what? You don't have time to stop and let me show you how to make what you did better?" What gave you that impression? The fact I'm running down the hall with my hands full of papers talking on my cell phone? You're a fucking genius!"	Pimping Myself For Corporate Politics "Sure, what's the problem, hun?" "Well, the response you wrote will suffice, but since we are asking them to do something, I think we should put a paragraph break before the request. What do you think?"	Because You're A Friend of My Boss's Friend You don't really want to know what I think. Because I think, I have a degree in English and the President of the company wrote me a note saying what you think needs improving was "Great." "Well? Ok, so you'll fix that page and get it to me ASAP, right? They need it by COB today."

 

Pharmacologically Me: The Katarina Kronicles I by evilh 8-27-05
Vol I: The Blame of the Rose...after receiving an email wraught with confusion, I suss out the sitch and deliver the news... "Ok, here's the dirt, Katarina said that she couldn't give them the incident data because you haven't been entering it in the database." "Now, that's some bullshit. Until Monday, I only had one report in my inbasket. She put all the others in this week. They freaking date back to 2004!"	Not Whining, Not Complaining, Not Being Petty... "That explains why she's been in the office lately. She actually had to do some work. Bless her heart, must have been terribly inconvenient. I think we should go talk to Diana." "Ok, I'll bring all the ones she didn't even complete enough for me to enter. And I am going to tell her that no one has even asked me for the data I couldn't produce."	Just Pointing at the Elephant in the Living Room. "Well, I think that went well. At least I think Diana knows that I have been doing my job and maybe she'll see that Katarina was just trying to blame someone else for her laziness and incompetence." "I'm sure you're fine when it comes to Diana, but I wouldn't hold my breath on anything being done about Katarina. It's not like others haven't pointed out this issue before."

 

Pharmacologically Me: The Katarina Kronicles II by evilh 8-27-05
Vol II: Talk About Brass Ones...Upon Leaving the Meeting... "Psst...remind me to tell you something later, ok?" Oh crap. Who did I piss off now? Shit, maybe she's finally had enough and is quitting. Why am I always the one people tell things?	Later That Day, In Adrienne's Office... "So, you wanted to tell me something?" "I just needed someone safe to bitch to. I gave Katarina this safety assessment of El Paso from the insurance company over a month ago. Katarina had let the 30 days lapse without responding."	The Peter Pansy Posse at "Work" "So, as K kept hemming and hawing, Prudence said 'Adrienne, you talk to them all the time, why don't you take care of this.' Why do we even have a Corporate Safety Officer if she never does anything?" "Oh, I wouldn't say she does nothing. Given this and what she tried to do to Rose earlier today, I'd say she's pretty busy dodging responsibility. Very limber, she must do yoga."

 

Pharmacologically Me: As If Anyone Reads This Crap by evilh 9-21-05
And I Bother Why?: Breaking The Fourth Wall "Why do I feel the need to share my real life with others, why? It's not like anyone gives a flying monkey's ass."	When Applicances Attack: Next On Pharmacologially Me! "Well, I'm just an inanimate object, but if you will pardon the amature psychoanalysis, I'd say you are trying to find a non-violent outlet for your social aggression."	The Breakdown "OK, that's it. It's bad enough that my Tivo gives me entertainment advise, but my PC providing therapy is just too fucking much." Oh my God, she is still talking to me. This bitch needs a half a Lude and a glass of wine, STAT.

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