All comics by fluffhead81

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by fluffhead81
3-04-03
hello fanboy... whats new
not much... i just sold my kidneys for star wars spoilers
that is the saddest thing i have ever heard...your wife must be so proud
Actually no... my extravagant lifestyle has made me much to busy to get married.
You are still a virgin arent you?
You are right...for some reason dressing up as Gandalf doesnt bring the ladies begging at the doorstep.

 

by fluffhead81
3-04-03
Dear Franklin, I thought I should write this to let you know that I have been sleeping with someone else...
this may come as some surprise but I was unhappy with where we were in our relationship...
but it wasnt you, it was me.
Big ones just feel better to me.

 

by fluffhead81
3-04-03
I wonder what i have to do to get Allison to like me.
I guess I could get her flowers, take her out on the town, buy her nice things.
Or maybe you could stop running naked through my living room and putting your dick on my things!
...well played.

 

by fluffhead81
3-27-03
Hollywood:
Brad Pitt I must say you are shell of your former self...ever since you married that Aniston chick
What are you talking about?
It seems you have lost that cool edge and have gone soft to the land of Friends watching asschops.
Who are you to judge...I mean shiite, look at yourself.
You mean adopting a trendy eating disorder isnt going to win back your love?
No Gwenyth...plus I thought you were fucking that Affleck loser.

 

by fluffhead81
3-27-03
Why do you look so smug?
I know the secret to the universe.
Really? How did you come across that?
Satan came and said he would tell me in exchange for my soul and that milk in the fridge.
That was MY milk!!!
If I had known that chocolate milk was the secret to the universe, I never would have offered my eternal damnation...go figure.

 

by fluffhead81
11-23-03
So i heard the new Dave Matthews solo album yesterday...
Really? How is it?
Well, i thought it sounded like he was trying to be Coldplay. So if Coldplay is doing Dave Matthews Band, and Dave is doing Coldplay...does that mean Dave is still just doing Dave?
If you like Dave.
These are the things I think about before I fall asleep at night.
You are stupid.

 

by fluffhead81
11-23-03
Why the long face Pietro? This is the joyful time of non-demoninational holiday giving.
I know...but I just cant get into the spirit like most years.
What do you mean...there is no time to question faith...the point of this season is to buy mass quantities of worthless products.
But it seems every year the season starts earlier and earlier and I am worrying about buying meaningless gifts in august because I am 'supposed' to.
I might be some hired convict in a santa costume but the conglomerate multinational corporation I work for says "less thinky, more spendy..."
You're right...but uh, can I have my credit card back now?

 

by fluffhead81
11-23-03
Movie Theatre...
Yes...I would like one ticket to the Trilogy Tuesday showing of LOTR.
Are you serious? You are going to waste a beautiful day watching 3 4hour movies in this dungeon.
Well aacccccccctually...yes. I think that Peter Jackson has created something brilliant in....
Hold on a sec...i gotta interupt you. I may just work at this theatre but perhaps you should consider getting a real life. Something more dependable than hobbits and orcs.
Does that mean I would have to move out of my mothers basement, sell my Spiderman collection and, you know, get a job?
Have you ever, oh I dont know, kissed a girl?

 

by fluffhead81
11-23-03
...day in, day out it never changes. Will no one ever park correctly?
hey Hey HEY!!! What are you doing? Thats my car you are ticketing. I was only running an errand for two minutes. I am a busy man.
Sir calm down. It doesnt matter to me that you were gone for 2 or 50 minutes...you parked in a handicapped spot. By the way, where's your pants?
Pants? Nevermind that. Apparantly you do not see the importance in hurridly parking the car. Is there a way we can negotiate?
Sir, if you are refering to the fact that you parked your car not only in a handicapped spot but on a wheelchair-bound old woman, I am not amused.
At least I took the time to cover her smashed with my slacks before I ran inside that liquor store to buy some booze.

 

by fluffhead81
11-24-03
Wanna bite of this burger?
Are you sure you want to eat that meat?
What do you mean?
That burger was probably created from hundreds of cattle raised in feed lots for their own demise and carved in unsanitary conditions. Its probably full of disease.
So you dont want a bite then?
.........no.

 

by fluffhead81
11-24-03
what is wrong with me? what makes me so unattractive to the opposite sex? why cant i meet a girl who appreciates me?
on one hand, i am funny, intelligent and talented...on the other hand, i do not have a red sports car, lots of muscles or millions of dollars to spend.
or maybe i shouldnt mention the fact that i still nurse from my mother's bosom until the second date.

 

by fluffhead81
11-28-03
I met this girl the other day. I really liked her a lot.
I wanted to show her how much I liked her by surprising her with some flowers. But she ended up just screaming and trying to run away.
I guess it wasnt the best idea to surprise her by waiting in her shower.

 

by fluffhead81
12-05-03
Have you seen that new Samurai movie yet?
No...my fortune cookie told me not to.
Fortune cookie?
Yes...I get all of my sage advice from the little messages inside. That is why I decided to drop out of school and work at a Chinese food restaurant. It tells me everything I need to know.
I think you take too much stock in what a dessert has to say.
It told me you would say that.

 

by fluffhead81
2-03-05
Whats wrong with you?
There is something wrong with me...I have discomfort.
You didn't um...you know...charge your circuits again did you?
Who knew hooking you genitals up to your car's battery could provide such a turn-on?
Remind me to wash my car later.

 

by fluffhead81
2-03-05
Why are we smiling?
I am smiling because I just used your toothbrush without asking. Why are YOU smiling?
Because I spent all afternoon dancing around the living room with that toothbrush up my ass.
um...Did you by chance have enchiladas for lunch?

 

by fluffhead81
2-03-05
Why do you keep staring at me?
I am trying to come up with a good French-hating joke.
...but I'm not .......nevermind.

 

by fluffhead81
2-04-05
*whistle*
*whistle*
I know there is a punchline here somewhere.
*whistle*

 

by fluffhead81
2-12-05
The Future...
I hate injuns
Sid Fwenchman
... I really do hate them...
Sid Hoffman...
This is getting old isnt it?
Sometimes you just cant tread the same waters twice.

 

by fluffhead81
2-14-05
Do it.
Uh oh. Not that voice. Just ignore him.
Come on. No one will know.
Dont listen to him. He will get you in trouble. Just walk away. Just walk away.
I already let you borrow my guinea pig last week...and you never returned him.
I think your new gerbil might come out a little easier than that guinea pig. It was like passing a cinder block.

 

by fluffhead81
2-22-05
Would you mind not smoking that thing in here?
Yes I would mind. Its a free country.
Its just that there are no window in here and its bad for my skin.
What do I care... Go put on a mask or something.
I hope you get cancer.
I am in flavor country.

 

by fluffhead81
3-14-05
My mouth is burning up.
Why is that?
I had some really spicy food for lunch and then drank a gallon of water.
You know all that really does is spread the heat around in your mouth.
I know but I had to get rid of that human flesh taste from breakfast.
So thats where Dad went.

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