All comics by fragpig

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by fragpig
1-29-01
I have decided long ago that Lead Paint, thile tasty was not a healthy diet.
Truthfully, It was my mother who decided this. She was an amazing woman right up until the end.
Even now, I can't put her remains out

 

by fragpig
1-29-01
Dear Diary, Today I was invited to a barbecue. I had spilled cofee on the directions so I was a little late.
Where the fuck is everyone?
I ran across a little man who claimed that he was in a Live Action Game where he played a Raccoon Swahbuckler. He asked me if I was playing..I told him I was playing Pontious Pilate from the Bible.
What type of Furry is that?
Wouldn't you know it? The prosecution had a wonderful case which I made better when I offered to poke out their eyes with my gumby eraser. I shouldn't really complain, though. It has given me enough t
Look the guard is nowhere around. It's either this or no more protection.
But I was just on a tour through the prison with "Up With People"!

 

by fragpig
1-29-01
Dear Diary, Today my girlfriend left me. Apparently, she believed we no longer connecting. She took almost everything she owned, except her damn bird
I tried getting it to talk. My ex could always get it to speak .Nothing I tried worked... Finally, in my frustration I had a brainstorm!
Polly want a bubblebath?
The big bastard was a little stringy, but after a week, he was just another memory. Every time she would call, she would be confronted by his ear shattering cawing on my voicemail.
CAW CAW CAW CAW "What have you done to him?!!!"

 

by fragpig
1-29-01
There I was, witnessing the protest of a Buddhist monk against the Red Menace of China.
The smell of his flesh as it burned, brought tears to my eyes! I couldn't believe that he just sat there. What strength of character for his beliefs what faith! It made me feel like less of a man as i
..Then the burning monk blows it all to hell, by breaking character! I swear, why do I even pay these college kids to be in my movies?
AAHHH AHHH AHHH!!! Put me out Put me out!!!
CUT!!! Way to go, Jerk! You just ruined the scene!

 

by fragpig
1-29-01
Last night, while trying to slaughter the hotel staff, I stumbled into a gaming convention
I have a charima of 10!
I'm aware of that
Everywhere I looked, it was a land of mistake believe!!! Something had to be done...
I am a raccoon ninja
I am a sexy ninja chick who can kill cyborgs with two dice rolls
When the local authorities arrived, I was able to escape by pretending to be a wounded bunny-vampire guy. They were too disgusted to question me.
Id this the fetish rodeo?
It begins again....

 

by fragpig
1-30-01
Today I went the coffee shop. There was a beatnik who was spilling his soul to the beats of the bongos.
With so much drama in the LBC..It's kinda hard...
....
His prose touched my soul. I found his suffering intoxicating. However, I knew that soon it would run out.
....If you want to call me baby, just go ahead now.
How do I keep him creative forever? His art thrives on pain!
Wouldn't you know it? My one chance at being a muse turns out bad again. At the hearing, his lawyer asked why I cut off his legs?
I would plead the fifth, but the answer makes him cry so much I laugh, y'know.

 

by fragpig
1-30-01
I wanted to start this by saying I have never been less than angry at any time
Hello. Welcome to king Richard's would you like Ice Cream?
Nope. Wanna play dentist, you malignancy?
Often in my life I was seen as the lovable rogue who was found sexy in his bitter, artistic pose.
If you excuse me, I have to go share my rage with the world
You're so dreeeeamy!!!!
Eventually, the girls would get wise. They'd leave when they realized happiness to me was the tear in the eye of the clown.
..I found your shoebox of dirty pictures. I have all ready phoned the FBI!
but... those weren't pictures of my parties!

 

by fragpig
1-31-01
My last real relationship was ended when we found out we wanted two different things.
What did you make for dinner?
I made reservations at the Chez Orgasmo baby!
Not only that, but we were swingers and I always got stuck with the ugly spouse.
c'mere sweet thang!
What?
When we broke up, it was amicable. However, I was stuck with a few mystery purchases on my credit card...
Hey! You're not Russian! You're not even the Age of Consent!!
only 3.95 folks.... get your catalog today!

 

by fragpig
1-31-01
I spent my day off walking through the park and I ran into my father...
Dad..! How the Hell are you??!
*Burp* hey sailor...10 cents for lovin'!
Oh my! Did we catch up on old times!!!
Hey Dad.. Remember when you broke my nose to the Hit Single "Happy to be Stuck with you" by Huey Lewis
Do I? I reenact that moment every day when I pass the preschool!
My father loved to give back to the community...that's why I am sure he would have been proud of me when I delievered my special "Long pig Ribs" to the Soup Kitchen!
...tasted like hobo

 

by fragpig
4-30-01
When last you heard from me, I had just become single and boy has the phone kept ringing
...Beep! Hey Sweet thing... why don't you come over?
How about no?
It's become rather disturbing as one caller keeps leaving saucy messages all day.
...Beep! I'm so hot waiting for you...You're soo sexy.
Touching story.
They've been pretty raunchy... But I expect it.. Grandma ia always gets like this when she thinks I'll forget mother's day.
..Beep! Mmmmm. baby
...icky

 

by fragpig
4-30-01
I always had a theory as to where those disgusting 'Furry' roleplayers came from.
I have the best concept for a Pirate Panda who owns several sex slaves....
Move along to the Hotel, experiment Fatfuck-5
They are in every hotel I go to...every computer store. With their Sailor Moon comics and strange odors
Do you guys have any interactive Anime porno?
Sorry.. I don't speak basement... move along you zitty bastard.
Of course the funniest thing is they feel there is nothing wrong with finding animal-people sexy... So 'secure' they are in this that they are often the first to judge people.
Hey, the 1950's are over.
Riveting. Perhaps you'd care to be retroactively aborted you malignanacy?

 

by fragpig
4-30-01
When my roommate was fired.. I asked him how he was going to pay the rent.
... With Love in my heart!
Wonderful! Let me help you appraise it for you
I began interviewing subletters after the lye in the tub burned away the evidence... none of them were that appealing.
After College, I intend to become the president of this town's Legalize It! chapter.
Would you mind stepping a bit closer to the window? I want no chance of your stench lingering here longer than you do when I push you out.
Finally, I found a new roommate. Things were going fine until one day a familiar face showed up...
c'mere sweet thang!
Rock over London, Rock on Chicago....

 

by fragpig
5-07-01
I was feeling slightly boisterous this weekend. After "liberating" several house pets.. I met up with some hippies handing out flyers
...."Turn that Loathing into Loving?"
Yeah man, it's time to fight the system! The Green Party is ready for '04. Don't eat meat. Patchouli is natural..save the whales!
Inspired by the this guru of grungy clothes, I decided to make some protests of my own of equal importance to the community.
...What did you say?
I said ,"PETA stands for Pederasts Envision a Transgendered America"! Time for Shower power! Let's turn that wanting into washing. Come on, Dexter dirtball, let's build a big shower station!
True to form, the little shits were upset and called the authorities. When the judge saw me he just sentenced me to six months... And guess who was also sentenced that day?
...Man, this is so wack...Umm what are you thinking about?
How your whining is going to keep me up all night now that I sold you for shower time for some toilet whine.

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