All comics by ishmael

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by ishmael
1-04-02
In Guarana's office...
Guarana says, 'Hey Queft, those're some nice knockers... wanna fuck?'
Queft says, 'Sure.'
Meanwhile... Olorin is running a friendly bout of vibrator trivia.
[MISSION] Olorin: Who won the Pellopenesian War?
[MISSION] Shritish: I DID! HAOALAHAOALHAOLA! I'M SO FUCKING CLEVER!
Sadly, Olorin's missions are always interrupted.
[MISSION] Olorin: Nope... would someone else like to try?
[MISSION] Guarana: OH FUCK YES QUEFT. JIGGLE THEM SOME MORE. [MISSION] Guarana: fuck mischan

 

by ishmael
1-04-02
FearItself has an important mission for the new intern, Bromide.
FearItself says, 'Bromide, I want you to fetch me four newbies: one from each corner of AvP. You'll get a juicy promotion with it.'
Bromide says, 'Yes, Fear.'
I

 

by ishmael
1-04-02
FearItself has an important mission for the new intern Bromide.
FearItself says, 'Bromide, I have an important mission for you: find four newbies, one from each corner of AvP, and bring them to me. You will get a juicy promotion if you complete the task.
Bromide says, 'Yes, Fear.'
Bromide encounters the first newbie on LV.
Bromide says, 'Hobart, you'll need to come with me.'
Hobart says, 'fuck off u tard'
Hobart isn't cooperating... to be continued.
Goddamn... this is going to be a tough trip.
Hobart exclaims, 'i dont wana go! mommy told me not to go with strangers!'

 

by ishmael
1-04-02
Bromide finally loses his patience...
Bromide exclaims, 'Hobart, if you don't come with me, I'll ban you!'
Hobart says, 'okay, okay u loser'
Bromide's quest continues, and he encounters newbie #2!
Bromide says, 'Whew... glad that's over with. Hey, it's Shritish! This must be newbie number two.'
Shritish says, 'Yes, I am Shritish. I see you have already captured my best friend Hobart.'
Poor, poor Bromide.
I'm starting to notice a bit of a trend here...
Shritish says, 'When I grow up, I want to be just like Thwei.'

 

by ishmael
1-04-02
Bromide is feeling cheerful.
Well, I successfully caught the first two newbies... two more can't be THAT difficult..
Little does he know...
Bromide says, 'Okay, Silent, you're coming with me.'
Silent says, 'ok whatever u looser'
To be continued...
Bromide says, 'Silent, I'm gonna beat the living fuck out of you if you don't come with me right now.'
Silent says, 'LOK U NUBIE IM A FUKING TOP FIGHTER IN MY SKOOL OKAY SO DONT MESS'

 

by ishmael
1-05-02
Battal decides to log onto AvP for a bit.
[CHAT] Battal: HAW HAWERZ ITS SHITTISH
[CHAT] Shritish: Hey you might not like me dude, but I have legions of followers who worship me.
[CHAT] Battal: Shritish, you're a fucking newbie, and you don't seem to realize that the only people who like you are other newbies.
[CHAT] Shritish: That's not true! Hobart likes me!
I guess ignorance is bliss...
[CHAT] Battal: OH YEA XENOMORF LEJUNS FOUR LIEF
[CHAT] Shritish: Hey, at least I have friends.

 

by ishmael
1-05-02
Guarana decides to log onto AvP. Unfortunately, he does not know what he is about to encounter...
[CHAT] Guarana: hey losers
[CHAT] Shritish: HEY GUARNA UR PRETY ACTIVE HAOAHAOAHAO
[CHAT] Guarana: shittish? who the fuck are you?
[CHAT] Shritish: HAY IM THE KEWLEST GUY ON AVP NOWADAYS
Guarana has quit the game. [ Guarana (level 103) has self-deleted. ]
[CHAT] Shritish: HAY GUAANA U THERE? HAY? CAN I BEZ STAFF?

 

by ishmael
1-05-02
Kelshin logs on to AvP.
Kelshin says, 'hi my namez kelshin'
Borg says, 'Hello, Clarice.'
Kelshin says, 'who's clarice? is she hot? does she play here? does she want to cyber? i am a pimp after all.'
Borg says, 'Hey Kelshin, there are hot girls south of Yaut recall!'
[INFO] Kelshin killed by Borg at A convergence of forested paths.
Kelshin says, 'uh-oh I died.'
[CHAT] Hades: hey this newbie shows potential, maybe i'll give him a clan.

 

by ishmael
2-01-03
After a long hiatus, Olly returns to AvP.
[CHAT] Schjithoos: You must all prostrate yourselves before the savior, Fx Rodriguez Christ.
[CHAT] Basehit: hoo the fuck r u?
Olly encounters the infidels, but carries onwards with valor.
[CHAT] Schjithoos: Purge the defilements and cleanse your soul, and the savior shall return.
[CHAT] Kiz: ok get off you fuck
Yet another reason why Mexico sucks.
[CHAT] Fx: Sorry about the long absence - I couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

 

by ishmael
2-01-03
A terrorist logs on in an attempt to blow up AvP.
[CHAT] Fatah: Praise Allah! I am coming to scourge the infidels.
[CHAT] Ishmael: Sorry, towel-head, we're all Raelians now.
Ishmael explains the power of Rael.
[CHAT] Fatah: ?
[CHAT] Ishmael: Rael will save all of his people, not just the terrorists.
Meanwhile, in Hell, Rael has just won yet another game of strip poker.
[HELL] Allah: You know, my people spawn. I could give you a few thousand...
[HELL] Rael: Just take off the burka.

 

by ishmael
2-02-03
Fx has entered the game.
[CHAT] Shritish: HEY FXZ UR STOOPID SPIC
[CHAT] Fx: Newbies shall not be redeemed.
Why does it always have to come to this?
[CHAT] Shritish: SOREE HAY UM WANA SEE A PIC OF ME I LOK LIEK EMINEMEZ
[CHAT] Fx: I'll take your place in Topaz's heart. ahaohalha
If only AvP didn't attract the lowlife scum.
[CHAT] Shritish: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=NMASGYG&key=PKA
[CHAT] Fx: Imma bout to come over there and fuckin beat your towelhead ass with my night stick.

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