All comics by knux

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by knux
7-08-03
In creating this strip, much time and effort went into the various characters.
They are all meticulously crafted, each fused with their own unique, engaging personality and style.
And thus begins the saga that is "Nonsense, You Crazy Bastard!"

 

by knux
7-08-03
So I, uh, met a girl yesterday.
Was she a prostitute?
Not this time. Her name is Wimowei, and she's gorgeous.
I see...
Yesterday...
So, uh, how old are you?
Twenty-two.

 

by knux
7-08-03
Dude, get this, man.
Dave comes up to me and he's all, "Dude!" And I'm all, "What?" And he's all, "Dude!" And so I say, "You know a dude's a horse testicle, right, dude?" And he's all, "What?"
Yeah, so?
So, man, I totally turned it around! I called him a horse testicle!
You better give me back that pie.

 

by knux
7-08-03
So I says to Rutherford, I says, "Dude, man, get this!"
Who's Rutherford?
Oh, he's my pet turkey. He visits me every time I eat one of Dave's pies. You know, his PIES. Heh heh... anyway, then I explained to him the whole deal with Dave. It was awesome.
Wait, he's your pet turkey?
One time he tried to tell me he was a rooster, but no. I know the real deal. He's a turkey.

 

by knux
7-08-03
I like to think that I have superpowers.
What kind of superpowers?
You know, like the ability to see in the dark or fly through the air like a plane.
Couldn't you just use a flashlight or board an airplane instead?
I COULD, but that wouldn't be SUPER, now would it?
It would make sense.

 

by knux
7-08-03
Dear readers. It has come to my attention that this comic lacks the most imperative ingredient--humor--in each and every one of its strips.
Thus, the characters have agreed to play out roles of famous action heroes in order to attract readers from crowds other than comedy.
Do not worry, John Conner. I'll be back.
Yo! I'll just go over here and steal from this ATM, because I'm such a rebel.
No! You must stay away from the other Terminator whom I have been sent to save you, a rebellious little punk, from so that you may save the world in the future.
...and I must have CASH.

 

by knux
7-08-03
Yo, Dom, I will beat you in a race, AND I'm going to bang your sister.
Oh, no you ain't. You better not be a cop.
Hey man, I'm not a cop. I'm just an unemployed blonde dude with a decal-decorated, NOS-equipped Mitsubishi Eclipse with a kick-ass spoiler and a custom paint job.
Alright, cool.
Yeah.
What was that about my sister?

 

by knux
7-08-03
And now, back to our regularly scheduled nonsense...
I'm sick of all these little kids at the pool.
Why?
They're, like, annoying.
They're just little kids. They're just trying to have fun swimming, Roy.
I'm sick of your attitude, missy.

 

by knux
7-08-03
Oooh, pie!
What the--? Who are you?
I'm Rutherford R. Rooster.
...
Fine. Turkey.

 

by knux
7-08-03
So I thought that, uh, we could, you know... Yeah.
Um...
Psst... How long should I keep this up?
Shut up! You're gonna score.
Well?
Yes! Ice cream it is.

 

by knux
7-08-03
Roy's Set at the Improv
So I saw a chicken crossing the road the other day. Apparently it wanted to get to the other side!
You suck!

 

by knux
7-08-03
Roy's Set at the Improv, cont.
I suck? Oh, yeah. Hey, people, someone's self-conscious! Huh, huh?
You suck!

 

by knux
7-08-03
My set sucked last night.
Did you do the chicken bit?
Of course I did. The material was GOLD.
Yeah. Heh heh. Damn chickens.
What?

 

by knux
7-08-03
And now, we return to our Hollywood role-play bonanza!
I love you, Rose.
The sex was great.
I'll just die now, then.
Okay.

 

by knux
7-08-03
Have you seen this new game, Viewtiful Joe?
No.
It stars a guy named Joe. Who's Viewtiful, or something.

 

by knux
7-08-03
Five minutes later...
Well?
Sounds cool.

 

by knux
7-08-03
And now, please welcome our Mystery Science Theatre friends in their very first cameo!
This blows.

 

by knux
7-08-03
Roy's Next Set at the Improv
So, apparently some people the other night thought I sucked.
So instead of doing a comedy set tonight, I'm instead going to offer these words of wisdom: 'He who claimeth one sucketh in fact sucketh himself.'
Thou sucketh.

 

by knux
7-08-03
Yeah, so I'm thinking of quitting comedy.
Why? You're so GOOD!
Really?
No.

 

by knux
7-08-03
Tonight, instead of offering my usual jokes about how fish sticks do not make good sticks for dogs to fetch, I thought I would announce that I am quitting comedy.
Whoo.

 

by knux
7-08-03
Yeah, so I quit comedy.
Why?
People kept saying I sucked, even when I pulled out my A material.
Like what?
Like, how mac and cheese has powdered cheese, but you never see powdered cheese in the grocery store by itself.
Perhaps if you offered some sort of punchline...

 

by knux
7-08-03
Do you still love me, Wimowei?
No.
What? Why not?
Oh.

 

by knux
7-08-03
Wimowei and I broke up.
That's too bad.
Suicide doesn't sound like a bad plan now.
No! She's not worth it, man. Forget about her. Move on. You don't need her.
Later that night...
Last night was AMAZING!

 

by knux
7-08-03
While Roy recovers from the trauma, we thought we'd bring you another amazing Hollywood renactment.
I am Tyler Durden.
I know.
No, see, so are you. You are Tyler Durden.
No, I'M the Narrator. I have no name.
Dude, you're not getting it. YOU ARE TYLER DURDEN!
No, YOU are Tyler Durden.

 

by knux
7-08-03
No, you see, YOU are Tyler Durden also.
No, YOU are Tyler Durden!

 

by knux
7-09-03
Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo!
What is it, Sam?
Are you okay, Mr. Frodo? Mr. Gandalf said to me, he said, "Don't you let him get away, Sam Gamgee." And I don't intend to.
That's great, Sam, but I'm right here.
Don't do it, Mr. Frodo. Don't let the ring grab a hold of ya! I'll be right here, Mr. Frodo. I love you, Mr. Frodo.
Right. I'll be over here, casting the ring into fire and whatnot.

 

by knux
7-09-03
What the--?
Britney's... not... a virgin?
Several minutes later...
What do we got?
Severe gunshot to the crotch...

 

by knux
7-09-03
We here at NYCB would like to give our pets--by which we mean, our hamsters--a warm welcome into today's strip.
However, due to budget constraints, we are forced to use a wild squirrel instead of a hamster, as our last five bucks we spent on booze.
Do you like wheels?
No.

 

by knux
7-09-03
I don't know what to do about Wimowei.
Do I look like I care?
Do you?
Yes.

 

by knux
7-09-03

 

by knux
7-10-03
I'm such a dope.
Why?
I told Dave I was going to meet him at the drive-in, so now he's probably watching Terminator 3 without me.
So why didn't you just go to the drive-in theatre then?
Hey, I waited in the damn drive-in for an hour.
That was the garage, Roy.

 

by knux
7-10-03
Oh, man, you should have seen it! Arnold was all, whoa! And the chick Terminator was all tryin' to destroy them!
Heh heh. "I am Ahnald. I will be Guvnah, yeah."
"All you othah guvnahs ah nancy boys!"
You done?
Almost.

 

by knux
7-10-03
I got you some bedding for your cage, and some tasty pellets for food!
Can I have nuts instead?
Do you want a little tree in there too?
Please?

 

by knux
7-10-03
Look, I can't take it anymore. I need you back.
Why should I take you back, hmm?
I, uh, love you?
I'll give you candy.
Deal.

 

by knux
10-03-03
Hey, Bill. You look good. Have you been working out?
No.
Why not? Don't you have a wheel?
I have a fucking TUBE to crawl through, Sam. A tube!
Does it at least spin?
No, you snotty bastard. In fact, I can't even fit in it anymore. It's actually an old tampon case.

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