All comics by mcallister

Profile

 

by mcallister
6-03-06
Damn thats a sweet piece of arse
I sure hope nothing out of the ordinary occurs any time soon
Hey biotch what say we go some place and "get it on"
I don't know, i'm not into fucking dogs
Whys that
Because you're a dirty cunt with aids

 

by mcallister
6-03-06
So as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, you stick it in the hole and jiggle it about
Ok, and that should get the car-door open
...
To be continued...
...

 

by mcallister
6-03-06
...
I was talking about having sex
Oh, well you shouldn't bother talking to me about that
Whys that?
Because i'm jesus you spaz!!

 

by mcallister
6-03-06
This movie is terrible
I've seen better doors in a pot of banana bread batter
You have the right to remain behind me, hang on where did the others go
We're back we just had to recharge our chuckle processors
Thats alright because you didn't miss much, in more ways than you would ever know *makes another "witty" comment*

 

by mcallister
6-03-06
Hey slut-bag, whats goin' on?
Not much, I was thinking of going on eBay and buying some pants
What type of pants are you looking for?
I'm not sure, i'm just going in with moderate expectations
I knew I should have stayed in Brazil
Cha-ching da-ding, blaam blaam BOOOOOOOOOOM

 

This is what many believe the cruifixion of Christ would look like if it happened in the future...
~DIE JESUS BZZZZZZ~
I should have expected this, I am Jesus after all
by mcallister, 6-03-06

 

by mcallister
6-03-06
READ THE BOX
Ok, "If you like more up's than downs in your day take a little cup-a-soup break"
FASTER, SEXIER
"The delicious flavours provide an invigorating boost just when you need it most"
ROFL we should really take this out to the streets, people will go ka-raazy
Should I tell him about the abortion???

 

by mcallister
6-03-06
Now just sign here and we can begin
Alright let me get out my scripture tools
You do realize i'm going to fuck you hard once you go under
What, wait
Oh yeah i'm going to enjoy this, bend over bitch
NOOOOOOOOO!!

 

by mcallister
6-04-06
So do you wanna go to the prom with me???
I don't know, your a little old
Hmmmmm, a-ha i've got it
I wonder what he is planning
After a few minutes of black magic later...
Damn I was hoping it was the changing into a gimp trick, but it will have to do
READ THE BOX, THE BOX *ARRRRGH* CUP-A-SOUP!!!

 

by mcallister
6-04-06
Ripping through the system like a blast of democracy, baby thats what i'm diggin'
Yeah theres something i've been meaning to talk to you about, mainly about the way you talk
And what is that my sweet nectar of fascism
It turns me on like no other has before
What you kickin' about my little shabado
I want your babies growing in my tummy

 

by mcallister
6-04-06
I think we will need a magnet
MAGNETS ARRRRRGH
What the fuck
ARRRRRRGH
DUDE what the hell
Yeah happens all the time

 

by mcallister
6-04-06
Now by my calculations, there should be some swearing in the last frame of this comic
Did you just get here
Yeah
Fuckin' blueshirt
Yeah dude what did you call me in for

 

by mcallister
6-04-06
...MUMMY DON'T GO AND LEAVE ME HERE!!!
~lol2002~

 

by mcallister
6-04-06
We find our hero deep in conversation with an eye witness...
And then the doctor said "Thats not a tumour, thats my foot"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Whats a Doctor?

 

by mcallister
6-04-06
Once again we find our hero interviewing eye witnesses...
Yeah I saw the whole thing
Go on
Well they were both arguing for about 15 minutes about money and then one of the guys pulled out a knife and stabbed the other
...
Do you want to know what the man looked like
Not right at this moment, i'm still trying to figure out what you are meant to be

 

by mcallister
6-04-06
So did you get as much information as possible
I got by I guess
Good, just go into the other room and input all the details into the computer
Okay
What are you made of?
Jesus christ, not him again

 

by mcallister
6-04-06
Alright we've had a tip-off, that this is where the fugitive is hiding, we want you to go in undercover and find out
What should I say, should I put on a different hat? these questions are driving me batty
To be continued...
Hello, what can I help you with
Have you stabbed anybody to death lately

 

by mcallister
6-04-06
No
Alright, thank you for your time
He said no he hasn't killed anybody
You don't ask that, you probe, you ask other people in the house where that man was at about 2 pm yesterday
To be continued...
Ok, i'll ask somebody else some questions
Good, and put on a disguise

 

by mcallister
6-04-06
Hello how can I help you
Good afternoon person I wasn't speaking to just before, I was just wondering if there was somebody else in your home I could talk to
Hang on DAAAAD THERES SOMEONE AT THE DOOR FOR YOU
I can't believe it actually worked
To be continued...
YEAH WHAT DO YOU WANT
Oh buttons

 

by mcallister
6-04-06
COME ON NOW
Did your son stab anybody to death recently
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!!!
egads what have I done
The End??? no way
TAKE THAT **ROAR**
AARRRGGGHHHH

 

by mcallister
6-05-06
I'm back, did Haley give you any problems
Hey, you got any more of that ham?
Wheres Haley?
Who's Haley?
DID YOU EAT MY DAUGHTER?!?
What say we talk about it over some coffee at Starbucks babe

 

by mcallister
6-05-06
Hey remember when we ate those mushrooms
Yeah
Two days earlier...
Dude that chick from Popeye who eats the hamburgers is hot
Thats not a chick, thats a guy...I can't remember his name though
So do you remember his name now?
Yeah it's Wimpy

 

by mcallister
6-05-06
Hey did you see 'Desperate housewives' lastnight?
No, but I tevo'ed it and I might watch it tonight
Make sure you do, without spoiling anything I must say it was a great episode
Sweet
...
Catch ya later

 

by mcallister
6-05-06
So the tablet gives me the same calcium intake as 22 tubs of yogurt
Really?
Yeah but I felt it wasn't enough so I had a couple of tubs to make sure
Why is he telling me this?
FUCK CUNT SHIT BASTARD HOMO NIGGA BITCH
...well I see it has done nothing for your tourettes

 

by mcallister
6-05-06
Do you wanna feel my masculinity
I'm not sure, I mean last time was hot and all but my emotions were raped by despair and a sense of desensualization
Come on please i'm about to get a mean ram jamley
well I guess if I see how big it will be this time around I might consider...
There we are, just the way you like it
I've had bigger

 

by mcallister
6-05-06
What would you say if I asked where do babies come from
I'd say "make sure that chickens cooked properly otherwise it's a trip to the Hospital for us all"
Really
Well theres a reason why I would say that
and whats that reason?
Because thats my gimmick, I answer simple questions with absurd responses to detract from life

 

by mcallister
6-06-06
So let me get this straight, Mary was a virgin when she gave birth to Jesus?
That is correct
So he was the first one to bust his mothers hymen?
Oh yeah
You rock Jesus

 

by mcallister
6-06-06
Mmmmm pizza, chips, ice cream
Eh what's that
Chocolate, peppermints, english jelly babies
...
bampf zoinky
Sounds like you've been over zealous with your douching again

 

by mcallister
6-07-06
Hey man this place is about to shut
Well what do you suggest we do?
Lets run for public office
Dude now you're thinkin'
One presidential election later...
I can't believe I managed to sway all those red states, it truly shows the fickle state of democracy
Say hello to my tapeworm on the way down bitch

 

Today we find ourselves at Dundas central public school...
So what do you hypocritically want to be when you grow up?
A fireman
by mcallister, 6-07-06

 

by mcallister
6-07-06
Good morning sir, what would you like?
Why i'll have a hot sweaty orgasm to go please
...
...
Excuse me?
Oh I meant a Ristretto, i'm always getting those two confused

 

by mcallister
6-07-06
We join in progress to find Abe Vigoda two questions away from the $100,000 grand prize...
Yes
Was I in 'The Godfather' and 'Cannonball Run 2'
Yes, and now you are one question away from the $100,000, are you ready?
I've never been more ready in my life
Who am I?
The state of Florida?

 

by mcallister
6-09-06
3:25pm...Today
Soooooooo...I hear Abu Musab al-Zarqawai is moving into Tysos
I think you went too far with that one
Meanwhile at Tysos...
Hey Roxy, what up?
Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!

 

by mcallister
6-13-06
Here we find some footage taken from the latest whats-a-mah-jigga from the fine people at NASA...
'sup
Not much holmes
I missed you leave the pub last night, did you end up picking up that sheila
I'm not sure
What do you mean, did you fuck her or what
No, I walked her home and she said "i'll see you around" and she went inside. But she pecked me on the glorpex, so I guess she will be out next week, and who knows what will happen

 

by mcallister
6-13-06
My parents named me 'Frumpy'
I believe you have a case
Really, wow is there something I can sign
there sure is, just let me go get the proper documents
OoOoOoOoHHHHHHHH Show me your boobies

 

Once again it is time for "A prediction of the future" with Wellington, take it away Wellington...
Well judging by the way technology is going and the trends in our culture, you just know that future generations are going to be nothing more than inept impassive retarded sluts.
by mcallister, 6-20-06

 

Today we find ourselves at the 5th annual Hell talent show...
So one time I tried stabbing myself to death with a red felt pen...but all I did was draw blood, thank you and good night
by mcallister, 6-20-06

 

by mcallister
6-20-06
A priest, a chicken and Hitler walk into a bar, the Priest gets wasted because all Catholics are raging alcoholics, the chicken clucks about and lays an egg, and Hitler eradicates all the Jews present
LOL that the shit dude
But seriously I think we should see other people
You're breaking up with me?...LOL that the shit dude

 

by mcallister
6-20-06
Pants, delicious with a belt, sensual with a pleat and glorious without pockets, no wonder they are the most versatile piece of clothing, unlike those fucking shirts.
What your cracker ass on about
Orion Pax, I can see why he changed he's name *BZZZZSSSSHHHHHHH* Testicles~! with a heart of gold.
Oh hell no, turn it around and step off
Vote for whoever is opposing Bush, it doesn't matter if he is actually "worse", just do it

 

by mcallister
6-20-06
Previously on Amish P.I.
Whats a Doctor?
Ok, i'll ask somebody else some questions
Good, and put on a disguise
And now Season 2 of Amish P.I. begins...next week
TAKE THAT**ROAR**
AARRRGGGHHHH

 

by mcallister
6-20-06
So all in all it was a success
Yes, even though we couldn't prove that they were the murderers, we were able to arrest them for setting a P.I. on fire
And how is Amish P.I. coping with his horrible injuries
Surprisingly well, he is Amish afterall...but to be on the safeside we have teamed him with a lovable assistant...
To be continued...
...
~can I get you a coffee *BZZZZZZ*~

 

by mcallister
6-20-06
So are you in agreement that God is false, and we are all on earth because of evolution
I guess so it's just like they say, "when it comes down to religion, martyrs really take the cake
Hahahahahahahaha
Hahahahahahahaha
Have you heard that new Eminem song 'shake that ass'
Yeah, love it

 

by mcallister
6-20-06
4:37pm Monday
Sucky sucky cock, two dolla
I sure hope thats chinese for "I know where the gay guys fuck hard"
4:37pm Monday
Did you put the kettle on like I asked?
Oh, so thats what you said
At that very moment in the not so deep reaches of space
So pristine, yet pretentious at the same time
But who are you to judge, you don't even drink alcohol

 

by mcallister
6-20-06
Heres your mail, so hows the wife I heard she was in Hospital
Oh she is MUCH better now
Full recovery?
No, she's dead

 

by mcallister
6-26-06
How many times in one day can a man be ironic?...Hang on a second I have to speak with my Boss
Yes what is it?
Good heavens we are running low on cheese, also make sure to check on those steaks

 

by mcallister
3-10-07
Meanwhile at a local fast food store...
How much is this can of soft drink
$5
$5? oh snapple AHHHH-HEEEEE
...
Is this the end of civilization as we know it????
And with these double decker trolleys you could get 400 on top and 600 on the bottom AHHHH-HEEEEE

 

by mcallister
3-10-07
You saw the funky black guy making a pun, now witness the truly wacky/zany/whatever dude actions happening at the very same time...
I'mma gunna git me that damn Osama Beeeeeen Laden rewardy dollars
Maybe he in that there cave AHHH-HURRRR-HURRRRRRR
Wait you ain't that Osamblagra BEclaneen Ladlefull are ya
Why no, i'm Albert II, King of the belgiums

 

by mcallister
3-10-07
C'mon now you can do it
I..I..Want.....
Yes, what do you want?
I want to.....meet you later in a bar where we will role play characters, you'll pick me up, but i'll be the one fucking you hard because thats the way you like it, rough, ambiguous and with robots
Good, now remember, I like bad boys, can you be bad?
Is this to your liking master, ~GROWL!~

 

by mcallister
3-10-07
The nude baby portraits fluffer...
So how many boys are there for today?
Last count was eight
Eight you say?
Thats right, eight
I can handle eight, mmmmmmmmm, eight
I'm sure you can nude baby portraits fluffer, i'm sure you can

 

by mcallister
3-21-07
The gay priest who is so gay it's criminal...
Good mroning Father, have you got anything planned for Sunday?
Why yes, i'm planning on having a conversion party
A conversion party? is that where you round up the heathens and teach them the ideas of your faith
Actually a conversion party is when I round up a group of Homosexual males and we all have an orgy, but some of the participants have AIDS, thus some of the participants will also wind up with AIDS
Well, uh...I don't think i'll be able to make it to this weeks sermon
Oh please consider, I know...you can be the guest of honour

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