All comics by mwjon2

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by mwjon2
1-13-04
So, what's the problem with the computer?
Well, basically it's a hardware problem. Your connection is fine, but there's something wrong with one of the machines.
If I can get an idea of what caused the problem, I can usually fix it. Any ideas?
I think little Barry threw up in it
I'm not sure I have the right tool for that

 

by mwjon2
1-13-04
We gotta get jobs, man. I'm starting to feel like a drain on society
True, but I ain't gonna sacrifice my dignity. No working in some filthy hell hole for me
I have standards. I'm not flipping burgers for some 17 year old boss. I need to work somewhere classy. I'm a classy guy
I should probably ignore the way you're staring at that girl's chest then
Hey, I'm not at work now!

 

by mwjon2
1-13-04
What the heck is this? A pass?
Sounds okay to me. You passed...
Yes, but I'm a low 60s student! I can't be taking these 55s! It ruins my average! I'll never get a job now! Do you know what this means? I'll have to beg on the streets!
Maybe you can still sleep your way to the top
Nah, you need 70s for that

 

by mwjon2
1-13-04
That's it, I'm gunna talk to the lecturer about this
Why? You know they can't change marks once they've been entered.
What makes you think I'm going to try to get my mark changed?
Oh, I see, you're just going to ask him what you did wrong so as to be better prepared in the future?
Actually, I was just going to egg his car
Good plan. Say, if you ever want to sell your textbooks, I know a guy...

 

by mwjon2
1-13-04
So did you go to see that lecturer who gave you a dodgy mark?
Yeah. Wasn’t really very satisfactory though
Why not?
Oh, I was hoping maybe he’d realise his mistake and change my mark. Or if I couldn’t have that, at least he could have been an authoritarian bastard to give me some political points....
He was nice about it, hey?
Yeah, bastard. Plus it turns out eggs can set off a car alarm.

 

by mwjon2
1-13-04
So what are you gunna do about that bad mark?
I dunno, Lexy, I think I might just let it rest
I figure that a pass is a pass. And there’s no use fretting about it. I just have to try harder on the end of year exam, I guess. A pass isn’t so bad, anyway.
Wouldn’t know. I haven’t passed an exam in two years
Yeah, what is that, like your tenth beer?

 

by mwjon2
1-20-04
Hi there, I’m interested in running for student government this year
Really? Good to hear. Well, if you get onto the ticket we’ll need to get you an image
- An image?
Sure, don’t be fooled. It’s serious stuff, this. Unless we can place you somewhere marketing-wise, there’s no way you can get elected
I didn’t realise I’d have to re-define myself
You’re telling me. I used to be a chick

 

by mwjon2
1-20-04
So, what image have you picked for me? Heart-throb?
We've decided to put you up as a hippie, if that's okay
I guess so. What sort of policy are we looking at?
Policy? We don’t have policies yet, Rick. We’re just doing image right now.
I’m a tiny bit disillusioned
Hmm, might be worth playing. Can you paint signs?

 

by mwjon2
1-20-04
So I decided not to run after all. It was too image-heavy
That’s politics these days for you.
I was younger, it was different. You didn’t vote on the basis of some marketing segmentation! Nowadays they never speak about policy - you never know what you’re getting!
Dad, you grew up in America. Aren’t all offices bought over there?
And dammit, you knew where you were!

 

by mwjon2
1-20-04
So if you’re not doing the politics, will you be getting a job this year?
Looks unlikely, dad. There’s no work out there
The retail sector is in shambles. The hospitality industry is crumbling since September 11. There’s just nothing on offer in any of those places. It’s an economic downturn, you know
Three jobs? How did you get three jobs?

 

by mwjon2
1-20-04
So three jobs now? So how come I can’t find anything?
No one in the hospitality industry is going to hire a 21 year old when a 16 year old costs half as much
But surely there are advantages to hiring a guy my age over a teenager
Like?
Well.... no acne.
Yeah, that’s worth ten bucks an hour

 

by mwjon2
1-20-04
Face it, Rick, you started too late. You have to start casual work at 15
I blame my parents. I was spoilt - I never needed extra money.
Well I wasn’t exactly living on the streets, you know. Work is actually a good way of meeting people. I still hang round with guys from my first job
Looks like my folks are to blame for my appalling social life too
Hard to believe the bastards aren’t in prison.

 

by mwjon2
1-20-04
So can you get me a job? Why do you need three anyway?
Well, the hotel thing is family.
I’ve had the cafe one for ages, and I know the people really well. And this function centre is a really good opportunity for me.
Plus the gloating, obviously
You didn’t let me finish

 

by mwjon2
1-20-04
Tony works the cafe
Man I’m tired. I feel like I’m about to pass out.
Really? Why so wrecked, Tone?
I just finished a whole day shift at that function place. Luckily I don’t think it’s affecting my concentration yet.
I think maybe it has.
For instance, you just asked table three if they wanted you to clean their sheets
No wonder they looked so offended

 

by mwjon2
1-20-04
Tone, if you’re that tired then go home. I can cover for you
Dan, I’m fine. Besides, I want to show my employer that I have the mental toughness to work two other jobs.
Don’t tell Luigi I fell asleep before, okay? I wanna keep this job
I think he may already know. He did fish your head out of the soup.
That minestrone was thick. I could have been anybody.

 

by mwjon2
1-20-04
Thank god that shift’s over. Night, Dan
Night, buddy. Careful walking home
Look at all the casual shift workers, making their way home after an hard evening’s work. Hey, it’s Bexy’s girlfriend, Jamie. On your way home?
No, I’m just starting. I’m working midnight till nine.
You seem awfully chirpy about it
You think I’d actually do this sober? Hey, shot of vodka?

 

by mwjon2
1-20-04
Okay, Shirley, what’s the process for opening the store? We did this last week.
ahm.... We.... set out the hot food displays
No that would make the hot food cold by time we opened. What’s first? I’ll give you a clue.... We turn something on...
I.... I can’t remember
That was you here last week, wasn’t it?
Check it out, I got my navel pierced!

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
Shirley, I went over this last week. We switch on the fridges and warmers first.
Then we get the food from the coolroom, then we.... Shirley, are you even listening to me?
Isn’t my piercing cool? I’m thinking of getting a butterfly tatooed on my ass, too.
Where’s the number for that trained monkey place....

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
Shirley, if you don’t listen to me you’ll never know how to open the store yourself. How do you expect to manage the store if you can’t open?
So? I don’t care
So why are you here?
I’m saving up to get my tongue pierced. Do you think that sounds cool?
Would a tongue piercing muffle your screams?
Muffle my? Hey, I’ve never seen that knife before.... Jamie?

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
So is Jamie joining us tonight?
Nah, she’s working. Twelve to nine
She works a lot, that girl
True. Puts a little bit of a strain on our relationship. Especially since I don’t work myself. It’s a bit difficult to juggle a job and a partner. Has her quite stressed some times.
Of course, having neither is no picnic.
I prefer no job and loaded girlfriend. Another beer?

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
I’m running out of money though. This fashionable lifestyle is a serious strain on the coffers.
Tell me about it.
Hey, think Jamie can get me a job at that fast food place?
I dunno, Ricky. I’ve heard their employee standards are pretty unrelenting. Are you totally committed?
Jamie, can I go home early? The food warmer made my eyeshadow run.

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
So what you’re here for is to set up the computer system?
Actually, ma’am, it’s not that easy. First I have to make sure your wiring is compatible
Then I have to choose a system and a provider, based on requirements and cost. Finally I need to select the right software and then deal with the suppliers.
You’ll need a cup of tea then.
Actually, do you have beer? I work better when I’m a little lubricated

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
How long does this process take?
A couple weeks, probably.
Gracious, that’s a while
It’s a very complex system, ma’am. I have to link the whole school. Rest assured, we’re giving you the absolute best. I’m working fulltime on this one
And when it’s done, you’ll show me how to switch it all on?
Sorry, ma’am, I don’t do customer service.

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
We hope you've enjoyed the strip so far. There've been a few characters to meet, and I think everyone's had a run
Ahem
That’s right, it’s Dommy’s girlfriend, Ann. What is it you do?
I’m a process analyst for a telecommunications company.
Anything else?

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
Come on, the night is still young
Sorry, Dommy, but I’ve got to get up early tomorrow. I’m lifesaving down at Torquay
Aw, come on....
Dommy, I have to be there at seven am. If I don’t get enough sleep, I won’t be able to stay afloat, for god’s sake!
You could wear floaties
We find they undermine the confidence of the rescuees

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
Nice day for it, eh?
Too right.
Sitting in the sun on the beach
Watching all the cute boys....
I can’t believe I’m being paid for this
You’re being paid?

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
How can you be getting paid? This is volunteer work!
I’m a temp. There aren’t enough volunteers for the summer, so they hire a few extra people.
It’s good casual wages, too. And great working conditions. Surprised you didn’t know
But you compensate by being highly trained life savers, right?
Actually I’m a sculptor. My swimming ain’t too hot, don’t tell anyone.

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
I can’t believe you’re being paid for doing what I’m doing for free!
Come on, babe, no one works for free any more. You must get something out of it
Well, I enjoy helping others. Letting kids enjoy the beauty of our coast. Knowing that families are safe.
Well there you go, you don’t need to be getting paid. You love it.
How much are you guys on anyway?
You’re just spoiling it for yourself, you know

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
It’s an outrage that there are people out there being paid to do what I’m doing for free!
I’m sorry, but there just aren’t enough volunteer lifesavers around for summer, Ann. It’s not really safe to leave beaches unattended
But these people aren’t even trained! My partner is a sculptor!
What do you want then? You want to get paid too?
No, of course not, I do this as a good deed. Actually, I think I just want my indignation registered.
I’ll get you a form.

 

by mwjon2
1-21-04
So how many of these ring-in paid lifesavers have we got down here?
A few. Actually, there’s another couple coming down today.
Really? Any training?
Fraid not, Ann. In fact, it’s hard to get anyone to drive down here at this hour. Only desperate losers.
Babe City!
Yeah!

 

by mwjon2
2-04-04
Rick! Bex! What are you two doing down here?
We're life savers. Making a cool minimum wage out of it too
Have either of you done any of this kind of thing before?
Sure, we swam in highschool. Plus I have extensive first aid training. CPR and all that.
Really?
Sure, let me show you. Hey, baby! Need some mouth-to-mouth?

 

by mwjon2
2-04-04
Rick, you realise that first aid doesn’t involve going round to all the bikini girls offering mouth to mouth.
Sure, but I can do the other steps too, Annie. Like that pumping the heart thing. As we medical practitioners will tell you, this requires precise location and pressure on the right area of the chest
SCREAM
Maybe it was a pump, not a squeeze....
Wow, two hands.... he’s good.

 

by mwjon2
2-04-04
Guys, look. I think that guy is in trouble out there. No seriously, guys, he’s waving for help!
Nah, he’s fine. He’s probably waving to his wife.
Ann runs to save the hapless swimmer
Dammit, guys!
I think that chick needs to calm down a bit
Tell me about it. Her vibes are ruining my tan

 

by mwjon2
2-04-04
Help me get this guy up onto the beach, guys
Doesn’t look well at all, does he?
Of course he doesn’t look good, he was drowning.
You know what they used to do in rescues? They gave the guy a drop of brandy
I think there’s some beers in the car
Close enough. Back in a second.

 

by mwjon2
2-04-04
So how went the lifeguards job, son?
Life saver, actually.
What’s the difference?
I think a life guard is concerned more with prevention. We in the business just help pick up the pieces when disaster happens - we save lives.
So you’re allowed to say ‘we’ after one shift?
Yeah, they’re pretty lax on that actually

 

by mwjon2
2-04-04
I had to quit that job eventually, you know dad. It was too dangerous
Really? Why?
The dangerous rips, the chance of melanoma, shark attacks, you know.
Mmm nasty
Plus there was that incident with the young lady’s chest and the police....
Yes, I do read the papers, son. Peas?

 

by mwjon2
2-04-04
So what’s next in line now that you’re unemployed again?
I dunno, Dad, I’m thinking of taking some time off work.
Really?
Yeah, what with uni and my hobbies and everything..... It’s really kind of hard to concentrate on more than one thing at a time.
Maybe you could concentrate a bit more on the cooking
Yeah, actually you should probably push those black bits to the side. Purple bits are good, though.

 

by mwjon2
2-18-04
Do you ever get celebrities at work?
What, like checking into the hotel? No, not really...
Yeah. Any big rock stars trashing rooms or anything? Wierd room service calls? Not even famous actors ordering large groups of prostitutes?
You’re thinking of those hotels that rent rooms by the hour, Rick
Hey, I bet it gets lonely on the road. They got needs, man

 

by mwjon2
2-18-04
Any celebrities come in today, Dad?
Celebrities? No, why?
Oh, no reason. I was just thinking, you know, a lot of hotels get celebrities.
They’re not really our target market. We’re more your middle-class tourist hotel.
So no prostitutes then?
Oh yeah, we still do prostitutes. You have to do prostitutes

 

by mwjon2
2-18-04
Listen, son, can you mind the desk a while for me? Hey, you might get to see some celebrities.
Yeah, okay. I might see a whole bunch of famous rock stars and actors. Maybe some exclusive penthouse party.
Well, it turns out my life isn’t like Leno
It rarely is, son. Can I get some extra pillows?

 

by mwjon2
2-18-04
All I want is just one celebrity, you know.
Why? What’s so special about celebrities?
Oh, it’s just a good story to tell your friends. Maybe even your kids one day.
Don’t worry, son, I’ve never met a celebrity in my life and I’m perfectly happy
Yeah, but.... Dammit, I haven’t even met Barry Williams!
Really? I have. I thought everyone had.

 

by mwjon2
2-18-04
No celebrities, son?
No, nothing. Just some old lady
Try to get this whole thing out of your head, son. Meeting famous people doesn’t matter.
I know..... Dad?
Have you met Barry Williams?
Of course. Haven’t you?

 

by mwjon2
2-18-04
Check this out, it's some wierd little management training thing. It’s got all these questions about emergencies and stuff.
Like what?
What do you do in a robbery? Oh, here’s one - what do you do if the deep fryer catches fire?
What kind of dodgy place would let the deep fryer catch fire?
Shirley, can I talk to you for a moment?

 

by mwjon2
2-18-04
The deep fryer catches fire on Jamie's shift
Yeah?
Shirley, do you notice anything unusual about this deep fryer?
uhhhhhh
Take your time
Is the clock timer thing broken?
No, not quite. Here’s a clue - the curtains are joining in as well now.

 

by mwjon2
2-18-04
Aaaaah! The deep fryer’s on fire, man! What do we do?
Don’t panic, they had this in the management test. Where’s that booklet?
Do you know where you put it?
If I knew where I’d put it, I’d go and get it wouldn’t I?
Where’d you get that thing, anyway?
Jamie left it at my place. Check this out, what to do if there’s a stabbing.

 

by mwjon2
2-18-04
The deep fryer catches fire on Jamie's shift
Beat the flames down with a shirt or something! I’ll go get the fire extinguisher!
DING DING
Sorry, we’re experiencing a little problem at the moment
That’s okay. I can wait

 

by mwjon2
2-18-04
So how was work?
Nightmare. The deep fryer caught fire and I couldn’t find the manager’s handbook...
Really? Shocking that.
It was awful. There were these flames leaping like three metres into the air. Then to top it off, this customer comes in and demands to get food!
That’s ridiculous!
Tell me about it. I used my whole damn lighter doing her chips. You got any matches?

 

by mwjon2
2-18-04
The studio execs discuss the new reality show
Hey! How about a reality show about real WB execs trying to develop a new reality show?
What a great way to leverage our synergies! It would rate through the roof!
The first day of filming begins with a discussion about a new reality show
Hey! How about a reality show about real WB execs trying to develop a new reality show?
What a great way to leverage our synergies! It would rate through the roof!
And as the viewer's head explodes we learn that the earth cannot sustain a continuous loop

 

by mwjon2
2-23-04
Mummy, can I have some pancakes?
We have to wait for Daddy sweetheart. He will be home any minute.
3 Hours Later
Where's Daddy? I want pancakes!
Where the hell is he?
You're lying again aren't you mummy! I'm gunna find Daddy's head in the freezer like the last three daddies aren't i?
No, I'm sure I didn't use the freezer.... Where the hell is he? I hate it when I do this... first thing tomorrow morning I'm getting stackable shelves from Ikea.

 

by mwjon2
3-07-04
Rap plays in the background
What is this crap? What are they saying?
This? This is gangsta rap, Bex
Rap plays in the background
Ganster rap?
No, gangsta. Poor spelling is cool. They're rapping about busting homes with nines. And pimpin ho’s
Rap plays in the background
The best music is the stuff you identify with
Tell me about it! Look at this - “Ghetto Killa”. Could’ve been written about me!

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