All comics by njnp40

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by njnp40
8-25-05
Pat Robertson Preaches to the Faithful
Hugo Chavez goes against American and Christian values, I think we oughta take him out.
Osama Bin Laden Preaches to the Faithful
George Bush is anti-Islamic, and he is fighting a holy war against Islam, he must be killed.
Dude, what the fuck are they talking about?

 

by njnp40
8-25-05
Man, are you still here? Don't you have a job or something?
Seriously bro, you gotta get up, you've been on vacation for like 6 weeks.
Mr. Kennedy, do you hear me?

 

by njnp40
8-25-05
So, you got any stuff on you?
Officer, I---
How 'bout weapons, I know a lot of you are packin'.
Sir, I---
You got a record? I know most of you do.
I really should've skipped career day.

 

by njnp40
8-25-05
Let me guess, sleaveless?
Oh. Ha. Ha.

 

by njnp40
8-26-05
Ooooh, buddy, you're gonna pay for this.
What? He was loitering.

 

by njnp40
8-26-05
Is that veal? Do you know what they do to those poor baby cows?
No, and you're going to tell me aren't you?
They tie them all together for weeks at a time, then they slaughter them with knive-like instruments.
Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?
No.

 

by njnp40
8-26-05
Police say details are sketchy, and that the rapist may never be found.
Then what the hell have the police been doing for the past week?
But, just to be safe, authorities have arrested and detained three African American males.

 

by njnp40
8-26-05
So, Detective, any suspects?
Earlier
Yes.

 

by njnp40
8-26-05
I need some social interaction in my life. You know, some place where I can feel a sense of comradery and brotherhood.
So join a club or something.
Yeah, I'm looking for one right now on the net. I'm looking for one that's you know, inclusive.
How do you spell Klux?

 

by njnp40
8-28-05
Hey, you wanna go grab a bite to eat?
Yeah, sure. KFC?
Sorry.

 

by njnp40
8-29-05
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
So they pull me out of my mosque, put a black sock over my head, and drive me away.
All because I'm Arabic.
You can't begin to understand such racism.

 

by njnp40
8-29-05
So they pull me out of my moque and bring me here.
Just because I'm Arab. You can't begin to understand such racism.
So, what, are you like, a basketball player, or something?

 

by njnp40
8-29-05
So for the past few days, people've been treating me like THE black sterotype. I don't understand it, are people that intolerant and ignorant?
It's like---
So, are you going to mug me, or no...'Cause if you are, just take what you want and leave me alone.

 

by njnp40
8-29-05
What the hell are you doing?
I'm protesting our fascist, cynical and authoritarian government.
So you mean you're pointlessly bitching about policy that you cannot possibly affect enacted by a people who you cannot possibly alter so that you can have a sense of moral high ground?
No.
Sorry, I thought you said that you were protesting.

 

by njnp40
8-30-05
So, what's on tap for tonight?
Nothing, I have to go to another one of my meetings. It kinda sucks, but someone always sneaks beer in to liven it up a little.
Isn't it an AA meeting?
Yeah, that's what I mean, you definitely need beer to liven that shit up.

 

by njnp40
8-30-05
So, have you heard about all the people in Louisiana and Mississippi who have stayed at home during the hurricane?
Yeah.
A bunch of them lived right near the water...Incidently, not many of them made it.
Yeah, you'd think Southerners would be smarter than that.

 

by njnp40
8-30-05
So, a Jew walks into a bar.
He's right behind me isn't he?

 

by njnp40
8-30-05
Oh, son of a bitch! Papercut! Papercut! God damnit that hurts.
What?

 

by njnp40
8-30-05
What are you doing?
I'm watching the 700 Club.
Really?
No, I'm just fucking with you, Will and Grace is on.
You want me to record it?

 

by njnp40
9-01-05
For the last damn time, I'm not interested, leave me alone!
What was that about?
Jehova's Witnesses.

 

by njnp40
9-06-05
So why don't you help out the Middle East at all?
Give up the grudge.

 

by njnp40
9-07-05
I can't believe you friggin' dragged me over here. Are you at least going to pay for the damn collection?
Yeah, sure why not jackass...Oh damn, looks like I've left my money in my other cross.
Jews.

 

by njnp40
9-08-05
So help me understand you. You're a cynical atheist who loathes religion, religous people and all they consider good and just?
Keep going you're on a roll.
You don't do anything charitable and you hate organizations like the Red Cross and UNICEF, in addition, you're sarcasm seems to be a cry for help and stability.
Are you trying to hug me?

 

by njnp40
9-08-05
Shit, one of them
Shit, one of them.
Let's start over.

 

by njnp40
9-12-05
Christ, I need a haircut.

 

by njnp40
9-13-05
Trick or Treat!
I-
Just go...Just fucking go.

 

by njnp40
9-14-05
YES! Tochdown! Woo hoo!
Yeah!!! High five?
So what, you're just going to leave me hanging...Dick.

 

by njnp40
9-15-05
No, I don't want a goddamn drink or a smoke, or whatever. Leave me the hell alone.
What a stick in the mud.
You see what I just did there?

 

by njnp40
9-19-05
This time no chopsticks asshole.

 

by njnp40
9-19-05
What are you doing?
Heh...I'm putting the Jews right next to Palestine...This is gonna be fucking hillarious.

 

by njnp40
9-20-05
You up for the mall?
Nah, I can't, I've gotta go to Church.
I thought Baptists called it "service".
I'm Jewish, dick.

 

by njnp40
9-21-05
Hey, um, this is kinda awkward, but uh-
The Hell do you want? Springer's on for Christ's sake.
Well, um, I have this, uh...itch.

 

Damn, I just saw the picture of you're mom over there...I'd totally hit that.
by njnp40, 9-21-05

 

by njnp40
9-27-05
Okay, ready...If you're not gay, touch your head.
Hahahaha! That never gets old.

 

Fuck.
by njnp40, 9-29-05

 

by njnp40
10-11-05
So, how'd your friend die?
The big C.
Cancer?
No, the big sea. He got drunk and told me he could walk on water...He drowned.

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