All comics by oddaustin

 

A tender moment between enemies...
Madam, I may be a common, everyday street criminal mastermind thief, but I assure you, I wouldn't dare thiever away your box of Chips Ahoy!
Let's drop the pretense, ass face. Fork over the goddamn cookies or face my adorable wrath.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between monsters...
Uh... I think you got your holidays mixed up, bro.
Oh yeah? I think this box of severed penises begs to differ.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between High School reunion attendees...
Hey, big shot science guy! Remember that time I pulled down your pants and pushed you into that girl's PhysEd class? *heh* Good times, man, good times.
I'm pleased to see you recall your past transgressions, Jack. I was worried that I’d have to explain why your testicles are about to be ripped apart by my matter decimator.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between a boss and his underling...
Hey, there's my favorite employee! I know you were literally just leaving for your vacation, but could you fill out a few tedious forms, wax my car, and re-shingle the roof before you leave?
If I bludgeoned him to death with my stapler, I wonder if they would catch me before my vacation was over... probably.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between a man and his daughter...
Hey kiddo, your mother and I have decided that having you was a HUGE mistake. Oh man, was it a dumb move.... so, uh... anyways, there's the door, and uh... have a good life, I guess.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between two old pals...
Not sure why Doug wanted to meet in this empty alley. Maybe he finally gave Paula the ring. Good for him. He's really become a good friend these last few months, I'm glad to see he's found someone.
At last, my meticulous plan to murder this fool and harvest his organs is unfolding.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between teammates...
... I wish coach would stop letting anyone with their own gear on the team.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between two people with varying degrees of liveliness...
I'm'a make that hand my bitch.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between two old foes...
My stars, the dastardly criminal mastermind: Dr. Pumpkin Face! Need I remind you that you narrowly escaped our last encounter alive? Prepare to taste justice, evildoer!
Shut up and kneel down a little bit so I can gnaw your balls off till you die.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between a police officer and a law-abiding citizen...
Do you know why I pulled you over, sir?
Well, it can't be for all the meth I've been selling, cause I cleaned that out of the trunk yesterday.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between a holey man and a holy man...
Oh, there you are! Me and the other disciples were wondering where you were at... *heh* are you taking a break from doing chin-ups or something, Jesus? ... Jesus?
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between a holey man and a holy man...
Oh, there you are! Me and the other disciples were wondering where you were at... *heh* are you taking a break from doing chin-ups or something, Jesus? ... Jesus?
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between a man and a reinforced door...
That should keep that thieving Santa Claus cunt out of my house.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between a father and his son...
I'm not going to discuss this again, son. You're going to die for everybody's sins or you're grounded for the next millennium!
This is BULLSHIT, old man!!
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between a woman and her country...
When I was young, my mom instilled a fierce sense of patriotism in me. The faith wavers, but I can say with certainty, now that I’m a woman: the holocaust is a lie and Obama’s a Muslim anti-Christ
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between bunnies...
Fucking poser.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between a boy and his squirrel chum...
What's the use of inhaling another breath? All you get out of life is misery, with a disproportionate amount of joy to make the misery even more miserable. Hope is the real enemy, man.
Jesus Christ, dude, stop it! You're fucking depressing the shit out of me.
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between a man and a zombie...
So, just cause it's the apocalypse, that somehow gives you a right to eat my brains?
Look man, if I found a ham sandwich in this vast wasteland, you think I'd deprive YOU of a meal?
by oddaustin, 9-08-12

 

A tender moment between a man and an oven mitt...
Guess which part of my body I put this on. Go on, guess!
by oddaustin, 9-09-12

 

A tender moment between two Sunday school students...
Teacher says that every time a bell rings, an angel gets it's...
I swear to Christ, Jake: if you say another word, I'm going to slit your throat with this piece of paper and drink your blood as it pools around your lifeless body.
by oddaustin, 9-09-12

 

A tender moment between a teacher and his pupils...
So, as you can see, kids: women are conniving, evil whores that'll laugh as they beat your heart into dust, steal all your money and leave you shattered and miserable... any questions?
by oddaustin, 9-09-12

 

A tender moment between colleagues...
I'm SO pissed, man. That fucking ass-bandit is making me come in on Saturday!
You're telling me! That bastard just shot my wife in the head and decapitated my children right before my eyes! ... On the other hand, my Saturday's wide open now.
by oddaustin, 9-14-12

 

A tender moment between neighbors...
Say there, Frank. Why are you feeding a bottle of milk to that pile of ground beef covered in a cloth?
*heh* It’s funny, today I was reaching for the milk and accidentally grabbed a knife. Boy, was my face red when I saw that sucker plunged handle deep in my baby's head! Ya think the wife'll notice?
by oddaustin, 9-15-12

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