All comics by ragu4u

 

by ragu4u
7-30-08
Oh daddy, you can't ground me tonight. Tyrone and Denzel are coming over.
Those two losers are exactly why you're grounded, little Missy!
You just don't like them because they're bla-
Quiet! I hear them at the door now. I must prepare the appropriate welcome.
I can't believe little Missy thinks I'm a bigot. Especially after I went to all the expense to prepare this room so Tyrone and Denzel would feel at home.
So where's the fresh meat?

 

by ragu4u
8-01-08
Maura & Gary (Pre Happy Hour)
Hey Maura! Give yourself a thrill and join ME, the GaryMeister, for happy hour.
As Maura quickly makes up an excuse....
I really still have to finish tons of work here, Gary.
You seem to have forgotten that my dad is the boss and holds your future in his hands.
...and goes from the frying pan, into the fire!
I made my son work late so I could fill IN for him, baby, and I'm ready for action!
Egad! What could be worse than an old jitter bugging boss with a condom in his hand

 

by ragu4u
8-02-08
I'm out of my element in these woods Wizard. You MUST help me!
Allow me to strike you with my magical "Mango on a Stick"& your problem will be solved.
Was that stick made by "Acme"?
"Beep Beep and awaaaay!"

 

by ragu4u
8-05-08
I knew I would find you here, my son.
Hi Father. Haven't seen you since we Jacuzzied together when I was in 5th grade.
I see you've grown up to be a fine fellow under my guidance.
Fuck'n A, Padre. Hey, meet my wife!
My hubby tells me you got one heck of a rod, big boy. What'll it be? Straight up or half and half?
I'm in but you first must dress up as an altar boy or a nun to help me peak!

 

by ragu4u
8-06-08
My deeear, velcome to my humble aboad.
I realize you asked me if I wanted to see your digs but this is rediculous.
I am dismayed you feel that I'm SUCKING you into a trap.
I would feel much safer if we took this party back to MY place. My brother is into blood "Bigtime"!
...and keep em up sucker. Around here you gotta be washed in it before you can sip it.
Damn! When I saw that red cross I thought your sister lived in a blood bank.

 

by ragu4u
8-07-08
The daughters' boyfriend arrives...
Why MUST you show up at 7am everyday to hangout here with my daughter?
Uh...What's for breakfast, dude?
...hungry and cracking wise, but her dad...
What!? I've got your breakfast sausage hanging right here, smart ass!
Hey, do those hush puppies come with it?
...cuts him down to size!
Oh yeah, you better sit down because I'm just about to cram a "Hush Puppy" so far up your butt you'll taste shoe laces.
I lost my appetite!

 

by ragu4u
8-09-08
Did you happen to wratch opening of Bejing Olympics?
Oh yes...and I was quite impressed.....(bitch!)
Owa prentiful numbahs and ability to cleate visual illusion rill allow us to soon dominate this pranet!
Whatever. And by the way...what if these Olympics don't work any better than the cheap watches you sell Americans? Then what?
Owa Olympic Committee RILL be taken in and RILL be adjusted.
The doctor is "IN".

 

by ragu4u
8-10-08
Aruba...
Now that's one nice piece of tail!
Jamaica...
It even looks better from behind!
ooh, ooh the pimp will take ya!
You wanna be tappin dat tail sucka it gonna cost ya!

 

by ragu4u
8-11-08
Welcome to "Bob's Burgers". What'll ya have?
One Super Bucket of livers, gizzards, legs, thighs and breasts.
This is a burger joint, sir. We don't do "special orders".
Listen dude. I been on the road all day and I'm starved
Hi buddy. I'm the cook. Why don't ya come in the kitchen and watch me prepare your food up close?
Skip it. I'll just have a toothpick, please!

 

by ragu4u
8-12-08
On "The Great Wall" in China
You will sing our Chinese National Anthem at opening of 2008 Olympics!
In the Chinese recording studio
You like me talent?
The singing was beautiful but the packaging is all wrong! We must fix.
Two minutes before her performance.
Now get out there and lip-synch and make China look perfect to world or you will carry tongue home in "Sucrets" box!

 

by ragu4u
8-13-08
8/10/2008 somewhere in Alabama
Hey Gomer, I hear them Russians done gone and invaded Georgia.
You gotta be a kiddin?
We need to gather our political action committee to prepare a future defense strategy for OUR country!
I'm on it right now. We can meet tonight at the usual spot.
We should have a big turnout!
We better have cuz them Ruskie are already in Georgia and that ain't but a 45 minute drive from right here

 

by ragu4u
8-14-08
The Unexpecting Maiden.
I love petting a freshly washed pussy!
Her Alter Ego to the Rescue!
??? What the...
I'll bet you do to.
Love Rebuffed.
Run you creepy perv!
Methinks I should have rephrased that.

 

by ragu4u
8-15-08
Masturbating in this office is forbidden. You're fired.
I'm sure if I "pleasured" you, your outlook would change!
Get a hold of yourself, young man!
On second thought, forget that last statement. That's what got you fired in the first place.

 

by ragu4u
8-16-08
I gave them my number. Why don't they call?
Should we call her or not? Our taste in women hasn't been good lately.
Oh...what the heck. Give her a buzz.
Damn it. Everytime we find one with "good taste" THIS happens.
Maybe we should be taking smaller bites, ya think?

 

by ragu4u
8-16-08
???
"Oh the shark bites,"
&%$#&@#$%
"...with his teeth babe.."
"Run, run, da do ru run, Whoa run, run..."
"...scarlet billows..." Hey stop! Simon Cowell wouldn't run like that. Some "Hip-Hop", maybe?

 

by ragu4u
8-16-08
Little girl, am I a beaver?
Silly squirrel...
Look close. Now THAT'S a beaver!!
I smell fish!

 

One Request Too Many
Ok Boss, you son of a bitch, one cup of clear chicken broth coming right up!
by ragu4u, 8-16-08

 

by ragu4u
8-17-08
Are you sure you're a doctor?
Sure am. My diploma arrived from the insurance company, yesterday.
But this guy just had a cold.
You don't see him sneezing anymore, do you?
I never looked at it that way before.
Now bring in the guy with the jock itch....and don't forget the bodybag.

 

by ragu4u
8-17-08
Our President said there will be "No Child Left Behind" so pick up your ass and go home . The last bell rang an hour ago.
But I like it here.
I said move it Mister or I"ll call the resource officer to move you.
But can't I...
I guess I can't!
"No child lef behine..no child lef behine...no child lef behine...."

 

by ragu4u
8-18-08
Locate the problem...
What's that we have there, woofy?
Uh....
...find the solution...
It appears to be a big, stinking "pile-o-shit". You better call "The CLEANER".
...then let others do the dirty work.
"Dung Beetle's" my name. Crap munchin's my game. My motto is "They excrete it...I eat it."

 

by ragu4u
8-18-08
You were sent home from school for talking non-stop.
??
So what do you have to say for yourself.
I'm a Yak!
"Yaking" is what I do best.

 

Slip me some skin, daddy-o!
I hate you! No bones about it.
by ragu4u, 8-18-08

 

by ragu4u
8-19-08
Bats are filthy creatures, leaving guano droppings everywhere.
Geez...
Give me ONE good reason I should let you keep a bat as a pet?
...uh...
He's house-broke!

 

by ragu4u
8-19-08
The hills are alive...
...with the sounds of...
Ptooey.... "Silence!"

 

by ragu4u
8-19-08
Ohhh, I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK...
STOP! You're destroying the environment!
...I sleep all night and I...
Stop, I say! STOP!
...CHOP all day.
Ugh!

 

by ragu4u
8-19-08
I never been to a strip club. Wanna go with me?
Nope! It's not what you think!
What ever could you mean?
You'll see.
I'm mortified!
Two strips will cost ya double big boy.

 

Don't tell me. Low ceilings, right?
by ragu4u, 8-19-08

 

by ragu4u
8-19-08
Duane, why you done gone up an quit havin sex with me?
To be honest I'd still be sexin you up..
...ceptn ma changed the lock on yer door, sis.

 

by ragu4u
8-20-08
Why so glum, Mr Chen?
Me have constant fear wise ass office boy kick my ass.
Can you feel me, bro?
The question is...Did you feel me, bro?
Most definitely...office boy, San!

 

by ragu4u
8-20-08
Cluck.
It's "Cheep"
Cluck, cluck.
It's "Cheep", I say...just plain "Cheep".
Gimme a break. You try to find a nicer place in this depressed market.
You're an idiot. I'm outta here.

 

by ragu4u
8-20-08
It sure is dark in here. What's written on the wall? G..Gl..Glory Hole?
"GLORY HOLE"! Knock twice, then release your inner animal. Well here goes...knock,knock
...and ,no, I don't lip kiss.
"OK baby, back her up to the dock for a hot load!"

 

by ragu4u
8-20-08
You seem highly proficient in each and every secretarial skill.
Can you possibly apprise me of any of your efficiencies I may yet be unaware of?
Cab fare is under the pillow, bitch.
Darn vaginal warts! ...and it was going so well.

 

Trojans? Spartans? Ribbed? Flavored? Textured?
The packaging I've got. I need the FILLING!
by ragu4u, 8-20-08

 

by ragu4u
8-20-08
This is TOO much.
I think a simple "KEEP OUT" sign would have sufficed.

 

by ragu4u
8-20-08
I've been trained by Caesar Milan.
The "Dog Whisperer"?
Yes. He can train YOU as well. Are you in?
...uhh
What the...? Hey wait!
I'm leaving now with my balls still in tact.

 

by ragu4u
8-21-08
A restaurant that caters to Bulemics?
Yeah. Wanna peek at the geeks?
Are you nuts? Count me out, girlfriend.
Alright then, but how bad could it be?
Cancel my table. Obviously nothing served here sticks to ones ribs.
It would if you could keep it down long enough! Is it cold in here, to you?

 

Hmm. It kinda smells like NASCAR in here.
Dang!
by ragu4u, 8-21-08

 

by ragu4u
8-21-08
Now turn around Bossy. Artificial insemination is a better way.
???
This way that old Ferdinand will never bother you again.
Save me , Ferdinand!
You didn't have to shit on me...you damned nymphomaniac!

 

by ragu4u
8-21-08
Upon arriving...
Excuse me. Can I get some help here?
One hour later...
I'm the only customer out here. Why must I wait so long?
After another 30 minutes...
Welcome to the Dept. of Motor Vehichles. Take a number.
I hope you didn't trip running in here.

 

by ragu4u
8-21-08
Me got flowers in box for teacher first day, Mr. Principal.
Not a bad idea Butch. The floral scent will...
...hide her horrible breath.
It take more than flowers...yuk
Why is it always flowers and perfume with these kids?

 

I guess it's too late to ask you to sign the surgical release, huh?
by ragu4u, 8-21-08

 

by ragu4u
8-22-08
knock, knock, knock....
Finally...Tyrone with that hot piece of "butt" I paid for.
Not exactly what you had in mind, huh, big boy?
Tell Tyrone I want my money back!
What yo sorry white ass spect fo five measly dollas? Pam Anderson?
Can I, at least, get it back in Euros?

 

by ragu4u
8-22-08
The Myth.
Oh Pierre! Will you unzip me?
Ooh la la, mon cheri.
The Man.
Oh Pierre! Will you unzip me?
Se magnifique, my stallion.

 

by ragu4u
8-22-08
Well sir, her head was in his lap when I stopped their vehicle.
It's not my fault daddy. My earing got stuck in his zipper.
When I get my hands on you fella...
What's his deal? It ain't like I busted a nut or anything.

 

by ragu4u
8-22-08
It's a simple one nail job. FIX IT!
Oh I fix. I fix alright.
And don't screw it up for a change.
How can screw up? Me got NAIL.
Now get to it and don't make me ASK you again.
Axe? You want axe now? I give axe, you betcha!

 

by ragu4u
8-22-08
Dig the pit...
Hello, I'm Simon Cowell.
How do you do? I'm Posh Spice.
wait in anticipation for your prey...
She's actually buying it! I'll be in her pants in hours.
He believes me. What a moron. I'll take him for every cent he has.
get drunk and fall in the pit yourself.
Thanks for the role in the hay but I'm not Simon Cowell you dumb gash.
Oh? Well I'm not Posh Spice but we did share something special. AIDS, you bastard!

 

by ragu4u
8-22-08
Butch, will you hang my picture on your fridge door?
Me guess so.
How ya gonna hold it up?
Easy! Frigadator maggots like evybudy uses.
I hope he means magnets...but with Butch, who knows?

 

by ragu4u
8-22-08
Have the new temp step in here so she can get started.
OMG!
As you can see by this backlog, you'll be earning every penny of the minimum wage we give to...
...you.
Hold that elevator!

 

by ragu4u
8-22-08
Pre-Op
My nose is too big. My cheeks are too pronounced & my forehead is to high.
Sign this release and I'll fix you right up!
In Surgery
Excellent work doctor.
I'm sure he'll be pleased after the swelling subsides.
Post-Op
What do you mean, my swelling HAS subsided?
You just need to get your color back. Otherwise you got everything you wanted.

 

by ragu4u
8-22-08
Can I interest you in subscribing to the "Tribune Post Telegraph" sir?
Wha zat?
A daily newspaper, sir!
Well, wha ZAT?
Your daily source of news, weather, opinion, sports, politics, humor and all things intellectual ,sir.
Beat it kid. I already watch "Springer". Who could ask for anything more intellectual than that?

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