All comics by rug

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by rug
10-03-03
Reveanganceful!
yes, soon...the time is near...
i've been waiting to say this witty remark to Russ for days now to finally get my revenge! It will sum up all of woman kind's intelligence, humor, etc. into one perfect line! Ooh, here he comes!
duuuhhh....you're a poopey face!!!1
Ouch, my pride. You really got my number. I've seen funnier insults by Carrot Top at a Nazi festival

 

by rug
10-05-03
Man...it's gonna be tough having to leave this town, I'll miss all the great friends I've had here.
Do I know you?
Meanwhile, at school...
I can't wait till I see Russ so I can mindlessly punch him in the arm in order to prove my masculinity to a kid that just doesn't give a shit.
I can't wait to see Russ so I can exchange useless small talk. Maybe we can go out or something, but oh wait I forgot, I'm only supposed to date the kinds of guys that are in seventeen magazine.
Who the fuck am I kidding? I hate these morons!
Umm...So I'm guessing this isn't where the Jazzercise class is?

 

by rug
10-07-03
So jesus, you gonna buy the Nokia N-Gage?
....
So you gonna answer me or what, jesus?
dude, I'm jesus!
...so...uh...you gonna buy Game Boy Advance, then?
well,jesus, I'm not Andrew Conti for crying out loud!

 

by rug
10-09-03
After School...
Good thing nobody's here, or else I'd be under some sort of bad influence...oh wait, here comes a ...GIRL!
Hey, there's gonna be this cool party at club chaos on sunday, here's the card.
wow thanks, a club, never been to one of those, hopefully I won't be corrupted or anything.
nah, that stuff never happens.
That very Sunday...
"That stuff never happens" MY ASS IT DOESN'T!
so...uh... ya wanna have sex? that is kind of what we do around here.

 

by rug
10-11-03
duhhh....taco bell is awesome! it's like my second home!
but that food is terrible for you!
chalupas are da bomb! It's worth the food poison!
it's grade D meat, you keep eating that shit and you'll be dead by the next panel!
Hey I tried to warn him.

 

by rug
10-11-03
Last Week...
You forgot to unroll your dollar bills again, I didn't go to lunch lady school for five years to take this kind of crap!
Wow, these cash registers sure do make this place convenient.
This Week...
You forgot to put in your ID number again, I didn't go to five years of computer class to take this kind of crap!
Wow, these computer systems sure do make this place convenient.
Next Week...
You forgot to enslave yourself again, I didn't take five years of programing to take this kind of crap!
Wow, these post-apocalyptic robot masters sure do make this place convenient.

 

by rug
10-13-03
So...Cody, you up for some Tenchu?
Well I don't know...I've never played before...but okay
let's make this more interesting, for each a victory, that person gets a dollar from the loser.
seems a little unfair...but I'm game
One minute later...
So how's the record stand so far?
According my math...You owe me five dollars...and I owe you....let's see....546,836,846 dollars

 

by rug
10-14-03
Mrs.Bjerkey
The driving force in my life is my husband, I love him with all my being.
I bet he feels the same way....and maybe there's a good chance of an Asian hooker busting through my door demanding sex.
Mrs. Bjerkey's husband
blb blb blb blb!!!!
How'd that happen? How long has be down there?
He did it to himself the day he lifted my veil on our Wedding day.

 

by rug
10-16-03
Consider this, if you will, an attractive girl who ignores me.
Bye Russ's friend!
Ya know I'm here too ya know
But I don't even know you.
Well you could at least pretend
Fine...bye Russ!
DON'T TALK LIKE YOU KNOW ME, 'CAUSE YOU DON'T!

 

by rug
10-16-03
....yada yada yada yada dragon ball z yada yada yada yu-gi-oh yada yada...
What's this kid babbling about?
...blah blah blah computer graphics blah blah blah
well, as long as he still does my homework...
dirp dee dirp dee dirp gundam wing doo doo doo dirp animé dee deesh dumble lord of the rings dee da doo
Holy crap! I set him on fire with my mind and he's still talking!

 

by rug
10-18-03
Situations that are proper to say "But it's not a race"
I finished that test in under fifteen minutes!
But it's not a race
You can't call that guy a damn Buddhist, that's racist
But it's not a race
But it's not a race
Well it's not my fault my eccentric youth causes fast orgasms

 

by rug
10-18-03
Reasons women shouldn't be drafted Reason 1:Distraction
Oh dear me, my boobs got caught in this barbed wire! Can someone help me?
uh...sure, hehehe
Reason 2:Periods
Oh gosh! Everyone just stop, just stop shooting, I'm having menstrual cramps!
Reason 3:Rape
So, you gonna rape me or what?
Well were not exactly gonna eat at the Olive Garden and then go see Gigli 2 if that's what you were thinking.

 

by rug
10-18-03
Oh my god, look, it's Fred. I can't even believe he had the audacity to show up here.
Why? What did he do?
He only scored a 1380 on the SAT's.
That fiend!
Yeah, someone should tell him to get the hell out of this intellectual's gathering.
Yeah, thank goodness for standardized tests. Otherwise we wouldn't know who our real friends are.

 

by rug
10-20-03
You up for some major movie-themed sarcasm?
Hell yeah!
The power rangers had witty dialogue and a lot of money to play around with in production!
Ben Affleck is full of talent and has huge stretches in all his movie roles.
Haley Joel Osment still has a chance at retaining his movie carreer although he went through puberty like Macaulay Culkin.
The new disney movie, Brother Bear isn't a huge waste of money that'll flop in the box office just like Spirit:Stallion of the Cimmaron

 

by rug
10-21-03
Any acts of idiocy for today?
Shove it, Kyle. Well my plan is to associate with more girls.
Wait a sec. You, thee Russell having girl problems?! No!
Yeah, stfu. So in order to accomplsih this, I'm gonna hang out with my male gay friends more often, ergo the girls.
You don't have any gay friends, but then again, you don't have any straight friends either.
Ya know Kyle, for an imaginary friend, you really suck.

 

by rug
10-21-03
Kyle...we need to talk. It's not you, it's me.
Wait, if it's about the jewish jokes, I'm sorry.
No it wasn't that. Kyle...there's another...his name is T-Rex.
What, but I thought I was your number one imaginary friend! And now you just dump me for some stupid dinosaur!
Well yeah, not only does he do Mr.T quotes, but he always comes up with funny dinosaur-themed puns!
DINO-MITE!

 

by rug
10-22-03
Candy: The low point of societal youth
*sniff sniff* You smell that?
Candy!
I want M&M's...make that 2 packs, no 3, no 4, just hand it over!
I haven't had these many girls wanting my sugar since...well, never
Sure this candy is horrible for my teeth as well as energy distribution, but if it means I can waste my parent's hard earned money on over priced mass produced sugary products, then it was worth it!
I've become everything I loathe, a candy salesman. That's it, Russell, just tuck that nasty conscience away.

 

by rug
10-24-03
So I said "Forget about the monkey, think about the soap!"
Hahahahah...oh, Russ, you're pre-hysterical!
...is that the best you could come up with, T-Rex? Sometimes you sound a lot like my old....huh! You're not T-Rex! You're, you're, you're!
That's right, Kyle! I'm back and you'll never see that Tyrannosaurus Train-wrecks ever again! Get it? train wrecks?
Meanwhile, In Kyle's basment...
Hello? Where am I? I fell on my ass and spilled my coffee, now I have a dino-sore on my butt...

 

by rug
10-24-03
This sandwich blows, they should just put salsa, the superior condiment, on everything. That's why I carry spare packets in my wallet.
You don't really like salsa, you just like the way it sounds, salsa, it just sounds yummy. So what was this comic idea you were blabbering about?
Well...I have an idea for a series of comics, like a sitcom, where nothing happens.
Nothing? Absolutely nothing? Kinda boring if ya ask me, what happens?
Nothing, just everyday stuff that usually happens. Then I could just base all the characters on people we know in real life.
So overall you, me, Andy...gotta have Andy...maybe a girl, but make her actually funny in the comic. Oh yeah, this'll be riveting. What are we gonna be talking about, our opinions on condiments?

 

by rug
10-25-03
Blind dates don't work
Is that the new Calvin Klein perfume I smell?
Yeah, isn't it so pungent? Hey, you've been looking for a date, right? Well there's this guy, Russ.
Well how does he look?
Right...he's...uh...cozy, and he's losing a little...
Sweetening the pot...
So what you're trying to tell me is that he's fat and balding.
Yeah...did I mention he was short?

 

by rug
10-28-03
Man, this place blows.
You'd think that something cool would happen Halloween night at a graveyard.
Yeah for example, look at this loser right here, his haircut is so queer
I heard that!
It was Kyle!

 

by rug
10-28-03
Read panel 2
I wanna go somewhere, I don't just wanna stay here all night.
Well where do you wanna go?
Read panel 3
How about a restaurant? Nah, I'm not really hungry.
How about a coffee shop? You don't need to eat there.
Read panel 1
What are we gonna do there then, talk? We can stay home for that.
Now we're just back where we started.

 

by rug
11-03-03
Hey, ya wanna grab a steak sandwich?
No, I'll be too busy knitting a scarf for all my friends and family members.
Ya wanna go play some football?
No, I'll be too busy baby talking with my girlfriend.
Ya wanna arm wrestle?
No, I'll be too busy trying to drown myself in testosterone.

 

by rug
11-03-03
Tenchu 2: Lord Gohda's Bad Night
Tonight didn't go so well...
Really? What happened?
Well I was slashed in the back and shot in the stomach.
Is that all? Oh c'mon suck it up. You're only as healthy as you feel is what I always say.
Well my wife was killed and my daughter was kidnapped just a few moments ago.
So all in all a good night.

 

by rug
11-06-03
Oh good thing you're here, officer.
What seems to be the problem?
Well I killed a bunch of people, and fucked like a billion hookers, and uh...I...uh...ate a...brain!
Russ Pohl, is that you? Oh yeah you won the spelling bee in elementary school. Jesus, stop wasting my time, you wouldn't hurt a fly.
Uh, and then I like blew up the place...oh god, please don't leave me, I swear I did something bad! ...I'm so lonely...

 

by rug
11-06-03
Look at my school ring, isn't it just fab!
Well, you've done it...
Done what?
You've managed to waste a shit load of your parents' money while trying to create a false sense that you enjoy High School.
But look at that cheerleading picture under the emerald jewel!
Emerald! Well forget what I just said, 'cause emerald is just divine!

 

by rug
11-06-03
Hey Russ, wanna turn my ring, then you get to sign this paper!
Isn't that just like the yearbook but without some stupid rotation? ...sure, i'll do it.
Okay!
Oh man you're touching a girl, Russell boy!
Okay you can't let go now.
A few more of these events, and you'll be getting a blow job in no time!

 

by rug
11-10-03
And now back to the hit comedy: Girlfriends
Barry came over, and guess what he forgot to do?
He left the toilet seat up!
It's funny he fought in the war and yet there is one thing he is afraid of.
Commitment!
Lifetime: The network for idiots
You're my third best friend, you know who the first two are?
Ben and Jerry!

 

by rug
11-13-03
Live Journal
Okay I admit, my "Give a Lukemia kid a noogie" idea wasn't the best thing to do. But it's not like you have a better plan.
Well I was thinking we could do some online journals.
But they're incredibly boring and self-centered.
What? Who wouldn't be interested in every single activity we do each day?
Well besides you and me, nobody.
Good point, forget it then. What was your idea about sabotaging the hospital newborn babies with horse fetuses?

 

by rug
11-23-03
How's your thanksgiving gonna go?
Bad
Is that it? Is that your most witty response?
Well I guess I can do better
So shoot, muthafucka!
Yes, I am looking forward to eating food that's as unhealthy as the family members I'm forced to meet.

 

by rug
11-23-03
So Mr.Bush, how's England going?
Terrible Russ! People keep saying everything's bloody!
Well I think that's just a slang term in Great Britain.
Don't try to fool me with your logic, Russ, I know I'm in England and not in some Great Britain!
Wow Mr.Bush, you're really stupid.
I don't want no slanderizing!

 

by rug
11-23-03
Welcome to Italy
Wow, Italy, I can't wait to have the famous Domino's Sicilian Pizza
Ya know cheap knock-off restaurants in America don't truly represent fine Italian cuisine.
Oh I think I know what does!
Oh god is he says the-
OLIVE GARDEN! A-HEE-HEE-HEE!

 

by rug
11-23-03
True story
The fuck you lookin' at?!
Don't look back, don't look back...
Yeah you walk away!
...
Muthafucka!
Well I was just asking for trouble going to a public school on a Sunday afternoon...

 

by rug
12-04-03
So this is the north pole, eh? Well where's the uh...-oh, there he is
But where is the um...-oh, okay
Yeah cool and place and all. Could've used a vampire though--this witch isn't doing anything for me.
Shove it.

 

by rug
12-07-03
I'm looking for a holiday thing-
Well over here we have robotic santas in production. They're so efficient that once Christmas ends, they realize their loss of purpose and self-destruct.
Actually I was looking for-
Now we have the giant glowing red tree ornament from Fisher-Price. The glow is so strong you can feel your pupils burning from the inside. In fact it scorched everything in a 500 feet radius.
Buddy, I just want a menorah!
Menorah? I'm sorry sir, we don't sell Kwanza products here.

 

by rug
12-15-03
Oyve! I'm so tired....I feel like the Green Lantern when he's uncharged.
Who?
Ya know, the guy with the ring.
........
Deep within the bowels of Kyle's mind...
No...this can't be him...
Oh! Well now this guy's too much of a stretch!

 

by rug
12-26-03
The Volleyballathon
My god I must buy refreshments to play more volleyball.
Yeah sure, we have gatorade, what flavor? Hey after this, ya wanna...
I'll have every flavor! How much, quick!
It's a dollar each..maybe we can ya know drink something more classy tonight at a fine diner, ya know...
Just quench my thirst already! I have to play as much volleyball as physically possible! VOLLEYBALL VOLLEYBALL VOLLEYBALL!
I think you've had enough gatorade for one night, you psychotic piece of whacko...

 

by rug
12-29-03
What people were thinking on the line to the next Lord of the Rings film...
As soon as this movie ends, I'm gonna go back on line to see the next sequel...
Oh god Russ is standing really close to me...I'm beginning to get suspicious of him...but then again I guess sex with an imaginary friend is plausible.
I can't wait for this next film, but my Mittens might be a wittel afwaid of those scawy owcs, isn't he? Who's the cutest kitten here? You are! You are!
I'd come on to this chick in front of me, but I'm pretty sure if a girl likes this kind of movie, she has some fucked up weird secret about her, so I'll pass. Besides, my Kid Rock look sucks.
I have a penis.
I can't wait till they all realize this line is leading into my bedroom, teeheehee!

 

by rug
1-06-04
Why it sucks to be Aquaman
Hey fish...any crime happening in the sea today?
..........
You have the attention span of a fish.
Wait, I think I spotted something.
But that's just a shark with his mouth open.
Yeah but think about the the digestive adventure!

 

by rug
1-08-04
History Channel presents the full length history of barbarians: The Mongols!
Yarg! Take down that wall!
Our army mainly consists of young teenage girls because we're the manliest of the Mongolian race!
The Vikings!
So what's your favorite football team, Conrad?
Well I'm a big fan of shut the hell up, Leonard!
The Goths!
I keep writing all this dark poetry about killing myself, but I'm just afraid of commitment!
C'mon BatSage, just put the knife in the box, maybe we can go smash light bulbs in the alleyway.

 

by rug
1-08-04
History Channel presents the full length history of barbarians: The Mongols!
Yarg! Take down that wall!
Our army mainly consists of young teenage girls because we're the manliest of the Mongolian race!
The Vikings!
So what's your favorite football team, Conrad?
Well I'm a big fan of shut the hell up, Leonard!
The Goths!
I keep writing all this dark poetry about killing myself, but I'm just afraid of commitment!
C'mon BatSage, just put the knife in the box, maybe we can go smash light bulbs in the alleyway.

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