All comics by wildjesus

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by wildjesus
1-20-05
What Now?
You know your in trouble right!
What! I'm already in fucking jail
Well we've had another break in tonight and your one of the suspects
But i've been in here for two days!
That's the magic of the Canadian Justice System!

 

by wildjesus
1-20-05
So how is it possible that I commited a crime while I was in a jail cell?
Well..........
So your telling me you have no proof at all that I even did anything!
When ya put it that way.........
I hate You!
Yeah, i get that a lot!

 

by wildjesus
1-20-05
Now that I think about it, Why am i even in jail?
So far your being charged with two B&E charges, 1 arson charge, and ten charges of Possession of Marijuana.
That's it?
Actually, we found some stolen goods in a warehouse over twenty miles from your house.
What does that have to do with anything?
It's your latest charge, I just ran outta paper when making this shit up!

 

by wildjesus
1-20-05
I'm sick of this cop's shit
When do I get outta here?
Well we are just finishing the release forms so it should only be another 14 hours
14 hours! What the hell you just said you were finishing the forms
We are also just finishing our doughnuts!

 

by wildjesus
1-20-05
Over 14 hours later...
Finally! I'm outta this corrupt pig station
I really need to stop smoking pot in jail

 

by wildjesus
1-20-05
The story starts in the common house of Jesus and Dave
I wonder what Dave's up to?
Hey man! I just got this new weed and ya gotta try it!
Woah there! Don't you know that smoking Marijuana can have harmful affects on your body and possible cause cancer!
Your baked out of your mind aren't ya?
Wow.......pretty colors

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Wow am I bored
Smoke pot!
What the fuck?
Dammit! He always gets away.....

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Hey Dave! Man some weird shit has been happening, you see there is this penguin.........
A penguin?
I'm not crazy!
Dude, did you eat all my mushrooms again?
Only the first couple bags............wow, you look a lot different when your face is melting!
It's Hopeless

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Somewhere in an alley...
Hey man, Can i get a nickel bag?
well....
Aw come on.....
last time you tried to pay me in monoply money
I guess that means you don't take checks.....
that's what I get for dealing with nutcases

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Have you seen my baggie of weed I had on the table?
Well....ya see there was this penguin....
God Dammit Jesus why can't you just admit you need help
but...
You realize you can't blame everything on me!
I can try!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
I think that since I keep sharing Dave's pot with ya you should at least tell me your name
But i think that we need to be more stoned before we get into details like names
Ya think?
Definitely!
Two hours later....
Well that's the last of the dope.....wait a minute.....Ugh.....I fell for it again!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
What a slow day
What do you want nutcase?
Well ya see.....there's this penguin.....and I think he's addicted to pot cause he keeps making me steal it from my roomate and then he sends me here with fake shit to try and scam drugs off of you
Aw......what the hell? That story definitely deserves some pot even if you are fucking wacked!
Does that mean I win?

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Somewhere unknown....
Uh oh, I think I did something crazy last night
Woah....Where the hell did you come from?
Read The SIgn!
Ahahaha.....You need a sign to speak for you!
Actually I just enjoy insulting idiots......and deaf people!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
So how long have you been an evil creepy guy?
Well it all started along time ago.......
Several hours later....
I like Acid
......and then there was these rabbits and It was after this huge acid trip.....
Several more hours later....
This guy really is evil
.....and then this one time at band camp......

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
After many minutes knocking at the door....
Hey Jesus! Where's Dave man?
Dave.....but Dave's not here man!
Where's Dave?
Who is this Dave you speak of?
How bout he's your roomate, you know the other person that pays the bills....
If by roomate you mean crazed penguin and by other person you mean the dealer and by bills you mean drugs then I totally get you man!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Hey Homie! Wassup?
Who the fuck are you and Why are you touching my PS2?
My name is Brian and I'm gonna crash on your couch for a couple days, play your games and smoke your pot
And who the fuck allowed that?
Some little penguin said it would be fine
Well.......if it's ok with the penguin.....Wait a minute! DAMN YOU PENGUIN!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
I've been thinking and i've come to the conclusion that you smoke entirely to much pot!
But it's fun isn't it?
Well yes, but don't you think you should have a limit so you don't go overboard and fry your brain!
Actually.....no
Well since you put it that way.......more bongs?
Now your speaking my language!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Hey guys! I'm protesting against the horrible stuff going on across the world you guys should come help me relay the message of peace to all!
We don't want any!
You don't want any what?
I'm freaking out man!
You guys need help!
Hey I found one of those hippy guys! Let's beat him and take his drugs!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Oh man.....Where am I?
Your In HELL!
Woah I'm not like dead or anything am I?
Actually......NO your just suffering from a mass hallucination because you smoked too much Meth!
Sweet! for a second there I thought I might have to buy more weed but this has done the trick just fine!
Some people's children

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Today has been perfect and I have almost sold all my product
oh Great.....
Hey dealer like dude! I'm desperate man just sell me a five piece or something
Well I have a little tiny bit left so i guess this one time I can sell ya it.....but you better have real money!
Aha! I have real money! It's this special money that penguin gave me when we were on acid last night! So.......how much is a five piece again?

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Hmmm....I could of sworn that this wasn't here yesterday, actually now that I think about it what happened to the town?
Oh Yeah! now I remember it's Canada Day! that explains everything!
If he wasn't so dumb my job would be a lot harder! Now time to finish the missle launching!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Man you won't believe how bad I've been tripping over the past few days!
So what's wrong now are ya still tripping?
Hell no! I'm dead sober and it sucks
You know what that means!
Many bongs later.....
You da MAN!
Smoke! Smoke! Smoke!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Now what are you supposed to be? A Jason rip off!
I am an evil zombie
You don't look really evil ya know.......and is that an ice cream cone?
well......ok so I'm just a little kid that likes to impersonate Jason
BLASPHEMY! Jason is the king Biatch!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Hey Dave do ya ever feel like our life is just some comic?
Hmmm....
Wait a minute! that's like the stupidest thing i've ever said.......must be this new weed
Yeah your wacked man!
Poor Bastards

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Oh how much I hate the outdoors
What the fuck?
Woah! It's a bird in prision! I wonder what the little guy did to get in so much trouble?
Fucking stoners!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Why is it so cold in here?
Hmmm....
You did remember to call the oil guy right?
well ya see there was this penguin.....
I hope you freeze you stunned bastard!
....but it seemed like such a good idea to blow all of our oil money on completely useless things the penguin wanted when he explained it!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
I love payday!
Now I can finally spend my money on things that count!
Hey Jesus, I just found a new way to make oil! Wanna blow all your hard earned money on pot so we can make a big batch?
Hell yeah! Now that's a cause right up there with emergency zombie supplies and beanbag chairs!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
That's it! you always get me in trouble, you make people think i'm crazy, and you won't even tell me your name!
Do you really think any of those things would change if you knew my name?
Yes, I think that revealing your name will finally cure me of all my delusions and make me better!
You realize that even if I told you my name your so baked that you'll forget it in about three minutes!
Three minutes later.......
This is great pot!
It's just too easy....

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
Hey guys! It's Kenny open up!
Holy shit man this stuff is awesome....
You bastards! Let me in!
Woah........did you hear something?
It's about time! I've been standing here for like 20 minutes
Awwww.......It's fucking death man! He's coming to get us......grab the shit and let's get outta here!........I'm so freaking out!

 

by wildjesus
1-21-05
What the hell are you talking about?
Hey! Your not death...
Death? you must be on some pretty heavy shit! It's me KENNY
Kenny.......oh yeah! What's up man? You wanna come in?
Yeah sure since i've just been standing outside of your door for almost an hour....
Alright cool, just one question first!......When did you become death?

 

by wildjesus
1-22-05
It's freezing out here man!
No it isn't!
What do you mean it's not cold I can almost feel my balls in the back of my throat...
Well I guess it must be all the booze I have consumed today...
Well how bout you give me booze too and then i won't be as cold........Hey where are ya going!
Like hell your getting my leftover Budweiser...

 

by wildjesus
1-22-05
It's amazing how many different people you meet on the streets
Crackwhore
I won't even go there

 

by wildjesus
1-22-05
I hope he gets paid a lot
I bet he sold drugs to buy that suit
Hey baby! How you doing?

 

by wildjesus
1-23-05
Hey man work called! They said you have to go in no matter what!
What? It's like a fucking blizzard outside!
Don't shoot the messenger!
Everytime! They always call me. If they weren't paying me lots of money to do nothing all night long I would be rioting!
Remember! Do it for the money! Cause the money pays for my....I mean....our entertainment!
Cold.....so cold.....Urge To Kill Rising.....

 

by wildjesus
1-23-05
So?
So what?
Do ya wanna smoke all your pot before work? It will help you feel less cold......
You know I'm not supposed to go to work baked!...........do ya really think it would be less cold?
Sometime later.........
Wow this walk is awesome!! I can't even see the snow any more man....
Oh my god! It's snowing! Since when did it start snowing? Actually where are we even going? Now I remember.....we're going to Whitecastle

 

by wildjesus
1-23-05
So....we're going to Whitecastle?
Yep
An hour later...
Do you even know where Whitecastle is?
Yep
Two hours later...
Your baked outta your mind aren't ya!
Oh Yeah!

 

by wildjesus
1-24-05
In a dark an mysterious forest....
Where are we?......
Man just shut up and listen.......I know exactly where we are going
It doesn't bother you that we are in the woods, alone, at night!
This is the fastest way to Whitecastle so stop bitching!
Ok.......Just admit your lost! at least be a man about it!
yeah right! like i'm gonna take advice from a dope smoking penguin that steals pot and talks about crazy acid flashbacks.....get real!

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
Ok.....so we have been walking for like hours man!
I was sure that it was this way
We need to brainstorm a way outta here!
Hmmmm....
During the brainstorming...
Wow....pot is the answer to everything!
Yep, it will definitely help us out of this situation......ah.....um....what was the problem again?

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
Holy shit! I see it.....we finally made it......
There it is!.....Whitecastle here we come
Welcome to Whitecastle man!
You would not believe how long I have been waiting for this man!
After ordering a huge amount of food.....
That will be $142.69
What The Fuck! You only take money here......well, ya see, it's like real money....

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
I can't believe we went through all that shit and you didn't even have any real money! Your burnt man! Seriously stop smoking pot or your gonna forget your own name
Hey! This could of happened to any hardcore pot smoker......besides what about the time you freaked out on weed?
Several days before....
Wow! I finally have time to relax and smoke all the pot I stole from these losers by myself....
Three and a half grams later.....
It's time to feel the wrath of my whip bitch!
This shit is awesome! I'm freaking out...

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
As Jesus returns home....
What the hell! Where's that mooch Brian?
I killed him and now I am THE GUY ON THE COUCH! Ahahaha
So.......You smoke pot couch guy?
No! I don't and my name is Tyler NOT couch guy!
This kicks ass! no more sharing pot with couch guy!.......Sweet, well i'm going to get baked, see ya later couch guy!
IT'S TYLER GOD DAMMIT!

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
This is like the the dumbest pot smoking background ever!
Yeah! The comic creators aren't even trying anymore
That's it! this place blows I'm so outta here!
Yeah, it's making me feel all weird and shit!
A few minutes later....!
I thought they would never leave! Pass that shit......woah....."cough" "cough"....
Man you take it like a bitch!

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
What's happening Jesus?
I was just wondering how someone can sit in front of a T.V and play games for days at a time
It takes a lot of practice and skill....
Man you just have nothing better to do with your time so you waste away in front of the PS2
Wow, I never thought of it that way....maybe I should take charge and add meaning to my life!..............nah!
I tried

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
I wonder what shit they're gonna pull today?
Guys, it's Kenny, open up man!
Someone named Benny is at our door man.......YOU IDIOT it's Kenny go open the fucking door!
Holy shit you actually opened the door without me waiting an hour......are you guys feeling ok?
You're not Benny! SOMEONE LIED TO ME DAMMIT!

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
Who the hell is Benny?
Benny is a top secret genetically enhanced rabbit that the government uses to further subjugate the pot smoking man!
........
........
Is subjugate even a word?
I think so!

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
Those guys are wacked! top secret goverment rabbits....what a load of shit
Stoner!
........
That's it! No more glue....

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
Finally! I can just mellow out and enjoy my pot.....
A hour later....
I like big butts and i cannot lie! all you other brothers can't deny! When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung.....
Two hours later....
Yeah What!
I think you need a hobby....

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
We really need to discuss this penguin thing man...
No!
But....
I don't wanted to hear your cracked out tales of some drug stealing penguin that talks to you!......Goodbye
He's gonna keep stealing your shit!.......oh well, more drugs for me i guess!

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
Sometime after Jesus smoked his body weight in pot....
What the hell is going on now?
You have been selected out of all humanity to rejoice for eternity in Heaven
Ok you obviously don't know me very well for one....
Silence! God's wish is final
Fine then! I wish to spend my time in Heaven SMOKING POT!
I'm gonna be in big trouble for this.....

 

by wildjesus
1-25-05
Yes...
I think we should put our past diffences aside and build a strong dealer - pothead relationship!
Well.....i guess i can accept the fact that your.......special....
That's the spirit!......so, how bout you hook me up with two hits of acid, a salt shaker full of coke, 3 grams of meth, and 2 pounds of raisins.
2 pounds of Raisins?
well ya see....there is this penguin....

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