the good student by yardsale1-08-02 monday I know! Me me me! tuesday wednesday you can probably guess where this is going...
ah! no like! by yardsale1-08-02 dude, are you okay? Please use TDD for hearing impaired caller. ... right.
squirrel rape by yardsale1-08-02 do do do... just walking along... gasp! santy claus! uh.. i didn't rape any squirrels! i swear!
squirrel rape nummero dos by yardsale1-08-02 Where were you on the night of November 14th, Mister Claus? I was.. uh.. I was at home... with my wife. Oh. In that case, you wouldn't be anywhat disturbed when I show you.. ...this squirrel! AGH!
maybe he's just tired. by yardsale1-08-02 so, you come here often? eh, no. oh. do you? ........ no. i can tell.
wrong. very wrong. by yardsale1-08-02 hm, my finger sure smells funny. want to smell my finger, little girl? now that's just a sick joke i won't EVEN say. poke poke!
she was a chicken. by yardsale1-08-02 sam, this relationship is going nowhere. i mean, who ARE we, hm? it's like, there's all these things out THERE for me, and.. and i really need to go see and do them, okay? and, i'm afraid that means i have to leave you. so.... goodbye. *door slam* but... my name's david.
something retarded by yardsale1-10-02 late friday night... me. you. me! you! shup, bitch! i'll hit you! (you)
jesus in hell nummero dos by yardsale1-10-02 so, this is what hell is like... i think i've been conned.
jesus in hell nummero tres by yardsale1-10-02 *sings* NOW don't tell mah heart, mah achy breaky heart, i just don't think he'd understand... ...and if you tell mah heart, mah achy breaky heart, he might blow up and kill his man. damn i'm cool.
jesus in hell nummero quatro by yardsale1-10-02 *yawn* doesn't anything ever happen around here? hey little buddy, you got some weed?
walking the straight line by yardsale1-14-02 why? i do not know. who? i can't remember. huh? ugh, i'm so trashed.
communication is a joke by yardsale1-14-02 how are you? ring. what's new? ring ring ring! that's nice. i got it! er!
jesus in hell nummero cinco by yardsale1-18-02 *sings* If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands... ...... GOD DAMN IT!
jesus in hell nummero seis by yardsale1-18-02 psst... hey squirrel. be a dear and get me some water? no? okay. um, how about a hammer? weight watchers?
jesus in hell nummero seite by yardsale1-18-02 so, I was like, "fuck that! there's no way in hell, dad!" ha! right on! yeah.... so.... you wanna go out? well? only if i can use this.
the walking brick and his friend, pixel bismuth by yardsale1-21-02 ...and that's how i got my right eye poked out. sad man, real sad. is there a war going on behind us, or is it just me? eh? oh, sorry. i'm kind.. of.. busy. *cough* no more acid for mister robot man. *screams* TURN IT OFF!
robot and death get it on by yardsale1-21-02 so why in the hell did you want to meet me here for? i.. i have a confession to make, Freud. well good, so do i. gasp! really? yeah. i'm cheating on you with the garbage man. but what about our baby!
a bad dad-joke by yardsale3-19-02 hi. hello little girl. why are there feet coming out of your ears? 'Nam. oh. you got some candy? sure!
OMG ITS BEEN FOREVER by yardsale2-18-04 edward has an epiphany. hmm... she hasn't updated in ... uh... .. two years. bitch.
comedy central by yardsale2-18-04 been to the dentist recently? HI MY NAME IS JAKE AND I LIKE CAKE WEEEE!!1 a firm grip. uh, so like, a pagan walked into a bar, and, like, the bartender said... this dinosaur ain't no catholic. jesus christ, lava lamps turn me on.
superjanet by yardsale2-18-04 hey look at what justin just did! uh.. um... is... uh.. *SOB* I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
0011010100110 by yardsale2-18-04 Meanwhile, in Backwoods, Texas... so you say the aliens came here and abucted your dog, sir? s'right. and they fuggered up mah corn with them thar circles. are you currently taking any heavy medications, sir? i, er... i's a better go ask mah wife.
the ghost of dean by yardsale2-18-04 goo... well how bout that! it's the baby of my son's third cousin's best friend's sister! *drool* howz woo dowin wittle baby cootie coo iss so cuuuute! *squeal of delight* AND I'LL GET THE BABIES IN OHIO AND MONTANA AND WYOMING AND TEXAS AND NEW HAMPSHIRE AND ...
the chicken strikes bawk by yardsale2-18-04 Sally the Chicken walks up to David's house... *sigh* here goes nothing... *knock knock* *shock and dismay*
scary by yardsale2-18-04 approx. 4:31 am monday... shock! it's the new ad for girls gone wild! heyyy... wait a minute... mom?
carcinogens for christmas by yardsale7-06-09 now where did i put that elton john cd... HI GRANMA! duuuude.
jesus in hell nummero ocho by yardsale7-06-09 man. i was just thinking... if i could masturbate, i'd be in heaven.