All comics by BlackSheep

Profile

 

by BlackSheep
3-24-07
Karl!
Pete!
You losing weight? You look good today but...
But what?
Well, you got a little piece of shit stuck to your butt wool!
Great!

 

by BlackSheep
3-24-07
Sure sick of this white shit eh Grump! What do you say we go over to Mary's place?
Mary who?
You know, Mary had a little lamb!
Over the river and through the woods?
No, that's grandmother's house. Mary has all of those cute lambs. I think she runs something there.
Does she have any young black ones? They say once black never back!

 

by BlackSheep
3-24-07
Crap!
And just how fast do you think you were going young fella?
Well...I mean...I was only jumping around chasing a butterfly so how fast do you think a sheep can go? What...about 3 knots or so?
How come you never seem to bother those motorcycle racing Black Sheep?
Well for one thing we can't catch them and another thing is they have those "get out of jail free" O.P.P. pins that Officer Mark from the Kap gave them!

 

by BlackSheep
3-24-07
What a loser!
O...ya...right there Doctor Fill!
I can feel something!
Ooo...a little deeper and to the left,
I think I found a freakin' turkey baster!
God...I won't be going to his house for Thanksgiving's dinner!

 

by BlackSheep
3-25-07
Gramma Lynne's peaceful backyard
Where's my nuts? What the...
Score 1st period: Detroit 6 - Leafs 1
Hey kid! Whatcha doing here all by yourself?
I'm Hunter and this is my Nana's place. She's watching the Maple Leafs lose another game and I'm here just playing with my buddy Sam.
Score final: Detroit 12 - Leafs 1 The sound of crashing dishes in the background permeates the tranquility of the evening.
Sam, I don't understand why squirrels think they can talk to kids.
Woof! Yeah, I know what you mean.

 

by BlackSheep
3-25-07
Lynne tries a new black bean recipe.
Terry, I'm cooking up a black bean recipe Sandy gave me.
That's great Lynne. I'm real hungry and I love beans.
Although a superb cook, Lynne thinks there is a vegetable conspiracy.
Boy am I going to enjoy the after-effects of these beans when we go to bed tonight dear!
Hmm...I don't think so!
Kraft dinners from here on in!
Beets! Beans! What is this...a blast furnace?
Honey! Honey! Are you there? Where did you go?

 

by BlackSheep
3-25-07
I was a bullfighter in Mexico and I want to fight bulls in the United States. I will do work cheaply that citizens don't want to do.
But you are here illegally and anyway we don't have bullfights here!
Then I will bring in illegal alien bulls and fight them cheaply and send the money back to Mexico.

 

by BlackSheep
3-25-07
Geez its dark in here, eh?
Ya, no shit!
Where the hell are we?
I think we're in someone's butt believe it or not. Crap, the last thing I remember was the pet shop. I've heard about this sort of thing.

 

by BlackSheep
3-25-07
Overheard at a Tim Horton's in the Great White North
O...my...gaawwd...dude! I was at the Dog Pound the other day and you'll never guess who is working there now Pete!
Who Randy, who?
Storm!
Storm? No shit no way? Maybe he's hurtin' for some extra cashola to buy a new pony-tail, ha-ha, ha-ha!
I always thought that fake hair tress looked pretty stupid and feminine for a biker wannabe! Must be an image thing or a mid-life crisis situation.
Yeah Randy I hear ya but who am I to talk about hair eh? Hair today...gone tomorrow! Cool kills man! I wouldn't lose any ice over it!

 

by BlackSheep
3-30-07
Overheard at Clares Harley Davidson
Hey dude! You ridin' with anybody?
Um...ya...the Black Sheep.
Oh! I guess the percentage is pretty small that I ever ride with you then?
Correct! Invite only and don't take this the wrong way, you just don't look like our type. And you?
Just look at my wings man! I'm a shithawk or a dump duck. The SCRC!
Mmm. Well you're not gonna ride with us so you might as well join the CMC. Everybody else is!

 

by BlackSheep
3-30-07
Overheard at a Home Depot recently
So Nance...I hear you're coaching the Black Sheep baseball team this summer, eh?
You got that right. I'm really looking forward to it!
How do you think you're gonna do?
Well lemme put it this way, if I don't produce a winning team, apparently I'm gonna be knee deep in sheep kaka and have my head shorn by the Head Shepherd! Geez! DADDY!!!

 

by BlackSheep
3-30-07
Story stolen from Jim's diary
JEANNIE! This damn computer is on the fritz again.
We've got a new router, dedicated cable lines and still it's crap! I'm gonna start using the phone from now on as well as the old mail system!
Umm...Jim honey? Try plugging this wire into the wall first next time you want to use it ok!

 

by BlackSheep
3-30-07
Hey baby! Let's have a party...in your pants!
Nice try chump!
C'mon, why not?
I've already got one asshole in my pants and I don't need another one!

 

by BlackSheep
3-30-07
Man...I really hate big hard poop!
Waddya mean? Everbody has a large once sometimes.
No...I mean really big...and hard! Like concrete! Too big to actually come out! Screamer shit! Its like childbirth I think.
HOLY CRAP! So waddya do then?
Well...this is embarrassing...once a week I fill up a turkey baster with warm Mazola oil and lube my poop-shute with it!
Wow, no kidding? Messy business. Wait a minute...you shittin' out circuit boards and gears or what? WE'RE ROBOTS IDIOT!

 

by BlackSheep
3-30-07
Whispering voices overheard at Tim Hortons last week...
Shhh! You're not going to believe this Jancis...this is SO embarrassing...but once my mom caught me!
Doctor Fill...what do you mean? What are you talking about?
You know? She caught me doin guy stuff! I was under the covers and she quietly came into my bedroom and yanked back the sheets...never heard her come in!
Man! Talk about no privacy or what! Has it affected you psychologically or prevented you from doing it since in a gratifying manner without guilt?
Oh ya! I still like reading the new Harley parts catalogue under my blankets!
Geez! And I was hoping he was talking about something completely different! I just wanted to lend a hand!

 

by BlackSheep
3-31-07
Overheard at Tim Hortons last night
Hey Stella! Do you know why men like sex with twenty-six year olds?
No Steve, I don't. Gus never told me that.
Because there's twenty of them!
Very good Steve but do you know why men use Viagra?
Please tell me Stella!
Because their girlfriends are really ugly!

 

by BlackSheep
3-31-07
Overheard at every biker bar and Harley dealership in Hamilton!
Watched that Wild Hogs movie last night. Awesome documentary!
Waddya mean...documentary?
Oh...you didn't know? Its all about the Black Sheep and the Southern Cruisers.
No...I didn' know that but I can see how it all fits in now!
Ya...its too bad some clubs are all about posing, egos, rules, regulations and not about socializing, riding, friendship and having a helluva lot of fun! You know...the brotherhood!
The Black Sheep have taken it back to the way it's supposed to be, eh! They DO drive like morons though!

 

by BlackSheep
3-31-07
Things I don't want to see or hear at an airport restaurant!
Alpha, bravo, charlie, delta, echo, foxtrot...x-ray, yankee and zulu!
Yes, yes...I've got it!
Aelerons, elevators, rudder, VFR, dead reckoning, VOR...all things you have to be completely familiar with.
Can you also give me a list of American Airlines' radio frequencies and the co-ordinates for the Hoover Dam?

 

by BlackSheep
3-31-07
Christine! You're not in school today. How come? Is it a P.D. day or what?
I thought I was going to get the flu this morning!
Lame! Hmm...you sound pretty good and look fine. I'm not buying it. I'm gonna call your uncle Paul and have a chit-chat with him.
Ok, ok Doctor Fill! Paul knows why I am off today. I allegedly spoke to my Vice-Principal in Black Sheep fashion! In a manner that is not becoming of a young lady and somewhat disrespectful!
Geez! Do WE do that? Maybe we're a bad influence on you. What did he say that got you so upset?
He said I couldn't wear my Black Sheep gear to school anymore. Sounds to me like the perfect opportunity for ALL of the Sheep to drop me off at school on your bikes one day!

 

by BlackSheep
4-01-07
I was playing some indoor ball-hockey yesterday Nancy and got hit right in the boys! Hey...careful there little lady, I'm very sensitive at the moment!
Umm...ok...but Doctor Fill you have a son and a daughter, right?
No, no, no...the BOYS! Us guys have all kinds of names for them. Item, package, member, stones, jewels, big fella, little fella, my little buddy, cojones, scroat, sack, bag, boris and lots more.
Geez...that's a lot of names for something so small and that doesn't get any use!

 

by BlackSheep
4-02-07
Overheard in the can at Tim Horton's
Sooo...Wade. Did you know that when I look at you I see myself?
Oh, that's very flattering Pete. Thanks for the compliment. Do you really think we're that much alike?
No...what I mean is that when I look at your bald head, I can actually see my reflection.
Oh! Are you saying my head is like one of those mirrored balls on the ceiling at a disco bar?
Well...not quite THAT bad but ya! So...do you want to go disco dancing then?
Umm...aah...maybe we should make it a bowling alley the first time out ok?

 

by BlackSheep
4-02-07
Ya, ya, Ian...I saw your comments on the forum. So...do you really think my bike is green?
Well Bob, I don't know if I actually said your bike is GREEN did I?
Well I think you did and my bike is BLUE!
I DO have a little colour blindness and your Harley sometimes has a greenish tinge to it under the streetlights but it could be just me, mate.
BLUE, Ian, BLUE!
Ya, ok, Bob...about as blue as the blue of the Union Jack on my dart throwing vest. Hey...when's Paddy Green day, he-he, he-he?

 

by BlackSheep
4-02-07
Overheard outside at the singles dance for Retarded Retirees!
You may not always like me but you'll never forget me!
Ooo...a bad boy!
I'm the guy your mother wanted you to marry in the first place! I'm also the guy your mother warned you about!
Hmm...so what is he...a little bit bad AND a little bit good? Sounds exciting!
So, like...you're really getting two guys for the price of one!
Too good to be true Pete!

 

by BlackSheep
4-03-07
So, Hans...I really appreciate the advice you gave me the other night regarding my, err, umm, you know, my going or should I say NOT going problem.
No problem Doctor Fill. I'm always happy to be able to help someone or help something out, he-he, he-he!
I inserted one ring rocket and waddya know, 15 minutes later...well...you know...I felt SO empty inside! We must be able to come with some better names for those things like, hoop goop or something!
Yes, yes, Pete! How's about coil oil? Rear gear! Maybe crap zap or rump pump!
Not bad Hans but how's about butt gut or ass pass! I got it...ring king! The poop scoop? Feces greasies? The shit kit!
If you have a swollen colon we could call the product bum tums? This is it...shute shoot...it will give you a semi-colon! Ah, Doctor Fill...I just love talking to you about day to day problems.

 

by BlackSheep
4-12-07
Someone told me she shaves.
You mean shears?
No, SHAVES! You know...shaves down there! She must be easy?
And sheep!
Is she a penwalker then?
Sheep ho!

 

by BlackSheep
4-12-07
Hey Keith!
Hi Hans!
I'm very happy to have you as my friend and neighbour. I trust you and my house is your house.
I love our open relationship and the motorcycle rides, dinners and pool parties we do together.
So why did we build these high fences between our houses?
Beats me Hans but you should see what i'm doing while I'm talking to you!

 

by BlackSheep
4-12-07
Oomba kabungi!
Mamba limbo!
Dingo saki!
Humma gumma!
Nijangi poonani!
Racist!

 

by BlackSheep
4-12-07
So Eileen, my sweet little island girl...who is this "Wide Angle" chick I keep hearing about on those internet motorcycle forums?
I don't know Pete!
Sounds like maybe she is a photographer.
Could be she's a geometry teacher.
Is she slim and pretty?
With a name like "Wide Angle" not bloody likely!

 

by BlackSheep
4-13-07
So, Father, what brings you here today? You gonna chastise me for watching some blue flicks again? Father...you guys aren't allowed to get married, eh?
That's correct my son but we've learned to live with it because it was a personal choice and about dedication and commitment.
So, what do you do when...you know...you get that "go forth and replenish the earth" itch...the morning stiffness?
Well...we DO allow some petting, deep kissing, fondling, caressing, touching and stroking.
WHAT...with the Nuns?
O no, never! That would develop into a bad habit! With the choirboys!

 

by BlackSheep
4-13-07
Lou Dobbs from CNN and Don Imus of MSNBC
So Don...what exactly was it that you said on your radio show about the Rutgers women's basketball team that got you fired from MSNBC?
In the heat and hype of the game, I wrongfully called some team members "nappy-headed ho's".
Do you feel that your firing was just given the circumstances?
Two of my most outspoken critics, black acivists Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton have said similar things in the past and were never penalized! I asked and received forgiveness from the team.
So what do you think about hip-hop music today?
You be the judge! "Yo, bitch, yo! You nappy-headed ho! Shake yer booty, all over my snooty! Yo, my homey nigga, do you like my bitch's figga...

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
What are friends?
They are people you love, that you would do just about anything for and they feel the same about you.
Sounds like family.
Yes...they are very much like family and sometimes even a family member can be a friend.
And you can pick your friends but not your family.
Yeah...too bad eh?

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
So Rocky...can people have animals as friends?
Why sure, Hunter!
Well that's good 'cause we're friends.
You got it but I'm not your BEST friend.
Huh...what do you mean?
Well...Sam, your dog is your best friend and that's why they call him man's best friend.

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
So, Rocky...if friends are such good friends, how come they argue and then aren't friends anymore sometimes?
Now, that's a tough question Hunter.
Sometimes people are friends with people who only have lots of money and other stuff.
Unfortunately Hunter, as you get older, you will find that they weren't real friends to begin with.
Are you saying Rocky, that there are real friends and fake ones?
Man...you ask me hard stuff! There is no such thing as fake friends 'cause they weren't friends to begin with.

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
Man, Rocky...all this friends stuff is sure tough and confusing to figure out!
You'll find, Hunter...that friendship will just happen naturally.
I guess sometimes friends get jealous 'cause you've got other friends as well eh?
Yes, that happens. I've always said that, "people with a lot of friends, are friends to a lot of people."
I don't have many friends yet.
Well, geez, Hunter...you're still a bit wet from just being born!

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
Rocky...I don't know if I like you hanging around so much with my best friend Hunter.
Geez, Sam...what are ya, jealous or something? Where is Hunter anyway?
I think there was something wrong with his diaper...that's what he said anyway.
Its good to have a lot of friends Sam.
Ok...does that mean we are friends too?
Sure! Just think if I were Hunter's only friend and then I got hit by a car, you wouldn't want Hunter to have NO friends eh?

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
Friday night at Grump and Eileen's
O, there once was a man from Nantuckett!...
O here we go again. A little lizard spit and you turn into Shakespeare!
Let's give us some tonight dear!
Not bloody likely!
But love...I feel really big for you right now!
I am too tired from working on Pete's cross-stitch!

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
Ok Derwood. I'm citing you for a TWOT infraction. That's a talking without thinking ticket. We like to call it a twot! Hehe...a twot for a twit!
Err, aah, I understand 'cause I are priddy smart.
Next time Dagwood, try not to be so twotless! Haha! Take some linguistics classes.
Hay wate a minut! I are a manajment person you no!
People cownt on me to do stuff and I ride a Harley too!
Ok Dingelbert...I would like you to report to our precinct within 24 hours and show us your newly purchased descriptionary.

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
You stink!
You look like crap!
Ya, I know 'cause we're dung beetles, idiot!
Eat shit!
Well I wouldn't quite go that far!
Ok...let's go push some crap around!

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
Grump and Eileen's bathroom...
What are you doing Lady?
Collecting all of my old hairballs Hans junior.
That is a strange tradition in this country then?
Umm...aah...no, not really. Your father has asked me to look for some cheap soft hair.
...back at the pharmacy...
I said pussy hair junior! Pussy hair for my head! It is the softest and the best! Do you know little Hans what I am talking about?
Yes dearest father. Pussy hair is from kittens! Satindar from the Seven Eleven said it is the best!

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
Ba-ah! Have you ever heard of youth in Asia?
Me-eh! You mean those kids that work in rice paddies and running shoe factories in China, Korea and Indonesia?
Na! I think it has something to do with if your pets are real sick and it is too expensive for their owners to fix them, they put their pets to sleep.
Ya, so what! You sleep for the afternoon and then wake up right?
Umm...I don't quite think its like that. I mean you get put to sleep for good! Offed! Whacked! Snuffed! Like in the Sopranos or in Rambo!
No kidding? Shit, they'd do that? Is that legal? Its always about the money ain't it? I'm glad I'm not a pet then! Hey...by the way...what is mutton?

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
One afternoon at Grump and Eileen's
Lady, don't you just hate it when Pete brings over that stupid laser pen?
No shit Snowball!
All I want to do is just sleep all afternoon!
Ya...right on! I know what you mean and then all of a sudden you gotta get up and do that obligatory chase the light thing for about 5 minutes to keep him happy!
I'm gonna chew on his leg next time! Man...I still have flashburn in my eyes from his last visit!
Cool! I'm just gonna stay in my cubbyhole in the bathroom! I got the shits from chasing that light!

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
A visit in Grump and Eileen's backyard
Hey Sam. Good of you to stop by!
Thanks for having me Lady!
Geez...I hope Lynne is feeding you dry kibble after all the fuss in the news about poison pet food.
Always dry Lady! I get all bunged up with that wet stuff. Sometimes Terry has to...you know...help it out when I get plugged.
No way? Wow! That must hurt...and embarrassing eh?
No shit Lady but you mean more like em-bare-assing! Ah...at least they make sure the neighbour dogs aren't watching! I sure wouldn't want your sister Snowball to see it eh!

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
Tosser!
Wanker!
Arsenal!
Liverpool!
Pint of Guiness and let's watch the game then, Grump?
Your place or mine Ian?

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
Bovines singing nicely
Moo, moo, moo, moo, moooooo...
Moo, moo, moo, moo, moo-ooo...
Where's all the sheep? This is THEIR field! HEY...NICE UDDERS!
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
I was just a little thirsty, ok!
Go buy a carton at Becker's Milk, idiot!

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
Your face is really pale today!
Well...that's 'cause I'm white meat. You're face is in a pail today!
Oh, that's 'cause I'm a paleface! Very funny. Two words with two different meanings but sound the same.
What is this, Sesame Street? What are you looking for anyway?
Chicken shit!
Why don't you just try looking in a mirror!

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
Do you know what they say about men with big hands and feet?
Umm...no?
They are clowns!
Smartass!

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
So...a close friend of mine was hit by a van yesterday and the antenna went right through his left arm!
Geez! Wow! How is he doing?
Well...he survived the accident ok but they found another problem.
Good he's ok but what did the doctors find?
After some testing they diagnosed him with "van-aerial" disease!
Doh!

 

by BlackSheep
4-16-07
Breaking News!
BAAHA-HA, HA-HA, HEE-HEE, HOO-HOO, HO-HO!
Whoa! Shit man...what's so funny?
Hoo-hoo! Well...remember we once had a SC chapter in Hamilton and then WE were accused of shutting it down?
Ya...and then the CMC started up and are growing in leaps and bounds and we actually get along with them and they're ALL Canadian!
And the SC brass said there would NEVER be another chapter in Hamilton...WELL...there is now a brand new SC chapter in Hamilton! The 011!
HOLY SHEEP SHIT, NO WAY! Man...the more things change, the more they stay the same eh? Guess they got scared that the CMC is taking over! Wow...this is a laugh! Guess the SC brass has no credibility!

 

by BlackSheep
4-17-07
So, Nance...when the Black Sheep come to watch your games, can we bring fireworks and our remote controlled cars?
Ah...NO RANDY!
Dude, why not? Oh my gaawwdd Nancy, it would be so much fun!
Umm...NO! I take my baseball very seriously!
Aww...we are who we are! Ok...having said that, can we bring lizard spit and blow-up sheep then?
Geez! When will you old guys in your 50s ever grow up and act like 30 year olds? Look...at least I'm not a troublemaker!

Showing page 1.

Next »