All comics by CaiaphasVulture

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by CaiaphasVulture
10-23-05
What goes on in the brain of a pencil...
Me no likey...
Me wipey...
Me so need girlfriendey...

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-23-05
I've heard you're quite the ladiesman. So... you think you can hook me up?
If you know what I mean...
Cut the fucking navel string.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-23-05
How's it hanging?
Can't complain.
Yeah.
*Cough*

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-23-05
Preston was never a social young man. He usually spent the day by himself or with a questionable company he liked to refer to as his "posse".
Prestons situation only grew worse with the years. By the age of 25 he was wanted for five different crimes in three states.
It wasn't until many years later that I found out the real secret behind my Preston, and by then he had been dead for long and he had supressed it until the bitter end.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-23-05
We hooked up in a bar some years ago. I had been watching her through my glass of Jack Daniel all night and it seemed as though she had seen it, yet I was suprised when she chose to approach.
Who... me?
Hey, sexy!
Sure, we had our ups and downs, but I was sure that Miriam was the girl for me. I thought our problems would solve someday, as long as ignored them while they lastetd. That was before her affair.
Oui, oui, madame... grand néné!
Eh, sexy!
But she told me it had to end sooner or later, and to choose later was to expand the suffering. Suffering, huh?! Well here's to Stripcreator.com for making only three panels, no room for punchlines!
Lets put an end to my suffering, Miriam, once and for all.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-23-05
We hooked up in a bar some years ago. I had been watching her through my glass of Jack Daniel all night and it seemed as though she had seen it, yet I was suprised when she chose to approach.
Who... me?
Hey, sexy!
Sure, we had our ups and downs, but I was sure that Miriam was the girl for me. I thought our problems would solve someday, as long as I ignored them while they lasted. That was before her affair.
Oui, oui, madame... grand néné!
Eh, sexy!
But she told me it had to end sooner or later, and to choose later was to expand the suffering. Suffering, huh?! Well here's to Stripcreator.com for making only three panels, no room for punchlines!
Lets put an end to my suffering, Miriam, once and for all.

 

OK, for a first one it was pretty good.
Wow-ee, hot moma. You know what those clothes would look good on? Me.
by CaiaphasVulture, 10-23-05

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-23-05
"The Puddle of Oil" Adstract art by D. R. Khafkanov.
"At War" Concrete art by J. P. Willson.
"Fat Man Somewhere in Kentucky" Hrm... plain art by H. B. Hoolie.
KFC, KFC, KFC all day long.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-23-05
These are really the times that make you think, am I right, you're a teen, you're young and you have your whole life infront of you and so many options and turns ahead. It's interesting.
Exactly. You have so much to plan, so many goals to reach and so many years to spend on them. This is really the time to start adjusting to new things 'cause once you're in your fourties...
Totally! But if you start now you have the chance to get a good career, a wife and a house with two children and a dog named Buster. It's too bad many that are young today don't realize that.
Instead they spend their time playing games on the computer or watch TV. And when their older the smoking and drinking kicks in and before you see, you wake up at a morgue with a tatoo on your back.
Hmm... the idea is enchanting almost.
We are such nerds.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-23-05
My latest research has shown that merely 5 % in todays young community care or are planning their future and making sure to study for it.
Very interesting point of view. Let's put ourself in the minds of a bully. What do you think? Clearly that the slightest action of mercy or kindness would cause a boot up his backside.
And that any direct contact with people of our kind that is not by fist, foot or saliva is a curse. We beam of dorkiness and to get that on your hands is like killing your own mother.
Of course. And, for a bully, grades doesn't matter. He can always become someones pimp or use ancient Chinese treatments to reach the height of a basketball player.
Ah. But if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting with a person of the other sex and hopefully I have some chance to reproduce or at least to exchange my germs and scraps of food for someone elses.
You go, girl!

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-23-05
"Dear Gregory, since the holiday season has landed upon our youth heads and Mother has chosen to spend this time at my grandmothers place I am completly isolated from socialism."
"I therefor will have to communicate with others in my kin through emails and letters and other human resources. My grandmother disapproves of conversation between individuals so there are no phones."
"Best wishes, Jonathan. P.S. Mother has confiscated the Star Wars emergancy-kit, abort all walkie-talkie contact immediatly! D.S."

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
Ah, my friend! It feels good to finally see your sweet, youthful yet acne hostile face once again. During short periods of times at my grandmothers I thought I would never do so again.
Same to you, faithful accomplice in the world of math, same to you. I thought you would meet other people and maybe forget about your one try friend.
Never! I did meet someone, though. Her name is Lisa and on the sundown of the fifth of our seven meetings I robbed her from her innocence.
We did it.
Yeah, I get it.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
Ah, my friend! It feels good to finally see your sweet, youthful yet acne hostile face once again. During short periods of times at my grandmothers I thought I would never do so again.
Same to you, faithful accomplice in the world of math, same to you. I thought you would meet other people and maybe forget about your one try friend.
Never! I did meet someone, though. Her name is Lisa and on the sundown of the fifth of our seven meetings I robbed her from her innocence.
We did it.
Yeah, I get it.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
Oh, Lisa, how ever can I say goodbye to thee, my love? How can I be parted from my other half without dying with it?
Dunno.
And how, my dearest, can I thank thee for the times we have had together and how I got my very first of kisses from thy lips?
You can always tell everyone we did it.
That'll do.
You know, as long as you shut up.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
Lisa, would you hate me if I decided to get intimate with another woman during my life between holidays?
Neh.
Are you sure, really really sure?
Yeah.
'Cause I'm madly in love with your sister.
Bastard.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
I'm 18 and experienced, if you will. And... I have a six-pack. Tall, dark and handsome.
I'm platina blonde and I have lucious lips. My ex-boyfriends call me "the Sexbomb".
So, I suppose we're going to, well, you know. We're both adults, we know what's going to happen. I, as that experienced teen, know exactly how to handle this. I'll walk you through this.
That's fine, I'm quite experieced myself. It's not like I haven't had someone before. Infact, I eat men for breakfast. I am the goddess os sexual acts. Now, let's get this party started.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
Yo ugly.
Yo mama.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
Yo, dude!
Hey, man!
Got any.
Oh, yeah.
Yo, dude!
Hey, man!

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
Yes, I think I will be able to clear my head here at the beach, Jonathan, it was a mighty good idea. Maybe we can even get started on those jelly fish researches, then.
What's that, Jonathan? You'd rather just lay back to protest agains Darwins theories? OK, I'll go for some of that. That's why I like you, Jonathan, your taste for scienctists and their wacky ideas.
I'm so pathetic.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
Today, ma boy, I'll teach you 'bout the joys of huntin'! It's all 'bout the gun, Johnny, with a tall pipe the deers are closer to reach, that's what I say.
Dad, is the lenght of your gun just a mental way to extend your penis 'cause you feel out of sorts and unnormal 'cause it doesn't meassure the avarege lenght?
Today, ma boy, I'll teach you 'bout the joys of drinkin'!

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
Sometimes it just feels like he doesn't, understand me, you know, and how I feel about him. It's like I'm some kind of toy he can play with whenever he wants and then just get together with that Lisa.
It's like I don't even excist outside of school, he just leave me and there I am, out of breath, just watching him walk away. He went into that arcade hall some hours ago and he's not back yet.
You know what I mean?
Wanna have some fun, babe? 49 bucks per hour.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
So, Gregory... where were you last night, I tried to call you?
Really? I was looking for you, I thought you were with Lisa.
Lisa and I decided to break free our urges to see other people. Funny now that I look back on it, I thought our romance would last forever and now I don't even have any feelings for her anymore.
Freaky. I wouldn't know, I've never had any actual feeling since the lab explation of -95, but you explain it so vividly it makes my toes tingle.
I really thought we had something going, after we'd gone through those first six weeks of getting to know eachother and suddenly she just explains she met another. His name is Crazy Buckle Face.
Ouch.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
So, Jonathan, let me see if I get this straight. You got dumped by Lisa for a guy named Crazy Buckle Face with serious mental disorders and horse teeth.
So, full of rage, you go to see this Crazy Buckle Face that has the courage to awake you in your dreams of romance to teach him some mannors and all you got was...
...a broken leg?
Who knew that Crazy Buckle Face really stood for the crazy buckeling of faces that he engages in.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
OK, come on Greggy, you can do this. You da man, you da man. Don't be such a wuss, just do it, what can go wrong?
Oh, just do it! I can't believe this. She's not looking, does she even see me. No, of course not, why should she do that, oh, I can't believe I'm doing this. OK, here we go.
Kate? Uh, yeah, I'm Gregory... my friends call me Greg... well, actually no, they just... they just call me Gregory and it's... I... I'm fine with that. Feel free to remove your clothes anytime now.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
Jonathan! Great news! I've got a date with Kate! She totally fell for me and the "sweet guy"-concept!
Oh. Wow... um... oh, I mean, oh... wow.
I thought you'd be happy for me. Are you quite OK, you seem jumpy. You don't like Kate or something, do you?
No! I mean, she's fine, but it's not that... and all and... uh, wow.
Jonathan?
You're not gay, are you.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
Right, I've got the lit candles working for me, dinner, I've popped some breath mints. Nothing can go wrong now.
So, what do you like... um... doing?
You.
Too soon?
Yeah, I'm just gonna leave now and spare you the "let's just be friends"-talk.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-24-05
So, how did your date with Kate go?
It could have gone better.
Friend-talk?
She spared me.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-25-05
Lisa! I've finally realized what it is you're looking for in a real man, strengh and courage. And I'm here to tell you I have changed.
I won't leave until I have you back, woman, and nothing can stop me 'cause I am the all-mighty Muscle Montain, the man of every young womans dreams.
Bucky, honey!
I'm was just leaving.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-29-05
I'm worried 'bout our boy, Muriel, he's spendin' too much time with that Gregory kid, he's hurtin' Johnnys' image.
Oh, George, it's all just in your mind. There is nothing wrong with young Gregory, he's just a little... queer.
Queer, that's exactly what he is if you know what I mean, Muriel. That faggot ain't gettin' his dirty li'l gay hands anywhere near ma boy.
Honestly, George, now you're just being ridiculous. You know he only wants the best for Jonathan.
He watches "Frasier".
You just hold him down.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
10-29-05
So, now Lisa's totally out of the picture. It seems like we just can't patch this up. It'll just have to be you and me hereforth, little man.
Oh, forget about her. You'll find someone much better some day, if your personality allows you to, 'cause the gods know you can't rely on your looks.
Well, thanks. It feels much better knowing that I've got the whole life infront of me. It's good with a comforting friend by your side, you know.
So...
...wanna hold hands?

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
You know who I like? Paul McCartney.
What, that old Beatle? The one who wrote "Jet" And made those albums with Michael Jackson and got married to a supermodel at the age of 50 something after his other wife died from breast cancer?
You know who I like? Hilary Duff.
You better.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
Hum-di-dum...
Pang!
Oh, rama!
Seriously? Man.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
Dang...
Oooooh... wow.
I'm finally in a Harry Potter movie.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
WELCOME TO HELL!

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
The rules here in hell are really quite simple. Rule number one: Stay away from the death whole, or it will suck you down.
*Giggle*....
Rule number two: Keep away from the death flame or it will... what, what's so funny, motherfucker?
Oh, nothing.
That brings me to the third rule. Don't ever make fun of my speedos. I was born this way, it runs in the family, OK? Oh, to hell with you!

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
Gandhi, I've had enough of you! You're bald and ugly, go away.
Heureka.
I'm sending you away to the place where you really belong.
Yay.
I'm God. Do me.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
You know, Mahattie, we've known eachother for, what, two years now, huh?
And... well, me and the girls were talking and you know how they're all, well you know.
I was thinking... well... wanna get married?

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
Hey, Pete. How's your day been?
Fantastic. I love paperwork. I can just roll around in it all day long!
Gee, someone's touchy today. What happened, did your tie get stuck in the shredder again?
No, Sandy had the baby yesterday and, well... it had some minor disorders.
I'm so sorry, what disorders?
It's got a big red lizard head.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
Pete, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for sleeping with Sandy!
Yeah, right.
I'm serious! It was really an accident, all of it. I never really meant to screw you over like that, man.
An accident?
Yeah, I tripped.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
That's it. I'm officially no longer Robbies friend, Sandy. e's a back-stabbing jerk!
Oh... hrm.
I just couldn't handle to see his face and think "that's the man who's the father of my wifes child", that lying bastard!
Heh... that's funny.
What?
I suppose this isn't the time to tell you I've invited him over for dinner tonight.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
Kill him.
Kill him.
You do know you're saying that out loud, right?
Yes.
Oh.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
Kill him.
Kill him.
You're still saying it.
I'm just persuading the last of my commonsense
I should leave.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
Kill him.
Kill him.
Yeah, sorry, man. I came here to apologize, but don't think this'll work. I'm just gonna take off. I'll see you around.
That's right, you fat bastard, show me your back...

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
OK, the dinner didn't turn out just as I'd planned, but you didn't have to cut his heart out and eat it.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
Gah! Phew, it was all just a dream.
Sorry for druging you last night, hunny, but you looked like you needed it after that big meal you had.
Was... was it steak night?

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
I still can't believe I killed Robbie and ate his heart!
I can't believe I'm gay!
Let's ignore that.
Let's.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
You know what, I'm going to make you my new watercooler friend.
Cool.
Me and... you. We wil tell eachother everything.
Smokin'.
First issue: I have no idea what your name is.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
Are you telling me you have no clue who I am.
Yeah.
But we've worked together for ten years. I'm in the office next to yours!
Oh, riiiiight... you're that guy with the thig and the thing in the... thing...
No bells?
All I got's Wynona.

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
Jimmy? Jay? Richard? Charlie?
No, no, no and no!
Jack? Mark? Eric? Barry?
None of 'em!
Vandervent?

 

by CaiaphasVulture
11-01-05
So, Kenny... hehe, I figured that out.
Kenny, it is, yup. You sure did.
You think of a name and I'll figure it out.

Showing page 1.

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