All comics by Screwball

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1
by Screwball
11-06-04
Sometimes I wonder why I am the way I am
Then I start to realize...
It was the drugs, man!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Here we have a young protester
Hey, man, don't call me no protester!
But sir, I...
Listen, I just want what's mine!
Finally, he just lost it
Look, dumbass, would you shut the fuck up? I'm trying to do a show here!!
Wait...I'm on TV? Hell Fuckin Yeah!!I just want better education for the kids...

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So, man, what's up?
Gonna download some porn
Yeah, and then
Then I'm going to have some phone sex
the downside of computer addiction
Have you ever been laid??
Is that fun?

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
This is my friend Jesse
Jesse was my best friend, until a serious accident
Now he looks more like this:
Hey, let's have some tequila
Tooo much Mexican Red. I need to spend less time drinking

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
This is me
I'm a bit of a nerd, except for one thing
I'm a practicing Trisexual
Wanna Fuck?
Die.

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
This is my ex-girlfriend
She's a wonderful person and all...
Our first meeting
You're beautiful
I have a penis

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
These are my friends Mike and Tasha
They're wonderful people
They make a cute couple
Like you and Macy
Would you shut up about Me and Macy!!?

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
This is Matt
Matt's not the friendliest character around
On the other hand
OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR
NO!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So, wanna go to Metro State?
Sorry, gotta go home and rub one out
This'll hurt me more than it'll hurt you
Goddamnit

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
This is Laylani
Laylani's a bit of a badass
Not eloquent, but effective
Say another word and I'll shove your head up your ass
Yes Ma'mn

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
This is Luke
Give me a dollar
Bad move on my part
Well?
I don't have it
I'll have a dollar next time
Prepare to die
Why does this always happen to me??

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
This is Jeff
Baa!
Jeff lives in Nevada
Baa!
That's Jeff.
Stop having me say Baa, you motherfucker !!!8-X

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
This is supposed to be Lexi...
Except the Lexi I know...
Doesn't dress like this
Fuck you, Twan!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
This is Sarah
What'll it be, sweetie?
When I tell her the truth...
I'll have a side order of you
Bad things happen
Why don't you have a nice tall glass of toxic waste??
Fission Mailed

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Sometimes Matt and I have the strangest conversations
So, what do you want to do
Suck my dick
I didn't know you could do that
I meant you, fucker

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Sarah and Matt: True Romance
So, sweetie, what'll it be
Would you like to go on a date
I'll wouldn't go on a date with you at gunpoint
Somehow, I knew you'd say that.

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So how was Tasha's party??
Can't tell, I got drunk halfway through
That's sad
Yeah, I knew something was wrong...
When I woke up with Tracy's bra on my head.

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
I suppose I should do something today, besides eat out of the neighbor's trash can
Hey, I wonder if there's a nice young ewe I can sodomize
GO EAST, YOUNG GOAT!!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Hmmm..A bottle of tequila
Oh, god, no
I said the magic word
TEQUILA!!!!!!!!!!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So, Jesse, what brought you back from Nebraska?
Lots of stuff
Like
Well, you know how all the girls like puerto ricans because they're great lovers?
Yeah. So?
You might be seeing a few little ones running around...

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So you came back just to torture me?
Don't forget, I know you way too well
You just want to rub it in
Well of course?
Ah, the joys of having friends
Like that night at the Ram??
And the night in Steamworks? You had your legs so high in the air you looked like a V

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
George Bush sucks
No, Mr.Bush doesn't suck!!
How the hell can you say that?
Well, while you're sitting here complaining...
We're taking your jobs!
This seems to be the recurring theme

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
This is my other running buddy Snake
This wouldn't be so bad...
If he didn't get pissed off so much
Read the fucking sign, dipshit!!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So, what happened the other night
I went out to the burbs
And
I dropped by the Minuteman gas station
Heh...Minuteman
Could you be any lamer??

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So, wanna go to a bar with me??
Fuck no.
Why not
I'm straight!
Straight to bed...
If you ever use that joke again, I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck.

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
What'd you get?
A fifth of Hennessy.
Reminds me of the last time I had that.
Yeah?
I still think about her dick...
I'm fucking leaving.

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
You ever wonder what's wrong with Twan??
Yeah, I did one time
Well?
Way I figure....
Boy's been fucked so much he doesn't know if he's a boy or a girl.

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
There are some times when a man knows exactly what he wants
Even if what he wants...
Is out of the realm of possibility
Stop fucking looking at me!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So have you figured out where we're going for our date?
How about hell?
Guess we'll go to a nice Chinese Restaurant
Sure, so I can break out in hives...
Fine, i guess you don't want this...
Chinese?

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Somehow, I always thought there'd be another chance for me
Guess I'll live out my days in this goddamned desert
Fear not, Jeff, for I am with you
Look, either show yourself or get the fuck away from my house.

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
This here is Nichol
Nichol and I are remarkably similar
Hey, why do I look like this?
How I'm not sure
Well what have we here
CHANGE ME THE FUCK BACK, TWAN!!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Sometimes I worry that Twan's gonna come in with one of his stupid ideas
He tried to hook me up with one of his friends.
Hello, you must be Snake, I'm Lexi
Something's wrong here....

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So you're Lexi...I'm shocked...anyone who's a friend of Twan's, there's usually something wrong with them
Well, there's a slight problem
And that would be??
Well, I...er...I...
Snake swears Twan will pay for this...
I don't want to fucking hear it
Hey, man, I didn't know you didn't like those kind of girls!!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Move out of my fucking way, goat.
I don't think so
And why not?
It's really quite simple
Well?
Would you like to have a horn up your nose?

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Well, you've got a choice
And that would be?
You can move, or I can stick this bayonet up your ass
You know something?
What?
You're kind of cute!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
I have to get by, I don't have time for your faggotry
But you are kind of cute
Listen, you...
Want to have some mad goat sex??
FUCK THIS
I win again!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So Sarah and I had a great time.
Really? How'd it go
Well, Sarah's the first girl I've ever dated...
Yeah?
Who's not more interested in my porn collection than me.
That reminds me, you forgot to give me back Double-D Mamas: Vol.5

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So Sarah and I went to see Spider-Man 2 and some bratty kids decided to ask her if she was my boyfriend
That fucking sucks
So, of course, Sarah turns to me and says "This is why I won't have any kids" Then one of the little bastards pees on her foot
Well, what'd you do??
I did the only thing I could do...and there's gonna be some big guy on a harley looking for me, saying I broke the kid's jaw. I didn't break it, just loosed it a little
Mr.Romantic

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So we sit down in our seats, and suddenly it occurs to me...
I don't like where this is going
Why not cop a feel?
Okay, so far, so good
Next think I know, I'm lying on the ground outside the theater with my jacket over my head. Apparently Sarah's diesel dyke girlfriend was waiting for me to try to move it to the next level.
You mean she really did have a girlfriend? And here I was just thinking she didn't want to fuck.

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Nice to see you forgave me about Lexi
Look, don't do that shit to me again.
Look, man, how many times I gotta say I'm sorry?
Let me put it like this
If you ever do that again, you'll need all of those guys behind us to put you back together again.

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Laylani discusses things with me
I heard you set Lexi up on a date with one of your straight friends
That didn't go as planned
Laylani discusses things with me
No, Really?
It actually went kind of bad
Laylani discusses things with me
Kind of like with you and Macy
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Listen, I got another date for you
Yeah?
Yeah, but there's one problem...
Forget it...
She's 42
No shit? I thought you were going to say she had a giant dick.

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
I didn't used to believe in Deja Vu, but suddenly...
I feel like I've been here before
Hi, I'm Joanne
Twan, she better not ask me if I'm a top or bottom...

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Snake is suddenly smitten...
So, let's have it. What's wrong with you. You a tranny?
Of course not, what the hell makes you ask that
3...2...1..
Well knowing Twan, I figured you had to be something different.
Well, I know Twan.
NOW, comes the bad news
In fact, we fucked once
HOLY FUCKIN SHIT!!!!

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
Snake has just gotten some seriously bad news
Fuck, you fucked Twan?? TWAN? but...
Yeah, I know, I know, but he's a hell of a lover
But he's a fag!
Uh....snake...
I'm sorry, did I miss something? I heard someone call me a fag
Goddamnit.

 

by Screwball
11-06-04
So, Snake and Twan are going at it
Look, Snake, for the last time, I'm bi
I know all that, but I'm trying to get laid here
But you could have done that with Lexi
Don't make me punch you
And just that quickly, it's over
Besides, being a fag is good for foreplay, ask any woman
That I don't want to know, dickhead

 

by Screwball
11-07-04
The United Negro College fund says "A mind is a terrible thing to waste...
But if that's the case, and it's a sin...
Why haven't they come out against UPN??

 

by Screwball
11-07-04
Mike is one of the best people I know
You know, I wonder what happens with the unstoppable force vs the immovable object.
You should already know...
But sometimes I want to cut his head off...
You know, you and Macy on my air mattress
WILL IT EVER END??!!

 

by Screwball
11-07-04
Jeff, what happened to you?
I went up to Chicago and hooked up with Jlo
You do know I have a thing for her
8-X
Why don't you ever make sense??
I'm a fucking goat, man.

 

by Screwball
11-07-04
So, what did you do?
Nothin
Yeah? then why'd you go to a porn site on my computer??
I didn't.
But if I had, It would have been onlymovies.com
I'm going to fucking break your neck.

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