All comics by DexX

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by DexX
6-18-02
You suck, God! I don't believe in you!
Oooh, you should smite him for that.
Me? I thought you were I Am.
Am I?
Yeah, you are.
I am? Are you sure I am I Am?
Yep, I am. You are I Am.

 

by DexX
6-18-02
Are you sure you are not I Am?
No, I told you before. I am not I Am - you are I Am.
I am not so sure...
I am.
Yes?
Yes what?

 

by DexX
6-18-02
You said my name, didn't you?
I did?
No, I Am.
You are what?
Nothing, I just am.
I am confused.

 

by DexX
6-18-02
Okay, let's just say I am I Am...
"I am I Am!"
You are, you are?
You said, "Let's say I am I Am" so...
No, I said I am I Am, not you.
It was a joke, for God's sake...

 

by DexX
6-18-02
Okay, if I accept that I am I Am... who are you?
I am who I am.
Isn't that supposed to be my line?

 

by DexX
6-19-02
Meanwhile, back on the two-dimensional cardboard ranch...
So I say, "Them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves."
What? The... the rotor.. t-t-turbines...?
Why do they mock me so? Why? Al I wanted was some gravitons! Damn those rotor turbines! DAMN THEM TO HELL!
Where the fuck did you learn to act?
*sob*

 

by DexX
6-23-02
At that moment, the universe ends.
Shit, that was unexpected!
Sorry, temporary glitch. Raphael and Gabriel were stuffing around and kicked the plug out.
Well done, idiot!
Me, an idiot? You kicked it out, you wanker!

 

by DexX
6-24-02
Hey, Jesus! You can't just end the universe because of a glitch!
Yeah, get your arse in gear and fix it!
I was right in the middle of something, and this damned accidental armageddon has messed up all my plans!
Get a move on, God. Fix it!
Funny how I only ever hear from them when they want to complain.
I sympathise, believe me.

 

by DexX
6-24-02
Well, before you and I can change places, allowing you to become the webmaster of stripcreator.com while I become the resurrect - *gasp*
Don't worry about doing a recap. I know what we have to do... get the universe restarted.
So... we somehow engineer another Big Bang? Compress the mass of the universe into a totality, and explode it...
Sure, we could do that.
...or I could just plug it back in.

 

by DexX
6-24-02
Okay, there's the plug... there's the socket... you ready to plug it in and restart the whole of creation?
Meh, whatever. Here goes...
*FZZZZZZZZTTT!!!*

 

by DexX
6-24-02
What is going on here?
I think the universe has blown a fuse.
Can you fix it?
Uh... maybe...
Can't we just ask your dad? He made it, after all.
SHit, no! If he finds out I broke, he's gonna KILL me!

 

by DexX
6-24-02
We join a conversation in progress...
...and the male dolphin has a prehensile penis.
Oh yeah, I read about that! They can wrap it around small objects, carry things around...
There's a skill I would like to have.
I don't know if such a power should be granted to human beings...
Knowing your average human male, he'd be showing it off to everyone. Helluva party trick.
Yeah - after three drinks it'd be, "Hey girls! Who wants me to see my famous beer-pouring trick!"

 

by DexX
6-24-02
God is a television?
No, no - it's just that seeing his true form would drive your puny mortal mind insane.
Oh, okay... SO, shall we go get this newly-restarted universe sorted out...?
Okay.
Dammit, where'd I leave the remote?

 

by DexX
6-24-02
We are Queen Lara the First.
We are Queen Lara the Second.
We are a pair of twin hotties.
Yes, we are.
We are confused about these pronouns.
Speak for yourselves!

 

by DexX
6-24-02
Uh... did you say that every plant species in the universe is getting ready to flood out of your rectum?
*shudder* Yeah.... *groan*
That's... just...
*moan*
No wonder you needed a rest on that seventh day.
Couldn't sit down for a week, let me tell ya...

 

by DexX
6-26-02
Oh, come on! Gimme a pair of wings! Big fluffy white ones like that guy in Barbarella!
No!
I could wear white robes, call myself something angelic, like... uh... Bradrael... swoop down on women in secluded spots and seduce them...
Hey, you deaf? I said -NO-!!!
I'd carry them away to a mountain peak, and make love to them on a bed of downy feathers, the clouds rushing above us...
Talk to the cross, freak.

 

by DexX
6-26-02
Bradley! You BASTARD!
Huh...?
I cannot believe you sent me a prostitute as a gift! Don't you know who I am...?
So, was she good?
I have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't...
That's not what this videotape says. Now, about those wings you're giving me...

 

by DexX
6-26-02
Women are always moaning about how hard it is to cope with the natural functions of the female body.
Well, guess what, girls! Penis-ownership is not all wine and roses (or wanking and 'rections for that matter).
The following educational film will demonstrate the hardships faced by men when dealing with the day-to-day functions of their penises.

 

by DexX
6-26-02
The Fellowship to Advance Thought on Inter-Gender Understanding and Education presents...
------==>==------ _____A Non-Penis-Owner's Guide_____
Goot evenink. I am Doktor Otto von Fallik-Simbohl, und I vish to tok vith you all about ze penis.
Zere appears to be a generally-held belief amongst vemen zat the genitalia of ze opposite sex is a fun little sing.
Zese vemen sink that dis cute little dangly sing is a fun toy vith no drawbacks. Zis is not ze case! Ze penis is a constant challench to live vith!
Over ze next few minutes, I vill explain some of ze many pitfalls vhich penis-owners face every day. First, let us discuss obvious physical trauma...

 

by DexX
6-26-02
Ze location of ze genitalia of ze human male on ze outside of ze botty is an obvious drawback. Ze vulnerability of ze testicles is vell-known. Our brave volunteer demonstrates...
haieee-YAH!
GAAAAHHH!!!
However, ze penis itself is also susceptible to injury. All men, but especially zose who have not been circumcised, must take great care vhen closing ze fly...
*tinkle*
Tum-te-tee... *zip*
Catching ze foreskin, scrotum, or glans in ze mechanisms of ze metal zipper, has been described as "havink your buttocks pulled up your rectum and out your penis", yet even zis is inadequate.
AAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!!! PLEASE GOD JUST LET ME DIE NOW!!!! AAAARRRGGGH!!!!

 

by DexX
6-26-02
Such horrors are relatively uncommon. However, everday occurences such as ze effect known by some as ze "garden sprinkler" are not painful, but are certainly irritating.
Ze so-named "garden sprinkler", also know as ze "shower attachment" und many ozzer names, occurs vhen ze outlet for ze urine is blocked. Ze blockage may be lint, tissue, dried fluids, or other sings.
Ooh, gotta go for a slash... *zip*
Instead_of_ze_expected_single_stream_of urine, ze penis expels multiple streams. Two streams is ze most common, though four or more haff been reported.
AahhhhhooooOH_SHIT! The fucking floor- damn! My shoes!!! Shit! Ah, fuck, all down the my pants... damn it!!!
*tinkle* *splash* *splatter* *squelch*

 

by DexX
6-26-02
Ze final topic of discussion for zis film is ze problems associated viz ze erectile nature of ze penis. Urination vhich interrupts intercourse is difficult, as ze erect penis points up...
Damn!! Stand on my head, maybe?
Come back to bed, honey...
Furzer, ze penis's insistence on becoming erect at inopportune moments is notorious. Ze penis truly has a mind of its own in zis regard.
Honey, when are you coming out of the water? I'm lonely!
Think of the Queen Mother... think of Zsa Zsa Gabor... Think of Barney the fucking purple dinosaur!!! GAAAH!!
Ze catch 22 situation here is zat sinking about ze problem erection only draws attention to it. It is not possible for a man to deliberately lose an erection...
Come on honey! Get up and dance with me.
Uh.... not yet. Let's talk about politics!

 

by DexX
6-26-02
As you can see, ownership of ze penis is not always ze fun und games. It has many drawbacks und weaknesses vhich may not be apparent to vemen.
I vould now like to direct you to zis chart, summarising ze important points so far covered, und... uh...
Err... on ze ozzer hand, I sink I vill sit here for a little vhile longer. How about ve talk about football for a few minutes, huh?

 

by DexX
6-26-02
So, there you have it. Having a dick isn't as much fun as you thought, is it girls?
Okay, fine - I'm sorry I pissed on the seat.

 

by DexX
6-26-02
This bee thing isn't so bad, really. It's quite relaxing, flying around up here, and the buzzing of my wings is really quite-
Ho ho hooOH SHIT!!! LOOK OUT!!!
Oooohhh, my fucking head...
Sorry about that - I just wanted to tie in the two divergent storylines. ...was that as painful as it looked?

 

by DexX
6-26-02
Brother...?
Yes! You are my brother!
Bullshit!
Yeah, you're right. I'm just messing with your mind.

 

by DexX
6-27-02
I have defeated Santa Claud. Now only one enemy remains...
MARY POPPINS! My old nemesis!!!
Oh, Jesus, not this again...
We have fought long, Poppins, but-
Hey! Just give it up! You weren't my type then, and you're not my type now. Why Odin sent us on that blind date together, I will never know...

 

by DexX
6-27-02
You just have to see this website I found. This guy I was talking to on IRC gave me the URL. The Flash animation is just too cool for words...
Oh, for god's sake... get a life!
Huh...?
You know - life! Going out of the house! Going out with girls! Seeing movies and eating at restaurants. Feeling the wind on your skin and the sun on your face...
Hmmm... This "life" you speak of sounds cool. Where can I download a copy?
*sigh*

 

by DexX
6-27-02
...and it looks like I'm stuck going out on a date with Jesus tonight.
He's had the hots for me ever since we got set up on a blind date a couple of millennia ago. I was bored out of my skull, but he was instantly and endlessly smitten.
I would never go out with him again in the first place, but knowing how obsessed he is..... Are you even listening to me?
Spoooonful of sugar helps the medicine go dooooown...

 

by DexX
6-30-02
Woohooooo!!!!
Take it all off baby!!!
My God, check out those tits!
Yeeehaaa!
More beer! Hahaaa!!!
I bet the girls are having fun at their hen's night.

 

by DexX
7-02-02
*thump*
*thump*
*thump*
*thump*
*thump*
WHERE'S THE TOILET AROUND HERE???

 

by DexX
7-02-02
Ah, that feels so much better...
What? Impossible! That faecal cube was supposed to destroy you! I don't understand!
Oh, you mean that Norse thing? That was just Odin's idea of a joke... wait, destroy me? I thought you secretly loved me!
No... look, Jesus... You and I are very different people. I just don't think we're right for each other.
*sniff* Fine... don't know why you couldn't just tell me, rather than trying to destroy me...
I'm sorry... I've never been any good at this relationship thing.

 

by DexX
7-02-02
I simply cannot believe those children. Another nanny has resigned from her post!
I can't stop to help you dear. I'm on my way to a suffragettes meeting.
Michael, what we need is to hire our own nanny, with magic powers and a pretty singing voice.
Yeah! She can take us on magical adventures! How do we call her, Jane?
Here I am children! My name is Mary Poppins, and... look, will you just fuck off!!!
Oh come on! Fifteen bucks! Twenty if you bring along a little friend.

 

by DexX
7-04-02
RAAARRR!!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE DARWIN!!!
Uh...?

 

by DexX
7-04-02
Come on, it's my birthday! Just read a couple of my comics!
Oh, all right...
Damned rules compliance...

 

by DexX
7-04-02
Did you ever hear about the plan to clone Australia's greatest cricketers and make an unbeatable super team?
They gathered genetic material from all the living Aussie cricketers who would agree to donate - Benaud, Marsh, the Chappell brothers, Warne, Ponting, all of them...
Unfortunately, something went wrong. The scientists couldn't work out why, but only the two Chappells, Ian and Greg, could be cloned. The oyther clones failed.
Undaunted, the team decided to make a whole team of Chappell brothers. In case of problems or injury, they made eight of each.
However, tragedy struck only days before their first test match - thieves broke into the facility and stole all of the cricketing clones. It was a dark event in Australia's sporting history...
The Stealing of the Sixteen Chappells.

 

by DexX
7-05-02
Well I guess this ferocious dinosaur, which the South has cloned to fight for their side, is going to tear me limb from limb and then devour me. That seems the only logical outcome of_this_cartoon.
Happy birthday!
GAH!
*CHOMP!*
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me...

 

by DexX
7-05-02
Hey, you're back early. Did you enjoy you lunch with the Williams sisters?
Quick we have to call an ambulance! Serena is giving her sister first aid, but we need help now!
Wait, calm down! What's going on?
I bought them lunch at Burger King, but it looks like some of the food was bad or poisoned or something...
Oh no! What was happening when you left?
Venus writhing from the whoppers!

 

by DexX
7-06-02
Ladies_and_gentlemen of the jury, the prosecution would have you believe that this man is a monster. They say he crept into the Smiths' home during little Tommy's birthday party...
Members of the jury, you have the evidence before you. Do not be swayed by the appearance of security guards here in the courtroom. You just have to decide... is this_the_face_of_a_killer?
What the fuck are you staring at?

 

by DexX
7-06-02
Going somewhere, Solo?
Greedo! Yes, I was just going to the Mellennium Falcon to pick up Jabba's birthday present. Forget? Me? Naaahhh...

 

by DexX
7-07-02
Hello Mistah Dinosaur!
Hello Mistah Soldier Man!
Oooh, is that tea you're drinking?
Yep! I'm having a tea party for my birthday! Do you want to join in? I have biscuits!
My friend Barbie will be coming too!
HEY!!! What are you doing with my toys? NOOOO!!!

 

by DexX
7-07-02
I'm_unattractive_and I'm a man! My name is Julio Windomeir and I'm part of a terrorist organization assigned to kill the family that Mary Poppins is working for. Now let's see that bug dick!
That's an awful lot of senseless exposition.
Sorry, did I give too much away at once?
A bit.
Can I see your bug dick anyway?

 

by DexX
7-07-02
*ding dong*
Hello? Who are you?
I'm_unattractive_and I'm a man! My name is Julio Windomeir and I'm part of a terrorist organization assigned to kill the family that Mary Poppins is working for. Now let's see-
*SLAM!*
That damned bug and his friends... If I wanted a reaction like that, I wouldn't have quit being a Mormon.

 

by DexX
7-07-02
*ding dong*
Hello?
Mother! Your baby boy has come back h-
*SLAM!*
Hey! Open the door, mother! I gave up the Mormon thing! I promise!

 

by DexX
7-07-02
_PHASE_TWO_READY_ * * ACTIVATE? (Y/N) * *
Right, here we go... Hey, what the-
Ow! My eyes! How about a bit of warning before turning the lights on!
Well, if you insist on doing the whole evil-genius-in-a-darkened-room cliche. I'm here to tell you that The Company has instituted a dress code! I win! HA!
Can I read that memo? Let's see... Yes, dress code now being enforced... uh-huh... Every male employee must grow long hair and a goatee! Oops...
Shit... I'll clear out my desk... bastard...

 

by DexX
7-07-02
I think that I shall never see / A poem as lovely as a tree.
It's not that I like trees so much.
I think poetry just sucks.

 

by DexX
7-09-02
*WHHHHOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH!!!!*
Gah!
Hey!
What the hell was that?
DexX's 500th comic.

 

by DexX
7-09-02
503 strips... the first on the 8th of January, 2001. Today is the 9th of July, 2002. Roughly 450 days.
That's less than one strip per day.
So?
Slacker.

 

by DexX
7-09-02
503 comics in 450 days is slightly _more_ than one comic per day.
Yes, I know.
In the previous comic you said it was less than one comic per day.
Uh-huh.
Ass.

 

by DexX
7-09-02
Okay, have a look over my shoulder. See this guy here?
Yep, the lizard-head guy...
That_guy_is_the_unwitting subject of a shadow-government experiment in the use of brainwashing and drugs to manufacture programmable assassins. His body is riddled with monitors and drug injectors.
Cool! My turn!
Wheee!!! Look, I'm making him punch his own balls! Ha ha ha!
Hey! Get away from that!

Showing page 10.

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