All comics by HCRoyall

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Stupid Australian gypsie and her "Curse"...
by HCRoyall, 9-29-05

 

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Holy shit! A talking pumpkin!
by HCRoyall, 9-30-05

 

by HCRoyall
9-30-05
This is Chad McChin, honored to be the first to interview God on world television! Tell us, Oh Lord, what are your plans for Earth?
Actually, I'm thinking of wiping the slate clean and starting over. It's kind of boring. Except this time I'm leaving out France and Canada.
Err...
And I was thinking this time I'd give the Lobsters a chance as the dominant species. Don't worry though, humans'll still be in the food chain somewhere.

 

by HCRoyall
10-03-05
Contrary to his campaign claims, mandingo has no intentions of stopping his binge on eating the elderly.
He even likes to baste them in Ben-Gay beforehand so they have that strong minty flavor.
Vote for HCRoyall and stop mandingo from eating old people so they can be used properly as the main ingredient in dog food.
I'm there for the hungry dogs. Are you?

 

by HCRoyall
10-03-05
This milestone requires a stable host. One who can put forth a memorable challenge for the Stripcreator history books. I ask you, does THIS look stable to you:
*excerpt from Orange Soda
I HAVE EVERY VERSIONS OF WINDOWS!! EVER!!
A vote for HCRoyall is a vote against the crazies.

 

by HCRoyall
10-03-05
So, HCRoyall, why do you feel you are the best candidate? Why should you get the vote?
Because I could always step aside and let these perfectly harmless looking fellows get by.
Ik ba Allah!

 

by HCRoyall
10-03-05
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Depends on how well they're trained.
Huh?
It only takes two of mine to screw in the light bulb, but it took me weeks of starving and beating them before they started to respond well to my commands.
Okay, that was just wrong.
Oh, and how do YOU suggest I do it, Mr. Smarty-pants? Hugs and ice cream?

 

by HCRoyall
10-03-05
It seems my competitor, finn34, does not take kindly to my actions to reveal the truth. His random stripping may bring laughter, I'll give him that.
But does it have the cohesion and continuity that is required to spark a proper comic contest? I think not.
And it was irc.hotsexygoths.net, you lying bastard...

 

by HCRoyall
10-03-05
finn34 tries to put himself out there as an upstanding citizen and a high quality candidate, but I'd like to show you this:
*taken from security camera footage from the Browneyes Gay Bar
I really like to sneak around mattress stores and tear all those little tags off.
Scandalous.
I ask you, is that the type of person you want hosting CC 300? I should hope not. Vote for me. Vote for honesty.

 

Dude, continuously using established in-jokes is not going to make them like you.
Then I'll continuously post my own established in-jokes! So shut up Gene!
by HCRoyall, 10-03-05

 

by HCRoyall
10-03-05
Believe in me, and you shall be saved!
I love all creatures, no matter what their personal choices are! Everyone is equally loved!
Except you, Gene.

 

by HCRoyall
10-04-05
I have been accused of being anti-american and hating freedom. That simply isn't true.
I am a sound supporter of the right to bear arms, the freedom of speech, and the freedom to make comics about robots with a penchant for ass rape.
I am a man of the people. I grew up around people. I understand people. I don't judge people. Unless they're idiots, but that's a totally different story.
My comic history clearly shows that the only thing I hate is the Army.
And bltsandwich. But really, who doesn't?

 

by HCRoyall
10-04-05
Some of the older SC members are claiming that their veteran status gives them a better claim of eligibility to host CC 300. I say this is wrong.
The veteran SC members have had their time in the sun. It's time for a fresh start, a new perspective.
Much like the members of the Supreme Court, they must acknowledge when their time is over and step aside for the next wave.
The old regime is over, and the new way of thinking is here. Clutching to your former glory only cheapens the foundations you have laid for us to build upon.
Because like the Supreme Court Justices, you WILL be replaced eventually. And like the Supreme Court, there's only one way to be replaced unless you step down...
I only threaten because I care. And that's what CC 300 needs: Someone who cares.

 

by HCRoyall
10-04-05
If chosen to host CC 300, I promise to uphold the time-honored Stripcreator tradition of babbling and silliness.
If chosen, I promise an Asiangirl in every bedroom...
Sucky Sucky!
...and a TOBOR in every ass!
RAAR!

 

by HCRoyall
10-04-05
My fellow Americans, if chosen to host CC 300, I promise to promote originality and pure, unadulterated humor.
To those of you in other countries, this means I'm going to disqualify my idiot Yankee brethren so this contest will be worth participating in.

 

by HCRoyall
10-04-05
Due to the rulles of CC 299, this will be my last broadcast to you, my fellow Stripcreators.
I trust that the decision for the host of CC 300 will be made fairly and without bias, and I leave you with one final statement:
Wirthling sucks.

 

by HCRoyall
10-04-05
Pedro.
El Toro Diablo.
So...
Si.
Look, I didn't even know you had a girlfriend, and in any case she came on to me.
Your lies will not save you now!

 

by HCRoyall
10-04-05
Ack!
*cough**cough*
I hate walking through the perfume section...

 

by HCRoyall
10-04-05
Ugh! Look at this decor! What are you trying to say with this?
Cornholing and general Ass-Rape.
Be gentle...

 

by HCRoyall
10-05-05
Sorry to bother you, but you're out of milk.
Would it help to say I'm sorry?

 

by HCRoyall
10-05-05
Another letter from home?
Yeah. I think this one was supposed to have gone to my brother Ed, though.
Why do you say that?
Well the powdered anthrax was the first clue, but the "Love, Mom" in my dad's handwriting confirms it.

 

His father's sins came back to haunt Elmer Junior...
by HCRoyall, 10-05-05

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
A waitress at my favorite restaraunt poured a pot of hot coffee on my lap the other day.
I didn't know why, but I assumed it was because I had accidentally left my fly undone and I was "hanging out". Even so, that reaction seemed a little severe.
But I figured she was just on the rag or something so I slapped her extra hard on the ass as I left to let her know there were no hard feelings.

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
So I'm waiting for the waitress to take my order when she hands me a slip of paper. "I haven't ordered anything," I said. "What's with the check?"
"It's not a bill," she says, "it's a subpoena for the sexual harassment charges I'm bringing up against you."
What a kidder. I left her an extra big tip and goosed her to show my appreciation for her dedication to service.

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
That cute waitress cursed me out last night. Huge knockers or no, that was the last straw. So I had a few words with her manager.
She was fired on the spot. I felt pretty smug, but she she ran out of the restaraunt in tears I felt this awful pain deep down inside.
I figured it was just some indigestion, so I took some Pepto-Bismol.

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
It was a hard decision, but I'm not going back to that restaraunt again.
It just wasn't the same after that cute waitress got fired.
I mean, the girl they hired in her place is the ugliest thing I've ever seen!

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
You know that feeling when you're sitting next to a woman and you look at her and know she's the One and you know that no one could ever replace her in your life?
Ha! I'm just kidding. That sort of thing doesn't exist!

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
Man, I hate blind dates. I always have to wait for the chick to get here...
Oh, you must be Jon! I'm Alice, sorry I'm late.
You can make it up to me through extensive sexual compensation later on tonight. Currently I'm in the mood for anal.
Uhhh... I need to use the ladies room...
She wants me.

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
So things were getting really hot, right, and I pull her blouse off and undo her bra.
Her hands are all over me, and I jam a finger in her ass; she starts moaning like it's the best thing she's ever felt.
I'm all like "Awww yeah" and she gets down on her knees and starts to suck me off, but I have to donkey punch her a couple of times because she keeps using her teeth, right?
She tries to lead me to the bedroom but I tell her to lie on the floor and put her feet behind her ears and...
Don't give me that look. You know you want to try it.

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
I hooked up with this great chick the other night.
I was about to tap her butt when she turns around and asks "What about the lube?"
I say "Thanks for your concern, baby, but I like the tight feel."

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
This one time I hooked up with a gorgeous woman.
I take her home and things start getting hot when I notice a bulge in her crotch. Turns out "she" was really a pre-op transexual.
I thought about throwing her out, but I'd already paid for the hour so I figured why the hell not?

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
I like having a good sturdy lock on my bedroom door. It gives me a sense of security during sex.
This one woman I was living with thought it was a little extreme.
So I told her, "Mom! I don't want you walking in and scaring off my tail!"

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
Have you ever felt guilty about taking advantage of someone, sexually?
Not me.

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
I heard that having a pet makes you seem more caring and helps you get dates, so I went out and bought a dog.
I took Scruffy here to the park, and sure enough I got the numbers of at least ten fine women.
The first five refused a second date after I mentioned peanut butter. I think I need a more sublte approach for the next few.

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
Since Scruffy wasn't helping me get sex, I thought about dropping him off at a shelter.
Grrrrrr...
But then he made me an offer I couldn't refuse.
Woof.

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
Somebody accused me of being a misogynist the other day. That is totally untrue.
I don't hate women...
I just don't believe they have feelings like us.

 

by HCRoyall
10-06-05
So, Scruffy, how many female dogs have you bagged in your life?
Woof.
You lying sonuvabitch.

 

by HCRoyall
10-07-05
Hey Mr. Mittens! Come look at this!
http://www.eatthattoast.com/d/20050713.html
Okay, that was just wrong.

 

by HCRoyall
10-07-05
Me and Scruffy finally worked things out. I've been training him to find women for me; he's fetching some pussy right now.
Woof.
Mew?
Bad dog, Scruffy. Bad, bad dog.

 

by HCRoyall
10-07-05
Woof.
Oh, what cute doggie! What are you doing in here little fella?
Oh, you found Scruffy! Thank you so much! Let me thank you with copious amounts of sex!
Uh... SorryIgottagobye!
Bad dog Scruffy. Bad, bad dog.

 

by HCRoyall
10-07-05
Scruffy, I've been doing some heavy thinking...
You mean you're capable of higher thought?
I believe I know why I haven't been getting any sex lately.
You finally realized you're a sexist asshole?
You're just not working hard enough, Scruffy. From now on, if I don't get laid then you don't get food.
I hate you so much...

 

by HCRoyall
10-07-05
I would never date someone who treats animals so poorly!
Come talk to me when you learn how to treat animals with respect!
Bad dog, Scruffy. Bad, bad dog.

 

by HCRoyall
10-07-05
Hello doogy! what are you doing out here alone?
Please lady! Get me out of here before HE finds me!
Oh, thank heavens! You found my dog! How can I ever repay you?
How about a quickie?
Good dog, Scruffie. Good, good dog.
I fucking hate you...

 

by HCRoyall
10-07-05
Scruffy! I am your Fairy Godmother, here to grant you a wish!
Really? What do I have to do?
It's very simple Scruffy. All you have to do is Wake Up!
Wha?
Wake up, Scruffy! You got a long day of fetching me women ahead of you!
I hate you so very, very much...

 

by HCRoyall
10-08-05
I hate my life, but I can't find a way out. Always finding women for a man who's lucky a large mob of feminists hasn't lynched him yet.
Oh, how I hate you, you oversexed bastard...
You've been doing a good job lately, Scruffy. Here's a big hambone for you.
Did I say hate? I meant love. Mmmm... Ham...

 

by HCRoyall
10-08-05
Has your dog been neutered?
Have you had someone cut you open and forcibly remove your ovaries?
What?!
Friends don't emasculate friends, lady.

 

by HCRoyall
10-08-05
Hubba hubba! Oh crap, the Man's back!
Scruffy, what were you doing at my computer... holy crap...
Scruffy, I don't know whether to applaud you for being able to look up bestiality porn on the computer or to scold you for actually paying for it.
Woof.

 

by HCRoyall
10-08-05
So, mandingo. I hear you have a secret method for getting laid.
It was easy once I found out how easily date-rape drugs work on underage boys.
Whoa! I may be desparate, but I have my limits!
Did I say underage boys? I meant high school cheerleaders.
Oh, well that's different.
I got a bag of roofies and the addresses of ten highschool parties tonight. Let's roll!

 

by HCRoyall
10-11-05
My girlfriend told me her maternal clock was ticking.
So I called the bomb squad.
They didn't find it as funny as I did.

 

by HCRoyall
10-12-05
My mom asked me the other day when I was going to settle down with a nice girl and start a family.
At first I laughed, but then I realized she was serious. I knew there was only one thing to do then.
I put the senile old bag in a home.

Showing page 10.

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