All comics by Lord_Vodek

Profile

 

by Lord_Vodek
8-20-10
Doctor I am always depressed life has taken on a sureal aspect and I can't seem to get better
You are depressed
What is the cure
Go see the great clown Polly Ann he is in town tonight go and laugh and be merry
But doctor. I am Polly Ann
Oh I love your parrot joke

 

by Lord_Vodek
8-21-10
If you even think that I would hire you with such a big Jew Nose you are clearly mistaken
Do you have any idea how many Jewish laywers I know?
Do you have any idea how many Republican judges I've fucked?
Do you have any idea how many congressmen I know?
Two?
Damn straight!

 

Daddy?
Oh shit
by Lord_Vodek, 8-21-10

 

by Lord_Vodek
8-22-10
Hey Raven
Hey Fang why'd you stop coming to the graveyard
I've been on a spiritual joruney
You started doing acid didn't you?
I can neither confirm nor deny that on the grounds that It may be incriminate me
That's what I thought

 

by Lord_Vodek
8-26-10
Soon we will destroy this pathetic planet
Yeah it's 33% Retarded 33% Religious and the rest are at war
So it's 66% retarded?
Isn't that what I just said?

 

by Lord_Vodek
8-31-10
Hey man I got that peer tutoring program started in the school
They are actually going to let you start having oral sex at school
Umm fuck no It's a peer tutoring program
A blow job program?
No you idiot peer tutoring
You are so fucking confusing

 

by Lord_Vodek
9-12-10
In the beggining there was 16
A comic cup what the fuck is that?
Oh that's what that is...
I was determined to get in any way I could
DIBS!
Haha suckers
My comic submission was not terrible enough to make it to the next round
The fuck?
Your comic didn't suck enough you lose

 

by Lord_Vodek
9-12-10
I stayed with it and voted dutifully anyways
I like him
I don't like her
It was fast at first
That comic was great
I don't know either of you but your name is cooler so I vote for you
Then it got slow
No submission
No updates

 

by Lord_Vodek
9-12-10
And it stayed slow
Sigh
This is stupid
And it actually got slower
Now no one is even talking
Sigh
By the time the third round came along I was dying to see some more action
Alright someone responded right away
And no one else has...

 

by Lord_Vodek
9-12-10
I continued to check every couple of hours
Nothing
Nothing
And suprise suprise nothing happened
Nothing
Nothing
Needless to say it was getting terrible
Nothing
Ooo Crabby and Gabe are fighting again...at least there's that

 

by Lord_Vodek
9-12-10
It was getting obnoxious
Someone needs to break the silence
Oh look Kitty is talking
Then I had an Idea
I have an idea!
This is going to be awesome
I began a quest to win the cup anyway
Too bad this doesn't count
The end mother fuckers

 

by Lord_Vodek
9-14-10
I am god
Ok so what?
The rapture is upon you
So? Big fucking deal
Ah shit did I miss the Rapture?
Shut up

 

by Lord_Vodek
9-19-10
Hey I have something to tell you
What's that
I fucked your girlfriend last night at the movies
Oh yeah?
Yeah
How was it? I never have

 

by Lord_Vodek
9-24-10
I love you
I love you too your my everything you are my world I won't ever hurt you
Marry me
I can't
Why not?
I don't want to hurt you.

 

by Lord_Vodek
9-24-10
I'm fucking your girlfriend
You are?
Yeah I just thought I'd tell you
Why are you telling me this
They didn't have a "Sorry I fucked your girlfriend, welcome back from Iraq" card
But they do have a holiday it's called Veterans day

 

by Lord_Vodek
9-28-10
You are not a jedi
You are a jedi
You are Darth Revan

 

by Lord_Vodek
10-25-10
I bet one Pizza Coupon
I see your coupon and raise you a laundry matt voucher
I call
I raise you a Home Depot gift card
You crackers are whacked I fold
4 Aces I win again!

 

by Lord_Vodek
10-26-10
What's the matter darling?
I'm breaking up with you tin man
But why Dorothy
Because you made me chip a tooth when I gave you that blow job.
Asshole

 

by Lord_Vodek
11-01-10
I just can't win with women
What now?
I keep creeping out the girls I like and all the girls that like me are creeps
The crazy ones are great in the sack
I know and I fuck all of them but that's beside the point
Oh my god. I fucking hate you

 

by Lord_Vodek
11-17-10
I messed up my hand really badly
What did you do?
I was masterbating furiously and pulled a muscle in my hand
Sounds like you.
I was kidding asshole it got crushed in a door
The first story is more believable.

 

Razzle Dazzle me Mark
Check please!
by Lord_Vodek, 11-19-10

 

by Lord_Vodek
11-20-10
She never makes the "bedrock" anymore
Can you blame me? You realize this bastard weighs as much as and smells like a tyranaosuarus rex
I think I understand what's going on here. Fred why don't you leave your wife Wilma in here with me for about half and hour and we'll see how things work out ok?
Later
Honey have I ever told you how much I love you? I think that therapy is REALLY helping
We'll go back every week then I love you too

 

by Lord_Vodek
11-24-10
Hey man I need to talk to you...
Hold on before you start let me ask you why you haven't just killed yourself?
I'm pretty much just afraid I'll fail and end up in severe pain
Pussy
Now what were you saying?

 

by Lord_Vodek
11-30-10
So I was thinking A rabbit that acts like he's on meth
Trix already did that shit. Next!
I love the board room sir. I was thinking a a bird that acts like it's on speed
You're a tool and Cocoa Puffs did that. Next!
I was thinking a talking toliet to sell our chocolate cereal
It's brilliant! Make love to me right here.

 

by Lord_Vodek
12-25-10
I am the ultimate terrorist
No you're not I am
Specialty?
Suicide bombing.
How does that make you the best?
Nine Lives duh

 

Arrrr what you be doing on me ship
I'm excess cargo
by Lord_Vodek, 1-02-11

 

"36D!"
BONER!
by Lord_Vodek, 1-07-11

 

by Lord_Vodek
1-16-11
How'd your girlfriend react to the present?
Terrible
The Flash Back
What do you think?
A unicorn stuffed animal? I fucking hate you get out
The Flash back's flash back
Daddy where do rainbows come from?
Unicorn queefs now shut up and take off your pants

 

by Lord_Vodek
1-16-11
Hey man what's up?
I learned something today
Oh shit man I'm sorry
Wait what? I came to apologize.
I slept with your girlfriend. What are you apologizing for?
My great grandfather owned your great grandfather and now I'm okay with that

 

by Lord_Vodek
1-17-11
You clean your room this instant!
And if I don't?
I'll take away your 360
I'm sorry I don't negotiate with terrorists

 

by Lord_Vodek
1-17-11
Clean your room this instant!
Or else what?
I'll take your crack!
I dont negotiate with terrorists

 

by Lord_Vodek
1-22-11
Ready!
Aim!
Histories favorite one sided battle
Hose!
Light!
Roll!
Ready!

 

by Lord_Vodek
1-31-11
All was going well as stealth ninja approached his assigned target
Soon you will be no more
Until...
*Hiccup*
*click*
Aha!
Fuck!

 

by Lord_Vodek
2-05-11
You come up in the dungeon from the sewers and discover a large damp room with very little light
I dry my weapons on Reggie's clothes
I steal his pants
Stop bickering you two. As you exit the dungeon room you see a long corridor with a demon at the end
I draw my weapon and charge
I hide and eat some popcorn
Eric the demon swings his great sword at you in fury and misses by an inch
I kick him in the balls with my plus 10 boots of punting
I halfheartedly shoot arrows in the general direction

 

by Lord_Vodek
2-05-11
Your kick attack misses due to stupidity and Reggie hits you in the back with an arrow doing 3 damage
Oh come on. I slept with your girlfriend one time in highschool
I shoot several more arrows with enthusiasm
Reggie manages to pin the demon to the wall with a series of critical hits and gives you the chance to smite it with your sword
I drive my sword through the foul beasts heart with righteous fury
I shoot Eric in the back for fun
The arrow distracts you and you miss the demons heart by an inch
I'm going to behead both of you when this session is over
Totally worth it

 

by Lord_Vodek
2-23-11
Dear cruel world, I find you intolerable at best I do not come by this decision lightly, but I am going to kill myself if one more bad thing happens
Hello, It appears you are trying to write a suicide note. Would you like some help?
Goodbye cruel world, Sinerely, Lord_vodek

 

by Lord_Vodek
2-28-11
True story
Order up Nine eleven
That's not funny you racist
Sir that's just the number of the order
I'm not even middle eastern you prick I was born here in Detroit
Sir it was just the number of an order. And are you even muslim?
You bet Allah's ass I'm muslim.

 

by Lord_Vodek
3-30-11
How was your trip to Austin
Have you ever been to a cheap bar on a Tuesday night?
Im underage
So am I that didn't stop me
Okay so what was the trip like
Too much drinking and lots of shitty music at South by Southwest

 

by Lord_Vodek
6-12-11
Hey man
I heard Chris was pissed off at you
Yeah he's completely pissed
Why?
I'm going out with the girl he's been "trying to get for three fucking years"
You mean the one he's only ever kissed and the one that almost had children with you?

 

by Lord_Vodek
6-19-11
My girlfriend broke up with me
And you are happy about this why?
Because she's totally bat shit crazy
So in other words either 1 you're in total denial or 2 you've got another girlfriend
First it was one now it's two
Thought as much

 

by Lord_Vodek
6-19-11
Not many people showed up at your protest
Yeah I know, disappointing...
What are you even protesting
Cripples Benefits

 

by Lord_Vodek
7-02-11
What's up man?
I heard your mom called the cops on you last night,
Yeah she did. Fucking bitch.
Why?
I punched my brother in the face because he was singing all I want for christmas is my two front teeth. I was just giving him a chance to get what he wants.
It's July....

 

by Lord_Vodek
7-03-11
Genisis
What is thy bidding my master
Take your son to the top of the mountain and sacrifice him
Uhhhhh
You got ya a problem with that? I command lightning
No my master thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven
And the sith shall rule the galaxy!

 

by Lord_Vodek
7-11-11
Remember don't fire the weapon till you see the whites in their eyes
Yes sergeant!
Ummm
Fuck this shit!

 

Extreme bugs require extreme exterminators
by Lord_Vodek, 8-27-11

 

by Lord_Vodek
9-14-11
Hey man what's up?
Not much why have you been missing school
I've been too stressed out and it made me sick but now I'm behind in school
So you were stressed out because of school and had to stay home which made you fall behind which is stressing you out
That would stress me out.

 

by Lord_Vodek
12-01-11
Hey Martha what's up?
I just miss Thomas
Why do you miss that douchebag?
His family was so nice to me
Why do you miss HIM?
I can make it work

 

by Lord_Vodek
12-01-11
So let me get this straight he abuses you mentally and verbally and you miss him?
Well yeah. He was sweet the first week I knew him
Did it ever occur to you it was part of a game on his part?
No

 

by Lord_Vodek
12-01-11
Do you have any logic justifying trying to go back to him?
I can change him.
What?

 

by Lord_Vodek
12-01-11
One week later
Hey Martha What's wrong?
Thomas is dead!
Earlier that day
Hey man can you kill this guy Thomas I have his name age weight and social security number
Oh that's too bad
I know it's terrible!

Showing page 10.

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