All comics by Makin_d_bacon

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-31-17
I'm tired of being a 2 bit hooker.
So go out and better yourself, woman!
I want the usual?
Don't expect any change!
So...have you bettered yourself yet?
Yup.. 20 times better!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-01-17
At home with ragu4u & makin_d-bacon
Rags...tell me all you know about this Gorsuch!
Like what?
Like how did HE get this?
It's like this d_bacon...if a guy doesn't wash his balls regularly they tend to develop a rash.
What in the HOLY HELL are you babbling about?
I'm just answering your question about what might have caused Gore's itch!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-02-17
A Meeting with Trump & Nieto.....
Ah, President Nieto...to what do I owe the honor?
Drop de bullshit, gringo. We ain't paying for that steenking wall!
Oh you'll pay alright, Poncho. You'll pay through the nose.
Is that a THREAT? You know my army is ready to turn Texas into Tex-ico!
Army? What army? You mean those thousands of bums that stroll around in Sombreros playing trumpets & oversized guitars?
Heed my warning. Your country will fall under our spell listening to the roving minstrils hypnotic renditions of "Guantanemara"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-02-17
Hmm...sure seems to be lots of "anal" jokes on old Stripcreator these days!
I wonder why?
I guarantee it! "Internet" types will LOVE this shit!
Really? "Anal Humor for Dummies", huh?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-02-17
Just look at em, Count!
At vhat?
His "Followers"!
Yes. I see and give him two arms up which is meant to represent "11"!
Boy, does this dude suck...or what?
I will take my leave, jealous bastard!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-02-17
You the manager here, sonny?
Yeah, why?
Cuz I wanna play Pac Man. Direct me to where the hell Pac Man is at?
Pac Man? WOW! Well, I'll tell ya where to find him.
I think he's fuckin wit me?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-02-17
We now go to the rally of supporters for Tamron Hall to stay with NBC.
Tamron was ousted by NBC to make room for Megyn Kelly.
*cricket, cricket, cricket*
Did you hear a pin drop?
I couldn't tell. The silence was too loud!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-03-17
I feel sort of odd?
Out of place, right?
I think I know what to do.
Then do it.
Isn't this better?
Much! At least NOW we match the mirror.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-04-17
Hey Pops, did you see Ricky Gervais talking with Steve Colbert?
What did that Athiest Gervais say to that fine Catholic Colbert fella?
I think he might be winning Steve over to the "darkside"!
Not if I nip it in the bud, he won't.
At the home of Ricky Gervais....
There's no doubt! The evidence clearly shows that Mr. Gervais died instantly from an "837".
Got it...837! "Act of God"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-04-17
The "Donald" & the "Daughter"...
Can't this wait, Ivanka? I'm bigly busy!
But daddy, Nordstrom dropped my clothing line.
I'll fix it sweetie. Don't you worry.
Thanks daddy!
...and in Business News....Nordstrom Stores have changed their name. They are now called "Ivanka's"! No reason was given for the change.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-04-17
Guard! GUARD! Jesus! It smells like a friggin monkey house in here!
Feces everywhere! Even on the walls. I'm reporting this to the warden.
I'm here to see the Warden.
You want my brother? Oh he's out redecorating the cells.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-05-17
Inside Chez "ragu_d_bacon"
Hey d_bacon....watch out. The microwave has been acting rather fun...
...ny. Oh my!
Don't act like you can't smell me!
Smell WHAT?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-05-17
Just prior to the Super Bowl....
I promise. Let me juice you up and you'll play like never before.
Will there be any side effects?
You may find that your sexual appetite and capability will increase 10 fold as will your ball skills. Trust me.
Thanks Doc. I'll go get into my Super Bowl jersey for the big game.
In the locker room...
I can see the change already.
Does this mean I have to wear a damned nylon on my head, Doc?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-06-17
Well son, how did you enjoy being the Patriot's honorary water-boy for the big game?
It actually sucked. All them rich guys and there I was broke.
But I thought it would have been a HUGELY rewarding experience that you got a lot out of.
No way! I didn't see Jack shit through the entire game.
Did anything change?
Did it ever? I got a million bucks on Ebay for Brady's game jersey!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-07-17
Inside the Whitehouse........
"SNL" is killing us. That Baldwin & McCarthy gotta go.
Say no more. I'm a master at "Black Ops".
Whoa! That sounds way too racial. Neither of them are Black. I'll hire someone who does "White Ops".
I know JUST the guy!
Hours later......
All that moron did was to change his outfit!
That nincompoop will never know the difference!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-07-17
The "Dynamic Uno" Eat Out....
Welcome to "Porky's House of Bar-B-Q".
A table for two please!
Is there a problem, d_bacon?
Rags, you insensitive bastard! Do I look like Hannibal Lecter to you?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-07-17
Going somewhere with those burglary tools?
Nowhere in particular, Officer!
I beg to differ.
Actually, it's a cane! I NEED to walk.
Sorry pal. I'm afraid you'll be limping till yer court date. Now, give it up!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-08-17
Time is money, people! Let's get this porn shoot going!
Here comes my leading man. Oh no! Is it...?
It's "Big Dick Daddy" from San Luis Potosi, at yer service, baby...all 14 inches of him!
I should have known it would be HIM...
Que pasa?
..once we entered Mexico!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-08-17
Henny Youngman at the "Psyche Ward"
Ok Fatty....a Priest, a Rabbi and a Mullah walk into a bar...
Uhh..ok...I can picture that, I think.....
C'mon...it's EASY!
So you want us to what?
Smash our heads?
Against that crow-bar?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-09-17
Oh oh...unghhhh *plop*
And thus the term... "poop deck", young feller!
Awesome!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-10-17
Our internet is out AGAIN!
It's no big deal...I'll call em.
Hello Charter Cable? Our internet is out again!
Sorry to hear that sir. Here's how we'll go about correcting the problem....
Well...what did they say?
They said we first have to make an official complaint...on their WEBSITE! Yeah!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-11-17
A perv waits behind the "Glory Hole"...
..wishing for a willing partner, but then,
....his wish is granted...sort of!
Promise me...NO biting! OK?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-11-17
So you want me to do your taxes, eh? Have you got any income?
You bet your fat ass I do! I grossed over 7 figures last year.
Wow! You must be a celebrity like Justin Bieber, huh? What does a kid your age do to make THAT kind of cash?
It's called...
......"anal".

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-12-17
Alright class...read Chapt. 5 and I'll be right back.
Boy oh boy...does her ass look nice or what?
*sniff, sniff* And it smells as good as it looks!
True dat!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-12-17
Confess...which one of you stole my wine?
*hic*
No shit, Sherlock!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-13-17
Somewhere in Haiti.....
Peace be with you, my Rastafarian brother!
"A so di ting set"!
Oh Lord, show me a sign that this poor wretch understands me!
Ya mon!
That'll do!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-13-17
The semifinalist's last question......
Ladies...If you DON'T win this beauty contest, what will be your next goal in life?
I'll return to College.
I'll become a Missionary.
I'll go back to being an astro physicist.
I'm going to open a gym and talent agency!
I plan to hunt your sorry ass down, decapitate you, lop off your ballsack and shove it down your neck!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-14-17
After 6pm.... today only at Burger King!
May I help you?
Yeah, bitch. Gimme one o dem cheap ass "Adult" Happy Meals!
Would you like the blindfold, the feather wand or the head massager?
They all be's crap, anyway! Gimme one o each!
You got me THREE gifts for Valentines Day? I am SO lucky!
You got DAT right, woman! Now lemme shove dis here "Whopper" in yo mouf!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-14-17
Not long ago......
Listen young lady, if I weren't a teacher here I'd give you the ass whoopin you deserve.
...she was a nobody but THEN...
You think I feared of yo sorry ass? Cash me ousside...how bou dah?
Dr. Phil couldn't help her! She's headed for jail or the poorhouse for sure!
...1 week after being on "Dr. Phil"......
Dem bitches deliver my Bentley yet? I gots ta be on set fo my video shoot wit "2 Live Crew".
I had your manager pay cash for it punkin. Maybe they delivered it to your new Malibu beach house.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-15-17
Ladies & gentlemen, I'm joined here on CNN by Kellyanne Conway!
So how are things going in the job of "Council to the President"?
I don't know. I can't remember. Spicer said I should tell you all to go piss up a rope!
Hmmm.... Apparantly it's someone's nappy time!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-15-17
I hear you had a little disagreement earlier.
It was more like a misunderstanding.
About what?
About my role here.
Earlier........
YOU? Ha! No way. It's ME!
Really! I'm the "Lamb of God". Go ask Pops!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-15-17
You all still blame US for killing your guy?
Our "GUY"? Our "GUY" is Jesus and obviously you don't think much of HIM at all so please LEAVE!
So you vant I should leave, eh? Not very Jesus-like, I'd say. Vhat about zat "Vhat Vould Jesus Do" thingy?
Ask him yourself! He's closer than you think.
Outside the Church......
So you wondered what would Jesus do, huh? Well....I just brought your Caddy around, saving you the tip!
You didn't gas it up?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-16-17
Ward, have you seen the Beaver lately?
What kind of question is THAT, June? You KNOW I haven't.
I only wanted to....
Maybe if you LET me see the beaver once in a while Wally might have a little brother or sister by now!
I had no idea. Maybe we could....
Forget it. I'm going to Plan "B"! According to Eddie Haskel, Mary Ellen Rodgers screws like a rabbit.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-16-17
Hey Mom, dad just tore out of the drive-way. Where'd he go?
Wally, what can you tell me about Mary Ellen Rodgers?
What's SHE got to do with dad and when's he coming home?
I thought YOU might tell ME! Sum her up in just a couple of words!
She swallows!
I see! In that case...Ward may NEVER come home!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-17-17
Did I say I had "5" openings for cheerleaders? My bad! Sorry but I only have "4".

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-17-17
Why so sad Eeyore?
I lost my job.
How come? I thought being a lovable character in the "Winnie the Pooh" books was a lifetime gig?
My "OTHER" job.
Aye carumba! What do you mean you can't get it up no more? Consuela is on the trapeze waiting for you. Do it or you're fired.
Tijuana sucks!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-18-17
Hey there, good lookin.....
Is THAT a "Honeysuckle White" or are you just happy to see me?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-18-17
One for "John Wick 2", please.
That movie sucks! Nothing but violence start to finish.
Just sell me the ticket, OK.
Only brainless morons watch that trash and I don't think you'd like being labeled as such. Would you?
Nope!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-18-17
Inside "Chez ragu/d_bacon".......
I hear that "The Undertaker" just moved in next door.
So? I ain't afraid of that pussy.
You mean the battle royale is really gonna finally take place? You're not scared?
Why should I be, d_bacon? He'd be like putty in my hands. I'll rip him limb from limb.
But earlier Rags got inside info.......
So, you just moved in next door, eh old timer? Where do ya work?
Actually, before I retired I was an undertaker!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-18-17
I'll talk to ya later!
Hell no bitch. I spent over $100 on you and got no head, no pussy and not even a hand job so don't hold yer breath for my call.
*sigh*
So, you & Richard have fun?
Not really, mom. Richard is such a demanding brother. No wonder he can't find dates!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-18-17
*r-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-p*
Damn girl....lay off the brocolli & draft beer!
oops

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-19-17
What's that coming out of your ass?
I don't know what I'm supposed to to say next!
C'mon man...work with me here. I'm tryin to win a comic contest.
Ok...Ok! They look like a little sphere-oids!
They're called "Grade AA Large" X, you dunce!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-19-17
At home with ragu4u & makin_d_bacon
What kinda crap is THIS? Hey d-bacon, get in here.
You rang, rag-meister?
I just read your entry in the CC 662 Comic Contest. You gotta be kidding, right?
Sadly, you fail to recognize my GENIUS!
Oh I recognize it, alright, and it STILL looks like a sack of steaming turds as always!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-20-17
Welcome to "The Bates Motel". Need a room?
Yes, but it must be very private.
Of course, all our rooms are extremely private.
Good, because I do quality control for a major dildo maker and I CAN get carried away at times. *wink, wink*
Damnit Norman, I told you never to let rooms to sexy women!
Quiet mother. You'll get your Kleenex & Jergens lotion back...I promise.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-20-17
I'd like one for "La La Land" please!
Coming right up...
Now go enjoy your faggy movie, gay-wad!
Later at Chen's house....
You get paid to just sell the damned tickets!
But he didn't LOOK like a "Black-Belt"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-20-17
Why Grade Levels aren't mixed....
Thanks teacher...you make spelling easy!
Truthfully, I thought it would be much harder.
Yeah! That's what SHE said!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-21-17
God...I do love my husband but he just can't satisfy my sexual needs. Please make it so his tiny penis fills & thrills me!
*ZAP*
Well SHIT!
Not the response you hoped for, is it?
Women! They're just NEVER satisfied.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-21-17
Hey Timmy...did you ever screw a sheep?
Ewe! No way. Sheeps don't screw with people. Do they?
Just hide in the barn & listen.
OK...here I go.
Now ya'll get that sloppy slit on over here and back it up onto Pappy!
I can't while Timmy is watching in the barn & bopping his baloney!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-22-17
Don't worry Pete, X-rays don't hurt. Trust me, you'll be just fine. Now take a deep breath...
.....hold it....
Ayieeeeeeee!
Oops, Pete. Looks like the old machine was set to "gamma" insteard of "X" rays. My bad!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-23-17
What say we create a show where all the kids are under 12...
Yeah...yeah....
...they all are good looking and talented....
Yeah...yeah....
...and who will all become trampy pop music tarts and drug addicts before they're 20!
I'm all over it, boss man! We'll call it "The NEW Micky Mouse Club".

Showing page 10.

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