All comics by ObiJo

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by ObiJo
10-07-01
1970
There's a high fly ball, still going...Hey Hey! Number 500!
1984
There's a long drive! Way back! It might be, it could be, IT IS! Holy Cow!
20XX
Cubs win! Cubs win! Cubs win! And the long wait is over!

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
Hey.
Hello, and how are you this fine and glorious morning? I seem to be rather well, except for a tinge of pain in my rear driver-side thigh and some slightly blurred vision.
I thought you didn't like wordy comics?
Things change. For instance, I can now add hallucinations to the thigh pain and blurred vision.
Well that's...good?
Sure is, mom.

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
So whaddaya wanna do?
Let's go check out that forrest back there.
It's getting kind of dark. Maybe we should head back.
Head back? What are you, some kind of weeny? Let's keep going.
It's all my fault. Mom, Dad, I'm so sorry.

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
Hey there.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!
I told you I was going to see a man about a horse.
Yes, but I thought that was some kind of euphemism for death.
Nope.
So where's the horse?

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
So do you get it now?
Ewww.
I'll take that as a yes.
And the man and the horse just stood there and watched?
Let's try this again.
Not with this donkey, hippy!

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
That was the longest night ever!
I never thought I'd be so happy to see the sun!
I wonder if the man and the horse are still in the forest.
Traumatized.

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
No.
No.
Hey, if I'm gonna do the time, might as well do the crime.
No.

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
So whaddaya wanna do now?
Bathe.
And?
No and.
Just bathe?
Just bathe.

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
So now what?
How bout we go check out those red rocks back there?
Holy mother of pearl! That's not rock, that's lava!
Lava? That's not lava.
Lava?
Lava.

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
I think I just had a breakthrough.
How so?
Well, you know how I'm a pretty affable donkey? Never really having an opinion or taking sides? I just came down off the fence on an issue.
What?
I'm anti-lava.

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
This lava's slow! I think I'll run around it a couple of times just to taunt it.
Don't anger the lava god.
Ha. Lava god.
Look behind you.
Lava god!

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
So, the lava god just let you off with a warning?
Any other stupid questions?

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
Meanwhile...
Goddamnit! I meant to kill that donkey!
I hate work done half-ass.

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
So what am I gonna do about this?
You could pray.
Or?
Or we could sew that carcass we found a mile back onto you.
Heavenly father, I know you will cure me because you are great and holy and into that kind of thing.
Amen.

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
So, how do I look?
Honestly?
Of course honestly.
Great.

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
Ok, take it off me.
Why?
Every time I pass gas the trunk sways.
Same here.

 

by ObiJo
10-07-01
Ah, that feels much better.
Good.
You know the weird thing?
I kind of miss the little guy.

 

by ObiJo
10-08-01
Any Kings?
Here.
Any Queens?
Go Human.

 

by ObiJo
10-08-01
Welcome to another episode of The Parachuting Physicist. Today's show is about the scientific method. The scientific method is made up of three steps: Hypothesize, Test Hypothesis, Draw Conclusions.
For instance, Hypothesis: The air will enter my chute and glide me to the ground. Testing Hypothesis: I pull the ripcord and watch what happens. Drawn Conclusions: This is a Wonder Woman backpack.
O'Mighty Wind God, full of strength, let me not hit the ground, but soar on your wing through the heavens, and land on the earth as a feather. I denounce science, O'Wind God, and believe only in you.

 

by ObiJo
10-09-01
8am - 2pm
2pm - 8pm
8pm - 8am

 

1
by ObiJo
10-09-01
TOBOR NO JAYWALK!
Toby, I saw you. If you'll just sign this, Toadstool, you can take your ticket and be on your way.
TOBOR NOT CROSS ROAD AT ALL!
Listen, Toenail, don't make this hard on yourself. Just take this ticket and get going. You'll have your day in court, Taco Stand.
TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU SO HARD YOUR HAIR START GROWING AGAIN!!!
Settle down there, Tae Bo.

 

2
by ObiJo
10-09-01
...
...
TOBOR NOT BELIEVE LITTLE MAN GET JUMP ON TOBOR!

 

3
by ObiJo
10-09-01
TOBOR NOT JAYWALK!
TOBOR HATE WHITEY!

 

4
by ObiJo
10-09-01
I'm your new cellmate.
RAAAAR! TOBOR CORNHOLE WHITEY! TOBOR CORNHOLE THE MAN!
So we've moved on to that topic already, huh?
LESS TALK, MORE CORNHOLE!
Try it, brass ass, and I'll slap you so hard your servos won't stop spinning for a week.
RAAAR!!! TOBOR ANGRY!!!

 

5
by ObiJo
10-09-01
RAAAAR!!! TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
WA-PSH!
LUCKY SHOT!

 

6
by ObiJo
10-09-01
WA-PSH!
TWO LUCKY SH
WA-PSH!
THREE LUCKY SHOTS!

 

7
by ObiJo
10-09-01
Do you agree to be my bitch?
ANYTHING! JUST STOP HITTING TOBOR!
Ok, here are the rules. Rule 1: No more shouting. Rule 2: Your name isn't Tobor anymore, it's Amana.
AMAN...I mean, Amana?
I'll call you Amy for short. Rule 3: No shirts, no shoes, you still service me.
Amy sad.

 

8
by ObiJo
10-09-01
And finally, Rule 37, Someone's sucking some dick every night.
And I'll give you a little hint who.

 

9
by ObiJo
10-09-01
Mmm hmm. That's right.
You're a pro, Amy.
What the hell did you come up for?
Air!

 

by ObiJo
10-09-01
Amy, what are you doing?
Amy dust!
Priorities, Ames baby.
This dick won't suck itself.
Amy sad!

 

by ObiJo
10-09-01
Amy see dollar on ground!
Where?
RAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAARRRRRR!!!
AMY HAPPY!

 

by ObiJo
10-09-01
Noon
Goodbye, cruel world!
6 pm
Read the note, you'll understand.
6:23 pm
Ok, who opened the window?

 

by ObiJo
10-10-01
They say it can't be done. They say the effort required is less than the gain acquired, so entropy would decrease. Nothing in the known universe behaves in such a way. It's impossible they say.
Maybe they're right.

 

by ObiJo
10-10-01
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me. I think I'll go and eat some worms.
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me. I think I'll go and eat some stick figures.
Anticlimax!
Hello, worm.
Hello.

 

by ObiJo
10-10-01
Woops! I seem to have accidently gone jogging with no shorts or panties on. TeeHee.
Time for Bobo.
You don't have to knock, Jimm...oh, you're not Jimmy.
Time for Bobo.
YOU...are one fine looking clown. Let's ditch this gay bar and get kinky.
Time for Jello.

 

by ObiJo
10-11-01
It's geteeng berry bed owt ere. American peeg dawgs are droppeeng newspapurs, and da peeple are getteeng annsy abowt owr chences.
Wutt do dose edlines sey?
America Pownds Grownd Forces of Efgen.
No prawblem. Wit a few queek fleeks of thees markaw, it now seys America Pownds Grownd in Frustration. Forces of Efgen Celebrate.
America ez a lot to learn about infeeltrating OWR culture.
Werd to det, omeboy.

 

by ObiJo
10-11-01
Why the long face, Grace?
I can't decide on a plot for comic 500. Too many choices. I could have Gabe sodomized by a donkey, or an elephant, an ostrich, or a squirrel...
Okay, what else?
That's as far as I've gotten. Once that whole Gabe-Sodomy idea hit me, I really thought I was onto something.
Go with the elephant. Donkeys aren't in season.

 

by ObiJo
10-11-01
You know, I just realized something.
Let's hear it, Clyde.
I asked Brad to delete some of my comics awhile back, so this isn't REALLY 500. It's like 488 or something.
Fuck it. It's too late to get our deposit back now, so let's have some fun.

 

by ObiJo
10-12-01
Yes, God?

 

by ObiJo
10-12-01
Yes, God?
Move feet.

 

by ObiJo
10-12-01
Hello, I'm Mr. Biggles. How are you this fine morning?
I've never been so ashamed of myself.
I'm rather well. Except for this rash right he...oh my goodness! Wherever has my skin gone?
As a human being...
moh!
Or as a ventriloquist.

 

by ObiJo
10-13-01
I have good news and bad news.
Good news first.
Your side won.
Right on. And the bad news?
I've fallen in love with another.

 

by ObiJo
10-13-01
We've secretly replaced Al's white flag with this confederate one. Let's see what happens.

 

by ObiJo
10-13-01
I am Model A, Human. I see myself as open-minded, but judge people quickly, decisively, and dismiss the unworthy from consideration.
I am Model B, Human. I am in no way judgmental. I unfailingly let everyone be who they are while never letting myself be who I want to be.
I am Model AB, Human. I only judge people when their actions affect me. I live and let live, but subconsciously pat myself on the back for this, continuing the popularity game.
I am Model C, Human. I do exactly what I want to do. I get along well with people who do the same, but everyone else I judge as fake.
I am Model D, Human. I have broken down the wall between the ideas 'me' and 'them.' I judge everything by right and wrong, based on my personal value system I've erected and am continually modifying.
I'm a squirrel. And a damn good one at that.

 

by ObiJo
10-13-01
If you can conquer your personal demons, making peace with who you are and living how you want to live, what then's the world?

 

by ObiJo
10-14-01
Here's a riddle for you, George: what walks on four, then two, then three?
The human in bay five?
You got it.
I think I enjoy the genetic experiments even more than the anal probing.
Heresy!
You say while sporting seven penises.

 

by ObiJo
10-14-01
George?
Yes, Bob?
Did the kids ever make fun of your name when you were growing up?
Oh, sure. I remember one bully named Xanilictar who used to always call my parents hippies.
Same here. Sometimes I wish I'd been born to a normal family and named Jaxanort or Frezial or something.
Not me. Those days in the Wolksvagen are some of my happiest.

 

by ObiJo
10-14-01
I'm pro-cheese.
But anti-assassin.

 

by ObiJo
10-14-01
What are you doing?
Thinking.
I mean with the hammer.
I don't know. That's what I'm thinking about.
Any insights?
It's getting harder to concentrate.

 

by ObiJo
10-15-01
I met John Kennedy once.
No you didn't.
He's right, you know.

Showing page 10.

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