All comics by RandomComicLayoutGuy

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This comic is loosely based on an actual hallucination my uncle had while in the hospital...
Here you go... There's nine kittens in here, just like you requested!
Yesssss! Good job, Butch!
What do you want me to do with them?
Hold on to them for now. We may need to use them later...
Use them for what?
Just in case the investigating officer returns to the crime scene. If, that happens, I want you to sneak up behind him, and dump the kittens on top of his head!

 

...and. then after finding God, I stopped jerkin' my yerkin' for 40 days!
HA, HA!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

What's up, Diablo?
Not much...
Ever since all the Stripcreator.com cartoonists stopped "jerking their yerking" for the last 40 days, I've been feeling kinda lonely!
Why would that make YOU lonely..?
'Cuz they stopped playing with their COCKS!

 

Oh, Frank... I've made a mess of things!
How so, Dubya?
The war in Iraq ain't going so well, I responded too slow to Katrina, and now my approval rating is in the low 30's!
Yikes! Why don't you try a delicious cup of my world-famous coffee? It's freshly brewed!
I'm afraid I'm gonna need something a little stronger than that, if you know what I mean...
Okay... I'll add a shot of espresso!

 

This is Phil McCracken, part-time crime reporter and weatherman, here at the site of the grizzly murder of the Johnson family...
[pant, pant]
Police have no suspects, but they are convinced these killings were done by a crazed maniac with a large butcher's knife!
[pant, pant!]
Now, the weather... We should expect a higher temps this week, as I am currently sensing a warm Santa Ana wind blowing on the back of my neck...
[PANT! PANT!]

 

I've decided I'm no longer anyone's puppet!
Go ahead...
Cut me, Mick!
Yesssss!

 

Oh, Lord! I pray that you give me courage in these troubled times...
The flood waters have risen, and I am without food! Please, give me the strength to slaughter my pet pig, Arnold, so that I may live...
What's on your mind, Stick-boy?
Uhh... Nothing!

 

Oh, yeah! That feels great!
[mmmplflmmpf]
Right there, baby! Don't stop! DON'T STOP!!
[mmplffpllmmlp]
OH, YES! HERE COMES THE SPOOGE, BABY!! UUUUNNNGGGH!!!
*GAG!*

 

Oh, my God!
Rip Taylor died?
That's horrible!
Moron!

 

Wow!
This feels GREAT!!
I should have "come out of the closet" years ago!

 

This Halloween party blows!
Word!
Speaking of "blowing"...
How would you like me to shove this broom up your ass- bristle end first?

 

Whatcha doin', TOBOR?
Peeing, bonehead!
Oh...
You know this bar has a restroom, RIGHT?
I know... I've been banned from going in there ever since I got busted for that "glory hole" incident!

 

Mmmmpf!
?
Oh, yeah... Here it comes! [ *OOOOMPH* ]
*sniff*
Aaaaaaahhh! Mucho mejor!
Damn! What did you eat for lunch, bitch?!

 

BOO!
I'm a SPOOK!
That's so ironic!
I'm a GOOK!

 

"Okayyy... Next up for 'Show & Tell' is Pierre."
"Today, Pierre brought his friend who likes to dress like a clown. What's your friend's name, Pierre?"
His name is Lance
Wazzup!

 

Hey, Shaq...
'Sup!
Come on in, boyyy. Don't forget to dick, er, I mean, DUCK! (heh, heh)
Damn! That thing's mesmerizing!

 

CRACK!
OUCH! MY NUTS!!
CRACK!
STOP IT!!
CRACK!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
WHORE!!!

 

That's it! I am not going to be jerkin' my yerkin' for the next 40 days starting NOW!
Hmmm.... Since I have no arms, I've NEVER jerked my yerk!
Boy! I sure would like to know what that feels like... Say, Witchy-poo! How would you like to-
Don't even THINK about it, Smelty!

 

*ahem*
Cock-a-doodle-doooooooo!
In other words... WAKE THE FUCK UP, YOU BUNCH OF HAYSEEDS!!

 

God, I hate these staff meetings with a PASSION!
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
It's always the same idiots droning on and on about absolutely NOTHING!
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
It's all I can do to not lose it, and CORNHOLE the whole lot of them!
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

 

It's Captain Obvious and his new sidekick Bossie, the Interrupting Cow...
Look, Bossie!
The teacher's pet is getting her ass beat by the choir club! We should save-
MOO!
God, I hate it when you interrupt-
MOOOO!!

 

Hey, everybody! I'm that punk-ass kid from alcoac14's strip, standing in the middle of what used to be the 9th Ward in New Orleans...
As you can see, the shit around here is really beginning to pile up!
Speaking of shit piling up, have you seen the latest crap- er, crop of biped's comics? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [snort]

 

That was great sex this morning, baby!
It sure was, Chithulihu (or, however you pronounce your name)! But, for some strange reason, your semen tasted funny this time...
It did..?
Why weren't you laughing?

 

Hey, mouse...
Yes, lizard-head looking motherfucker?
Do you know the difference between a new girlfriend and a new dog?
I haven't the foggiest...
After a month, the dog is still excited to see you!
And, the dog will still stick his face in your nuts!

 

Hey, all you red-necked, cornbread-eating, NASCAR-watching, black-socks-with-flip-flops-wearing, racist Republicans...
I support the the TROOPS, but I don't support the WAR! Well... I really DON'T support the troops because of what they do, which is war.
So... The reality is: I HATE THE FUCKING TROOPS!! It just makes me look less like a traitor when I say I support them, when I don't!

 

That's it! I'm not wankin' my crank for the next month and ten days starting NOW!
Not me, Dude!
I'll be jerkin' my yerkin' until I rub my skin completely OFF!
Uh...
Damn! What's taken this hand-drier so long to dry my armpit?

 

Oops!
OUCH!
You spilled some of your scalding world-famous coffee on my nuts!
Uh... You thinking what I'm thinking, Gabe?
Yeah... This has got to be the LAMEST "Gabe-gets-nailed-in-the-nuts" comic to date!

 

Yeah, baby! Do me in the ass! (sqwak)
Hmmm... I wonder what my wife does during the day when I'm not home?
YEAH, BABY! DO ME IN THE ASS! SQWAK!
Keep it down, Poly! I'm trying to think...
This guy's a fucking idiot!
Now, where was I..?

 

I think I should choose the CC: 300 topic because I have nice hair!
I'll say she does! I wonder if the carpet matches the curtains? Damn, remember the contest rules: I must think clean thoughts!
And, I have a cute smile...
With lucious lips, capable of sucking a mean coc- damn! Think clean thoughts!
...and, a nice figure with perky breasts, and...
I'll say they're perky! I'd sure love to shoot a major load of spooge on them- THINK CLEAN FUCKING THOUGHTS, GODDAMMIT!!

 

Hi... My name is Pocahontas, and I'm speaking on behalf of RandomComic-LayoutGuy...
He wanted to enter RCL no. 481 into the CC: 299, but because the RandomComic-LayoutGuy isn't computer savvy...
...HE COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO POST THE GODDAMN COMIC!!

 

What the..?
Dammit!
I told that idiot fly not to go head-long into the computer screen!

 

So, dude... You say you wanna try out for the band? Do you play the guitar?
Nope. I have no arms!
How 'bout the drums?
Again, I have no arms!
Then, what CAN you play?
The glockenspiel with my nose!

 

♫ It's the end of the world as we know it... ♫
♫ It's the end of the world as we know it... ♫
♫ And, I feel fine! ♫

 

Now, children... After you knee your attacker in the nuts, and he falls to the ground...
[mmmpflkkplmm]
...stand on his neck until the police arrive! Like so...
[gaggagagagggaa]
Any questions?
*gasp*

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
...then, what did the creep do after he asked you to pet his "little feller"?
Hello..?
You're FAT!
Shut up, you little twat-head!

 

CC: 299
Seriously, though... We should choose the subject for CC:300 because WE ROCK!
And, everyone else BLOWS!!
Except, flipynif1... He SWALLOWS!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I wonder if they'll let me join the army...

 

CC: 299
Oh, Lord... Please, give us the strength to complete our mission in order to be chosen to pick the subject for CC:300...
In the name of our Lord and Savior, Amen.
Amen.
Now, you know the game plan, right Butch?
Yes. We are to go to flickguy's house, where you will gut him like a pig, and then I'm to chop off his limbs to send a message to the other strippers!

 

CC: 299
Dude... Check it out!
Groovy!
Uh, not "groovy", you bonehead! All the strippers from the website are running towards us with torches and a noose!
Yeah? So?
I wonder if this has to do with that stoopid CC:299 competition...
Hmmm... Apparently, they recieved my e-mails laced with anthrax! See ya!

 

CC: 299
Well, Dil... I guess they went a little too far this time!
Mee mo meep moo moop mee!
It looks like we're the last ones standing, so I guess we win by default...
Mee meep moo mop meep moo mee mop meeple!
But, what good will it do to set the topic for CC:300 when everone else is gone?
Moo moo meeple moo mee moople! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

CC: 299
Say, Crabby... I think I should be chosen for CC: 300 because I have a big 'F!" on my shirt. What say you?
I have no opinions about anything whatsoever. I'm not even funny. I'm just on this website because I'm lonely and I want to belong...
Fair enough. By the by... Are you a male or female?
I'm female...
Really? Hmmm... When you go to rock concerts, does security do a "dick-check" before you can use the women's restroom?
Why, yes... How'd you know?

 

CC: 299
What you up to, Yankee?
I'm about to "nail" the hosting job for CC: 300! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You suck...
Wait for it...
...LONG TIME!!

 

CC: 299
Hey, strippers! Y'all should vote for me to host CC: 300 'cuz I'm the lamest- er, latest thing to come along!
Let's face it: mmeyers blows; flipynif swallows; HCRoyall flushes; UnknownEric who?; biped rides a moped; possums' a pussy; finn34 is FINNished; mandingo is a MONKEY-dingo; and lukket should fukket!
What about "edoggydog"?
Him? Well... He's an edoggy-GOD!!
Waffles!

 

CC: 299
So... That's why I think I should host CC: 300!
Randy!
By the way... Did you hear that Katie Holmes is pregnant with Tom Cruise's baby..?
Really?
Yeah... Apparently, he's willing to go to any length to make us think he doesn't take it up the ass!
Damn! I need to take a long, hard look at my life, and figure out how I ended up a bit character in a suck-ass strip...

 

CC: 299
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh, no...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hairy Nozebra ain't gonna like this comic!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Gee... I could just fart!

 

CC: 299
Hey, Frank...
Yes, edoggydog- er, I mean RandomComic-LayoutGuy..?
Listen... This is our last comic to make a compelling argument to host CC: 300, so give flickguy your best reason why he should choose us...
Okay, here goes: BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO!!
What kind of lame-ass argument is that, you big doofus?
Hey... It worked for my mother!

 

...two rhinestone jackets, four glass marbles, one pair of Nike high tops, and a wafer-thin mint.
Moh!
More? Okay... I'll throw in a set of radials, and a year's subscription to "Bone Health Monthly"...
Moh!
MORE? GEEEEEZZ! Then, how 'bout a box of Lucky Charms, a skate key, and a date with my mother?
Moh!

 

Oh, that I may [oompf!] know not the pain of my 'nards being tightly squeezed...
...nor kicked by a big clown, nor broom-handled by an old hag, nor objects of great mass, a.k.a. coconuts, dropped on them, nor cornholed by a big, red robot named, "TOBOR"...
...what a joyous [OUCH!] life that would truly be!
BOOOOOOOOOO!GET OFF THE STAGE, YOU BIG FAIRY!!

 

Welcome to the 500th comic for the RandomComicLayoutGuy!
Goo!
Imagine that... Five hundred comics written in just over two months!
Goo!
What do you think of the strip so far, baby?
POO!!

 

Umm... I got your test results back, Captain Obvious, and-
Give it to me straight, B.E.D.! How am I doing?
Not so good, I'm afraid. You only have ten to live...
Ten what? Ten weeks? Ten months? Ten years?
..nine...eight...seven...
C'mon! Don't hold anything back!

 

Damn, Pinky! Did you do that?
Yessir! And, proud of it!
Goddamn! It smells like [*sniff*] old, rotting...
Waffles?
No... Chuckaduck's "Inner Struggle" comics!

Showing page 10.

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