All comics by Speez

Profile

 

by Speez
3-20-03
Hey, who are you kid?
I am TAS, and your Swirling Mist right? Anyways, have you seen Misty?
No, I have been stuck in the bag because I was banned here.
Oh that sucks. Hey, how do you get out of the bag?
Umm, you don't.
What? Why didn't I know about this?

 

by Speez
3-20-03
Sorry, I don't know where Misty is at.
Thanks OGO. Hey, you know how to get out of here.
There is a door over there to get out but...
Thanks man, bye...
People always leave before I can tell them the rest. May god have mercy on his soul...

 

by Speez
3-28-03
Hey there the way out, and UBCS man also. Hey, what's up dude.
None shall pass!
Umm, excuse me, I am not suppose to be in this bag. Let me out.
None shall pass!
Well, you make me sad. I am going to have to defeat you in combat.
Then you shall die!

 

by Speez
3-28-03
How am I going to get past UBCS Man? He stronger, faster and has a fine looking ass. A really fine looking ass...
It is my duty not to let anyone out of the bag and nothing will stop me.
Look, AotD and TAOL are having unprotected sex.
Jumping lizards, where is my horse? This is a job for Trojan Man!
Damn, I have the Trojan man theme stuck in my head.

 

by Speez
3-28-03
I have looked everywhere, but I cannot find Misty, the only person that knows how to get in Speez's bathroom!
LIFE IS NOT FAIR! I FOUND EVERYONE BUT MISTY! WHERE IS SHE!
Elsewhere...
Ok Denza, you dragged me all the way out here. What do you want to talk about?
I want to talk about us...

 

by Speez
3-28-03
Name one reason we can't be boyfriend and girlfriend again.
Because you like to hammer a nail into your head.
Misty, I am like, soooo over the hammer.
I mean I haven't hammered a nail.....I am doing it now, aren't I?
Yep.

 

by Speez
3-28-03
Comeon, the greatest time of both our lives was when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Why can't we be a couple again?
Your right! I only broke up with you because I was mad, but it was a mistake! Take me now you wild stallion!
Umm, really?
....yeah.
Unprotected sex sense...TINGLING!
Yeah, I have something tingling too, just give me a rubber!

 

by Speez
3-28-03
Dude, I looked everywhere for Misty, but I cannot find her. Now I will never know how she got into Speez's bathroom.
I have been in Speez's bathroom...
I mean, does God hate me or something? I went everywhere, and no Misty.
Dude, I have been in Speez's bathroom.
Only if there was someone else.
YOU HOMO, I have been in the bathroom.

 

by Speez
3-28-03
And we just go though this sewer pipe and it will lead us under Speez's sink.
Man, why did you go though all the trouble to figure this out?
I wanted to spy on Speez while he took a crap?
Excuse me?
I mean, I wanted to see what it was like in there.
Oh.....ok.

 

by Speez
3-28-03
Wow, we finally made it Ian. Jesus, this place is beatiful. He has a toliet seat warm.
My god, he has a 80 inch TV with an Xbox hooked up to it. Jesus, Halo must kick ass on there.
Look at this he has some vending machines.
TAS, it doesn't smell like ass like the other UBCS bathrooms.
Dude Ian, look what is in the sink!
Hey, what is that?

 

by Speez
3-28-03
I think Speez shaves his pubic hair.
Dude, that is gross. Don't say pubic, say webbos. And how do you now that TAS?
Umm, look in the sink...
...hair like that doesn't grow on a chin.

 

by Speez
3-28-03
Man, Speez shaves his webbos. That is kinda gross Ian.
I wonder if there is aftersave that goes on down there.
Man, that would burn like unholy hell Ian.
Dude, what is that bottle over there?
It reads "Webbo Splash. For the men who shaves his webbos."
Hey, I remember seeing the commerical for that. The jingle goes. "Webbo Splash...you sexy motherf*cker."

 

by Speez
3-29-03
Well TAS, I am going to leave. The bathroom is great, but we have been in here for two weeks now.
You pussy, it's because I beat you ass in Halo.
Well, are you coming too?
No, there is one last thing I haven't done yet in Speez's bathroom. I need to "seal the deal" if you know what I me.
Man, Ian ran away really fast. Well, I shall now take a crap on Speez's solid gold toliet.

 

by Speez
3-29-03
Alright, just pull down my pants and sit on the golden toliet.
OHHHHH, man. The golden toliet feels so good.
WARNING! UNKNOWN ASS DETECTED ON THE TOLIET. STARTING ACE SECURITY SYSTEM.
What? The Ace security system?

 

by Speez
3-29-03
STARTING UP ACE SECURITY SYSTEM. UNKNOWN ACE WILL BE PUNISHED.
No, you don't understand. I am the...umm....toliet inspect.
ACTIVATING GLUE MODE. TARGET: UNKNOWN ASS.
Glue mode?
No!!!!! Not again! I will get you Ace if it is the last thing I do!

 

by Speez
3-29-03
CP is trying out his new Virtual Chess game.
Black Knight to B4 taking the white Queen.
Oh black knight, I have been waiting for someone to free me from my white, small, husband. And you seem to be well packing black knight.
What the?
Oh, it seems my dress has come off exposing my plump bossom. Take me right here on B4 black night.
Wait, this is the prono edition of chess.

 

by Speez
3-30-03
Has Nintendo gone crazy? I mean look at the new Zelda game, the Wind Maker. It is all about farting? Hehe! Get it? WIND MAKER!
YOU SUCK. You suck so bad we are going to kill our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
Ouch!
Wow. Tough crowd.

 

by Speez
4-02-03
Hey SAN, I order this mind reading device. Here want to try it?
Cool.
So how does it work?
Man, what I love to take SAN to a Motel 6, take off all her close and cover her in mustard.
....never mind.

 

by Speez
4-02-03
I am going to try the mind reading device on Ian.
...................
............
Should have saw that coming...
............pickle.....

 

by Speez
4-02-03
Let me try the mind reading device on my boyfriend, CC16.
Spam, shotgun formation, double chess, in field fly rule, monster trucks, toliet seat, sex, monkey, pickle, Xbox, cold shower, quaterback sneak...
Watermelon, KFC, itch on my right nut, water ballon, tiny bubbles, hard cocks, Dead or Alive: Extreme beach vollyball, 69, 3rd and goal, Webbos...
The mind of a man scares me...
Hairy ass, SAN covered in mustard, Strongbad answers emails, underwear on backwards, sixteen naked women...

 

by Speez
4-02-03
Ladies, are you confused about the minds of men? If you are, you are probably thinking too hard. Hey Speez, what does ever man want?
WOMAN!!!!
And what is better than a woman?
TWO WOMAN!!!!!
And what is better than two woman?
SIX WOMAN!!!!!

 

by Speez
4-04-03
Dude, I found my orignal Nintendo. Wanna play?
You mean the Nintendo 64?
Umm, no. The Nintendo Entertainment System. You know, the system with Mario 3.
Umm, the first Mario game was Mario 64.
God, I hate newbie gamers.
You stupid n00b, there were no video games before the Playstation.

 

by Speez
4-04-03
Can you believe CC16 thinks the first Mario game was Mario 64.
Damn these newbie gamers.
Just because it is the first one they owned doesn't mean it is the first one ever.
I know.
I just want to beat newbie gamers to a bloody pulp.
Yeah, the first Mario game was Mario World for the Super Nintendo.

 

by Speez
4-04-03
So that's it, CC16 and Denza are newbie gamers.
Man, I knew CC16 would be one, but I thought Denza was one of the smart gamers.
I know, so you know what time it is?
Newbie beating time?
That's right, newbie beating time.
I'll get the sack of doorknobs.

 

by Speez
4-04-03
The three stages a Halo fan goes though when he finds out Halo 2 will not come out till 2004. First one, denial.
No, Microsoft is lying to throw everyone off. It's really going to come out tomorrow and kick the Gamecube's ass.
Stage two is fear.
Oh my god, Halo is not coming out. I can't face the world, it's so big.
Stage Three: Beating Ian with a sack of doorknobs till you feel better.
Speez, why are you looking at me like that. Speez, what is in the big. Speez...

 

by Speez
4-04-03
Nintendo fanyboy trying to defend the Gamecube.
Dude, the Gamecube has Metroid and Zelda. ZELDA! METROID! I mean, two games that great are just so great. It's great isn't it?
Wait, two games aren't worth it? Well, there is Mario, which sucks complete ass, BUT IT'S MARIO! THE ITALIAN PLUMBER!
Sad, isn't it?
Maybe I should have bought an Xbox. WAIT, NO, F-ZERO! F-ZERO WILL SAVE US ALL! ALL HAIL NINTENDO and the their decision to go with an inferior CD design for their games!

 

by Speez
4-04-03
And from that time on it was just bacon and ham for me.
Exucse me for a moment, my ass is bleeding again.
You think that would scare me for life? Well, I have heard alot worse...

 

by Speez
4-04-03
I should be in the comic all the time. All Magi, all the time. Screw Denza, Ace, CP and TAS!
God, kill me now.
I demand you make a big saga about me right now or I am going to complain forever!
Ok, you asked for it.
The "Magi is Oshma's Bitch" Saga
Speez, I was kidding! Please, this is a fate worse than death!
Shut up my American bitch with tight pants. Now, before I pack your fudge, do you shave your webbos?

 

by Speez
4-04-03
Hey Ace, this is the 475th UBCS comic! Woo, the road to 500 starts now!
Uh yeah, woo! Whatever. I have a serious question.
Ok, shot.
Is Magi still Oshma's bitch and being force to having gay sex with him.
Of course. Why stop a good thing?
All is right in the world.

 

by Speez
4-06-03
It's time for another meeting of the Anti-Ace Club. Now TAS, will you sing the "We Hate Ace Song"?
Of course. Oh, we hate Ace. We hate Ace. We hate Ace.
And now time for the Anti-Ace Club handshake.
Just kidding.
Kill me now, Ian made fun of me.

 

by Speez
4-06-03
Ok, instead of trying to trick Ace, we are going to do something different.
Goody, different.
We will become more popular than Ace. And when the world loves us, Ace will become jealous and kill himself!
Nice, so what are we going to do to become popular.
We are going to start a boy band. I will be the cute one!

 

by Speez
4-06-03
Ok, what should we name our boy band?
The Cute one and the One with the hands glued to his face.
Seriously, how bout B2BackStreetsync.
Umm, no.
Tiny Bubbles? Two Amigos? Satisfaction Guarnteed? Webbos? To the Core? Social Disorder? Burnt Toast? Shotgun Formation?
How bout "Finger Bang"?

 

by Speez
4-06-03
Let's see what's on TV.
Introducing the newest boy band, Finger Bang!
Hola! We are finger bang! I am Ian! Are you ready for the finger bang!
Yo, yo, yo, I am TAS! I put the bang, in finger bang! Word to you mother!
Well, it's better than FOX.
Now for our number one single, Finger Bangage!

 

by Speez
4-06-03
Finger Bang appears on a TV interview show.
I am Mr. After Dark, first name, Good, interviewing Ian of Finger Bang.
Glad to be here Good.
So, it seems you are trying to past yourself as the cute one.
Oh yeah, I am so cute. Glad dans! Glad dans!
But it seems your are more like the gay one.
Well, I think you are true Mr. Afterdark.

 

by Speez
4-07-03
Alright, now I am interviewing TAS of the boy band "Finger Bang" who is called, and I quote, "Da Gangsta One"
Word. Uhhh, word.
Now TAS, do you think it's "cool" that you call yourself that when all you do is sprut gangster cliches and grunt alot?
Word homie, for sizzle my dizzle, don't be hate'n, word, homie.
Secondly, why are you hands glued to your face like the idoit you are.
I am representing, strait trippin, for sizzy, word.

 

by Speez
4-07-03
Hey, what happen to Finger Bang? I heard you guys went bankrupt.
Ask the cute one when he comes by.
So, what happen to the band?
Well, we hit it big with our number one single, Finger Bangage. But then I spent all the money we made on my addiction.
On drugs?
No, pancakes.

 

by Speez
4-07-03
UBCS is a popular message board. Been open for two years.
Today marks a turning point for the UBCS. All the members will have to stick together though this crisis.
The invasion of the spammers.
I think I will advertise everywhere else BUT the advertising board.

 

by Speez
4-07-03
While the spammers invade, we join CP. Playing Zelda: The Winder Maker, he is unaware of the invasion.
Yep, love my Gamecube.
Speez busts into the room with the news.
CP, come quick! We need all the help we can get! It is a Code Pickle. I repeat, a code pickle.
Can't it wait, I am playing Zelda! Anyways, I forget what a pickle is.
A pickle is a nice food...oh, CODE pickle. Code pickle: Invasion of the spammers.
MY GOD! Not the spammers! I will be right there! Umm, after I beat this dugeon.

 

by Speez
4-07-03
While UBCS goes to hell, Speez and CP watch from afar.
It's Lightitup! He spamming the board like no tomorrow!
Wait, wasn't he killed.
CP, he is pure spam. If you ban him, he just comes back in another form, but yet looks the same.
My god! Are you telling me he is like some sort of spam devil?
Well....yes.
Ok, just checking.

 

by Speez
4-07-03
My god, there are two Lightitups now!
What?!?!?
Dude, let's bump all topics for no reason. That will make us cool.
No, how bout we post links to our Outwar game. That will bring in the hits.
Lightitup is like bunnies. Leave him alone for too long and they multiply.
This calls for my secret weapon.

 

by Speez
4-07-03
So, what is your secret weapon to use on the spammers?
Easy...
Ace armed with a bag of doorknobs.
I am here to kick some spammer ass.
Three minutes later, all but one Lightitup is dead.
Please Ace, have mercy! I didn't know it was spam!
Read the rules, bitch! Huttah!

 

by Speez
4-11-03
Hey, I just realized I am the man of this relationship.
Wow, just now?
Go bake me some cookies, WOMAN!
...
Once again, television steers me wrong.

 

by Speez
4-12-03
Honey, am I fat?
DANGER! DANGER!
Well?
Misty, you are beatiful to me.
It seems there was no right answer to that question.

 

by Speez
4-13-03
Your weight scale is broken
Oh, and why is it broken.
It said I was ten pounds over weight.
And so you assumed it was broken because of that?
No, it's broken because I the fact I crushed it with a sack of doorknobs...
Umm...have I told you lately you look beatiful?

 

by Speez
4-14-03
Speez, you are being fined for that last comic. You ripped it off from a recent "Fox Trot" comic.
COMEON, ALL THE GOOD IDEAS HAVE ALREADY BEEN TAKEN! Everything now a days is a copy off of something else.
Well, they do a better job of covering it up, so you are going to have to be fined.
Are you going to beat me with a sack of doorknobs?
Oh yeah, you stole the sack of doorknobs phrase from the Simpsons.
Come on!

 

by Speez
4-18-03
Hello friends, I am Good Afterdark. In celebration of the UBCS comic reaching the milestone 500 comic, I am going to interview characters from the strip.
So, state your name and purpose in the comic.
The Great Speez, I am the writer of this comic. The only reason I appear in some many of the strips is because I love myself too much.
How do you come up with great storylines and characters that have actual character development?
Wow, I have character development in the comic? I come up with half the comics while I am on the john.

 

by Speez
4-20-03
Happy Easter from the UBCS comic!
Yeah, you know Easter. It all started when Jesus died on the cross.
Then he saved all our souls by coming back from the dead as a chocolate bunny and hides colorful eggs for all the childern.
Umm, Denza?
Then Hallmark came along and sucked the life out of it.

 

by Speez
4-20-03
Hey Ace, don't you hate it when you are running to the bathroom, and you don't make it. So, you whiz all over your pants.
You mean peeing your pants?
No, it's not peeing your pants. You see, you don't make it, but you wanted to...and...umm...err...
Yeah, so I pee my pants often.

 

by Speez
4-21-03
Hola Denza. Como esta?
Umm, what the hell? Is that Mexican or something?
No, yo hablo espanel. Denza es estupido.
Argh, stop talking to me in your devil langauge!
It makes me feel really dumb when he talks to me in Spanish...
Hola Denza? Tu duermes con chicos pequeños.

 

by Speez
5-08-03
Man, my first year of college is finally done! Oh yeah!
Oh yeah, a year of collge is under our belts! But I am going to miss all our friends.
Umm, Denza...
Espically the Fonz. He was one badass walking around going "HEY!"
Umm, Denza? You didn't go to college.
Oh yeah, I was thinking of Happy Days. That was a good TV show.

Showing page 10.

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