All comics by biped

Profile

 

by biped
6-23-04
Pardon me -- is this your squirrel that's humping my leg?
No, we're just good friends.
I'd really like for him to stop before he -- ahem -- "finishes."
Just go away. Then he'll have to find something else to hump.
OH, WALL! LOVELY WALL! AAH...AAH... AAAHHHH!!!
I can't take you anywhere, can I?

 

by biped
6-23-04
Well...that could've gone better.

 

by biped
6-24-04
Would you help me find my cat, please? I'm hoping the tuna-like stench from your cunt will draw it out of hiding.
GASP!!!
I hope you're not hiring a new secretary simply on the basis of looks.
Certainly not. I'm hiring on the basis of how well you can deep-throat my cock and gargle my balls.
Hey! Are you undressing me with your eyes, you sexist pervert?
No. I'm imagining what you would look like if you were wearing pigtails and yodeling up a cow's asshole.

 

by biped
6-25-04
We're the IMPOSSIBUTTS!!!
We fight crime with our SUPER-POWERED BUTTS!!!
Look! It's a dastardly evil-doer!
ATOMIC BUTTOCKS TO POWER!!! BUTTHOLES TO SPEED!!!
Now we're flying through the air using our super fart-power!
I SMELL AN ADVENTURE! FART, FART, AND AWAAAY!

 

by biped
6-25-04
HA HA! I just robbed the Sphinctopolis Museum and stole their priceless collection of Mesopotamian buttplugs!
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, DOCTOR ANUS!
Allow me to hit that evil turdhead with a SUPER FART BLAST, Ying-Yang Lass!
You GO, Goo-Goo Girl!
YAAAA!!! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN EATING? DEAD SQUIRRELS AND CHEESE?
CHOKE ON IT, YOU DASTARDLY ASSHOLE!!!

 

by biped
6-25-04
Another job well done!
Oh, no -- look down there! It's CONSTIPATED CLOWN!
Hyeh-hyeh-HYEEHH! My evil new food additive will permanently CONSTIPATE all the citizens of Sphinctopolis! Hyeh-hyeh -- HUH?
Blow it out your ASS...CLOWN!!!
ALLOW ME, GOO-GOO GIRL! NNGGGHH!!!
OH MY GOD!!! MEATLOAF AND TURNIP GREENS!!! GAAAAAAAA!!!!

 

by biped
6-25-04
Thank you, IMPOSSIBUTTS! The city of Sphinctopolis owes you a huge debt of gratitude!
UP YOURS, Mayor!!! Or should I say -- PROFESSOR DOPPELBANGER!
Allow me to cast my vote for your next election -- to PRISON! SMELL HOT JUSTICE, FUTURE FUCK-TOY!
But I won't last TWO DAYS in -- GOOD LORD!!! CHICKEN TACOS AND REFRIED BEANS!!! YAAAAAAA!!!!!
Once again, THE IMPOSSIBUTTS have shoved law and order STRAIGHT UP CRIME'S RECTUM!
RECTUM? We fucking KILLED 'EM! AAAH HA HA HA!

 

by biped
6-25-04
Is this a great game or what?
Yeah, too bad I gotta leave soon.
You can't leave, we've almost finished it! Where do you gotta go?
I've got some important business to take care of...
You got back just in time, my dear! It's almost midnight!
Oh, I felt so PRETTY, Fairy Godmother! And...and I think he really LIKED me, too!

 

by biped
6-26-04
Duck season! ...Duck season! ...Duck season! ...Duck season!
Rabbit season! ...Rabbit season! ...Rabbit season! ...Rabbit season!
Rabbit season!
DUCK SEASON! FIRE!

 

by biped
6-26-04
STARING CONTEST!!!
STARING CONTEST!!!

 

by biped
6-27-04
RUN! THE MONSTER'S AFTER US!
Oh! Thanks for telling me to run! I didn't know I was supposed to do that!
HURRY! HE'S RIGHT BEHIND -- where'd you go?
I fell down!
COME ON! WE'VE GOT TO -- now what?
I fell down again!

 

by biped
6-27-04
Well, now it's too late to get away! I'm going to have to fight the monster!
Okay! I'll just stand here and do nothing while you're doing that, then.
I guess I could kick the monster in the head, or hit him with a tree limb or something.
But instead, I think I'll just scream and look scared. That'll help, right?

 

by biped
6-27-04
Well? Did you kill the monster?
Are you kidding? I'm a zoologist -- he's a fucking monster!
So, what happened?
Well, it suddenly hit me while I was getting my ass kicked -- the monster doesn't want me, he wants you. As his mate. So we made a deal.
What kind of a deal?
He lets me go -- and you bear his evil hell-spawn offspring. Bingo -- everybody's happy.

 

by biped
6-27-04
Uh...hello.
RAAAAAR!!!!!!
Ick!!! This isn't how I imagined my first time would be at all!!!
RAAAAAR!!!!!!!
Later...
Hurry up, Dustin, or we'll miss out on that big back-to-school sale at Penney's.
Raaar! Shut up, Mom!

 

by biped
6-28-04
Gee, mister! You sure do have a big, fat ass!
Huh?
It's not nice to say the word "ass", little girl. And it's also not nice to tell someone that they have a big, fat one.
Can I suck your dick?

 

by biped
6-29-04
PENIS!!!
SCROTUM!!! TESTICLES!!!
Here comes your mommy.
Goo-goo... gaa-gaa...

 

by biped
6-29-04
I can't find my little boy! Would you help me look for him?
Okay! It'll be like an adventure!
DAMN! That baby eel tasted good!
YEAH! Let's go find another one! YUM!
Never mind.

 

by biped
6-29-04
Sorry mister, I don't give blowjobs.
What are you talking about? I didn't say anything about blowjobs!
Oh, yeah? Your personal ad in "Screw" mentioned them four times.

 

by biped
6-30-04
Is this a great game or what?
Yeah, too bad I gotta leave soon.
You can't leave, we've almost finished it! Where do you gotta go?
I've got some important business to take care of...
Me hungry, Mommy.
Damn it, Brad! You're going to have to be weaned sooner or later!

 

by biped
6-30-04
Welcome to Farm Film Celebrity Blow Up! I'm Big Jim McBob...
...and I'm Billy Sol Hurok! And today's special celebrity guest is -- actor Billy Zane!
Hi, guys! It's really great to be here on your --
YEEE-HAAA!!! He blowed up GOOD!!!
Blowed up REAL good!!!

 

by biped
6-30-04
Me hungry, Mommy.
Damn it, Brad! You're going to have to be weaned sooner or later!
But me hungry, Mommy!
Well, eat a fucking hamburger or something!
WAAAA-HAAAAA!!!!
Oh, for god's sake, here's five dollars! Go to McDonald's, DAMN IT!

 

by biped
6-30-04
Can I take your order, sir?
I'm hungry. May I please suck your titties?
Oh, I KNOW you didn't just say THAT!
I'll give you five whole dollars. Mommy said that would be enough.
I ain't even LACTATIN', FOOL!
Well, what about that lady back there in the kitchen? Her titties look nice and full!

 

by biped
6-30-04
MAYNELL! THERE'S SOME FOOL OUT HERE WHO WANTS TO SUCK ON YOUR TITTIES!
Tell her how hungry I am.
What the hell?
May I suck on your titties, please? Mommy won't let me suck on hers anymore, and I'm so very, very hungry.
Well, THAT'S original! Meet me after work, hot stuff!
Oh, boy. Do I get to keep my five dollars, too?

 

by biped
6-30-04
Okay, hunky-boy! Let's get it on!
Oh, goody! I sure am ready!
HEY! WHAT THE FUCK!
SUCK! SUCK! SUCK! OH, MOMMY! YUM-YUM!
GET OUTTA HERE, YOU PERVERT!
WAAAAA-HAAAAAAA!!!!!

 

by biped
6-30-04
I'm starving! May I please suck on your titties?
Well...I guess so. If you don't mind powdered milk.
SUCK! SUCK! SUCK! YUM-YUM!
OH MY GOD! WHOOPEE!
HEY! THIS IS A NEW THING! WHAT'S HAPPENING! UHH... UHH... UHH... UNNGGGHHH!!!
OH, MY GOMPERS!!! YEEEE HAAAA!!!

 

by biped
6-30-04
Well? Did you finally eat a hamburger?
I didn't have to! A nice ninety-year-old lady let me suck her titties!
WHAT? OH... MY... GOD...
And she taught me a whole new other thing, too! It's called "fucking"! We must'a done it a HUNDRED TIMES!
SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE! *GAG*!
And guess what ELSE, Mommy? SHE sucked ME, and I was just FULL of milk! Only it was REAL CREAMY, and it came out of my WEINER!

 

by biped
7-01-04
You can play in the laboratory all you want, pumpkin, but whatever you do, don't go into the human-to-monster transformation machine.
Okay, daddy!

 

by biped
7-01-04
Well, are you being a good little g--GAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Hi, daddy!
WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY LITTLE GIRL, YOU TERRIFYING MONSTER???!!!
I am your little girl, daddy!
Oh. Well, I guess we can just kiss two-hundred dollars worth of brand new back-to-school outfits goodbye.
I can still wear the cute little sailor hat!

 

by biped
7-01-04
Edna, I'm afraid I have a tiny tad of bad news.
Don't tell me you let the toaster oven warranty run out again, Melvin... how many times must I remind you --
Hi, mommy!
GAAAAAAAA!!!!! MY LITTLE GIRL HAS BEEN TRANSFORMED INTO A TERRIFYING MONSTER!!!
On the bright side, however, the warranty on that toaster oven is paid up till next June!

 

by biped
7-01-04
...so Mom rubbed some ointment on it, and about a week later the rash went away!
That was very interesting, Bobby.
And now it's Cindy's turn to tell us what happened to her on her summer vacaAAAAAAAA!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!
Hi, Miss Kadiddlehopper!
During my summer vacation, I accidentally got turned into a terrifying monster! Um -- and also, I got to go to Knott's Berry Farm!
Fuckin' COOL! Will you be my girlfriend?

 

by biped
7-01-04
All right, dear -- the machine is ready. Just step inside and we'll see if we can't return you to normal.
Okay, daddy!
That should do it!
Am I a little girl again, daddy?
Er...not exactly, pumpkin. But on the bright side, I think your pretty new dresses will fit you again!

 

by biped
7-02-04
Redneck bar
Come on, sweeties! Let's gay it up in here! MA-CHO, MA-CHO MA-AN...!
Dyke bar
What's your problem?
Nothing...it's just that I never saw a butt-ugly hunchbacked dude with big tits before.
Gay bar
Anybody up fer a line dance?
Ooh-la-la! Make that a conga line and I'm in, sweet-cheeks!

 

by biped
7-02-04
Dude! Kegger tonight!
Sweet! I'll bring some tasty buds!
You Delta Chi Omega animals! I'll expell you all yet!
Whoa, it's Dean Iguaniwitz! Major fucking buzzkill!
Fuck school! Let's road trip to Palm Beach!
Fucking awesome! I just got a new speedo!

 

by biped
7-02-04
Totally bitchin' convertible, dude!
It's my mom's Honda Civic! I just sawed the top off!
Fuck! It's wall-to-wall hot chicks here! Boner City, dude!
Let's split up and go on a beaver hunt! We'll get laid for sure!
What up, totally stacked major babe! Pass that doob and let's get wacky!
Tee hee! I like your tentacle-like facial growths! Wanna find out where I'm ticklish?

 

by biped
7-02-04
Man! I think I'll just whip it out and start whacking off right here! Nobody'll notice!
Excuse me, would you like to have sex? I'm really horny, and --
YAAAAAAAAAAA!!! IT'S A TERRIFYING MONSTER!!! HEEEELLLLLPP!!!
WOW! How IRONIC!
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!!! THERE'S A HIDEOUS TERRIFYING MONSTER ON THE LOOSE!!!
IT'S HORRIBLE!!! IT HAS BIG QUIVERING GLOBULES ON ITS CHEST!!! YAAAAAA!!!

 

by biped
7-02-04
Man, that fucking sucked! We didn't even get laid!
Hey! Let's buttfuck Dean Iguaniwitz!
YAAAA-HAAAA!!! WHOOOO-HAAAA!!!
Hold still, Dean! I'm trying to get a nut here, dude!
My turn! OH, YEAH! UNNHH...UNNHH... UNNNNGGGGHHH!!!!
CURSE YOU DELTA CHI OMEGAS!!! I'LL REVOKE YOUR CHARTER FOR THIS!!! UNNNNGGGHHHH!!!!!

 

by biped
7-03-04
Good heavens! I've never been this far from the convent before!
DAMN! That's a smokin' hot sexy outfit! Are you a stripper?
"Stripper"? I helped Sister Olga strip the paint off the floors in the rectory once...
Wow! I'd like to have seen THAT! Nuns on all fours... I'll bet I would've popped a boner!
Well, I think I've PULLED a boner. I can't find my way back to the convent.
Pulled a bo -- OMIGOD! I think I just creamed my Spiderman Underoos!

 

by biped
7-03-04
So, this "convent"... is that a new strip club, or what?
Oh, it's a very exclusive "club!" A lot of the girls don't make it!
Wow! I can't wait to find it! Sounds like it's full of hot, grade-A babes!
Yes...we are all "babes" in this world, trying to "make the grade."
Well, here's "Big Al's House of Lost Women." Is this the place?
Hmm...I'm certainly a "lost woman" right now. Maybe Mr. Al can help me!

 

by biped
7-03-04
It's about time you showed up! There's a hundred guys out there with a hard-on for some hot nun action!
Goodness! It sounds like lots of people need my help! I'll see what I can do!
Here I am, everyone! What can I do for you?
TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF, BABY! HUBBA-HUBBA!
Well, I don't see what good that will do, but okay --
HOLY FUCKING DING-DONGS!!! UNNGGGGHHHH!!! *fwap fwap fwap*!!!

 

by biped
7-03-04
Sister, you're the hottest attraction we've ever had! I'm signing you to a long-term contract!
Gosh, Mr. Al! I feel just like a MISSIONARY!
"Let me...entertain you..."
"Let me...make you smile!"
I never dreamed it would be this easy to help people! And to think...this all started with me pulling a huge BONER!
Pulling a huge bo -- OMIGOD!!! I think I just creamed my truss!

 

by biped
7-03-04
HA HA! Lookit the horse face on that ugly fucking old skanky fag-hag!
*GASP* NOBODY talks to Zelda, Queen of the Gypsies like that! NOBODY!
Boy, are you in for it! She'll probably put a curse on you or something!
Ahh, BALONEY! What could possibly happen?

 

by biped
7-04-04
Sailing! Sailing! Over the bounding main!
ARR!!! Stop singing that song!
Sailing! Sailing! Over the bounding main!
I said stop singing that blasted song, ye scurvy landlubber!
Sailing! Sailing! Over the bounding main! Sailing! Sailing! Over the bounding main! Sailing! Sailing! Over the bounding main!
SHUT UP!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!

 

by biped
7-04-04
Lizardsuit!
Wigudonkey!
Lizardsuit!
Granny!
Lizardsuit!
STOP DOING THAT!

 

by biped
7-04-04
I am running for Lizardsuit! Please make me your choice for Lizardsuit in the next Lizardsuit election!
Who else is running for Lizardsuit?
Nobody! That's why you should elect ME -- LIZARDSUIT -- as your next Lizardsuit!
Why, that's just plain silly!
Watch it, Granny, or I'll run for Granny! Then you'd be out of a job!
Oh, pshaw! Nobody in their right mind would vote for Lizardsuit as their next Granny!

 

by biped
7-04-04
Well, the votes are all in, and by a whopping margin, Lizardsuit has been elected Granny.
"...and I look forward to appearing as your duly-elected Granny in all future Granny-related comic strips!"
Would you take me to the zoo, please, Granny?
Of course I will! That is what Grannies do! And I, Lizardsuit, am your duly-elected Granny!
Now get into bed, Timmy, and Granny will read you a bedtime story!
Oh boy! Read me the one about Lizardlocks and The Three Lizardsuits again!

 

by biped
7-04-04
...and, not content to appear solely as Granny, Lizardsuit is now making a play for several other well-known Stripcreator positions.
"Hee haw! Me lizardsuit on ball! Me get chainsaw and kill you with it! Beep-beep!"
Have you heard? We're being replaced as the default characters.
Shit! I told you we should've hired a campaign manager!
SUCKY-SUCKY! FIE DOLLA!
ME RUV YOU RONG TIME!

 

by biped
7-04-04
I am running for Brad! Please make me your choice for Brad in the next Brad election!
Okay, Lizardsuit! Now you've gone TOO FAR!
Let's let the voters decide, Brad! Maybe they're not too happy with the job you're doing as Brad!
ULP! I'd better go hire a campaign manager!
Did you hear the wonderful news, Wigudonkey? Lizardsuit was just elected as the new Brad!
Wow! That's great, Mr. Stinkybutt!

 

by biped
7-05-04
Christina Aguilera is getting fat. And every time I see her, she's skankier-looking too.
Yuck! She sure is! Fat and ugly! And skanky, too! Pee-yew, is she skanky!
Just look at her. Bloated, strung-out, tattooed... pierced like a pin-cushion...rutting like a bitch in heat...
You said it! Bloated, skanky, and ugly! Man, I wouldn't touch that shit with a ten-foot pole! GHEEE-ROSSS!!!
Later that night...
*thwap thwap thwap thwap thwap*

 

by biped
7-05-04
HNUUH! Welcome to moy show! Oym Rosie O'Dawuhnull! Tuhday's guest is moy frenn Penny MWAHHshull! An uh visit fum moy gay hyeh-dressuh! HUH-HYUH-HAHHH!
WUHH! Who stowul moy Ring-Dings! Oy hahd sum Ring-Dings awn moy desk hyahh! Oh moy GWAHD! Jawhn, did yoo steal moy Ring-Dings! HUHH!
Later that night...
*thwap thwap thwap thwap thwap*

 

by biped
7-06-04
Well, this is it. The last known residence of the sick, twisted bastard who calls himself "biped."
What a shithole. He must be a throwback to the fucking Neanderthal age or something.
That's an insult to Neanderthals, sergeant. Holy shit...check out this creep's fucking DVD collection.
Horror, sci-fi, slasher flicks, bizarre sex stuff, and...oh my god... every known film in the "Star Trek" series.
And those cartoony-looking ones? With the big-eyed geeks and disproportionately-endowed women?
It's known as "anime", lieutenant. No doubt about it -- we're dealing with a very sick mind here.

Showing page 10.

« Previous Next »