All comics by dylan_99

Profile

 

by dylan_99
1-16-09
My boyfriend dumped me and my job sucks. I work non-stop, I make very little money
I don't know what else to do...
Dammit woman can I have my fries?

 

by dylan_99
1-16-09
Hey, im heading home earlier than usual, it's my mom's bingo night and i have to make snacks!
You know there is something that can be done about your mother....Wink Wink
akward silence

 

by dylan_99
1-16-09
I DID LOVE THIS MOVIE
Welcome to Bad Movies, where I, Lester Paul will review my picks of the works movies to come out in 2008 and 2009!
HONESTLY I DID!
First one is The Dark Knight! NOW i HONESTLY loved this movie, its just the batman (Christian Bale)'s voice!
IM NOT LYING!
It's like he has a serious case of throat cancer!

 

by dylan_99
1-16-09
Hello and welcome back to another thrilling episode of Bad Movies! I'm your host Lester Paul. Today I'm going to review Hotel For Dogs.
Why do these kids pick up all these stray animals?
wouldn't it be easier to put them all to sleep?

 

by dylan_99
1-16-09
i don't like the doctors now adays!
same i liked it when Dr.Seuss was around!

 

by dylan_99
1-16-09
You're using that as a crutch!
HaHa get it, 'Crutch'... your a cripple!
Come on, thats good stuff!

 

Hey, im not good with names can i just call you 'Cock Pocket'?
by dylan_99, 1-16-09

 

by dylan_99
2-25-09
Man, that internet is some SUPER INFORMATION HIGHWAY!
I HATE the traffic jams!

 

by dylan_99
2-25-09
I don't know why but i always start to feel depressed when i watch the news!
Why is that?
When I hear that the NASDAQ has gone down, I feel sort of sad...I don't even know what the NASDAQ is!

 

by dylan_99
2-26-09
My god, the principal is a total dick, he covered up the vending machines saying 'its bad for kids'
Well thats not too bad, at least he doesn't know how to use a computer....I'm gonna go watch scrambly porn on my laptop!
He actually go somebody else to do that for him. Those sites are all blocked!
Now I know why kids become school shooters!

 

by dylan_99
2-26-09
Son why didn't you stick up for your brother when those kids where bullying him?
Well dad, some of the 'bullies' are my friends!
Yes but remember son...Mud is thicker than water!

 

by dylan_99
2-26-09
Hey...yeah..hi, do you know the way around here?
Sorry, I'm a stranger here myself!

 

by dylan_99
2-26-09
Have you seen Miller?
No, why are you dressed in a astronaugt costume?
We're making a movie about space...
Whats it called?
'The Challenger: The Movie'

 

by dylan_99
3-03-09
Next on 'The Supernatural Celeb edition of UFC' Edward Cullen Star of Twilight VS Blade the Vampire hunter!
...and ladies and gentlemen the fight seems to be over before it even started, Edward has had his head cut off! Blade is the winner!
About time!... he was giving us all a bad name!

 

by dylan_99
3-04-09
How do you give a Orange a orgasm?
No clue, this better be going somewhere!
tickle it's citrus!

 

by dylan_99
3-04-09
Hey Ben, i wanted to know....i just noticed that you've always had your hand up! Do you have a question?
I have only 1 different position, STRIPCREATOR can't spring for some new character pose's of me. And yes i have a question...
Why is it only the black man who has 1 character set?!

 

by dylan_99
3-06-09
What do you call a anorexic with a yeast infection?
Don't know...what?
Buzz-Zing!
a quarter pounder with cheese!

 

by dylan_99
3-06-09
Lizard Labels Inc.
Hey Jorge-i was wondering, if you'd like to take over Ray's job...
Why what happened to Ray?
He was stealing pens from the company... and setting up camera's in the women's washrooms.
Sure I'll take Ray's job, a promotion's a promotion right?
5 minutes later
son-of-a...

 

by dylan_99
3-06-09
Jesus, I thought that meeting would never end!
Your telling me, Mr. Lizardsuit is bugging the crap out of me, I can hardly enjoy my smoke breaks now!
He was the one that let Ray go, just because he put a single pen in his pocket, a single pen!
He needs to loosen up. Maybe get him a hooker?
He's also making us working 5 extra hours on friday's because we're 'too' happy for the weekend.
What a hardassaur

 

by dylan_99
3-06-09
Well Mr. Lizardsuit I must say you've done a fine job keeping this place spic and span!
Nothing but the best for Lizard Labels Inc, Sir. I treat my employee's with total respect!
Hey toots run down to the kitchen and make me a sandwhich! Let's go come on!
douche bag...
What was that all about then?
Thats my daughter

 

by dylan_99
3-09-09
Hello faithful employee, My name is Douglas McHadrosaur
Yes, I know you, your the guy who plays golf like a cheap whore...or so says my boss.
Hmmm, what else does your boss say about me?
Just that your tophat makes you look queer! Why do you ask are you his cousin or something?
I'm the owner of the company, his boss and overall your boss too!
Extinction doesn't come fast enough!

 

by dylan_99
3-10-09
You'll need a translator for this Mwhahaha
¿Hola Jackson, cómo anda hoy? ¿Ha visto usted Alex?
El acaba de ir al cuarto de baño que queja del estómago
¡Maldiga alimento mexicano!

 

by dylan_99
3-13-09
Ever since the canadian recession, the cookie monster can't afford insulin and they just put him on dialysis.
Both his feet have been amputated!

 

by dylan_99
3-15-09
Mrs. Simpson?
Yes? Who the hell are you?
I'm the Grim Reaper, im here for two bodies. A white chick and a Jewish Model...Oh god your still alive? How akward...
Yes we're still alive, who could possible want to kill us?
Your Kidding right?

 

I came a little late...
by dylan_99, 3-15-09

 

by dylan_99
3-17-09
ONWARD MY BLOODY AMIGO'S...
WE'RE TAKING BACK HAVANA!

 

by dylan_99
3-22-09
Wow, Mr.Yakov Smirnoff. I love your acts. Your the funniest comedian with under the Communist regime genre.
Can I get your autograph? I am such a huge fan Mr. Smirnoff!
Sure kid...
But my real name isn't Yakov Smirnoff it's Jack Daniels!

 

You might be a redneck when all you gave your daughter for christmas was hickeys!
by dylan_99, 4-12-09

 

by dylan_99
4-18-09
When I grow up I want to be just like the Cow from that old story...
The one who jumped over the moon?
Yeah, he's my ever lasting hero!
I know, he's an 'Udder' Genius!

 

by dylan_99
4-19-09
I read somewhere that they just finished the photography for Star Wars Episode III just last week!
Carl, they finished those photographs a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away!
I hate people who write the articles for 'Geek Week' they get everything wrong!
I know...
monkey's on keyboards, I tell ya!

 

by dylan_99
4-20-09
Hello everybody, I'm Ben from the character category Office, a couple comics back I realized that I only have 1 character set...left and right!
Is it because I'm black? I think so, and if you don't think it's a case of racism then just look at Melvin... the guy has 9 character sets, is this because he's white?
What other perks are you getting?
Your wife!

 

by dylan_99
4-20-09
I was pulled over the other day by immigration patrol and they asked me how did me and my thirty-four brothers get into america?
And i said 'Isn't it that odvious...
your border's are as open as Paris Hiltons legs'

 

by dylan_99
4-20-09
This just in...studies show that you actually are smarter laying down than standing up!
Paris Hilton must be a friggin' genius!
No Sh*t!

 

by dylan_99
4-21-09
I went to my church yesterday for easter!
I hate religion, I dropped out of church early on!
Religion is great! Why would you want to drop out?
Priest said I couldn't masturbate and that it's a sin!
Did he also mention that you'll go blind?
Yeah, thats why I said 'Syke, I can still find it!'

 

by dylan_99
4-21-09
You said that you went to Church yesterday for easter right?
Yes, thats right...why?
Easter was 3 weeks ago, why didn't you go then? Isn't that considered a sin?
Nah, Jesus never makes it in on time...
he's been a little 'tied' down lately !

 

by dylan_99
4-21-09
You've ordered every topping there is...
Would you like some cookies on it too?
I can't even close the damn thing!

 

by dylan_99
4-23-09
Why are you playing the Wii with a regular controller? Aren't you supposed to play them with the stick and the numbchuck?
Last time I checked! Plus I don't feel like waving my arms around like a freaking epileptic!
But thats what the Wii was made for! Your supposed to lose weight and have fun doing it, all your doing is having fun!
Well I figure that since I don't need to lose weight that why can't I have fun?
It just doesn't make any sense...your destroying the whole purpose of the Wii!
At least I'm standing!

 

Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
by dylan_99, 4-26-09

 

It just lies dormant for ten years.
by dylan_99, 4-26-09

 

This virus doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.
by dylan_99, 4-26-09

 

It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
by dylan_99, 4-26-09

 

Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.
by dylan_99, 4-26-09

 

This virus Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.
by dylan_99, 4-26-09

 

This virus makes your computer become obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
by dylan_99, 4-26-09

 

This virus takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
by dylan_99, 4-26-09

 

This virus won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.
by dylan_99, 4-26-09

 

by dylan_99
4-26-09
Well I have good news and bad news...
Lay it on me, whats the bad news?
You have Alzheimer's disease
Good lord, what's the good news?
You can go home and forget about it!

 

by dylan_99
4-28-09
I can't believe that I'm getting married! This is going to be wonderful!
Well now that your getting married you've got 4 rings that you have to prepare for!
Oh, what rings are those?
1. The Engagement Ring. 2. The Wedding Ring and...
...the Suffe-Ring and the Endu-Ring!

 

by dylan_99
4-28-09
So how come you have to stay at my place for a while, not that i don't mind you being here...
Kasey has been moody ever since she saw me locking lips with the topless dancer at my stag party! I WAS DRUNK!
If I had a nickel...So did you talk to her?
Yeah, I had a couple of words for her!
and?
She had a couple of paragraphs for me!

 

by dylan_99
4-28-09
This is just great, I'm being suspened with out pay because some dumb women thought I said a sexist joke!
Thats Insane...What did you say?
'A bird in the bush usually has a friend in with him'

Showing page 10.

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