All comics by ivytheplant

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by ivytheplant
3-16-04
Ohmmmmmmmmm...
What are you doing?
I heard that if you concentrate hard enough, you can send things to another dimension.
Riiiiight.
I thought I'd try to send the annoying fratboys with the giant ugly spoilers on otherwise nice cars into the Phantom Zone.
I'm so with you. Ohmmmmmmm....

 

by ivytheplant
3-16-04
[I'm bored and sick. How're you?]
[Same. Movies and comics?]
20 minutes later...
I'm in the mood for zombies.
Zombies eating people on spring break?
Sounds good. Hand me the remote.
Mmmm...free PPV mooching...

 

by ivytheplant
3-16-04
*Clatter clatter thunk!*
???
It's 6am! What are you doing up?
In two more hours, the bagels will be perfect. I must have those bagels!
You're going to touch Safeway's bagel bin with your diseased hands?
Bagels are at stake! Besides, I have the hazmat suit! Sheesh! Square.

 

by ivytheplant
3-18-04
I can't believe you're gonna buy another Mac! How can a G5 possibly be better than a sweet Pentium 4?
I never said it was better. Every computer type has its place.
Yeah, but how do you expect to play all the latest sweet games with a MAC??
I don't get computers just to play games.
Wha-? B-b-b-b-b...That's not natural!!
It's called a "life." Maybe you should look into getting one.

 

by ivytheplant
3-19-04
I have some bad news. We're going to have to convert the Enchanted Forest.
What? Why?
Economics. It's just not bringing in enough income from the tourists. They're more interested in attractions with monsters and demons, not magical waterfalls and flowers.
But you NEED the Enchanted Forest to balance the evil in the Curséd Forest!
Don't worry, you won't be homeless. We're putting you in the city park for now and will plant some flowers along main street.
They'd better be HAPPY flowers!

 

by ivytheplant
3-19-04
Excuse me, old chap. Do you know where I can find a Ms. Ivy?
She's in the backyard....
Thank you kindly.
No...problem.
15 minutes later...
Sorry to bother you, old man, but I'm looking for the lady of the house.
Why do I get the feeling I should move out?

 

by ivytheplant
3-19-04
Um...Ivy...
Just a sec... C'mon you lazy bums! I'm not feeling an "imminent death" vibe! Toss more human bones about!
What's with all the dinosaurs?
It's part of a new attraction in Ivytopia. Behold! Ivyrassic Park!
Considering how many times you've seen Jurassic Park 1-3 and read the books, I would think you'd have more sense than this.
Don't be such a worrywart. The T-rex is a vegan.

 

by ivytheplant
3-19-04
Why isn't showing baby butts in commercials considered child pornography?
If we already know their transformations, how can Transformers be "more than meets the eye"?
Why do the Borg always insist that resistance is futile when it really isn't?
Would you just make a fucking move already?

 

by ivytheplant
3-19-04
Why is pro wrestling fake and amateur wrestling real?
If the Transformers were created by the Quintissons, then why were their pre-Earth transformations accommodating to humanoid biology?
Has the beef ever been found?
Check.

 

by ivytheplant
3-19-04
Is free food and lodging really enough to keep cats humoring us our silliness?
Did Starscream ever realize that he was responsible for restoring the Autobots after their crash to earth?
Why won't someone clone dinosaurs already?
Do you even know how to play chess?

 

by ivytheplant
3-19-04
Why are the most essential elements to survival the hardest to get?
Is it just me, or are the Autobots really bad pilots to have not noticed the entire solar system before crashing onto Earth?
Is it wrong to love fruit?
I beat you three moves ago.

 

by ivytheplant
3-19-04
Why are people such dicks?
Am I the only one who remembers that the first episode of Transformers originally said "65 million years later"?
Am I really a danger to myself and others?
What is it with you and the Transformers questions?

 

by ivytheplant
3-20-04
I just saw the funniest damn Google ad on StripCreator.
Funnier than scientist sperm?
Way funnier. Get this: "Dinosaurs and Man? - 2 PhDs examine the evidence & show that dinosaurs once walked w/man."
*rofl* XAXAXAXAXA!
10 minutes later...
Hehe...oh man. Wanna go hehe grab some lunch? *giggle*
Sure hehe. Just as soon as I *snicker* send this link on to our prof hehehe.

 

by ivytheplant
3-20-04
Honorable Ninja, thank you for agreeing to open an Ivytopian branch.
Honorable Ninja is pleased to bring low low prices to the people of Ivytopia.
We are honored to purchase our transportation needs from Honorable Ninja Used Cars.
Honorable Ninja has but one question.
Yes?
Why do so many Ivytopians wish to purchase armored cars with weapons?

 

by ivytheplant
3-20-04
In Ivytopia's Desert of Doom...
Hey, Sharkey!
You rang, oh Tenderized One?
We're doing some renovations and I was wondering how you and the other guys would feel about relocating.
You're not making us go to a zoo are you, my Delectable Delight?
No no, nothing like that. We're trying to accommodate the new Ivyrassic Park and might have to terraform parts of the desert.
I shall ask the others then, my Peppered Princess.

 

by ivytheplant
3-20-04
20 freaking hot minutes later...
So, what's the scoop?
Well, oh Spicy Seductress, the Yeti would love a more, ah, temperate clime. Wolfman would like a nice forest to...romp in. Dracula and Lord Vader say they would love a castle to call their own...
I didn't realize the two were an item.
Yes, quite unexpected, that. Well, the spinosaurus would love a part in your little attraction and me and the missus would be delighted, oh Magnifique Monarch, if we could move to less arid clime.
Wow. Everyone is more than happy to leave I take it?
Basically, my Succulent Sovereign, no one wants to stay in this damned desert anymore.

 

by ivytheplant
3-20-04
Madame Prime Minister, I must protest the dismantling of the Desert of Doom. As you know, I have been spending many months in the desert, observing the local wildlife for my research.
Yup.
By terraforming the desert to accommodate your park, you have not only destroyed a fascinating ecosystem, but my career as well.
You did realize that the Desert of Doom was an artificial construction, right?
*choke*
I need to hire less dedicated researchers.

 

by ivytheplant
3-20-04
There you are, my Delicious Duchess. We have a bit of a problem in the relocation of the indigenous population of the Desert of Doom.
I can't wait to hear.
Pharaoh Wanghotep is refusing to leave. He says that as a mummy, his place is in the desert. Shall I devour him, my most Exquisite Empress?
No. I'll go talk to him.
Thank you, my Mouthwatering Majesty. I was not looking forward to partaking of undead flesh.
*sigh* Damn mummies ruining my plans.

 

by ivytheplant
3-20-04
Come on, Wanghotep. I need to terraform the desert for my dinosaur park.
Dinosaurs typically lived in wet environments. You don't need my desert! I refuse to give it up!
Okay look. Howabout if I build you your own pyramid to live in.
My own pyramid? Really??
Yup. And the carnivores that will hang around here won't bother you since you don't taste very good.
You've made me the happiest undead Ivytopian EVER!

 

by ivytheplant
3-20-04
Madame Prime Minister, I really must protest my location in the Ivyrassic Park.
Oh what now?
You put me in the same enclosure as that damned Stegosaurus!
Space is at a premium here. You can't have your own enclosure unless your nature involves eating your coworkers.
But that scaly bastard stole my girlfriend in high school!
Did John Hammond ever have to worry about this crap?

 

by ivytheplant
3-20-04
What is it now?
It's the baby T-Rexs. They want their mommy.
*sigh* Well tell them their mommy is in L.A. on a book signing tour.
Book signing tour?
Yeah, she was the momma T-Rex on Jurassic Park 3.
Wow. Ivytopia has celebrities.

 

by ivytheplant
3-21-04
Whew! I'm exhausted! All these renovations are intense!
Mom. I want stuff.
What now?
We cats want our own domain. Catastic Park has a nice ring to it.
Oh fer cryin' out loud! You already have the run of my home and a temple dedicated to you! What more do you want?
I'm going to go knock over the space station again.

 

by ivytheplant
3-21-04
www.lackofoxygen.net
I should update it.
You should pet me instead.
www.ivytopia.org
Become a citizen today!
And worship the cats.
http://www.cafeshops.com/lackofoxygen
I need money to buy cat food.
For furryness sake! We can't starve! We're too cute!

 

by ivytheplant
3-22-04
Man, I'm exhausted. The new Castle Ivytopia is mostly finished.
"Mostly"?
Yeah, until I get hinges, the front doors are just leaning against a wall. But I've got indoor plumbing, by Cat!
No front door, but indoor plumbing.
And turrets.
Right.

 

by ivytheplant
3-22-04
What's that odd black and red building that appeared overnight?
That's Ivytopia's new Satanic temple.
Satanic temple?
Yeah, I figured it would be nice to have religious facilities other than the Temple of the Ivytopian Order.
You couldn't have put in a synagogue instead?
Well building supplies are limited. I didn't think red and black was a suitable color.

 

by ivytheplant
3-22-04
Hey, you're up early! Looks like you've gotten over that nasty lung infection.
Yup. Now I can finally enjoy spring break.
Class starts in 20 minutes.
Goddamnit!

 

by ivytheplant
3-22-04
What will happen when the world is paperless and courts need to serve papers?
Do the Autobots have to obey traffic laws?
How much WOULD that woodchuck chuck?
You're an idiot.

 

by ivytheplant
3-22-04
Why are the people who teach the future of humanity low-paid?
Is working on a Transformer's rear bumper considered appropriate on the first date?
Why doesn't Brad allow three characters per panel?
Like anyone would want to play with you.

 

by ivytheplant
3-22-04
Are we alone in the universe?
Is it wrong to have a crush on a Transformer?
Do these pants make me look fat?
Only your head.

 

by ivytheplant
3-22-04
Why are the pursuits most worthwhile in the long run also the most poorly funded?
Why doesn't anyone ever get me an Autobot for my birthday?
Did I leave the oven on?
I hope so. Then you'll finally shut up!

 

by ivytheplant
3-22-04
Is there a real Stargate program?
I wonder how many people have been stepped on by a Decepticon?
Seriously, what's that smell?
Your lame "musings and ruminations" has an even lamer formula.

 

by ivytheplant
3-22-04
Why haven't we figured out how to download info directly to our brains alà The Matrix?
Did anyone do a study on how Transformer emissions affect the environment?
Wait...did Megatron just say "anti-matter energon cubes"?
Someone kill me before she muses again.

 

by ivytheplant
3-22-04
Why don't we have comic book-type superheroes?
Why is there an atmosphere on Cybertron? Wouldn't that wreak havoc since everything on the planet is metal?
Will Martha Stewart form a drug cartel while in prison?
Help! I'm a man trapped in a chessboard's body and she's boring me to death!

 

by ivytheplant
3-22-04
Good news! The Enchanted Forest won't have to be converted!
Yippee! All my fluffy friends will be so happy!
Um...yeah... So you can move back in and--
Happy happy happy happy!
SHUTUP! Sheesh...I'm in no mood to deal with shiny people today.
*bounce bounce bounce*

 

by ivytheplant
3-22-04
And that makes 26 shots.
"...Decepticons! Follow me!"
In 22 minutes and 51 seconds time count which includes the opening and closing credits, bumpers, and previews, I counted a total of 26 shots. I didn't count the physics violations though.
Wow. Why aren't you tipsy?
Rules: http://rants.lackofoxygen.net/tfgame.html
I stopped at 15 and was drinking kosher wine. The sweetness was what made me stop, actually.
Ew.

 

by ivytheplant
3-24-04
Good morning!
ehmfffbah...
...ehmfffbah...
It's a zombie infestation! They got my sister!
Don't worry. I'll take her down. Permanently.

 

by ivytheplant
3-24-04
"'Jersey Girl' director Kevin Smith says he once got an offer to direct the pop singer (Michael Jackson) in a movie about a man who turns into a car that gets ridden around by a boy."
"Smith tells Playboy magazine that Jackson wanted to play the car/man role. The proposed title of the film, and Smith says this is no lie, was 'Hot Rod.'"
"Smith calls it the "weirdest" script he was ever asked to direct--" AAIIEEEE!!!
I feel so dirty...

 

by ivytheplant
3-24-04
Did you know it's also National Noodle Month?
Why are you telling me this?
Because it's every Ivytopian's duty to celebrate asinine holidays.
I'm not an Ivytopian.
That's what you think. *cackle*
Suddenly I sense impending doom...

 

by ivytheplant
3-26-04
Lust...
Chaka Khan!
Must...restrain...lust!
Why is she staring at me like that?
I need to watch more CSI...
I'm going to go over here now...

 

by ivytheplant
3-30-04
Argh! C'mon...next level!
*beep boop*
Are you playing a Sega Genesis?
Yeah. Shut it. I'm about to beat this damn sand worm.
What's next? Mario on a Super Nintendo or Duck Hunt on an NES?
Your sarcasm has no effect on me. Besides, I played the NES all last night.

 

by ivytheplant
3-30-04
You actually have a Super Nintendo and NES?
Yeah but the Duck Hunt gun doesn't work with my tv. Suckage. I also have an original Gameboy.
I think you need to upgrade to the 21st century.
Look, I bought a Gamecube and Playstation, okay? Before it turned a decade old.
Yeah, but in order to become one with the universe, you need a PS2 and Xbox.
I don't care what you geeks think, NOTHING can beat Tetris!

 

by ivytheplant
3-30-04
Let's make a deal. You get yourself a PS2 and I'll try all your geek old school games.
You first. I'm not wasting $300 before I see your high and mightyness fall.
Just you see. Your old games are nothing compared to the awesomeness of today's high-tech systems.
Fool. He will soon learn the power of the old school side!
Three days later...
God damn you. God damn you to hell.
You're one of us now. Welcome to the fold.

 

by ivytheplant
3-31-04
My bookbag strap broke while I was walking to class.
That'll teach you to walk and carry books at the same time.
I think I'm gonna go for a bike ride.
Oh yeah, the front wheel of your bike needs to be repaired.
Does the universe hate me?
About your parking permit...

 

by ivytheplant
4-01-04
"...and so in June, I'll have to move back in with Mom. And my three cats as well." *send email*
[sending email]
Now for a shower.
[email sent]
20 minutes later...
Oh! A response from my brother! The sucker fell for it!
"maybe me and you can get an apartment like my freind adam did with his sister.....if you're interested,....call me or email me...."

 

by ivytheplant
4-01-04
HeyJonny.
You got my email? Good! Well we can--
Look at the calendar. What day is today?
Let's see...March 31...no... April...GODDAMN YOIU!!!
TBC...
Heh heh heh...
ARGH! I want to slap you!!

 

by ivytheplant
4-01-04
Ooo! Mom just emailed me back!
"I am speechless. Why do you have so much shit to deal with lately? It's not fair." *panic panic panic*
5 minutes later...
Mom...look at your calendar.
What the-- It's...why...you...
TBC...
Bwah ha ha ha haaa!
I'm going to kill you! I WILL get my revenge! You won't know when or where, but I'll have it!!

 

by ivytheplant
4-04-04
DayQuil: the daytime sniffling sneezing coughing aching stuffy head fever so you can get through your day without killing yourself to end the agony medicine.
Bliss...
TheraFlu: It'll make you vomit until you're too weak to care.
Been there.
NyQuil: Now with 50% more alcohol!
Robin! To the Ivymobile!

 

by ivytheplant
4-04-04
HDTV: With TV this clear, who needs reality?
Reality is for the plebians anyway.
Dell: Buy a new laptop and get a free pot upgrade!
So THAT'S how they keep sales up!
XBox: Buy one before December 31, 2004 and be entered in our contest to win five minutes spanking Bill Gates with a live carp!

 

by ivytheplant
4-04-04
Just-Stuffed Oreos: Twice the filling, none of the cookie!
It's about damned time.
McDonald's: Pissing off PETA now more than ever!
Bwah ha ha haaa!
Dr Pepper: We've injected more crack, so you don't have to!
*pop crack* Slurp!

 

by ivytheplant
4-04-04
Do you realize you've made 500 comics?
500? Really? Wow. That's hard to believe.
Are you going to celebrate?
Of course. It's a celebratory occasion! Though I should do something pertaining to 500.
Such as?
Spending $500 on Legos should do it.

Showing page 10.

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