All comics by lukket

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by lukket
11-27-05
It's a letter from your girl-friend Martha.
Great. Haven't heard from her for a while. What does she write?
She's leaving you for a well hung horse.
Oh...
Martha really sucks ass.
I can vouch for that.

 

by lukket
11-29-05
Yo.
Hi, I'm Larry. Two universes over, next to the copier. Sup?
I'm stressed out. Since we got that new ceo, everything has become so tedious.
Tell me about it. I've only been given seven days to create my earth and the project budget forced me to make the first man of clay.
Whoa. That's tough. Thought on a proper ending to it?
Dunno. With that budget it's easier to just let them handle the apocalypse themself.

 

So you're saying that it's ok to give the children what they want, if you just take their soul?
Yep! Just convince them that they need to bring "christmas spirit" and you'll fool them.
by lukket, 12-11-05

 

by lukket
12-11-05
GUESS WHAT, Mom? I just ASSASSINATED TED KENNEDY!
OH MY GOD, NO!!! NOOOOO!!!
What's the problem? I THOUGHT YOU HATED HIM SINCE THAT TIME HE GOT YOUR SISTER KILLED IN AN ACCIDENT!
You forgot one thing about him sweetie. When people say that he's a great politician, THEY AREN'T REFERRING TO HIS QUALIFICATIONS!
YOU MEAN!?
I DON'T HAVE ROOM FOR HIM IN THE EFFIN' FREEZER!

 

o/' He's making a list and checking it twice. Gotta find out who's naughty and nice o/'
o/' Satan claws his way into town o/'
by lukket, 12-11-05

 

by lukket
1-03-06
There's a problem, guv?
Yeah. it seems you become forgetful when you drink.
That's very normal.
You can't remember what you drank yesterday and how it tasted.
I'm sorry, but I'm very easily intoxicated.
I knew, I should never have hired you as our wine reviewer.

 

by lukket
1-03-06
What's up?
Yesterday I learned that it's wrong to drink and drive.
Oh. What happened.
It took me forever to get to the fairway.
Yeah. That morning traffic can be rough on you.

 

by lukket
1-03-06
Here is the Channel 3 News with the breaking news.
The local section of Blue Cross despite their claims of helping people away from drinking are facing serious credibility issues.
According to insider sources a glass of water was found to be drunk at the Blue Cross clinic earlier this morning.

 

Why should I give you my bank account number? I haven't even heard of the Spanish National Lottery.
Alright. We'll just send you the money.
by lukket, 1-09-06

 

My fellow Americans. Many of you have blamed me for a lot of nasty stuff through the past five years, and I say to you: Yes, It's all my fault. I'm sorry.
by lukket, 1-09-06

 

Hi! Our bus broke down, so I wonder if you have any room for 43 young woman beach volley players for the night?
by lukket, 1-09-06

 

Are you sure you want a super-size meal?
by lukket, 1-09-06

 

You're playing Duke Nuke'em Forever!?
by lukket, 1-09-06

 

Hello, this is Intuit; how may I help you?
by lukket, 1-09-06

 

I think the best way to cure my headache is to give you head.
by lukket, 1-09-06

 

Well... I don't know what a girl like me does at a place like this, so let's just go to your place.
by lukket, 1-09-06

 

You're suing me for breach of the DMCA? But I'm innocent.
Sorry. My bad.
by lukket, 1-09-06

 

Already before officially replacing Sharon as Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert has now secured a peace agreement that will last this time.
by lukket, 1-09-06

 

I'm the 4,75th rider of the apocalypse.
by lukket, 1-09-06

 

pffttt
by lukket, 1-09-06

 

by lukket
1-14-06
Dear MySpace blog. Today has been a good day. I finally scored Amy, and I'm about to get into bed with her.
Are you done yet? I need you so bad.
Yeah. I'm done in a few minutes. I just have to update my blog on MySpace.
Fine! See you 'round.
Dear blog. I guess Amy and I just broke up. Maybe she's jealous of how may friends I have on MySpace.

 

Every smartass has a wisecrack.
by lukket, 1-15-06

 

by lukket
1-15-06
Honey. I found the bottle.
You've just spent the past ten hours looking for a bottle?
Yeah. I found it after two hours, but I searched on to prove that you don't find things the last place you look.
You spent eight hours searching just to disprove an old saying?
Um. Yes.
Either that saying goes or so do you.

 

by lukket
1-16-06
Welcome to the Duracell shop. How may I help you?
Um... what's with the axe?
It's to use on people who axe me stupid questions.
That joke is so very old. I'm going to place my battery purchases elsewhere.
Sorry sir, it's just I have five kids to feed and this is the only job I can get after they axed me at the timber station.
You Duracell bunnies just go on and on, don't you.

 

by lukket
1-16-06
You may know dragonxero.
Oh well. So let me tell you about him. He's a regular Stripcreator user.
But whenever someone's in need of help he becomes Xeroman. The world's most annoying superhero.

 

by lukket
1-16-06
So young lady. What do you prefer, thyme or sage?
Um... thyme, I guess.
Just a moment, I will prepare the marinade for you to bathe in.
Oh no. Somebody better come rescue me.
CRASH! PANG! OUCH!
There you go. One defeated dragon. Now, do you want to sleep with me, Louise Layne?
Never Xeroman! You're such a senseless dweeb.

 

by lukket
1-16-06
Hi Drag. I'm back at work again.
Yeah. I heard you were captured by a dragon but was saved by Xeroman? Did you have a tough time?
Yeah. I'd almost prefer the dragon to Xeroman.
You shouldn't say that. He has done a heroic deed to you. I can thank him for the fact that you're still alive.
Awww. You're always so considerate. Wanna go home with me for a nightcap and maybe some breakfast?
Sorry. Have to clean some thyme and olive oil infested clothes.

 

by lukket
1-16-06
Do I have to wear this?
Yes. You're Xeroman's worst enemy; Infinityman! And since there's no characters with an infinity symbol, a Duracell bunny's the best alternative.
Infinityman once was a Duracell bunny, but one day a strange accident involving bad battery acid and .... um.... pole volts .. you know. It's a pun on pole and volt/vault.
I still have an opening at Warner as stuntman for Bugs Biunny. I don't have to do this strip.
Um. Work with me here.
What's my motivation anyway? To seek revenge on all pole vaulters?
That was a better idea than what I had.

 

by lukket
1-16-06
Infinityman quickly got his name from his persistance. Being an ex-Duracell bunny he just went on and on.
Are you a pole vaulter?
No, but you look like a nine volter to me.
He just went on and on in his search for pole vaulters and bad puns.
Die you scum.
Arghh....
Must. Find. Sergey Bubka.

 

by lukket
1-16-06
Who are you to block my way to the Olympic Stadium?
I'm Xeroman, and I'm going to stop your evil schemes.
So, what are you going to do. I'm the one with the axe you know?
Funny you should axe. I'm going to recite every bad pun I know until you drop
Sheesh. I'm going home. You won this time Xeroman, but I'll be back!
So long, Infinityman. Say hello to Bunny Tyler for me.

 

by lukket
1-16-06
Hi honey, I'm home.
Hi. Did you bring Sergey Bubka home for me?
Um, no. There's a superhero in town, and he stopped me from going to the Olympics stadium.
Aw my love. Did you get wounded by his strong powers?
Um, no. He threatened me to listen to some tired old jokes, so I had to leave.
You're sleeping on the couch tonight.

 

by lukket
1-16-06
What is that in the sky. Is it a supersonic jet ruining your picnic mood? Is it a bird aiming for your car windows with its rear end?
Give me all your money, this is a stickup.
Is it a nuclear defense rocket fired by a freak accident?
No! It's worse. It's Xeroman.
If you put away that gun and act like you're a friend of mine, I'll hand you my wallet.
I guess you're right. You wouldn't want to be saved by Xeroman.

 

by lukket
1-16-06
It's great to be at my secret hideout. Here I can be all alone with myself and ponder on life.
All left to my own devices.
Just like back in the city.
Are you going to stay all day out there? I can't hold it much longer.

 

by lukket
1-16-06
Thanks for meeting me Xeroman.
No problem mayor. What can I do you for?
Well. People in this city are now so safe, that they believe they can manage without your help. So I'm just saying thanks for your help and have a nice life.
If I'm not around, who's gonna keep the press away from your holiday pictures from Thailand?
Congratulations on the police commisioner job! We are so happy to have you here.
Hey wait! Is dental included?

 

by lukket
1-22-06
At first I was afraid.
I was petrified
Kept thinking I couldn't live without you by my side.
But I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong.

 

by lukket
1-22-06
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
And so you're back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face.
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key

 

by lukket
1-22-06
So, what did you think of my new interpretation of "I will survive"
Do you want my honest opinion
Oh yes, by all means.
My father was run over by Gloria Gaynor in a hit'n'run accident. I can't stand that song, and you made it even worse.
If I had known for just one second...
You'd be back to bother me

 

by lukket
1-22-06
o/' Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare o/'
o/' Do you gaze at your bald head and wish you had hair o/'
I'm gonna shut his insensitive mouth.
Augh... 14 years right down the drain
And you stay there punk

 

by lukket
1-22-06
So, what do you think of my new opus?
The one you call Zombie music?
Yes, indeed.
Well, it lives up to its name.
Can you elaborate?
It really should be decomposed.

 

by lukket
1-22-06
James, your next assignment is my wife. Take her out!
Are you sure, boss?
Yes. Finish her.
You got it.
Oh James. You make me feel like a complete woman again.

 

by lukket
1-28-06
So, now you've heard my demo tape. What's the verdict?
You're nothing special. In fact you're a bit of a bore.
If you tell a joke we've probably heard it before.
But do I have a talent, a wonderful thing?
Yes, everyone walks out when you start to sing. So I think I have an opening for you at the local police helping them with evictions.

 

You might be a Dane if you wish somebody would've done this.
by lukket, 2-12-06

 

by lukket
2-17-06
... so, what's your story?
Well... I suffered from excessive flatulence and went to the doctor.
Did he say you were dying?
Well, said to him: "I've got more gas than a Nazi concentration camp", and he looked very upset.
Why?
Well, I think it's maybe because he's Jewish.

 

by lukket
3-05-06
Good morning. What's up?
Our phone number appears to have been wrongfully included on a film scanner sold in Walmart
How bad can it be?
Well, they've obviously sold a lot of those scanners., so I've been quite busy, and I've only been here for thirty minutes.
Later...
I just got a mail: "What am I doing wrong? I enter the serial number and click 'demo mode' and whenever I scan it shows some markings"

 

by lukket
3-11-06
So, should we go on?
I'm not so sure.
Aw, come on.
It's silly.
The weekend's not over and we've only done it in this room!
OK then. We'll paint the bathroom on the bedroom wall.

 

by lukket
3-19-06
Now, have you been taking good care of your new toy?
I guess so, mom.
So. Let's see how it goes. Come with me to your room.
Aw, mom.
You've only had it for one week, and you've already ruined it?
Please, let me keep it. It'll work out, if that woman don't eat the apple.

 

by lukket
3-19-06
Annual Utah Collector's Conference
So. What do you collect.
I collect patents and trademarks, and you owe me $10,000
Annual Utah Collector's Conference
What for?
$10,000 for infringement on my patent on asking questions that imply a common background and $5,000 for abuse of my trademark "What for?".
Annual Utah Collector's Conference
I collect acquittals of murder.
Um. I'll go talk to someone with a lesser attorney.

 

by lukket
3-19-06
Did you know that my father named me after the part of my mother he liked the best.
What?
Fanny.
Cool. My dad did the same thing.
So, what are you called?
Penis!

 

by lukket
3-19-06
Do you have to take work with you home.
Yeah. It's the only way I can manage it.
It's just. I'm tired and want to sleep. Do I have to keep holding the banana?
Just a moment. The chocolate sauce isn't finished yet.

 

by lukket
3-25-06
So, are you going with Steve to the prom?
Yeah. And I'm going to let him take my virginity.
Hi Sue. How did your prom date with Steve go?
What a loony he is. He was more interested in fruit than in sex.
What happened?
He asked to take my cherry. But I didn't have any, so I told him to go away.

Showing page 10.

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