All comics by Cobb

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by Cobb
5-18-04
so you're saying that we shouldn't try to rebuild iraq?
hey, w. gave it a shot. he proved that he was kinder and gentler.
so now what?
we go back to the reagan doctrine. cia infiltration, contra funding, puppet governments.
suddenly, i feel a wave of nausea.
hey, remember this? 'we begin bombing in five minutes'

 

by Cobb
5-18-04
look, the american public has just proved it doesn't have the stomach for a ground war.
clinton was right?
we just need to build a bigger air force. bombing is what we're good at. let the u.n. bluehats handle the ground.
clinton was right?
even the liberal press likes counting sorties. top gun, baby!
clinton was right?

 

by Cobb
5-18-04
i'm back early from the janjaweed infiltration. you still look like a pig.
your red pill will wear off soon, and i'll look like another cia case officer. by the way, i've got good news.
don't you want me to debrief you first?
it doesn't matter. this is sudan, remember? nobody cares stateside. anyway the good news is that americans have lost their stomach for ground war. the army is out.
so covert ops are going to get the billions that we spent on ordinary soldiers?
yep. get out your christmas list, it's going to be a bonanza.

 

W
by Cobb
5-19-04
now that we've been going out a while, maybe now we can talk politics.
you're not trying to get me to vote for george bush are you?
well, maybe.
bush would have to do something completely different for me to even think about it.
how about 'pimp my campaign'?
and a guest appearance on the bernie mac show.

 

by Cobb
5-19-04
you know, i just wish john mccain would run for president.
or colin powell.
colin powell, who's he?
duh! you know war hero, joint cheifs of staff, secretary of state. black man, you must have noticed.
oh you mean guy who used to be the most popular man in the nation, and then completely disappeared working for george w. bush?
ooh. i didn't know republicans could be so bitter.

 

by Cobb
5-19-04
i'm back from sudan.
big whoop.
i made a difference.
who cares?
the world is a better place. i stopped some ethnic cleansing.
yeah whatever. so how about those lakers?

 

by Cobb
5-22-04
..well the church doesn't have to answer to the state.
but you can't just deny congressmen communion because you don't approve of their politics.
sin is sin. we're not going to change. you need to stay out of church business.
well then i guess we just have to part company on this one.
fine. see you later instigator.
after while pedophile.

 

by Cobb
5-24-04
are you busy friday?
no. let's go out. what did you have in mind?
soul plane!
no! i will not watch that retarded garbage. have you no pride?
i don't see what's the big deal. it's just a comedy. get over yourself already.
on one condition. you vote for bush, i'll go for a night of ghetto fabulous.

 

by Cobb
5-24-04
that's not even the same. how can you expect me to vote republican just because you go out to a movie?
i think you are wasting your vote and your movie dollars. i'm trying to help you out.
i don't need that kind of help. who do you think you're talking to?
you just need to raise your standards.
please. if you don't want to go just say so. i don't need a lecture from you. i'll find somebody who will.
see? that's what i'm talking about.

 

by Cobb
5-29-04
i haven't seen you for a while. how are things?
well, i've been kind of depressed after working for the dean campaign, and the job at halliburton didn't work out.
oh yeah that's right. but i thought you really wanted that job.
i actually did, but i didn't make it through training.
really? what happened?
well, first they put these bags over our heads and then they told us to strip...

 

by Cobb
5-30-04
so you're taking a vacation?
the sudanese operation was a success but we're out of money to do anything more. i'm not needed in iraq.
you can always go to turkey to brush up on your torture skills.
nah, i'm just going to do something i really love. plinking. you know, shooting cans.
afri-cans?
you're too sick. even for me.

 

by Cobb
6-01-04
i can't keep track of all these iraqis on the council. who's running that place anyway?
iyad allawi was the man last time i checked. let me google it up. aha. ok it's ghazi al yawar.
so who is their president?
they don't have a president.
what?
they're an anarcho-syndacalist commune, they take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week...

 

by Cobb
6-06-04
did you get the information?
no. he took it to the grave.
i thought you had mind reading powers.
i do, but he had alzheimer's disease. he didn't even know what he knew.
it's a terrible shame. we'll never know which was 'country two'.
i don't think any of the humans care. i'll start tracking down gorbanifar anyway.

 

by Cobb
6-10-04
you've never really told me how much torture you do.
lots.
hey look, you don't have to be coy with me. i hate humanity so i'm not squeamish. lay it on me.
alright. i confess. i did the pincesmoobin.
you mean...
yes. from the three stooges. i'm worse than moe.

 

by Cobb
6-10-04
so all you're going to say is that you're worse than moe?
hey, i'm an american. you don't realize how little respect we get from the international torture community.
and you never cross the line? gimme a break.
it has to be legal. i mean the lawyers are trying to find a way so that we can bridge the torture gap.
'torture gap'? what's this with the misappropriated cold war rhetoric?
i really thought you would be more sympathetic.

 

by Cobb
6-10-04
i'm not sympathetic to your legal case for redefining torture.
but you're a misanthrope. i don't get it. don't you want to see me do more torture?
and you're a noc, which means you have a wink but not legal sanction. there's nothing stopping you anyway.
yeah. but since i'm a noc, a true spy, if i get caught it's over.
and you get tortured. that's my point. no legal immunities. a literal eye for an eye. survival of the fittest.
hey. we gotta have legal immunities. what are we, beasts?

 

by Cobb
6-11-04
what a depressing week.
yeah. first ronald reagan, now ray charles.
dead. you know death comes in threes.
hmm. i wonder who is next.
yassir arafat?
we can only hope.

 

by Cobb
6-11-04
i don't want to hear it.
ha! did you think you could escape? your sorry ass lakers are going down!
last night was a disaster.
no, just a peek at what's to come for the lakers devastation, humiliation, suffering and defeat.
damn. you probably think kobe is guilty too.
no you didn't.

 

by Cobb
6-16-04
i love summer.
me too. the end of school, days at the beach..
..nba finals, blockbuster movies..
..bikinis, barbecues..
..new videogame releases..
so do you ever go outside?

 

by Cobb
6-16-04
are you going on vacation this summer?
i'm going to iraq actually.
what will you do in iraq?
they don't have a real entertainment industry. i think i can do that kind of nation building.
that sounds interesting. what did you have in mind?
the working title is 'fallujah girls gone wild'

 

by Cobb
6-18-04
you were right about death coming in threes.
i was? i only heard about ray charles and ronald reagan. who was the third?
the lakers!
oh god not another detroit fan.
that's right baby! motown! what!? what!?
i'm moving to basra. they don't have any basketball there.

 

by Cobb
6-20-04
i've been thinking about our meddling in human events.
and?
i've decided that it's really not as fun as good old abduction and anal probing.
why do you say that?
i just read the clinton memoirs.
hey that reminds me, where did we put vince foster?

 

by Cobb
6-20-04
so did you get anything?
did i get anything like what?
you know, for father's day.
oh that. we rabbits don't celebrate father's day or mother's day. too much hassle.
you mean too much accountability. you freak.
did i ever tell you how stupid your combover looks?

 

by Cobb
6-23-04
ray bradbury is asking michael moore to use another name for his movie.
farenheit 9/11? i really have to see that flick.
it says here moore claims 9/11 is the temperature at which freedom burns. cute.
it's going to be a huge hit.
so the question is what is the temperature at which bradbury relents.
about 2% of the gross i'd say.

 

by Cobb
7-02-04
have you set up saturn?
no. i thought you were going to do it. i did mars, remember?
oh great. now they'll figure it out.
don't give up so soon, just get out there and fix it. humans are slow, they might not catch on right away.
i don't see why i have to do it anyway.
you are so irresponsible. after all, they're your pets.

 

by Cobb
7-03-04
this new iraqi flag looks just like the old one.
actually, it's slightly different, the handwriting...
..i know 'allhu akbar' was in saddam's handwriting, now it's not. bfd!
actually i agree with you. they could be a bit more creative.
there has got to be some way to get these people to think outside the box.
maybe we could get them some free copies of photoshop.

 

by Cobb
7-05-04
people are finally paying attention to sudan.
yeah, whatever. i'm not going back.
why not?
you remember i had to take the red pill so that i could kill indiscriminately.
the ones that made humans look like animals to you? yes i do. what of it?
well, i'm out of them, silly.

 

by Cobb
7-05-04
so you're saying you won't do a mission in sudan without the assistance of drugs?
they're a part of my gear. i need them or i don't go.
so you have to medicate yourself to function.
assassination is not so easy as it seems. and.. well quite frankly i've begun to start thinking about it.
and nobody's reasons are good enough? you're pathetic. what happened to your old motto?
maybe god doesn't sort it out...

 

by Cobb
7-05-04
i don't see why you're so skittish. everybody knows what's going on in sudan has to stop.
yeah right. have you forgotten something? i'm an american.
so?
so if i go and fix the situation, everyone in the u.n. is going to jump on my case. even if i do the right thing the political opposition will be huge.
so get a u.n. mandate. so long as you follow the spirit of the u.n. resolutions it won't matter that you're american.
you really don't pay attention to human history do you?

 

by Cobb
7-05-04
so you're telling me that the international community would rather let sudanese die by the thousands than sanction american military action?
that's exactly what i'm saying.
ok. just making sure. for a minute there i thought i had overestimated human compassion.
no, we're still petty bickering fools. but we do have our good points.
like?
twilight zone marathon this weekend.

 

by Cobb
7-10-04
ok so you won't go to sudan. where are you going to work?
i don't know. i mean the senate intelligence committee came down pretty hard on tenet. who knows what the next dci will do?
oh come on, even i can guess that. he'll dumb down intelligence.
how do you mean?
they'll say things that are obvious, like israel has nuclear weapons of mass destruction.
come on now. we can't be too sure of that.

 

by Cobb
7-10-04
you look down.
well, i was kinda hoping that maybe kerry might have picked howard dean.
oh i can't believe you still can't get over that. he made you campaign in a bikini in the middle of the winter!
i dunno. he made me believe in miracles. besides, i'm still getting phone calls from hot guys in new hampshire.
listen to you. you're a shell of your former self.
maybe so, but you were for nader.

 

by Cobb
7-17-04
shouldn't we boycott something?
that won't work.
i know. we could have a protest march, or maybe write a letter from jail.
it's been done. those ideas won't work either.
well you tell me. how should can we get bush to come to an naacp meeting?
burn down the building.

 

by Cobb
7-23-04
where have you been?
oh busy busy. you know, doing bipartisan things.
as in bipartisan 9/11 commission?
you guessed it.
it's remarkable how many places you find work.
people appreciate my attitude.

 

by Cobb
7-25-04
so what do you think about the 9/11 commission report?
well, here's one document that has 585 pages of dot-connecting put together over the course of 2 years..
uh, yeah.
..by a bipartisan commission with the highest priority in government. even with all the answers, nobody knows what to do next.
does that mean you'll be voting for kerry?
it means i'm going to have a beer and watch 'the bourne supremacy'.

 

by Cobb
7-27-04
i'm going back to sudan.
that didn't work last time. what's so special this time?
this time, the plan is foolproof.
ok lay it on me.
i get to do a kidnapping and beheading.
somehow i think i'm going to enjoy this.

 

by Cobb
7-27-04
so you'll kidnap and behead sudanese militiamen? that's your foolproof plan?
no. i'll pose as a sudanese militiaman and kidnap international observers. the 'beheading' will be faked.
thereby blackmailing the international community into believing sudan is worth sending troops after. brilliant.
well, there's just one catch. which international observer to take hostage?
oh. i just assumed it would be the frenchman.
duh! we want sympathy.

 

by Cobb
7-27-04
also, most of the international observers to sudan will be africans.
why is that a problem?
well, if an african gets beheaded, nobody will really care.
africans would care.
my point exactly.
you all look alike to me.

 

by Cobb
7-27-04
how's your portfolio looking?
i've liquidated telcom to buy transportations.
hmm. not a bad idea. although i would hedge that. homeland security may not pay for security tech for container shipping.
i already thought of that. so i'm buying google.
google? it hasn't even ipo'd. plus it's a nasdaq stock. have you lost your mind?
i'm feeling lucky.

 

by Cobb
7-29-04
we're taking another survey. this time it's about the democratic national convention in boston.
sorry, i didn't watch it.
but you're a working class white male in a battleground state. we're catering to you so why aren't you paying attention?
it didn't seem that interesting. besides, it's just a big media circus.
how do you expect democracy to function if you don't watch television?
i dunno. maybe if you throw in a beheading or something to make it more interesting..

 

by Cobb
7-29-04
political conventions are a big deal and you ought to take them more seriously.
yeah whatever.
are you aware that illinois is about to elect a black man to the us senate?
wasn't that the guy whose opponent was married to that hot chick from star trek?
yes. not so blase about the issues now are you?
i'll say. she's single now right?

 

by Cobb
8-01-04
so you really like this guy, huh?
oh yes. he's got it all. he's smart, charming, handsome. what's not to like?
i'm really disappointed in you. i thought you could be faithful. i know i don't own you, but this hurts.
don't take it so hard. you'll get over it. i mean we can still be friends, can't we?
no we can't be friends. it's just too much for me to take. i mean, he's a democrat for god's sake!
what can i say? barack obama is the man of my dreams.

 

by Cobb
8-01-04
obama! what kind of name is that? it's just one letter away from osama.
he's more african-american than you or me. one of his parents was born on the continent.
what else?
he's pro-choice and against vouchers and against the war and..
what else?
he's cute, dammit! he's cute!

 

by Cobb
8-01-04
you know you keep going on about being a republican. i don't see what's so special about that. why do you have to hate on obama?
i don't actually hate him. it's simply loyalty to the party.
some party. trent lott, ccc, bob jones university, florida disenfranchisement, unilateral war, stupid homeland security, faulty intelligence...
nobody's perfect.
nobody's perfect? that's the best you can say? and you're loyal to that? where's all your superior logic now?
just admit that i'm as cute as barack obama and we'll call it even.

 

by Cobb
8-12-04
why aren't we sending troops to sudan?
we have to wait until the un says it's ok.
that's ridiculous. we're an independent nation. who cares about what the un says?
they have powers that you don't understand.
like what?
an international distribution network for michael moore movies.

 

by Cobb
8-12-04
ha! so you're telling me that if we don't follow the un michael moore will make another movie?
yeah, so i'd be careful if i were you.
that's got to be the most ridiculous threat i've ever heard.
you won't be so confident in november when bush is looking for a new job.
your confidence is stunning.
don't say you haven't been warned.

 

by Cobb
8-12-04
if governor mcgreevey were openly bisexual, would you have supported him?
no. an affair is an affair. i'm shocked and disgusted and very sorry for his family.
well, what if he had divorced his wife first and then had a secret gay affair which was then later discovered?
then his sex life would be none of our business and really a distraction from his job as governor.
what if he married his male lover?
well, it's too late. kerry is already the nominee.

 

by Cobb
8-13-04
i heard a republican commercial on a black radio station today.
it's about time.
yeah but the sponsors are white. they don't have any business telling black people what to think.
so if i told you to vote for bush, would you?
of course not. i love you but you're crazy if you think i'm not voting for kerry.
i see. kerry won't try to tell you what to think, right?

 

by Cobb
8-15-04
you'be been playing doom3 for 80 hours straight. don't you ever get tired of first person shooters?
it's not just the game. i belong to a worldwide community of doom gamers.
yeah right. anti-social teenaged boys who like to blow things up.
you're just talking smack because you got laid extra nice last night.
as a matter of fact i did. who told you?
my network is bigger than you think.

 

by Cobb
8-23-04
how goes the fight in darfur?
my unit has killed about 30 militiamen.
i thought you were going to pose as militiamen and kidnap international observers in order to escalate world concern.
yeah. that was the original plan but then the real militia announced they would do that. so we went to plan b.
i didn't realize they read this comic in north africa.
yeah. we may have to start talking in code.

Showing page 11.

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