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My right side is definitely more photogenic.

 

Pub Talk by JoeBlough 8-15-19
How's RCLG's WW:122 going, Maura? Shhh! Keep it down, d_bacon!	Heavens to Betsy, WHY, dear woman? Because some moron might hear you & actually ENTER!	Hey there, guys! Guess whose contest I entered?

 

A Blended Family by JoeBlough 8-15-19
George, you need to talk with Lucy in her room. She's heart-broken about moving! Alright sweeheart!	It's Daddy! Where are you Punkin'? Under the bed again? Leave me alone! I wanna stay HERE! And quit callin' me Punkin"!	Use my middle name...LUCY, like mom does! Now stop that silly crying. You'll get your wick wet!

 

The P.I. by JoeBlough 8-15-19
I'm here looking to hire a very discreet & subtle private investigator! Fine! Go right into his office.	Hello? I'm looking for an investigator who is subtle & inconspicuous. I can pay this briefcase full of cash if need be! CASH, huh? I'm in the can, here, but I'll be right out!	So THIS is your version of "Inconspicuous"? I'll pass! Is it the purple? It's too loud for ya, right? I can tone it down!

 

A.I. Misfire! by JoeBlough 8-16-19
Guess, Tobor! Jael? Lady J? Granny? Hiromi? Jenni?	Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong and WRONG! Think "Bodacious Ta-Ta's"! Aha! Now I know...	...you're MELVIN! Jesus Christ on a pogo stick...

 

Culture Clash by JoeBlough 8-16-19
Excuse me but allow me to say I feel your turban is wound too tightly!	You do? Take it for what it's worth, young man!	What did that man say, daddy? I'm guessing the fool thinks I'm about to have a nervous break down!

 

How Accidents Happen by JoeBlough 8-16-19
"Sperm Bank" Donation Station... Here ya go. Filled to the brim. Thank you. NEXT!	Here ya go. Filled to the brim. Thank you. NEXT!	Here ya go. Filled to the brim. Thank you. NEXT!

 

Different Strokes by JoeBlough 8-16-19
Flipper? You wanna be a TV star? Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! SURE!	Jaws? Are you hungry to become a Movie Star?	Nope...*chomp, chomp*...just hungry! Geez, he ate him!

 

Working in Alabama by JoeBlough 8-16-19
One Gets Hired... Fine...your hired, but don't make me regret this! Oh you won't, Boss!	One Gets Trained... Union Card? For what Union? The "KKK" Union! THAT'S what Union, darkie!	One Gets Sentenced... ...and when he called me "darkie" I took offense and that's when I... Slit his throat & cut off his balls? It's the same old story with you people Now, all you gotta do is get arraigned by the Grand Cyclo...I mean the Judge and...

 

Death of an "Easy Rider" by JoeBlough 8-17-19
At the grave of an "Easy Rider"..... "Get yer motor runnin', head out on the highway..."	...Co-Star, who is sorely missed. The "...Lookin' for adventure, whatever comes my way..."	...one & only, Dennis Hopper! "Lord knows I'm gonna make it happen..." Shut up you hippy fuck! Go bother that "Heineken" suckin' Fonda's grave from now on & get ME a Pabst Blue Ribbon!

 

Their Hobby by JoeBlough 8-17-19
Why you hang mirror over our bed? To watch us during lesbian sex, silly!	You no make movies, do you? No way! Only kinky pervs do THAT!	Rags, they left! Should I keep filming? I didn't say "CUT", did I, d_bacon?

 

D.E.A. K-9 Division by JoeBlough 8-18-19
Go ahead boy, find the dope. FIND THE DOPE!	Good dog! Now bring the dope here!	Yeah, right fella...and I'm the Queen of Sheba! Kindly get this mutt off my leg!

 

Hungry Eyes by JoeBlough 8-18-19
We come in peace! Why do you Earthlings wish us harm? How do you know THAT? You a mind reader?	We can sense you look at us with a great hunger in your eyes. I gotta admit....	I KNEW it. You want to EAT US! ....you fellas DO remind us somewhat of "Bugle Snacks"!

 

The Head Man by JoeBlough 8-18-19
Rags, have ya heard the latest skuttle-butt? You mean about old Wirthling?	Yeah, there's a contract out on him and guess who's gonna do the honors? The funny thing is, d_bacon, I heard JoeBlough is supposed to be the hitman. I can't believe it! WHY?	Cuz it's the only way JB gets "HEAD"! Say yer prayers Wirthling cuz I'm here to rub you out! No! NO! SAY IT AIN'T SO!

 

Wait Till They Hatch! by JoeBlough 8-19-19
Anderson Cooper? I never thought I'd see YOU here! I'm here to find out! Isn't God really DEAD?	Lemme check! Pops Oh POPS?? I KNEW it! This proves he's always been nothing but a silly myth!	Now I'll be deemed good enough to get on Bill Maher's speed-dial! I wouldn't be countin' those chickens just quite yet, FAGGOT!

 

Wet n Wild by JoeBlough 8-19-19
C'mon Coachy-Woachy! Let me try out as a kicker. Sorry Kim but these guys will eat you right up!	Boy WILL we! In a heartbeat! Panties & ALL!	Pipe down over there, you two! Oooohy Coachy... those guys are makin' my Labia sweat profusely!

 

Compromise by JoeBlough 8-19-19
"There is a house in New Orleans, they call the..." Desist, young man! You can't sing THAT in the House of God!	"...Rising Sun. And it's been the ruin of many a..." STOP, I say! I DEMAND you sing something more traditional!	Jesus Padre, ok...OK! "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch..." I love those lyrics...but he could have at LEAST changed the tune!

 

Having a Friend Over? by JoeBlough 8-20-19
Mom, can Eddie Haskel come over? Why certainly, Wally.	Gee Wally, did I hear mom say it's OK to have Eddie Haskel over? She sure did, Beave. Kinda screwy, ain't it? I wonder why?	Well, here's WHY! Hurry up and get naked, Mrs. Cleaver. That pussy won't eat itself! Nobody can eat my pussy like you Eddie. Ward just can't stand tuna!

 

Looking For Trouble by JoeBlough 8-20-19
Timmy, I need water! Say wha?	You heard me! Please! I'm parched! Eat me, you gimpy lookin', grub infested hunk o greenery!	Only moments later.... *burp-hic* Timmy? Oh Master TIMMY? Where is that young lad?

 

He Doesn't Get Out Much! by JoeBlough 8-21-19
OK Rags, it's the 3rd Wed. of the month! Your turn to mow the lawn! Already? There's gotta be a better way, d_bacon!	...but only seconds later... *knock, knock* Need your lawn mowed, mister? Si! Si! Absolutely! Por favor, enseguida mi hombre!	What's this "hombre" shit? You a RACIST? You mean you actually cut grass and you AREN'T a Mexican? Wow!

 

Stampede by JoeBlough 8-22-19
Rollin', rollin' rollin'. Tho the streams are swollen...	...Keep them doggies rollin' "Rawhide"!	Hey wait! There's more!

 

Falsely Accused by JoeBlough 8-22-19
Aha, Gabe ! Caught ya jerkin' the gherkin' on company time again, didin't I? Well, I...uh	So, you're an ambidexterous jerk off as well, I see! I just knew it! Actually, I'm just looking in my pockets for a...	What? A tiny pecker? hahaha ...a couple of fists to bash yer head into mush, a-hole!

 

Practice Makes Perfect by JoeBlough 8-22-19
This "walking on water" gets easier every day.	What is that up there? Sandals?	It IS! He's walkin' up there! What a show-off!

 

The Buck Stops Where? by JoeBlough 8-22-19
The lawn looks great, Rags. Nice job! Well, actually, I uh...I didn't do...	You mean you PAID somebody else to do it? Sort of...	Either you DID or you DIDN'T! Which is it? NEITHER! I promised the kid YOU'D pay him.

 

Inquiring Minds... by JoeBlough 8-22-19
How does that RCLG do it?	Everytime HE hits the "random comic" tab a hilarious comic is created!	"Maybe he hits the tab with his "funny bone", moron! Funny bone? Yeah...I knew that!

 

Just Like Home by JoeBlough 8-23-19
Have you seen the Obama's new home on Martha's Vineyard? I heard about it. Why?	Don't ya think it's odd that every room in it is WHITE? No!	No? Once one lives in the Whitehouse, it tends to kinda grow on ya!

 

Dessert To Die For by JoeBlough 8-23-19
That Devil's Food Cake was delicious, Fuzzy! May I give my compliments to the Chef? As you wish.	Don't YOU gimme that look! Follow me, please! (hehehe) You'll just love this guy!	So it musta been an old family recipe, eh? Fuzzy...what did I tell you about bringin' ass-holes back here?

 

Inka-hoots by JoeBlough 8-23-19
Are you sure you've gotten rid of all those pesky flies? Absolutely! You're covered by "Red Hat Pest Control's" 100% guarantee.	Forever? "Forever" will cost ya another $1000!	So, did she fall for it, pardner? Let's just say..."We're in the money. WE'RE IN THE MONEY"!

 

How "Mirages" Work by JoeBlough 8-23-19
Case #1 There it is. I knew I left it someplace!	Case #2 I'm gay, horny and lost...and all I get is HER!	Case #3 Oy vey! Say it ain't so! It's true. Pops left ME the business!

 

Get a 2nd Opinion by JoeBlough 8-24-19
The Oncologist will see you now, Justice Ginzberg! It's about time!	I, Dr. Josef Mengele IV, vill not allow zis pancreatic cancer to do you in for 2 reasons Frau Ginzberg... Doctor WHOM? Wait just a darn min...	...both of vich involve zis state of ze art cremation cha...oops, I mean radiation chamber. Please to ztep inside. If this Nazi chrome dome thinks I'm gettin' in THAT gizmo he's got another "think" comin'!

 

Perpetual Victims by JoeBlough 8-24-19
Inside "Ezrah's Halloween Supply" A plain, uncarved Pumpkin vill cost $6.00 ma'am! What if YOU carved it.	Then I vould have to charge you a "carving' fee of $50 more! That's a ridiculous amount to hollow a pumpkin! It's unheard of!	Leaving? So...you're another one of those far right "hollow-cost" deniers, eh? What a Jewish nut-job!

 

No "I" in TEAM by JoeBlough 8-25-19
Ex-Team Member becomes Interviewer I'm here with the retiring, 29 yr. old Andrew Luck of the Indianapolis, Colts! Glad to be with ya, young fella!	Young fella? I'm 60 and you're 29? You forget, 29 is 142 in "Football Player" years!	So you're saying that when "I" retired from football I was actually over 250 in "player" years? But you DIDN'T play! As your record shows, you were a "waterboy"!

 

The Desert's a Lonely Place by JoeBlough 8-25-19
Walkin' with "The Singing Cowboy"... Psst.! Lambchop, come look at this guy! "Oh give me a homo, where the buffalo roam-o...	Quick! Come look! "...and the queers & non-binaries play, and where always is heard...	...the fuck? Why's he lookin' at MY ass? 'May I shove in your turd?'... and they all gaily sashe' away! HOME, home on..."

 

Papa's Little Helper by JoeBlough 8-25-19
Should I run for Prez again, Melania? You must be kidink, Donald! Have you not already surpassed all of your wildest dreams?	All but one! I still have yet to master "Stand-Up-Comedy". Surely you jest, Dahlink? You are undoubtedly the most famous buffoon of all time. Ask anyone!	You callin' my "stand-up" FUNNY? Funny how? Do I AMUSE you? Funny HOW? Your "stand-up" does need some vurk, dahlink! But it is vurk your little blue pills can't fix!

 

Fools Rush In... by JoeBlough 8-26-19
Help us! We're on fire & the door is stuck! Stand back! I'll kick it in!	What about the "backd... Never fear! I'm comin' IN! STAND CLEAR!	Noooo! Aieeeeeee... Well shit!

 

End of the Line by JoeBlough 8-26-19
This is where you twins get judged! Oh my Lord and my God, please show mercy on me, a pitiful sinner!	Screw THAT! Where's all the booty at? Hmmmm?	And in the blink of an eye...... Wow! Look at all the nasty whores down here! So...I was the winner, eh? I wouldn't say THAT! Now follow me to the "Castration Dept."!

 

Know Your Limitations by JoeBlough 8-27-19
Tuesday Afternoon Coach, Mr. Anders is sueing us for "Death Due to Negligence" of his son, during gym yesterday! Hey...I told his kid he could sit out, but NO! He had to try it anyway.	Flashback to Monday Morning Aw gee Dad...do I gotta? Some stuff seems just too hard! Looky here son, we Anders have never looked for nor expected any special treratment. Just try your best!	Tuesday Afternoon Coach, how DID that poor armless boy break his neck, anyway? Doin' "Cartwheels"! It's that third one what got em'.

 

Just My Luck by JoeBlough 8-28-19
Rags, I hear "Victoria's Secret" has hired their first "Tranny"! Oh NO! Say it ain't so, Abe!	Sorry, old boy! But it's all too REAL! Thank god the gals in this town are 100% "WOMAN"! I'm gonna go ahead over to "Happy Hour"!	But shortly after arriving there... HA! I'll NEVER have sex with YOU, perv! You don't even get my dick hard! I guess it's more like 99% "WOMAN"!

 

Overworked Surgeons by JoeBlough 8-28-19
6am Just step inside Gary! You'll be done in a jiffy!	7am So is it OVER? Am I cured? Can I come out? Certainly! Show off the new "Un-Gay" Gary!	7:05am Wait! UNGAY??? But I came here for knee surgey! Oops, MY bad! Gotta run!

 

Just Looking by JoeBlough 8-29-19
This Maserati is MADE for you, Sir! It is nice. How much is it?	It's just $120,000, but I'll throw in the "Deluxe Undercoating" for only an additional $19.95. SOLD! I'll pay in cash!	Wow! Most people don't carry $120k in cash for a car. Screw the car! I want the under-coat for my 72 Pinto, outside!

 

The "Pick-Up" Line by JoeBlough 8-29-19
You just took dump on Chen's lawn! Why?	It's what I do, Chink-meister! Hey...nobody rike a wise guy! Pick it up!	A short time later.... The neighbor called & said some old goat just kicked your ass. If that's true, then your cowardice makes me SICK! And here I thought it was the shit on my pants & shoes!

 

"Hard Hat" Area by JoeBlough 8-29-19
I think that I shall never see, a poem lovely as a tree!	A tree whose hungry mouth is pressed, against the Earth's sweet flowing breast...	Now! A tree that looks at...HEY, WTF?

 

Ms. Print by JoeBlough 8-30-19
My name is Pat. I'm the owner! I'm here to get my uniform for the "trainee bartender" position!	Fine! It's in that dressing room behind you! And while you're in there, shave & comb that hair! OK! OK! I'll meet you in the bar after I've changed!	Perfect! Apparantly the ad must have said "Tranny Bartender" not "trainee bartender", I'm guessing?

 

A Real Smart Alec by JoeBlough 8-30-19
What ridiculous new rule are you forcing on me NOW, Principal Sanderson? Mr. ragu4u, your tolerance for diversity is dreadfully lacking! Therefore...	Oh boy, here it comes! Kiss the ass of every Spook, Kike, Mic, Spic, Dago, Polack, Chink & any assorted number of LGBTQ weirdos! ...I trust you'll do your very best in accepting this new student! Come in please, Alec!	Wow! I guess HIS alien ass will probably taste like "Bugles"! EAT ME and find out, Tubby! BTW...Did I tell ya I read minds?

 

Loose Ends by JoeBlough 8-30-19
Did ya do it! I sure did!	Now you weighted her down real good, right? You betcha! She won't cause us any more trouble. Let's scram!	...but the best laid plans of mice & men *cough*

 

"Plucked" from the Headlines by JoeBlough 8-31-19
I hear he was "hold up" on the roof! He must have had 50 full magazines!	Possibly MORE, judging by all the carnage! We better move. Here comes the Coroner's clean up guy!	This coulda been so "finger lickin' good" !

 

It's "Justice" I Thought! by JoeBlough 8-31-19
Don't be callin' ME no pimp! I's a "justice involved person"! Ya dig? Let me get this straight. You don't wanna be called a pimp?	NOW you be feelin' me, Bro! So people who do business with you are being J.I.P.ed?	EXACTLY! Hold on! What I means is... Hmmm! The J.I.P. sounds confused?

 

Buyer Beware by JoeBlough 8-31-19
Timmy & his Public Defender.... Honest! All I was doing was shopping. Then why are the Police charging you with "Terrorism"?	Beats me! I'm an innocent victim here! So what were you looking for down by those sleazy docks, anyway?	An "Arms" dealer...what else? I should have known!

 

Making the Sunday "Rounds"! by JoeBlough 9-01-19
I see the usual suspects have arrived. Why do you think they arrive so late, Father?	It's NEVER too late to unburden their souls to the Lord and pray for forgiveness! Ya think?	Or is there an ulterior motive? Geez Rags, almost nobody leaves their purses in "Churchs" anymore! Never give up, d_bacon! Maybe the Chinks will be a bit more forgetfull this time.

 

Accu-Weather by JoeBlough 9-02-19
Tobor reported Hurricane Dorian wouldl miss the U.S. and...	...head back out into the Atlantic! But , as we know,	...Tobor isn't always accurate! "Looks like 'miss' was a poor choice of words. Oops!"

 

Match-Maker by JoeBlough 9-02-19
I'm not sure about blind dates. What's he like? I hear he's a real gentleman and a snazzy dresser too!	Is he educated? I do know that "good taste" is very important to him. What have you got to lose?	Later that week.... So...what did you think of her? You were right about one thing. She tasted GREAT! WHAT?!?

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