All comics by NeoVid

Profile

 

by NeoVid
8-15-07
I think Tyler just outsmarted me...
Seriously?
I've always thought he couldn't count to eleven without pulling down his pants.

 

by NeoVid
8-20-07
I've searched everywhere, and there's no one left!
I've had a feeling that there's been someone nearby for days, but I never see anyone!
It's driving me out of my mind!
Heh heh... Oh man, trying not to laugh is just killing me...

 

by NeoVid
8-24-07
I know! We can stop this if we cut the power to the hospital!
You really want to black out the hospital? Just think about the little kids in the burn ward.
Oh man... HA! HAHAHAHAHA....

 

In the dating scene
There's a time and a place for sex, and it's right here and right now!
by NeoVid, 8-30-07

 

I'm looking to put together a new outfit for my LARP group this week.
You've come to the right place. We have suits in sizes XL, XXL and Gamer.
by NeoVid, 9-01-07

 

by NeoVid
9-17-07

 

You've been rolling exceptional successes all session! Since when can you get good rolls?
Being able to control probability rules.
by NeoVid, 9-23-07

 

by NeoVid
9-26-07
I put a new spoiler on my car yesterday.
What's it look like?
It's a bumper sticker that says "the rings get activated at the end of Halo 3."

 

If you sit around Googling yourself all day, you're gonna go blind.
by NeoVid, 9-27-07

 

by NeoVid
10-12-07
Man... this is just like the bit in every movie where the first people to go off for help get killed, isn't it, Wirthling?
Wirthling? Wirthling!?
Mmmm... that one was 90% pure brains!

 

I can read minds, and it's still not enough to let me understand women...
by NeoVid, 10-15-07

 

by NeoVid
10-31-07
Yesterday, I came up with the perfect pickup line.
This I've got to hear.
I'm going to patent it, since it picks up dust, lint and trash in one sweep without sticking to what you're trying to clean!
And then she just walked past me in a huff. After she left, I noticed the plans were missing from my pocket, too.
The really funny part is that you think telling this story will reduce your embarrassment.

 

by NeoVid
10-31-07
Congratulations. Filling the room up with gas by casting through a scrying window works. She and her group of attack dogs keel over without even realizing what's happening.
Let's hear it for attacking your enemies before they even realize they're your enemies.
See, this is how mages are supposed to get things done. We win our fights while sitting on our asses across town.
I just can't believe we finally dealt with someone who didn't have some way to counter everything we thought of, like every other time.
Uh. Now that I've seen what my new allies are capable of, can I run away screaming?

 

by NeoVid
11-07-07
346M 37CM!! Truly, We are moved to tears by the size of this!

 

by NeoVid
11-13-07
I told you to go back home and get your father. Why didn't he come back with you?
I did go home to get him but when I went in, uh...
...he wasn't home.

 

by NeoVid
11-13-07
Wasn't that ranch the most exciting place you've ever seen?
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

I hate you.
Then my work here is done.
by NeoVid, 11-19-07

 

We've got to get a table farther from the door. It's freezing in here, and I'm wearing a skirt.
Hell, I'm freezing, and I'm not wearing a skirt at the moment!
by NeoVid, 12-03-07

 

I'm trying to come up with background for a new character I'm writing. What sorts of things would a typical woman carry in her purse?
Y'know, the fact that you're asking me that won't make people stop assuming I'm gay.
by NeoVid, 12-10-07

 

I am the President! Humperdumper dido!
by NeoVid, 12-19-07

 

by NeoVid
12-20-07
OK, with your ability to destroy any undead that your turning attempts affect at all, you vaporize all 8 of the armed skeletons... and you just barely got the floating brain. Goddammit.
Wow! That was one insane roll I made.
No need to thank me for recommending that feat.
No need to thank the GM for letting you change your mind about what feat you took after the encounter started, either.
Damn, you killed the evil brain in one turn! That was mind-blowing!

 

by NeoVid
12-28-07
I went to the store to buy a box of condoms yesterday...
And I picked a box with no tag, so they had to announce "Price check on Trojans!"
Why can't I be lucky enough to never need condoms, like you?

 

by NeoVid
1-08-08
Three weeks after my ex wrecked our relationship, and now to make it worse, my libido's coming back.
Can't... resist... temptation to say, "I can help with that..."
Wait until I have my own apartment again.
Heh.
Wait, what?

 

Dude... the faces have trees...
by NeoVid, 1-14-08

 

by NeoVid
1-23-08
Congratulations, it's a girl! And your wife wants to talk with you right now.
Nine months earlier
Don't worry, as soon as you said to, I ran out and got some protection.
Nine minutes earlier
Hey, does this 99 cent store have condoms?

 

by NeoVid
2-07-08
I'm getting sick of these beat up old headphones.
The damn rubber's coming off.
That's what she said.
...every moment I have this thing in my ear, it annoys me worse.
That's what she said.

 

by NeoVid
2-11-08
DAMN! I'M SO $#@%ING PISSED!
I SIT HERE, BRINGING IN FRESH AIR EVERY DAMN DAY, BUT DO I EVER GET APPRECIATION!? HELL NO!
....sorry about that, I'm just venting.

 

God damned Grateful Dead world tour.
by NeoVid, 2-13-08

 

by NeoVid
3-03-08
I'm glad I'm rid of that psycho Michael, so I can introduce you to my friends at work.
Hey everyone, this is my new boyfriend, Michael.
"Hi Michael!!"
We are going to have words, Liz.
Oops.

 

by NeoVid
3-05-08
Thanks for stopping those loose dice with your face.
More my chest than my face.
Eh, I'm sure one of your chins goes down that far.

 

Did you hear that the creator of D&D died this week?
Damn... of all the things I thought they couldn't cut out of 4th Edition....
by NeoVid, 3-07-08

 

Did you hear the creator of D&D died this week?
Really? What kind of loot was he carrying?
by NeoVid, 3-10-08

 

by NeoVid
3-10-08
I don't feel bad about making jokes about Gygax's death, since....
Lemme see, I rolled a 93 percentage, so according to the chart...
...It's what he would have wanted.

 

by NeoVid
3-11-08
Hey, beautiful, you think you and me-
Sorry, you're not my type.
Yeah? What's your type, then?
I only go out with other gamer nerds.
Yes, there's one woman in the world who actually says that. And she's mine now, losers.

 

by NeoVid
3-11-08
OK, Josh, with that dramatic failure you rolled on trying to run the ghost over, you hit a boulder, go flying through the windshield, slam facefirst into a headstone, and fall in an open grave.
"LEEROY JENKINS!!!" At least Josh's playstyle is back to normal. I was wondering why he was thinking ahead and doing useful things last session.
You know, that was the first time I've ever desperately hoped to see someone roll a 1.
We were all hoping for that. I think we developed just enough psychic power to screw Josh's character.
Hey, I'm in a grave with five lethal damage and a concussion. Anyone going to help me out?
I start shoveling dirt on him.

 

by NeoVid
3-23-08
My damn car died on me yesterday.
I took it to the mechanic, and he said he thought I'd blown a seal.
So I told him to just fix the @%#$ing car and shut up about my private life.

 

by NeoVid
3-30-08
Right about now, you look over and see Johnny behind the wheel. He doesn't say anything back to you but, "ZZZzzzz...."
I'll shove him out of the seat and take the wheel myself just long enough to hit the brakes.
So the blind woman is driving. Johnny actually could drive better than you in his sleep.
I just rolled a success. Thank her seeing-eye dog for us not hitting oncoming traffic and blowing up.
In game....
BARK!! BARK BARK!!! Dammit, we're going right off the road! I bet I could drive better than this!

 

Hey, I got Charlton Heston's guns!!
by NeoVid, 4-06-08

 

by NeoVid
4-18-08
Hey, what'd you smack me for?
I heard you say something with my name and "bitch" in the same sentence.
What I said was, "I don't know about you, but I've never called Cathy a bitch."
Oh. Well, I won't apologize, since I'm sure you'll say something to deserve that before long.
Fuck you, bitch.
See?

 

by NeoVid
5-05-08
My girlfriend wants it so often it's killing me.
Uh... yeah.
I really feel sorry for you, man.
Seriously, she's a complete... what's the word for a woman who can't get enough sex?
"Godsend?"
"Imaginary?"

 

by NeoVid
5-05-08
I've been a failure my whole life, but even I can succeed at jumping to my death!
Hey, wait! I'm not supposed to see you yet!!
I've decided to show up early and save myself some time.
But at least let me hit the grou- URK! My heart!!
Loser.

 

What did the future look like?
Install central heating in your house. Trust me.
by NeoVid, 6-02-08

 

Tonight was a lot of fun, just like I'd hoped.
Thanks! I never fail to disappoint!
by NeoVid, 7-07-08

 

by NeoVid
7-16-08
So... you're really going out with your gamemaster's ex-girlfriend.
Correction: the GM's hot ex-girlfriend.
And you're still playing in one of his games?
Yeah. I know he's not the type to abuse me over it.
In game...
Dear gods, I've already died three times today! When will the agony stop!! The pain, the pain!!!!

 

by NeoVid
7-23-08
I know everyone talks about me behind my back.
What, you think I do that? Never.
Yeah, right. Don't lie to my face and give me those puppy eyes.
You don't have to, she has a collection of puppy eyes at home.
I heard that.

 

by NeoVid
7-24-08
What do you think you're doing?
Huh?
You just beat that dickhead to death with your bare hands!
So?
SO!? There was a perfectly good brick right over there!

 

by NeoVid
7-31-08
I've been thinking, and I realized that the only way every religion's beliefs can all work is if whatever you think happens to you when you die is what does happen.
So, I came to the logical conclusion that I should believe that'll I'll replace the current God after I die.
Then I'll limit people's ideas so that no one else can think of the same trick... Wait... uh oh.
Pretty original idea there. Think I'll take it. Enjoy your new personality as a strict atheist.

 

by NeoVid
8-08-08
So in the session you missed, we ran into our archenemy.
How'd it turn out?
He turned out to be a master of Life magic, and cursed my character to have every disease in existence.
Damn... I can't think of a way to deal with that.
I mean, what do you get for the man who has everything?

 

by NeoVid
9-04-08
Even with how long you've all been beating on the gigantic undead thing, it doesn't look seriously damaged.
Damn. I really don't know the situation well enough to have any good ideas.
My character's out of spells. Don't look at me.
I'll use my ability that lets me ignore 1s and reroll max results on damage. Then I'll hit it with a weapon that does 1d2. I'll just say I'm stopping at 30,000 damage since there's no need to roll.
God damned 3.5 edition.

 

by NeoVid
9-05-08
You realize you have a problem with alcohol?
I'll say I do! I've run out!
No, I mean you need help.
How do you intend to help me?
I got you this pamphlet on alcoholism.
How am I supposed to drink that?

Showing page 11.

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