All comics by RandomComicLayoutGuy

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Say, baby... I've been pounding nails all day, and now I want to pound you!
Sorry, Stickboy... I'm on the "rag", if you know what I mean!
Oh...
Is your MOUTH on the rag, too?
GAH!

 

Shoo!
Shoo, fly! SHOO!!
SHOOOOOOOOO!!!
Fuck you, I'm staying!

 

Gee... Another unsuspecting pledger about to be hazed!
Hey, guys! Great rush party!
The things I do for these guys... Tsk!
I hope you all let me join your fraternity!
At least, this one's kinda cute.
But, um, what's the sheep for?

 

Somebody... please...help...me!
Sqwak! Somebody... please...help...me!
No, you idiot! I REALLY need help!
Sqwak! No, you idiot! I REALLY need help!
QUIT REPEATING WHAT I SAY AND GO GET HELP, YOU STUPID-ASS TWEETY-BIRD SON-OF-A-BITCH!!
Sqwak! QUIT REPEATING WHAT I SAY AND GO GET HELP, YOU STUPID-ASS TWEETY-BIRD SON-OF-A-BITCH!!

 

What do you mean the Halloween party is not until next week?
Whoopsie!
You're a dumb ass!

 

"No peaking, TOBOR..."
Okay!
"Keep your eyes closed while Santa brings in your gift!"
Santa? YAY!
God, I hope it's not a bunch of D-cell batteries like I got last year!

 

(chicken)
(shit)
Take a wild, fucking guess!

 

CC: 300
I was considering mating with this guy here to try and breed the feline out of my bloodline...
Gravy!
But, then I figured since I'm HALF a pussy...
...having kids with this creampuff would make our kids THREE-QUARTERS pussy! (I'll let you do the math...)
?!?

 

Hey... Did you see alcoac14 wrote his 700th comic today?
Really?
The end is nigh!

 

BOO!
BOOOOO!!
I still say I'm "SPOOKier"...
BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

Well...
It looks like it's OUR turn again...
Yay!

 

Honey?
Yes, dear?
Have you seen anything strange today?
Not a thing, darling...
Hmmm...The news report said to be on the look out for over-sized, man-eating bugs with the ability to replicate human voices! I guess it was just bullshit...
Come to papa! Muwahaha!

 

NOTE: This comic is based on an actual news report I saw on TV last night...
So, Butch... Why did you claim you're a Katrina victim, when you live in Portland, Oregon?
...where the reporter actually asked a man why he made a false Katrina claim!
Isn't it obvious?
Not to me, obviously!
Captain Obvious is playing the part of the dumb-ass reporter (obviously)...
I wanted the money! DUH!
Oh...

 

This is what the inside of your lungs look like if you smoke cigarettes!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Any questions, dumbass?

 

Well... I guess I just forgot to flush!
Is there a problem?

 

Okay... I'm sorry I told that joke about your mother! Can you please change me back now?
No.
Pretty please?
NO!
With sugar on top?

 

IT'S ALIVE!
It's a little banged up, and smells like rotting flesh...
...but, IT'S ALIVE!!
You call this LIVING, fuck-face?

 

You're a DRUNK!
Oh, yeah?
Well, you're an ASSHOLE!
And, I'll be SOBER in the morning!

 

Checkmate, Clango!
That's 25,645 losses in-a-row!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I really AM in hell!

 

Arrgh.
Thanks for the trimjob, Petey...
That'll be $145! Arrrggghhh!
$145?! I feel like I'm being RAPED!
And, you better leave me a FAT tip, or you'll soon feel like you're being PILLAGED, too! ARRRGGGGHHH!!
?!?

 

I'm sorry, Jesus!
Hmmpf!
I promise I'll stop drinking the milk straight from the carton...
You swear to God?
Yes! I swear to you!

 

Well, this is new...
I usually only transform when the moon is FULL!

 

Okay, Butch... That's the game plan. Got it?
Yessir!
Any questions?
Yeah. After we break into the armory, steal the bazooka, blow up the Federal Exchange building, and steal all the money, THEN can I chop off your nuts with this axe?
Well..?

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
I'm going to have to cite you for public indecency...
Gloob glop gurple gloop-gloop!
Any more back talk, and you'll be doing a little "stick time", asshole!

 

*tweet*
What a cute birdy!
*tweet*
I think I'll stick my finger in the cage...
Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh...
Now don't bite my finger, Mister Bird! Ha, ha!

 

Another disaster averted thanks to me, Captain Obvious!
But, you didn't DO anything!
EGGS-zactly!
So, how were you able to prevent a disaster from happening if you didn't get involved?
You obviously just answered your own question!
Obviously!

 

"Wow! What a freak!"
"Where exactly did you find that thing?"
He just followed me home, dad!

 

...so, then the circle-of-life ends where the egg begins!
Well... Not if you throw in the fact that triangles are three-sided, and circles are nothing but a bunch of commies!
Which proves my argument about gay eskimo marriage in the first place!
Yeah, but if God intended man to fly, he would have given fish the ability to fart!
Without weed, this comic makes no fugging sense!
What YOU been smokin'?
Your mother! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Yesterday, I saw the most beautiful blonde woman with the biggest set of cans...
And, even though I'm gay, I found myself attracted to her...
Times like that make me wish I were a lesbian!

 

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Wow, Gumby! That car really crushed Pokey up against that guard rail!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
That's amazing... When humans die, we lose all bodily functions, and end up releasing urine and feces...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Apparently, when you clay people die, you shit Play-Doh!

 

Damn! I wander into this one-horse town, just looking for some "action", and some jack-off police officer asks me my sexual orientation...
Actually, he asked me if I am a fucking queer, and I told him no. But, he could tell that I was lying, so he threw my ass in jail! I guess I'm not much of an "actor"...
It's times like these I wish I were a "thespian"!

 

Fuck if I know!
Whatever!
Who cares!
Why bother!
Not my problem!
Let the government handle it!

 

Hmmm...
That's a great question...
Think, boy, THINK!
Dude... Is there a fire here or not?

 

Damn!
This guy's prime for having his blood sucked...
...but, I can't go anywhere near him because of that fucking cross!
Ha, ha!

 

So, what do you call it?
Chanel "Ode du Toilet Shit"... It's French.
No kidding!
Brace yourself! As per the court order, I'm going to attempt to hose that stink off of you!

 

Acutal PM I recieved (word-for-word):
"Hi, my name is Loren, and I just wanted to say that you had a great idea of making random comic layout comics. And you're the whole reason that i'm RCLgurl06. so i just wanted to say...
"...1. you're a great role model for the young people like me, (not saying you're old, just saying you're not as young as me) and 2. thanks for the insperation! from RCLgurl06 (Loren) age 12."
Thanks for the kind words, RCLgurl06!
Damn... Only twelve years old!

 

Oh, me sooooo HUNGRY!
But, I have no food in cabinet!
?!?
I suppose I could just "wok the dog"! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

I'm not getting any water coming out my end! What about yours?
Not a drop, Cappy!
You did remember to tell Johnson to open up the valve on the hydrant, right?
Yessir!
Then, what the fuck is going on?
Don't know, Cappy!

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Boy, he sounds like he's in agony!
Um...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Maybe, I should give him a shot for the pain... Heh, heh!
Dude... What kind of anesthesia did you administer BEFORE I started sawing?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Anesthesia..?

 

[*smack*]
Hmmm... Why does your blood taste FUNNY?
'Cuz I'm a CLOWN, dipshit!
Oh, yeah...

 

Ah, fuck!
Oh, well. I guess he's all yours now...
Thanks, dude
Note to self: DO NOT saw near the coratid artery!

 

Ah, HA! Another unsuspecting victim!
Of course, I didn't use a rubber! I likes that natural feeling, if you know what I mean...
?!?
AIDS, schmAIDS! It's the risk of contracting a fatal disease that makes the sex that much more intense!
Fuck this! I haven't survived two thousand years to die because of tainted blood from some dumbass!
I don't even mind the milky, chunky-style discharges when I take a...

 

Hmmm...
I didn't know there was a "purple flu" virus going around...
And, since when do I have to pull my pants down to get a vaccine shot? Last year's was in my arm!

 

Ah, shit!
It looks like I've got...
(Wait for it...)
...HUMANS!

 

Arrrggghhh!
*oomph*
Being stranding on this dessert island for over three years...
*OOMPH*
...is making me absolutely BATTY!
STOP WHINING AND HELP ME LIFT THIS!!!!

 

Ha! And, they said we couldn't take it with us when we die...
Yeah!
Um... You thinking what I'm thinking?
Yeah... A lot of good this money's going to do us down here in Hell!

 

What do you call a Mexican phone company?
A "Taco Bell"! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Thank you! I'll be here all week!

 

Ow! Ow! Ow!
I DID offer him anesthesia before I did the procedure...
Ow! Ow! Ow!
...but, he refused, saying he would "take it like a man"!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
I tell ya... I've NEVER seen this much bleeding from a simple vasectomy!

 
I'm sorry... My mind wandered off for a bit. What were we talking about?

 
(Three frames from the climatic scene in "Jaws")

Showing page 11.

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