All comics by dylan_99

Profile

 

by dylan_99
4-28-09
Hey Ben I have a joke for you! How do you kill 10,000 flies?
How?
Smack a Ethiopian kid!
Later
I won't tell that joke again...
I love it when employee's learn lessons on their own and i don't have to lift a finger!

 

by dylan_99
4-29-09
Ben...where is the resume I requested for this afternoon, somebody told me it seemed promising!
They lied so I threw it away!
What is the matter with you? What was the problem with the resume? I want an anwser now!
Under the box that read 'Reason for Leaving Previous Employer?'
He wrote 'I was working for my mom until she decided to move'

 

by dylan_99
5-07-09
You know Jake, I just had a great idea for new URL's for Porn domains!
Really, like what?
They could be called www.org!
Or www.multiple.org

 

by dylan_99
9-25-09
Why does a 'chicken coop' have 2 doors?
I have no idea.
Becuase if it had 4 doors it'd be called a 'chicken sedan!'
It kind of perpetuates a common black stereotype everytime you say 'chicken'

 

by dylan_99
12-03-09
Sir, the world has been overrun with zombies! Everyone is dead except me and you!
That's terrible! Do you know what this means?
That now we can never see our families again. I miss my wife.
That's not it.
How are we going to repopulate?

 

by dylan_99
12-03-09
You cleaned yourself up?
Well duh, Zombies can smell blood. They'll come swarming!
What happens if the army comes and they shoot you because you look like a zombie.
Exactly!
I want them to shoot you. Saves me time and energy.

 

by dylan_99
1-12-11
Honey, this cherry pie tastes different
Thats because i used the new type of cherry, the Don Cherry.
Whats a Don Cherry?
A Don Cherry is a large fruit with vibrant colours, often plaid, and a harsh overpowering flavor thats popular with Canadians

 

by dylan_99
1-16-11
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
Wow, i can't believe it's been 8 years since we murdered that guy and haven't been caught
oh right, that was with someone else
but...to..todays our wedding anniversary

 

by dylan_99
1-17-11
Honey great idea on me coming home for lunch, we're saving a ton of money!
Think of how much we'd save if you stopped having sex with prostitutes and started having sex with me
Ha, i love your sense of humor you crazy broad

 

by dylan_99
1-19-11
Daddy, whats an orgasm?
Don't worry honey...
thats something only MEN can have.

 

by dylan_99
1-19-11
Dadddy, if Mary was so special that god wanted her to raise his son, why didn't she have anymore of his children?
well because sweetie...
lightning never strikes the same place twice

 

Note to self: Be more sensitive about someones mom dying
Oh tim, it's okay...it happens to every guy eventually
by dylan_99, 1-20-11

 

by dylan_99
1-20-11
son, life is a lot like fishing
how so dad?
i'll ask the fucking questions

 

by dylan_99
1-20-11
I'm sorry Phil, you're a great guy but i just cant go through with it
Years later
not sure what i was expecting...she did that at the rehearsal too

 

by dylan_99
1-20-11
So all we have to do is file these papers by morning and we'll be finally divorced
last night of being married huh? wanna have some divorce sex?
no tom, divorce sex is what you decided to have with your secretarty

 

Oh look Cecil, a shooting star. Make a wish
by dylan_99, 1-20-11

 

by dylan_99
1-20-11
Wow, i cant believe i wrote this, i might have a future as a writer
And with that Joe crumpled up his suicide note

 

by dylan_99
1-21-11
Life is hard in the leper colony
Son, it's time we had the sex chat...
don't have it or your dick will fall off.

 

by dylan_99
1-21-11
Dear Mr. President...There are too many cars on the roads and not enough spaces to park them
Please double the amount of spaces in the country
Or eliminate half of the population...your choice

 

by dylan_99
10-28-11
What's your favorite kind of lunch meat?
um....Roast Beef?
Thats what my vagina looks like.
....
i'm thinking Arbys

 

by dylan_99
10-29-11
I'm sick of all these 'wigger' facebook status'
Let me guess, you read Jacob's status again?
Who else has completely redundant and horribly written status' other than 16 year old girls with parental issues?
What did his say?
It's annoying....stop it!
'Smokin' Weed'
Watch out everybody he's a major badass!

 

by dylan_99
10-29-11
Have you ever watched Titanic backwards? It's an uplifting film about a magical ship that saves people.
The downfall is that a perfectly happy couple lose interest and she knowingly gets involved with an abusive ass

Showing page 11.

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