All comics by JoeBlough

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by JoeBlough
9-03-19
Isn't it exiting, George? Lucy starts 5th grade today!
I know it's great that she's so smart she skipped 4 grades but....
I know! I know! You're afraid she's too young, aren't you? In a way, I am too!
Fiddlesticks Martha! We need to calm down. She'll be fine!
But after only the first week of school...
Lucy, the School Nurse called and left us a message to call her back. Anything wrong, sweetie?
Nah! I'm just knocked up a little!

 

by JoeBlough
9-03-19
Ya actually did it! You started WWIII!
I gotta admit, I do love the smell of burning flesh in the morning!
Look at all the death & destruction! I'm happier than a queer in a bag-o-dicks!
I know. It's a WIN-WIN! Some days everything just seems to go right!
Look at em', Pops! Like two kids in a candy shoppe!
I haven't seen them THIS happy since I whacked the Earth with that big assed meteor you stopped playing with, before you were born!

 

by JoeBlough
9-04-19
...in the Grand Bahama Islands
I think the guy at the "Circle K" said a hurricane is coming.
What does HE know? Chill out.
Come back! That guy was full of shit.
No way! I'm gonna take shelter in our beach condo, just in case.
Many hours later....
Hey Billy, where'd the beach go?
CRAP! I'm never gonna hear the end of THIS one!

 

by JoeBlough
9-04-19
Isn't today "Lawn Care" day?
Yup! One of those two Bozos will be out to spray us!
Then let's scram!
Why? What's the hurry? You know the routine!
Routine Decision Making....
For the 1000th time, "It's your turn"!
And for the 1000th time, No it's NOT! It's yours!"

 

by JoeBlough
9-05-19
Time to take the Camry in for service numb-nuts!
Already? We just had the 10,000 mile check up, 5,000 miles ago.
Hence the 15,000 mile Maint. Alert they sent us, doofuss!
Ok, Ok! I'll take er' in NOW! Geez... I'm startin' feel like I LIVE there!
At the Dealership.....
You bought this car new here & you want the 15,000 mile service? It's a freakin' 1982 Model?
That's only 37 years ago! We don't get out much!

 

by JoeBlough
9-05-19
Ya'll just cain't be knocked up, Lucy, honey! Yer barely six, right?
I'm nine, STUPID! Daddy says now you gotsta marry me!
OK...I'll call the Justice of the Peace.
No way, Billy Bob! I'm havin' me a big ole church weddin'! Daddy done gone to set it all up!
"Father of the Bride", I take it?
No shit, Sherlock...and the groom too! Now dust off them thar "discount vows"! My youngins' wanna get hitched!

 

by JoeBlough
9-06-19
Welcome to "Sex With Techs"!
You DO sell those hi-tech sex dolls here, right? I'll take your least expensive one.
It'll be delivered by 5pm today!
See that it IS!
Just after 5pm
What did you expect, the "Phreaky" model? Not for what YOU paid, buster!
I'm gettin' me a tetanus shot after we do this!

 

by JoeBlough
9-06-19
Ground Zero: The Grand Bahamas
Oh my God! These poor islanders look like Zombies!
Don't worry sir. American aid is here now to give you a helping ha...
*chomp, chomp* BURP! More BRAINS!

 

by JoeBlough
9-06-19
I'm here with "Pennywise". Star of the new film... "IT 2"!
I'll give ya just one minute. This is supposed to be my day off.
That's right. I forgot! You're a sewer worker so you must be in a Union, right?
Absolutely! And we don't EVER miss our floatin' holidays.
Makes perfect sense because....
...because everybody knows that "We ALL float down here". Just ask lil Georgie! We ALL float!

 

by JoeBlough
9-06-19
You wear any underwear, Gregor?
WHAT? Ahem... does the wee little lassie wanna see Grogor's big cock?
Eeeeeeeeeeek! Mama, mama, HELP!
?
Hmpf!
That sounded like an emphatic "NO" to me, bro!

 

by JoeBlough
9-07-19
Dave Duncan Passes Away
Any thoughts on losing the 38 yr. old Duncan, Coach?
Dunkin is gone?
Do you have any fond memories and the like?
Dunkin? Dunkin? Oh, now I get it...
What do you remember most?
All I can say is..."Their donuts were just ok but that coffee was the very BEST"!

 

by JoeBlough
9-07-19
Open wide Gabe!
No way. I know where that's been! Up some random poop chute!
That's just ridiculous. However, I understand that's not unknown territory to YOU!
OK, if you say so...but I"ll be able to tell.
There! That wasn't so bad, now was it?
{"Licking Lips*} Hmm! Seems Barry had tacos last night!

 

by JoeBlough
9-08-19
This just in....Almost certain anihilation was averted in New York when a...
...marauding Silver Back was put down by a slight, Canadian teenaged girl!
And that was the latest from the Ladies Finals at the "U.S. Open".

 

by JoeBlough
9-08-19
I'd drop that if I was you cause I know Judo!
Well you AIN'T me & I don't care WHO you know.
Oh yeah? Take THAT, and THIS!
Now GIT, varmint!
"Domo Arigato! Konichiwa!" *ass-hola*

 

by JoeBlough
9-08-19
A Wealthy Zombie needs a make-over!
I've got the serum you requested to make you look more acceptable!
But after one dose, nothing happened!
I better take a couple more doses just to make sure!
I think 2 would be plenty, but you're the boss.
Then, a few hours later....
Where are the damned mirrors? Is there any change yet??
WOW! We look practically IDENTICAL! Now, about my fee...

 

by JoeBlough
9-09-19
No way!
Believe it! I predict I'll whoop your asses 33 to 3.
YOU will? By yourself?
Am I, or am I not Tom Brady?
OK,OK! Guys... hit the showers! Game's as good as over!
I just love gettin' inside their heads.

 

by JoeBlough
9-09-19
Here come the thundering hordes, Sir Whack-a-Lot! Prepare yourself!
The WHO?
The thundering hordes! Are you deaf? WAIT, man! Where are you going?
To prepare, Sire!
Pray tell, what is it you need?
If a bunch of whores are coming, I'll need more condoms.

 

by JoeBlough
9-09-19
Hey d_bacon, ever notice the comics on the front page here mostly stink?
Why YES, I have noticed. But , J.B., have YOU noticed that...
Noticed what, pork-chop?
Have you noticed that the front page is...well...
What? WHAT?
...is mostly made up of YOUR comics?

 

by JoeBlough
9-10-19
You've been in here for several hours Ma'am! Do you possibly need another hand towel, maybe?
Uh...no! It's just that creepy blind date of mine won't leave.
You just leave it to Chicka, Missy. I know a guy that lives for this shit!
I don't know. He claims he's an 80's rocker! Are you SURE?
Enter: The Eliminator
Sharp dressed man or NOT, I'm givin' ya till the count of 2! So beat it, Schlomo!
I'm going, already, I'm GOING you neo-Nazi bastard! Oy vey!

 

by JoeBlough
9-10-19
Whacha doin' in the park Officer Dave?
I hear there's a rather odd individual in these woods.
Odd, huh?
So keep those little eyes peeled, OK Lucy? Tell all your friends too!
Watch out, cause he's aposed to be kinda odd lookin'!
You don't say? Maybe we better go hide together?

 

by JoeBlough
9-10-19
New Orleans...
d_bacon was right! I never shoulda come here!
Fork over the cash, bozo!
But you don't understand. All my cash is gone! I was already robbed in THERE!
Shit, not again! I gotta find me a new location!
Hey Bambi, come look! Somebody just tried to rob Rags, yer last trick!

 

by JoeBlough
9-10-19
What happened this time?
It went like this...
The deal...
Sure! I can get you all you want! I'll bring it to your cellar.
OK, but you know what happens if you let me down!
...falls through!
What am I supposed to do with 50 cases of neckties that have chickens painted on em', ass-hole?
So I take it you meant some OTHER type of "HEN-TIE"?

 

by JoeBlough
9-11-19
Good night Billy. Don't forget your prayers.
Ok. Ma!
...and God, let me be a fly on the wall in the cheerleaders locker room!
And the following day...."Voila"!
ungha... ungha...
Hey gals, come look at this fly jerkin' off on the bidet!

 

by JoeBlough
9-11-19
Welcome, Earthling!
How'd I get here?
We injected you with 3 shots to make you plyable for transport.
"Jack Daniels", right?
If you must know...my name is Gort Klatu, not Jack Daniels!
So what yer sayin' is I'll still be HERE when I sober up?

 

by JoeBlough
9-11-19
Sept. 11, 2019 "How far we've come"!
Friends, today we remember 9/11/2001, by inviting Mr. Abdul Abdula from the "Arab League" to say a few words on togetherness!
This guy looks shady!
He gives me the creeps!
I wish I had a metal detector!
I was truly hoping for a full house! Let's huddle together for new closeness.
Oy vey, Haji...do ALL you're vests tick like that?

 

by JoeBlough
9-12-19
Well "RCLG", looks like it's just me and you!
"RCLG", are you there? Hello-O?
I guess it's just ME then!
I thought he'd NEVER leave!

 

by JoeBlough
9-12-19
Sunday morning......
Rags, we gotta fix the AC. It's over 102 degrees in here!
I'll call the repair guy before I head to work.
Sunday afternoon.....
They shoulda told ya'll on the phone that on Sunday, just for coming over, it's $500.
Just for showing up? That's Hwy. robbery!
Sunday evening......
Jeez d_bacon, what happened?
I saved us $500, that's what!

 

by JoeBlough
9-12-19
Hey ragu4u baby!! You gotta see who's at our door!
Did I hear you say ragu4u lives here?
He sure does!
I understand he practically worships me!
I'll say! He's had that "Pussy Grabbing" bit you did with Billy Bush looped onto a 6hr. DVD that he watches every day!
Wow! I haven't been this teary eyed since I ate out Pam Anderson's ass-hole after she gulped down two "Bloomin Onions"!

 

by JoeBlough
9-12-19
C'mon Coach, let me be the team bat-boy!
No way kid. My wife had a premonition that we'd lose every game if I hired you as our bat-boy.
... then he said "FUCK that old witch" and called ME a big pussy, honey bunch!
He did, did he? Then, by all means, HIRE him!
You asked for it , ya punk assed little jerk-off!
This job SUCKS!

 

by JoeBlough
9-13-19
Right this way Miss Lovelace!
So she be my lucky co-star, eh boss?
Go get yourself ready, Python! Remember, she's a "squirter"!
They don't call me "Mr. PeeBody" for nuthin'! That couch gonna get soaked!
End of the day sanitation worker uses...
...a mixture of Peroxide, Amonia, Bleach, Lysol, Lye and Summer's Eve!
Ick! Spray ME too! I think I'm knocked up!

 

by JoeBlough
9-13-19
I'll bet SHE'S at the bottom of this!
It's like this boss...
...when Judy Collins calls...
...WE answer!

 

by JoeBlough
9-14-19
Oh no...Chen is home!
Already
Oh my God, here he comes & he looks pissed!
Must run to protect family jewels!
You didn't hurt my poor Toby, I hope!
He won't be stickin' his dipstick in your filthy crankcase again any time soon, if that's what you mean, WHORE!

 

by JoeBlough
9-14-19
Who coulda sent THIS? I better bring it in.
It CAN't be from Phreaky. I just dumped her ass like a bad habit!
Then, before he knew what hit him...
*burp* Yum!
It's true. Revenge is a dish best served "COLD"!

 

by JoeBlough
9-14-19
You are one stupid lookin', skinny, chrome-domed, Doofus! Ya know?
I oughta just KILL you?
Ooh...Ooh...I'm soooo scared! Please don't hurt me Mr. Stupid, skinny, bald headed Doofus, SIR! hehehe
"If I dood it, I dit a whippin..."
*ugh*
There! I dood it!

 

by JoeBlough
9-15-19
Today is a sad day. I'm being replaced!
Who woulda thunk a low rent cat burglar would steal a toilet?
Sorry Crappy but you're gettin' replaced by a solid gold bowl what used to be shat in by Winston Churchill himself! Whatdya got to change my mind?
“I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat......oh, and an occasional hard water ring stain"!

 

by JoeBlough
9-15-19
Sorry fella. "Pennywise" is old news now.
But "IT 2" just came out!
...and then it's going straight to video! You need a new gimmick!
I'll find one and THEN, won't YOU be sorry?
But 6 months later....
Want my autograph kid? Only $5. I used to be "Pennywise" ya know?
Now you just "pound foorish" Here fi dollah, Bozo!! Go clazy!

 

by JoeBlough
9-15-19
Hey Toomy, what happens when you get a Dago, a Chink, a Mic, a Kike, a towel head, a Pollack, a...
Oh no... more "Bigot Humor"!
...Spic, and an African Neeg all jammed into a hot tub together? Huh...HUH? What happens?
Honestly, Rags, I just don't know!
Jesus, Toomy! Are you STUPID? "Ethnic Cleansing" happens! Sometimes I think yer just an idiot!
I'm OK with that, Rags! PERFECTLY OK!

 

by JoeBlough
9-16-19
"On top of Ocasek, all covered with dirt..."
"...they laid him in RayBans...to lessen his hurt"!
Adios amigo! The lead "Car" is now in Long-Term Parking!
Ahhh..."Wayfarers"! I never left home without em'!

 

by JoeBlough
9-16-19
ISIS just blew up our oil pipe-line!
So oil gets cheaper now, right?
You actually ARE dumber than a bag-o-hammers, aren't you?
Never answer a question with a question! It makes one look stupid and unprepared! Doesn't it?
Are you asking me who is dumber? YOU or ME?
There you go AGAIN...am I right?

 

by JoeBlough
9-16-19
The Dentist will see you now!
I HATE Dentists!
This injection makes this procedure totally painless.
I wouldn't say "totally" painless!
Before you go I'll need you to pay this.
See what I meant? Now comes the REAL pain!

 

by JoeBlough
9-17-19
Inside GM's Boardroom.....
Look at them out there!
You know their STRIKE could ruin us?
Higher Wages! Fewer Hours!
Free Health Care! More Vacation!
You DO know what will happen if they GET everything they want, right?
Damned right, I know! I''ll be joining the UNION!

 

by JoeBlough
9-17-19
But surely, you must be elated that you have no cavities?
Yeah, THRILLED! So why the bill for $5000, eh?
My Office Mgr. handles all billing questions.
Too good to do it yourself, huh money bags? OK, bring on the bean counter.
I'm Nurse Hardnipple, Office Manager. What's on your mind , sir?
Damned if I remember!

 

by JoeBlough
9-17-19
Velcome to "Ezrah's Kosher Deli"! Vhat you like this time?
One order Polk Flied Lice and two BLT's!
Sorry but NO PORK sold here. Kosher food only!
It not good to disappoint Chen. When Chen get angly, Chen get ugly. Got THAT, you no good, kike sucking, Manora porishing, Heeb!
But you can't buy PORK at a Kosher deli, sillY! Asking for it would be an INSULT!
Now she tell me!

 

by JoeBlough
9-18-19
It appears "DBoba" is going for front page domination!
Please no...
Shall I intervene? If I dood it, I dit a whippin?
..I beg of you...
THERE! I DOOD it!
Bastardo!

 

by JoeBlough
9-18-19
It's your turn to mow!
Why is it that every other Wednesday I gotta mow?
Because you do absolutely NOTHING every other day of the month...EVERY month!!
You seem to have forgotten that only I shoveled snow for the last 5 years.
The years we lived in the Florida Keys?
Yeah! So what's yer point?

 

by JoeBlough
9-18-19
Yes. Can I help you?
I'm moving in next door and I thought I'd introduce myself.
How nice! I'll get my husband. He'll be so excited to meet you!
This is terrific! I was afraid you wouldn't want a bla...
Hey Deb, that lil darkie took off runnin' like he just stole a watermelon!
Driver, wait! Reload my furniture...pronto!

 

by JoeBlough
9-19-19
How'd it happen?
Probably during sex!
So, she screwed him to DEATH, eh?
Not exactly! SHE'S the dead one.
Dick Long pays his respects....
I won't forget ya cause only you, Jessica Jaymes, could handle my 18 incher!
Gee, Dick...thanks for cummin'!

 

by JoeBlough
9-19-19
So... what's so wrong with "Rambo: Last Blood", Ambassador?
El Presidente, John Rambo kills scores & scores of nothing but Mexicans.
It makes perfect sense. He's fighting a Mexican Drug Cartel!
Aye carrumba! You know only too well the REAL hombres behind illegal drugs, cabron!
I know...I KNOW! The damned Lithuanians! And what's this "Cabron" business, anyway?
"Cabron" means...uh..., FINE FELLOW! Now start targeting Vilnius with Tomahawks, muy pronto!

 

by JoeBlough
9-20-19
A Delta flight, Wed. Night... 9/18/2019
Ladies & Gentlemen, in case you haven't noticed, we've just dropped 30,000 feet in two seconds
And the roof just blew off, too.
Don't panic folks. Please apply the hanging oxygen respirators to your faces!
They, too, were attached to the frickin' roof what just blew off!
Now that's just not TRUE! Your faces are all still firmly in place....so far!
Jesus! And I thought all the comedians worked for "Southwest"!

 

by JoeBlough
9-20-19
Hello there! Thanks for inviting me to join you in this undertaking, kind sir!
I know why I'm here C.B....but what's with the guy behind me?
Kid, have that idiot Casting Director in my office ASAP!
I'm on it, C.B.!
A short time later.......
I realize you're new to the porn business kid, but this ain't Tijuana!
Look Mr. C.B., you specifically asked for a woman with huge tits and a very "nice" ass!

Showing page 12.

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