All comics by KajunFirefly

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by KajunFirefly
5-02-05
Speak to your leader, infidel! Beg for your release!
You call THAT a weapon? At home I keep a hammer that I've glued razor blades to.
I know what you're thinking, how can you possibly humilate a guy with no pants?
Actually, I was wondering why your wife isn't wearing her burka.
..and finally, two hostages were released in Karbala today, officials say they were disorientated and confused but mostly unharmed.
The two men were returned to their several wives with only mild liver poisoning. Their captors, two transvestites, are believed to still be at large.

 

by KajunFirefly
5-02-05
After 12 months of detox:
The doctor said if I didn't stop drinking, I'd soon drop dead.
Me too, Kajun, he said if I didn't clean my act up I was on a one way trip to destruction.
Whahey!
You said it!

 

by KajunFirefly
5-02-05

 

by KajunFirefly
5-02-05
America - 1925
See, Tallulah? I told you everything would turn out fine.
Gee, Bugsy, you sure are smart.
Alright, Malone, open up, we know you're in there!
*whirr* *click*
Oh, sorry, Bugsy, I heard you was runnin' a speakeasy. Little Jimmy told us he came here and you made him liquor.
He's probably talking about our new strawberry-flavoured Virgin Mary ice lollies.

 

by KajunFirefly
5-07-05
Jim, this stupid drinks machine has given me tea instead of coffee, again. It's put in extra sugar as if that's supposed to fix anything.
Oh come on, Kajun, you can't blame the machine, it's just trying to do it's job, it's bound to make mistakes once in a while. Why not use the one upstairs?
I shouldn't have to move! This one has a history of wasted money, undelivered promises and broken dreams. I want it out!
Well, I don't know about "broken dreams", but we've just signed a new lease until 2009, nothing I can do now.
***Four more years! Four more years!***

 

by KajunFirefly
5-09-05
There once was a pretty hot chick...
who met a polite guy named Rick...
then into her drink...
the roofie did sink...
she awoke to a mouthful of...
NEXT!

 

by KajunFirefly
6-09-05
Okay, I need projections for the Filmco retirement scheme and illustrations based on the Japanese funds...
then we need transfer valuations done before the premiums are paid in tonight, we really can't miss this deadline.
...and then I blurted out "I LOVE YOU"!
Oooh, so close.

 

by KajunFirefly
7-05-05
You know, I've never had a headache in my life?
Never? I don't believe that, you've got kids for Christ's sake.
Yeah, but they don't give me any headaches. In fact, the last time I had a painkiller was when I was getting the stitches after having Lauren.
Oh, you had a Caesarean section? That's cheating, no wonder you didn't get a headache.
No, I had her naturally.

 

by KajunFirefly
8-17-05
Hey, no coloreds!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-18-05
Sir, due to overbooking on this flight, we've decided to upgrade you to a 1st-class flight.
Oh man, really? Awesome, I thought that kind of thing only happened in movies!
Uh, where the hell are we going?
Just through here, won't be much longer.
Welcome to Robo-air flight 101, sorry for the delay, we had problems finding a new plane.
Fuckers!

 

by KajunFirefly
8-18-05

 

by KajunFirefly
9-14-05
Lambert, St Louis. Check-in 15:30
Butsu kakeru?
I'm sorry, I don't speak Japanese, how about I spend the next hour or so trying to learn it?
Lambert, St Louis. Check-in 16:18
Hi, I'm flying to Chicago then Glasgow.
Your flight leaves at 16:42, it's 16:18 now!
Well, it WASN'T 16:18 when I fucking joined this cunting queue, I don't know if you noticed but I've been standing about 10 metres away wearing a hawaiin shirt for the past FUCKING HOUR!!!
I'm sorry, I don't speak German, how about I spend the next hour or so trying to learn it?

 

by KajunFirefly
9-14-05
So, am I getting another flight or what?
Well, you've missed your connection to Glasgow, I could send you to London and you could catch a connection from there?
There aren't any other flights going to Glasgow?
Not from Chicago, no.
Well, I don't give a fuck about going to Chicago, aren't there any connections from ANY nearby airport?
Sir, not even the terrorists want to go to Glasgow.

 

by KajunFirefly
9-14-05
Okay, so now I'm going to fucking London? When am I going to get home?
You'll be home about 7 hours later than your original plan.
I still think I could have boarded my Chicago flight on time.
No, sir, it takes a half hour to get through to the gates.
This is a passenger announcement, American Airlines flight 1829 to Chicago has been delayed by 30 minutes.
Mother of Cunt!

 

by KajunFirefly
9-14-05
St Louis, Missouri:
Hi, could I have a carton of Marlboro Lights, please?
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
He said, he'd like a carton of Marlboro Lights, please.
Oh, I understand completely, here you go.
Thank you.
What?

 

by KajunFirefly
9-14-05
Duty-Free Gift Shop, Chicago O'Hare
Could I see your boarding pass, oh wait, you're going to London, right?
Uh, yeah, how did you know that?
I'm like, psychic and stuff.
Yeah, whatever.
The liquor aisle is over this way, sir.
You're good.

 

by KajunFirefly
10-13-05
Yes?
Hello, Mithter, do you require any cleaning thervitheth?
Well, my shirt could do with having the spittle cleaned off it.
I'm thorry, thir. I appear to have got some thlobber on your dreth, too.
Oh...yeah, that's what that is, heh.
Ith that a gun in your thporran?

 

by KajunFirefly
10-20-05
Mass riots have kicked off in the streets of Stripcreator as old art clashes with new. Kajun Firefly is on the scene:
So, what happened?
I have no idea, man. We were just hanging here, minding our own business, hating the world and ourselves, when all these colourful twats appeared out of nowhere.
Yeah, they totally don't understand us or the way we think beyond the common concepts of humans, we know real cutting pain that no-one will ever comprehend, it's like...

 

by KajunFirefly
10-23-05
So....uh, DO you have any cream?

 

by KajunFirefly
10-30-05
The residents of Skid Row struggle to find a way out of poverty:
o/ Downtown, where the folks are broke...
o/ downtown, where you're life's a joke...
Oh, Audrey II, how can I become rich and happy?
I dunno, why don't you go ask that dentist guy, he seems full of ideas.
Orin Scrivello, DDS has just announced plans to open a low-grade meat-packing factory. In unrelated news, the residents of Skid Row have now been missing for 5 days.

 

by KajunFirefly
11-07-05
So, St Peter asks me to justify my entrance to Heaven, I tell him about my cure for cancer, my inexpensive inexhaustible fuel...
my solution to the population crisis and my 5 year plan to end world poverty.
I knew writing 'Will and Grace' would come back to bite me on the ass.

 

by KajunFirefly
11-29-05
Ah'm gonna beat you, fool. You'll be hurtin' so bad you'll envy Canadians! I'm going to take your belt and make it MINE!
Take my belt? Man, where I'm from we take a guy's belt, shoes, jacket, wallet, keys...
I'm gonna take your belt and your DIGNITY!
...cell phone, socks, underwear, eyebrows, put our gonads in his mouth and take pictures, put our fingers in his...
Digni-what?

 

by KajunFirefly
1-16-06
What a lovely day it is...
I had sex with that ugly tart from the pie shop.
I hope you used protection.
Nah, I was too drunk, I fell asleep before I could finish.
Then surely that can't be defined as "having sex" if no-one cums?
In the morning when she wasn't looking, I spermed in her coffee.

 

by KajunFirefly
3-18-06
I really love the architechture and culture this place has to offer.
Yeah, that's what I love about city breaks, you get completely absorbed in the history of another country.
I mean, look, you can see an authentic 14th century Czech castle...
from this brothel.

 

by KajunFirefly
3-18-06
flacid in a Czech brothel:
You no like?
Uh, this doesn't usually happen, perhaps I'm nervous or something.
Eet happen a lot, me see it all the time. Alcohol affect man's penis.
Ah, yes, that's probably what it is.
I'll come back when I've had a few more.

 

by KajunFirefly
3-18-06
So... a restaurant with nude dancing and a live sex show.
Yep.
Does everything on your plate taste of fish?
and lubricant, yes.

 

by KajunFirefly
3-18-06
I love the culture of this country.
You have seen much so far?
Yeah, yesterday we went to an Irish bar, had lunch at McDonald's then went shopping in Gap.
You are the joking, yes?
Uh, no, but at least I'm trying to chat-up an authentic Czech girl.
I'm German.

 

by KajunFirefly
3-18-06
So, what do your parents think about you working in a brothel?
I just dancer in bar, I no slut!
Oh, okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean any offence.
You foreign men, you come here and go to strip bars, think that all women are cheap whores.
Should we go somewhere else then?
My place?

 

by KajunFirefly
10-13-06
Edna, the tidal wave is going to hit our beloved city any moment now!
I know, Derek, what are we going to do?
Well.. drown, I would imagine.
Oh, Derek, I love you.
Aren't you going to say it back?

 

by KajunFirefly
10-26-06
The boys want to take me out to a few pubs, then a nightclub before crashing out in a diabolical drunken mess.
Uh, honey, I don't want you injuring yourself before the big day.
Well, instead we could all go to the football, get a bunch of class A narcotics and go on a drug-fueled rampage.
That's sounds more dangerous than the first idea!
We could both stay in and I'll give you another patented "Kajun orgasm"!
Uh, forget I said anything! On you go.

 

by KajunFirefly
4-18-07
So, in light of this recent tragedy, do you think gun laws should be tightened?
Hell no, they should be LOOSENED. If them kids had guns, they would have been able to defend themselves!
Don't you think, though, that the killer should never have had been able to buy so many weapons?
The laws have already been tightened beyond belief, in this state you are limited to buying one gun A MONTH!
But why did the killer even OWN a gun?
In case someone tried to shoot him.

 

by KajunFirefly
10-10-09
Ugh... I need a young priest and an old priest. That was the craziest family reunion yet!
Yeah, I'm scared to open my eyes in case I bleed to death.
My memory's a bit sketchy. I was having nightmares that I was choking on a giant meatball sandwich.
Yeah, and I woke up with mayonaise all down my shirt.
We must have went to Subway after we performed that daisy chain.

 

by KajunFirefly
1-27-11
Hi, you're through to Tommy.
Hi, Tony. I'm looking for Thomas Gallacher.
Yeah, that's me.
Oh... I didn't realise Tony was short for Thomas.
It isn't.
Oh... is Thomas there then?

 

by KajunFirefly
1-27-11
Sometimes it just feels right.

 

by KajunFirefly
10-10-12
For every fiver Celtic spend, we'll spend a tenner.
Fool me once, shame on you.
I, uuuuhh, will frontload, uuuhh, a £25m warchest.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
ORANGE STRIP WITH EVERY THOUSAND SHARES!
I'M IN!

 

by KajunFirefly
2-25-15
Where the fuck have you been, you used to be on this site every day?
I started getting regular sex so I didn't have time for this place any more.
You're back now though?
Yep.
Congratulations on the wedding.
Thanks.

 

by KajunFirefly
6-23-16
The £350m thing was a lie!
You wot?
The NHS funding promise, it wasn't actually true
...
You just voted cos of the Muslims, didn't you?
RUUUUUUULE BRITANNIA!

 

by KajunFirefly
10-02-18
Do you want to watch the new Doctor Who? I think you'll like it.
How is he a girl now?
Well, The Doctor isn't really a "he", The Doctor is a Timelord from the planet Gallifrey and when their bodies are decaying they have the biological ability to regenerate their cells...
...
When they die they respawn with a new custom skin.
k

 

by KajunFirefly
5-16-19
poop Queen hahahaha
you are done
talking about babies
wawa baby in here?
ya you are a baby!
I remember when I used to be in charge of this comic.
ok me in charge now fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by KajunFirefly
5-17-19
Two peple met and in the dusk of red
who are you???
why do you need to know you,r just a money person???
hi FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!
OK OK OK OK OK OK
aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
*kick*

Showing page 12.

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