All comics by Speez

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by Speez
7-12-03
Jennifer, for copying UBCS design I will shut down your board. And also, an overweight covered with back hair man in going to rape you up the ass.
Is he going to do it royally?
Of course.
Alright, I will drop the pants and assume the position.

 

by Speez
7-14-03
Welcome to Ace's tour of the UBCS comic. I will be introducing you to all the characters for you new comers. I will probably get bored after awhile, so let's get started.
Here is Denza, the token stupid character that everyone loves. He seems to be deep in thought.
If a cat always lands on it's feet and butter toast always lands butter side down...
If Denza was a shirt, he would be the "I am not with stupid, I am stupid" T-shirt.
..what if I duct taped butter toast to a cat's back and dropped it! I could create a pardox and destory the world!

 

by Speez
7-16-03
Hey honey! I am horny!
You never were a sweet talker. But you know if we try to do anything Trojan man will appear.
I have a full proof plan.
...you? You came up with a plan.
It took six months...
Well, why the hell not.

 

by Speez
7-16-03
Well first, we will go into the corner to make love.
The corner?!?!
Uhh, what is wrong with the corner?
The fact there are a few UBCSers that seem to be waiting for us...with video cameras.
Come on, uhhh, let me just let the camera roll.
Dude, I told you hide in the bushes! The bushes!

 

by Speez
7-16-03
Ok, now we are in a locked room, is that your plan.
Remember last time, his horse knocked down the door and a piece of it flew into my ass. I have a better plan.
Well, what is it?
He only comes if I forgot to bring the condoms. Well, I remember the rubbers this time.
That....might just work.
So, are we going normal style, or are we going freaky style with a dead chicken?

 

by Speez
7-16-03
Oh yeah Denza, ride me like a pony!
Oh yeah, I am riding you like a fat man rides an ice cream truck. Hey, did I just hear a horse?
Greeting Citzens! Hey, Denza is pointing at me with out using his hands.
Uhhh, I think he pointing at the inside of my...err..yeah.
Your plan didn't work!
Well, I never said it was going to. I just wanted some nookie

 

by Speez
7-16-03
Hey, why did you show up? I am wearing a condom!
Well, you are wearing the wrong kind. The Super Magnum XL is not for you.
Errr, hehe, I dunno what you talking about...
I suggest Trojan Pencap sized condoms.
Now that you mention it Trojan man, it does look like a scared turtle.
HEY! It's just...uhhh...cold in here! Yeah, it's like a freezer! BRRRR!

 

by Speez
7-22-03
Hey, this UBCS is a great place.
Excellent design, friendly members. It is just a top notch community!
I think I will hack this place to make up for the fact I have a 3 milimeter penis!

 

by Speez
7-22-03
Wow, something is wrong with UBCS!
I can't exactly put my finger on it.
Maybe it got a new haircut? Clipped it's toenails? Tape leg?

 

by Speez
7-22-03
What, there is something written at the top of the comic!
Umm, This...err....I think that is a "w". This...woodshed...umm... the next is a big word.
This would be working out better if I could read...

 

by Speez
7-22-03
Quick TAS, we have to IM Speez about what has happen!
But he is away! It says he is sleeping.
I have an idea! We will just keep IMing his ass! The sound will wake him up!
Great idea!
4 days later...
AIM from Denza reads: I know you can hear this! WAKE UP!
Jesus Christ, a billion six messages while I was away! Don't those idoits know I have the AIM sound disable while I am away!

 

by Speez
7-25-03
Speez, use your admin powers to restore UBCS back to it's orignal self!
Well...duh!
Moments later...
Umm, nothing happen.
Let me try harder! GRRRRRRRR!
Nothing happen...
Well, techically something did happen. I tried so hard I pooped my pants.

 

by Speez
7-25-03
Dude, those hackers most have de admin me. Those are trickey hackers. Too bad CP isn't...
...around...?
I r teh CP!
Thank god CP, you came back. We have a problem!
I r teh CP!

 

by Speez
7-25-03
I R teh CP!
Yes, I know you are CP. Now, the board has been hacked and the hackers seemed to have de admin me, but the only person who can do that is...CP...
I R teh CP!
Oh crapped, your not CP! You are the hacked CP!
U r teh banned!
ARGH!

 

by Speez
7-27-03
My god, where I am, and who the heck are you?
I am AotD.
...
Been at UBCS since day one.
Oh yeah, and you have like 7 posts.
I am afraid of posting.

 

by Speez
7-27-03
Wasn't there a door out of here?
CP locked the door a long time ago when he mad LAP's bag ban land.
There has to be a way out.
Funny, my bag is screaming for me to let it out.
Let me out now LAP, you cockjockey!

 

by Speez
7-27-03
Of course I will let you out of the bag Speez.
Dude, he is letting me out. You want to help stop the hacker?
No, I think I will stay here.
Why, we can use all the help we can get.
Frankly, I don't give a fly fu...

 

by Speez
7-27-03
CP, you came back just in time! Hey wait...you look alittle different!
I R teh CP!
Oh yeah, you went to the lake. That explains why you are so blue!
U r teh banned!
Why CP!
I R teh evil!

 

by Speez
7-27-03
Alright LAP, we must make sure you don't get sent to ban land because we need you to let us out of your bag.
Cool beans.
Now, if we can only find the Hacked CP and maybe we can find some way to stop him. You still there LAP?
Poops sticks!
I R teh CP!

 

by Speez
7-30-03
Oh no, HaXX0r CP!
U r teh banned! ..again!
Not on my watch! UBCS Man is here to save the day!
....U R teh banned!
ARRGGH
I <3 b00b5

 

by Speez
7-30-03
Haha, I can't be banned! You are powerless to do anything!
...
I, UBCS Man, will take you down with my bare hands!
What the flock is this guy rambling about. He is going to ruin my plans of hacking UBCS.
Haha, you can't ban me!
Well, I will have to do something else than banning you!

 

by Speez
7-30-03
So, what are you going to do haXX0r CP!
...U R TEH DOGGY!
The...doggy.......ARGGH!
Ok, this is not funny.
This is teh funny!

 

by Speez
8-10-03
Ha, I am now in full control of UBCS!
Nothing can stop me now!
Beaver, it time for bed sweety!
But mom, I don't want to go to sleep yet! And don't call me by my real name. I am HaX0rZ!
Go put on your fluffy bunny panjamas and go to sleep in your race car bed sugar.

 

by Speez
8-10-03
I may have to go to sleep, but as long as my computer stays on, UBCS will be under my control!
Oh yeah, I turned off your computer.
What?!?! Why?
Because you didn't take out the garabge like I asked you too, so you are grounded from the computer Beaver!
But mom, I was hacking some site! and my name is HaX0rz!
Don't talk back Beaver or I will give you no ice cream for a week!

 

by Speez
8-13-03
CP, come with me. I have a surprise!
Sorry Speez, I have to get ready for college.
...
I have to get the books and move and get some supplies and touch myself at night and...
Sorry I had to knock you out with a sack of doorknobs, but you have to come with me.

 

by Speez
8-13-03
Ugh, where am I?
Morning sunshine! Welcome to the UBCS Comic Roast of Captain Pringle!
Uhh, Roast?
Yeah, I we basically make fun of you for a few comics.
Ugh, so you hit me with a sack of knobs and dragged me here.
But, your head is used to being hit by other knobs! OH, I AM GOOD!

 

by Speez
8-13-03
Speez is hosting the UBCS Comic Roast of CP.
Yeah, you suck CP. You suck long and hard.
And now for our first Roaster, Denza!
Take my dog's....fleas!
Kill me now.

 

by Speez
8-13-03
And now for our next Roaster, TAS!
Jesus Chirst, my hands are glued over my face and I can't see. Can someone take me to the stage.
Hey, I said take me to the stage, not pull down my pants! Hey, that won't fit up there.
Sorry it took so long CP. Someone, probably Ace, pulled down my pants and jammed a cucumber up my ass.

 

by Speez
8-26-03
And our next Roaster is Ace!
Hehe, prepare to be roasted to the max CP.
This is going to hurt.
Ace, meet me in the Batcave. We have a huge problem.
Holy holey cheese Speez! I will be there in a spiffy.
Uhh, you suck webos...long and hard. I have to go now.
This was unexpected...

 

by Speez
8-26-03
Later, in the Batcave.
Quick Ace, boy wonder, look on the Batscreen!
Jewhiz Speez!
Holy mother of piano keys! Sweet sugar taffy! Sweet Enola Gay!
You don't know what it means either, do you?
Not a clue.

 

by Speez
8-26-03
Look Ace, boy wonder, we have a message from Pokemaster Kevin on the Batscreen!
Speez.
Yeah, what is it Ace? Do I need to turn up the Batbrightness on the Batscreen?
Can we stop talking like the old Batman show. It is giving me a headache.
Agreed. Let's talk like Charlie's Angels.
Don't make me kill you with a sack of doorknobs.

 

by Speez
8-26-03
People of UBCS, for years your great community has been stealing users from my poor construction community made out of green peas. Is it because you guys have a better community?
Horsepoopy, it is because you have a kick butt comic! So I have decided to downright steal the idea of your comic and use it for my own gain!
Oh yeah, it will suck ass, not be funny in the least bit, smell like an unchanged baby's diaper and we will make many references to Lord of the Rings for no reason. Good day.

 

by Speez
8-26-03
Ace and Speez read the TPM comic in the batcave...
Sweet Jesus, did he just spell the word "at" with a letter q?
Speez, don't look directly at it, or you will go blind.
Yeah, maybe that is Pokemaster Kevin's plan, to make a comic that sucks so much balls you go blind...or die.
That could be true, expect for one fact.
What is that?
Pokemaster Kevin is a complete moron.

 

by Speez
8-26-03
Speez tells CP about Pokemaster Kevin's plan to make a crappy comic to blind the members of UBCS.
Dude, how can a comic make someone go blind?
For that, I will need help from Denza.
Ok Denza, please remove the comic from the protective seal and read it.
Ok. Hmmm, it is some strange comic about people at TPM....ARGH, MY EYES BURN! MY EYES!
Uhh, will he be alright.
Well, we tested it on TAS, many times, with little sucess of vision returning to normal. But that maybe because Ace kept hitting him with a sack of doorknobs between tests.

 

by Speez
8-27-03
Your mission, if you chose to accept it, is to sneak into TPM, and pardon my french, f*ck their comic up.
Yeah, I will accept the mission, but why me?
They wouldn't expect a small woodland creature to f*ck sh*t up.
Good enough for me.
God speed I Like Cheese, God speed.

 

by Speez
8-27-03
We join I Like Cheese as he is sneaking into TPM to take down their comic.
Yep, I am on my way to TPM to mess their comic up.
I can almost hear the Mission Impossible music playing in my head.
Sorry, I just like to follow random animals and play the Mission Impossible theme.
Uhhh, I think I am lost...

 

by Speez
8-27-03
I Like Cheese finally makes it to the greatly designed TPM.
My god, it smells like ass in here.
Not the use of grey on...uhh..more grey to make the greyness standout.
This is worse than a McDonald's bathroom in downtown New York. Sweet jesus, even the flies are leaving this place.
Yeah, TPM sucks. I don't need to beat the dead horse....or do I?
My god, you can not possible make it smell like more ass, even if...err..enough with the jokes. Just know this, it smells bad here.

 

by Speez
8-27-03
ILC stumbles upon a local TPMer.
Hey, can you point me in the direction of the TPM comic?
Are you a new member here? All new members must report to Pokemaster Kevin to have the "broomstick" shoved up your ass.
Uhh, I am just a guest. You really had a broomstick up your ass though? Man, didn't the "wood" hurt?
Oh, you must not have seen the quotes I put around the word "broomstick". It is not a real broomstick, if you know what I mean.
And you didn't notice the quotes I put around the word "wood".
That's not funny...

 

by Speez
8-27-03
I finally found you Pokemaster Kevin!
Ah, a new member. I will go get the "Broomstick".
WAIT! Drop that broomstick...I am a guest! I am here from UBCS to f*ck sh*t up!
I surrender!
Damn, you caved it easy...you pussy.
I am powerless without my "broomstick".

 

by Speez
8-27-03
Ok, follow me back to UBCS to get the beating of you life with multiple sacks of doorknobs.
HA! Never turn you back on someone with a mighty "broomstick"! HUTTAH!
Umm, dude, that is not "mighty" at all.
Umm, it's...err... cold in here! Very cold.
Dude, it's like 115 degrees in here because you are too cheap to buy an air conditioner.
Uhhh, I have a freezer in my pants...

 

by Speez
8-27-03
Ace and Kevin draw up the peace treaty.
And on every third tuesday you dress like a chicken and get flock by a gang of hungry seagulls. On every other monday, I get to smack you silly for eight hours.
Sounds reasonable.
One last thing, your TPM must continue to suck ass. It will never produce a funny gag, joke or anything that would make it not suck ass.
You mean from now on, right?
Uhh, yeah sure. Whatever lets you sleep at night.
Because the ones about Lord of the Rings just tickle my funny bone!

 

by Speez
8-27-03
Hi, I am Great Speez, the author of the UBCS Comic. I will like to take this comic to speak about the TPM saga I just finished.
You see, many people may be offended on how much I insulted TPM in the last few comics.
I would like to state for the record that I used to go to TPM everyday three years ago. I hung out in fanfics and met some great people including Captian Pringe and Ace.
CP decided to make his own board, UBCS, and invite some people from TPM. I jumped on the chance because TPM was changing into a very strict messege board.
So, in closing, because of TPM suckness, UBCS was board so I would like to say "Thank you TPM for sucking."
Continue to have your fun little comic. I tried to read it, but it made no sense. But whatever, I will be ready in the future to blast your comic once again...if it surives that long.

 

by Speez
8-27-03
Woo! comic 600! Party down!
Hey Ace, you joining the party?
No, I just came to tell you that what you said in the last comic didn't make any sense whatso ever.
Uhh, yeah. I was getting high with DJ right before that.
Well, I am going to go beat up Ian for what feels like the 600th time.

 

by Speez
8-28-03
Sweet Jesus I am bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.
God, I need to invest in an online game or something, but all the good one have a monthly fee and I am too cheap.
Why couldn't Halo be online. I know the PC version is, but I want the Xbox version to be online. That would rule balls. Ugh...
Oh no, the bored is getting to me! Everything is going black! I must... fight it... off.... ugh!
Hello, this is Good Afterdark with the 6 pm News. A young boy named "Spez" died of bordem today. We will have more of this story at 11.

 

by Speez
9-07-03
Hey Ace, I was just thinking...
Whoa, let me mark my calender!
I can't believe the UBCS comic didn't make fun of the huge power outages in American awhile back.
What! No, don't say that!
Wow, the power went out...
If I can find you, I am going to take your foot and stick it up your ass.

 

by Speez
9-07-03
Well Denza, because of you, UBCS is without power for probably days. So, what are you going to do in the darkness?
I think I am going to make love to my girlfriend over and over.
Denza walks off...
Wow, he came up with a good idea. I think I am going to do that too.

 

by Speez
9-07-03
Ace wonders though the darkness...
Hmm, there is only one thing missing.
Where is the Non-American stating we are making a big deal out of nothing.
Right here, sorry I am late. The flight from France was delayed.
Damn, and he is French too.
Is this it? It's just some dark. I don't see why you Americans evactuated whole cities over some dark!

 

by Speez
9-07-03
The French guy and Ace...
You Americans think you are all high and mighty and we French are just gay frog leg eaters.
Well...yeah.
HEY! You are not suppose to agree with me you dirty America! I fart in your general direction!
Dude, you stole that fart thing from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
You Americans have such small penis!
That's it, once I get my hand on your dirty gay French ass, I am going to beat you to death with a sack of doorknobs!

 

by Speez
9-07-03
Come back here you gay frenchie!
Ha, ha! As long as the lights stay out, you can not get me! You stupid American...
...bastard.
Oh, I am going to beat you like German beat you in World War II!
I love America! It's so great! Please don't kill me...

 

by Speez
9-07-03
Hey, aren't you MysteriousShadow?
That be me! I won the contest to be in the comic!
But, you are French?
Yeah, I pissed off Speez over AIM asking over and over "When will I appear in the comic."
Well, sucks to be you.
Indeed.

Showing page 12.

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