All comics by mandingo

Profile

 

by mandingo
7-25-06
ab sum porcus agnellus parvus corpulentus
pig latin is HARD!
hic est apud manubrium
wo, point that thing another direction big boy
combibo apud gallus
good thing i can jump rope

 

by mandingo
7-25-06
hello
hello
i'd like to stab you in the face
have at thee!
seriously
it's the collar

 

by mandingo
7-25-06
oh, no, there's a giant tornado and it's coming right at us!!!
who said that?
the carpet
carpets don't talk
or don't we?
what... but... double negative... carry the one... TORNADO!!

 

by mandingo
7-25-06
great gigantic goose, we have come many miles to this altar you have
this bedroom altar
at a motel 8
that smells like urine
and you look like a tv
and you don't have hbo

 

by mandingo
7-25-06
hey there little bacon guy, why do you weep?
i weep for the crimes i done and company i keep
hey there little bacon guy, why all the tears?
my cellmate said he was gonna rape me until my anus tears
hey there little bacon guy, you can't rhyme tears and tears.
THE FUCK I CANT!

 

by mandingo
7-25-06
goodnight, Mary
goodnight
could you come back out and give me a goodnight kiss?
i'm too sleepy
how about just my wallet?
sleepy

 

by mandingo
7-25-06
dear John, there's something i must tell you. i've run away with someone else. to soften the blow, i've left a real doll behind that looks exactly like me. enjoy, Katey
real doll, huh?
i just thought you couldn't remember the safe word!

 

by mandingo
7-25-06
Mom, Dad, i'd like you to meet Kevin
OH DEAR GOD!
I BET HE DOESN'T EVEN GET HBO!

 

by mandingo
7-25-06
your poo-slinging days are over, gorilla!!!
i'm not a gorilla. and i don't sling poo
your lying, poo-slinging days are over, gorilla!
have at thee!

 

your poo-slinging days are over, frenchman!
i'm not french, i just like to wear berets and dark glasses and roll around in pig funk
by mandingo, 7-25-06

 

by mandingo
7-25-06
eye of newt, bat of wing, reanimate this evil thing, whisker of rat, funk of pig, underground now, dig dig DIG!
RWRRORRRR!!!
MASTERRR!!!!
fuck off, Joan, i'm casting a spell here

 

by mandingo
7-25-06
booEEEAAoo!
hehehe
*blush*
stupid puberty

 

by mandingo
7-26-06
i know what you're thinking
you thought i'd be taller
*shrug*

 

by mandingo
7-26-06
fucking travelocity

 

by mandingo
7-26-06
yes, i know i've tried on 30 pair, honey, but this is important
yes, i know people might be getting impatient, honey, but i'm sure they understand
yes, i kn... ...an axe you say?

 

by mandingo
7-26-06
so...
i guess populating the place is out

 

by mandingo
7-26-06
you're the worst interior decorator ever
and why the fuck did you cut a slice out of my kitchen table and paint it black

 

by mandingo
7-26-06
so the Stink Police have found 800 pounds of cocaine in your stink
am i going to jail?
maybe not if you work with us
what happens then
then you just go to trafficking school

 

by mandingo
7-26-06
please?
NO!
but i really love you!
then you shouldn't have had MAD DOG ASSASSIN G feed you lovey dovey lines to say to me
i had to. he's good with words, i'm all thumbs and cleavers

 

by mandingo
7-26-06
told you i could get the whole pineapple up there

 

by mandingo
7-26-06
Hey there, young fella, your mommy had an emergency. She sent me to pick you up.
I dunno, Mister...
come on, if i was gonna lie to get you into my van to sodomize you, do you really think i would have brought the bow and arrow and scared you off?
i guess not...
the next day...
come on, let me out. if i was a prisoner do you really think they'd let me in here with a bow and arrow?
i guess not... wait a minute! this is just like that time the police commissioner sent you to pick me up!

 

by mandingo
7-26-06

 

ow.
by mandingo, 7-26-06

 
by mandingo, 7-26-06

 

by mandingo
7-28-06
let's take another call... you're on Shop Talk...
hey Joe, long time listener, first time caller
thanks, what's your question?
how do i fix this damn knob on my radio?

 

Dylan? Dylan Klebold?? you old dog! how ya been??
by mandingo, 7-28-06

 

by mandingo
7-28-06
so
so
your gun is empty
so is yours

 

by mandingo
7-28-06
take me to your leader!
RABBIT SEASON!
DUCK SEASON!
now put on something nice and take me to Gino's at 24th and Ash
what kind of abduction is this?

 
by mandingo, 7-28-06

 

by mandingo
7-28-06
Dave never raised his voice at me
Dave, Dave, Dave, that's all i hear about is your last boyfriend. what's so great about the guy anyway?
hey, Dave, can you pick up some ice on the way home?
can do, babe.
i think about Dave when we make love, you know
after that story, so will i

 

by mandingo
7-28-06
my queen, my queen! the peasants grow restless, they have not bread to eat!
let them eat... *burp*
*clunk*
let the peasants eat! queen's orders!
what a lady!

 

by mandingo
7-28-06
do you ever feel the doctor doesn't have our best interests in mind?
what?
he grafted sytrofoam wings onto your back and peeled all the skin off my face
yeah, you're right. i guess i'm just a worrywart

 

by mandingo
7-30-06
what's that in your mouth there, Joe
it's a wedge of Number 1 Cheese
say, i bet you're a hit with your cellmate, sporting that cheese on the old mandible
you know it, pal of mine
i could use some myself. my cellmate still seems intimidated by me
probably because of how much you bench

 
by mandingo, 7-31-06

 

by mandingo
8-01-06
Pig Funk, my man!
don't call me that, i don't like it
what would you have me call you?
my christian name is Reginald
too many syllables, Pig Funk. just be glad i haven't jammed an apple in your mouth, shoved bean sprouts up your ass and tossed you under my Camaro's hood for 15 minutes
today.

 

by mandingo
8-01-06
blood and glaze everywhere
s'okay, Jones. it'll get easier

 

by mandingo
8-06-06
dad, shouldn't the catholic church be sympathetic towards homosexuals since all their priests keep getting caught touching boys?
it might seem like they should, son, but the church's rejection of homosexuality is consistent with one of catholicism's most strongly held beliefs
the sanctity of marriage?
unwavering self-hatred.

 

by mandingo
8-08-06
Fred, please don't be lazy! only when someone shows anger is Leon's ostrich rinsed satisfactorily!
fuck! only rinsing people's ostriches can keep Ernie tame!
cup his animal nasty!
godbless Ernie!

 

by mandingo
8-10-06
do you see it?
yah
but maybe it's just swamp gas
it's a fuckin spaceship!

 

and the enterprise was a closet
beam me out, mr. scott
by mandingo, 8-10-06

 

by mandingo
8-10-06
ready for the big date?
FUCK NO!
why not?
my hemorrhoids are unsightly!
it's your first date. it's not like he's going to be seeing them
not like this he's not. grab some spray paint and sparkles and meet me in the woodshop

 

by mandingo
8-10-06
hehe
what are you doing?
um...
you were gonna draw a tail on me, weren't you?
just a little one
make it pink

 

by mandingo
8-14-06
omg! we r totally gonna fuck u guys up LOL!
oma! wtj r u talkin about u can't even find our leader ji-hahaha!-d
>JOINS: France has joined #UnitedNations
cheers, France
we surrender!

 

even in the enlightened and peaceful universe of the 24th century, the horror of Disney rescuing Air Bud from the vault still caused the suicide rate to spike
by mandingo, 8-14-06

 

by mandingo
8-14-06
now what?
i'm thinking, i'm thinking

 

by mandingo
8-14-06
i'm sorry, Mr. TOBOR RAAAARRRR, but we couldn't save it
SAVE WHAT
your third leg. but i assure you many tripod robots who undergo amputation go on to lead very fulfilling lives as biped robots
BUT TOBOR ISN'T A
6 months later
raaaar. tobor will really listen and not just wait for his turn to talk
beat it, creep

 

by mandingo
8-14-06
then what?
so then he jams this bone in my mouth, chews up the slippers, and goes rolling home
i want a lawyer

 

by mandingo
8-14-06
hi, i'm from Where Are They Now and we'd like to tell your story!
you know - the glory years as a child drummer, your parents stealing all your money, puberty killing your fledgling acting career, your long addiction to sniffing cocaine and other rabbits' asses
you ready for a bomb? you saved my life that day.
can we turn off the cameras, please?

 

by mandingo
8-16-06
tag, you're it!
i called no tagsies
give me all the money in the register!
i called no robsies

 

by mandingo
8-21-06
if you'd care to take a dare, i'll make a bet with you. you play a pretty good fiddle, boy, but give the devil his due--i'll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul, cause i think i'm better than you
my name's Johnny and it might be a sin, but i'll take your bet and you're gonna regret, cause i'm the best that's ever been
Johnny rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard, hells broke loose in Georgia and the devil deals it hard.If you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold,but if you lose the devil gets your soul!
who's that redundant asshole?
thought he was with you

Showing page 12.

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