All comics by xxausrottenxx

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by xxausrottenxx
8-19-04
so i says, that's no vaginal discharge, thats my wife!

 

by xxausrottenxx
8-23-04
its like I said before, stress is just an outcome of not getting laid
but women always cause more problems
well i never said my father was straight

 

by xxausrottenxx
8-23-04
Do you remember going to college?
...
...
is THAT what that was?

 

by xxausrottenxx
8-23-04
I feel so technologically inept
oh i know what you mean
sometimes when I eat too many tacos i need to take a couple laxatives before I can go

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-03-04
hey wanna get high?
don't we have class today?
yep
oh okay, then sure

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-03-04
..and then i went to this totally killer party with so many hot dudes
i mean, they all had their shirts off playing basketball and drinking beer, i was so turned on
they all had tight pants and you could definately see their packages...so why didnt you go?

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-06-04
hi, i'm John Travolta
no, you're not
damn

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-06-04
hmmmhhhh...billy bob thorton naked...hmmhhh

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-14-04
jesus, do you think i'm a slut?
no, why would you be a slut
although you did try to tempt me, got me killed, corrupted millions of my followers, and you fucked my mom
but, im not a slut, right?

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-14-04
jesus, how did you survive your freshman year?
i spent most of my time eating the bread and drinking the wine
...
a fat alcoholic... no no jesus, i want to pass

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-14-04
Well, Cletus, this town ain't big enough for the both of us.
Yer absolutely right...
But before we fight, there's something I wants to tell you...
um, that we gotta fight for our right to party?
no i was actually gonna just shoot you when you weren't looking, but hell, i was a teen in the 80s

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-17-04
oh my god! you're from that jerry maguire movie, could you do that thing that you guys did?
heh..alright...Show me the money!
ah, dammit, i knew that movie would come back to haunt me

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-20-04
hey, did you know if you fold a 20 dollar bill, you can see the twin towers on fire
really? let me see one
sure, here ya go
hey, thanks for the 20, see ya later
damn

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-20-04
...
...
*blink*
That does it! You're fired!

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-20-04
Why'd you kill Johnny, Death, he was the best Ramone
I dont know.. I'm Death, when i touch people, they die
you never told me that before you gave me he....
That does it! You're fired!

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-29-04
in every school i've been to, the mascot has been some kind of cat
that's probably god telling me i'm a pussy

 

by xxausrottenxx
9-29-04
i think what the army needs is robots
that way the republicans would stop complaining about homosexuals

 

by xxausrottenxx
10-15-04
does being crucified hurt?
well it depends, is it like a roseanne sitting on your face hurt, or a repetative stabbing hurt
what?

 

by xxausrottenxx
10-15-04
can you give me five bucks?
how about you go fuck yourself?
my god, dave! i'm your girlfriend
well it wouldn't have made sense if i told MYSELF that

 

by xxausrottenxx
10-15-04
i have a brain tumor
give me two hundred dollars.

 

by xxausrottenxx
10-18-04
so anyway, what was your job prior to being incarerated?
i was the guy that put the poppy seeds on poppy seed buns
well that would explain why you got busted for opium
well yeah, that and the 30 dead bodies they found under my porch

 

by xxausrottenxx
10-22-04
okay listen, im bloated, have a sinus infection, and the wifes pissed about last night, so can you just give me the pot and we can both be on our way

 

by xxausrottenxx
10-25-04
you know, its kind of ironic that we ran into each other
how so
well i was gonna say this was ironic because i fucked your wife last night, but this works too

 

by xxausrottenxx
10-28-04
this is bill
bill has something to say about everything
I...I wonder if ants eat the urine that misses the toilet when i pee

 

by xxausrottenxx
10-28-04
One night my mother walked in on me masterbating
I got in a lot of trouble, and she took my cucumber collection
There was nothing sexual about my cucumber collection, but now I understand why she was concerned.

 

by xxausrottenxx
10-28-04
you know how they say a kitty dies every time you masterbate?
Well I have a cat, and that rumor is not true
We had a couple other cats before her, but I just call that coincidence

 

by xxausrottenxx
10-28-04
I dont see anything wrong with porn or liquor
I mean, jesus turned water into wine, and priests have sex with little boys...
...i really dont know where I'm going with this

 

by xxausrottenxx
10-29-04
Jerry Springer 2035
alright, we're on live TV just like you said, now where's my grandmother?
i have something to confess, im not really a robot...
I'm a man!....oh yeah and i raped, killed, and ate your grandma thing.
Oh yeah, that's gotta hurt!

 

by xxausrottenxx
11-04-04
hey satan, knock knock
who's there?
interrupting cow
interrupting cow who?
....ah crap

 

by xxausrottenxx
11-04-04
you know satan, with all these americans talking about dicks and bushes, im surprised there aren't more people down here
...
...
what?

 

by xxausrottenxx
11-10-04
...
fag

 

by xxausrottenxx
11-11-04
In conclusion, members of the UN, the notorious BIG was way more popular after he died, so in response to that, we have announced the release of 'Yasser Arafat- The Christmas Classics'

 

by xxausrottenxx
11-11-04
I'm a clown, i make people laugh
see its funny because the bulge in my pants isnt my penis, but a half conceived child
does that make me a zombie?

 

by xxausrottenxx
11-11-04

 

by xxausrottenxx
11-12-04
hey there partner, what'll it be?
eh, whiskey on the rocks, its been a tough night
bad night ya say, why do you say that?
well i was supposed to kill this crackhead hooker, but i just didnt have the heart, and in a panick, i killed a nice old lady
well its nice to know someone like death still has morals
yeah, but in that same panick i took the old lady to my house and had my way with her then burnt her remains, now how bout that whiskey

 

by xxausrottenxx
11-12-04
so you killed someone before their time, violated her, and got drunk?
yeah boss but i...
dammit death, god is not going to look highly on this, he'll probably keep us here for another hundred years, and take away the childrens program
meanwhile
for fucks sake kid, just watch the fuckin veggie tales

 

by xxausrottenxx
11-12-04
im tellin ya, barkeep, the boss has got me by the balls
do what i did, start your own business, be your own boss
eh, i tried that already, it didnt work out too well
balance between living and dead, flooding the entire earth, same thing. i blame the system
get out.

 

by xxausrottenxx
11-15-04
I've been experiencing what some people call a 'writers block', so instead of making a bunch of shitty comics, here are two chickens sitting on barstools
I wonder what drives humans to eat chickens?
god, i dont know
but me and you dont have any fingers, so we should be safe

 

by xxausrottenxx
11-25-04
sometimes when i go toot, little poopies come out
well...what else did you expect?

 

by xxausrottenxx
11-28-04
uh...I didn't do it?

 

by xxausrottenxx
12-03-04
you're such a tool.
you can talk?

 

by xxausrottenxx
12-03-04
so, you like hip hop little boy?
are you only asking me that because i'm black?
...
yes

 

by xxausrottenxx
12-03-04
hey, give me ten bucks, i need to do laundry
why should i give you ten dollars, you dont even live here
well, do you want your sheets smelling like semen and goat's milk or not?

 

by xxausrottenxx
12-08-04
in my dorm room
just make a comic about butt porn jokes

 

by xxausrottenxx
12-14-04
How do the Christmas decorations look?
I'm the wrong guy to ask, Maura! I hate Christmas.
But how can you say that, Pete?
It all started when I was a kid...
..when my dad raped me every christmas. Shit Diane why do you keep bringing it up

 

by xxausrottenxx
12-21-04
Charles Manson: age 5
now son, i know you asked me for that newfangled Risk board game. The one you said was for mass destruction of the earth.
But money is tight, so santa is gonna give you a bunch of confused women
that kid is gonna make one hell of a lawyer

 

by xxausrottenxx
12-23-04
ha! you wouldnt last ten minutes as the divine ruler of all things being
wanna bet, i give presents to every kid all in one night, you give them AIDS, and cancer.
well...
my dad could beat up your dad

 

by xxausrottenxx
12-23-04
And so the bet was on, Santa would work in heaven for christmas, while Mr. Christ would spread christmas joy giving presents to all the little boys and girls
hello!
so you guys are gonna be puling my sleigh this year? wheres the guy with the red nose?
oh, rudolph...santa likes to give nicknames when one of us has a drug problem
oh..
...OH

 

by xxausrottenxx
12-23-04
meanwhile, in heaven
so, what's the agenda for today
well, today is the recreation of the day jesus was born
oh thats neat, so, like a little manger with a couple ten year olds playing mary and joseph and a little dolly for jesus?
well, that was the basic idea, until some asshole gave him the 'Aliens' trilogy at the office party
oh?
so yeah, if violently bursting through the uterus of a virgin isn't your thing, you're pretty much shit out of luck

 

by xxausrottenxx
12-23-04
it was the night before christmas and all through the house, noone was stirring, except for some half naked moron
well this is the place i guess
and everything is in order, presents under the trees, cookies are eaten, this isn't so bad
santa?
aw fuck

Showing page 12.

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