All comics by Makin_d_bacon

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-10-17
At ragu4u's local H. &. R. Block......
So I can deduct my "scratch-off" losses, eh?
Yes but you'll have to be able to verify them.
Well then, I better get home & gather them up!
We're open till 9pm !
Back at chez ragu/d_bacon....
I can't believe these are ALL your losing 2016 "scratch-off" tickets!
I never said they were! There's MORE in the garage!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-10-17
Trump attacks militant Muslims......
...in their base of operations....
...Dearborn, Michigan.....
Geez, Abdul...it was safer in Syria!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-11-17
Phreaky, how do you maintain that beautiful, zitless complexion?
I use Bridget Bardot's old technique.
And what is THAT?
Every morning I put a coat of semen on my face.
So, the very next day....
My coat? What for, Missy?
I hear that it gets rid of zits.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-12-17
All this will I give to you if only you bow down & worship me!
You gotta be kiddin, right?
I kid thee NOT!
I'm thinkin, maybe you shoulda opened with offering me "Vegas"!
Hey...he can't do that! He promised "Vegas" to US!
After what you Hebes did to him, I'm surprised he gave you anything!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-12-17
So why was this guy beaten so badly?
He didn't follow orders.
You prison guards are THAT strict, huh?
He wasn't IN prison!
So what then?
He refused to deplane on a "United" flight!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-13-17
Easter Sunday Morning before service..
C'mon ma, let's scram outta here. The Easter Bunny will be at Wal-Mart in 10 minutes.
Timmy, Easter is the most important day on the Christian calendar. Our lord rose from the dead on the first Easter 2000 years ago.
Yeah but, Mass lasts over an hour. The smell of incense makes me sick. They're singing songs in Latin & all the kneeling is killin my knees blah, blah, blah...
Oh you poor baby. Ok then, let's go!
How disappointing. It's the same thing every tear!
Quit yer whining and cough up my fifty smackers! I'm late for Wal-Mart!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-13-17
You DO realize that God is gonna get ya for that "Easter Sunday" comic, right?
Ya think?
Be very careful. THAT was the exact thing that caused MY disappearance!
Here we go with THAT fairytale again!
The Gods watch from heaven & opine...
Fairytales can come true...they can happen to you if you're ...
...just not smart!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-14-17
It's an anal probe. Why?
Wait here a sec.
?
Where is the female?
I WON the coin toss! Probe away!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-14-17
During the Civil War....
Oh I wish I was in Dixie..
Away...Away,,,,
It just does an old woman's heart good to hear our southern boys singing away like that!
I say there dear woman, I know the REAL reason for your gaiety of heart!
And what might that be, my dear Beauregard?
Common courtesy precludes me from such vulgarisms, Dixie!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-15-17
0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds, eh?
That's right! Take her for a spin?
Pretty cherry, no? Top speed is 285 mph! Hard to resist, isn't it?
But there are zero public roads anywhere that allow driving at that speed!
So...what's your point?
Can I get it with a "Super Charger"?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-15-17
Oh no...a strange man is trying to break in!
This is one tough lock! I 'll give it one last try.
I'm about to get raped repeatedly both vaginally & anally!
Awe.....screw it!
DARN...he left!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-16-17
George, get off your lazy ass & call somebody to fix the garage door.
Who should I call?
Hell...use the internet, stupid. Call anyone you want, but it better be fixed by the time I get off work.
Of course, honeybun!
You must be George! I'm Bambi from "getitup.com". You called?
Right this way, Bambi. I'll meet you in the bedroom right after I change a fuse in the Garage.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-17-17
Back away little boy or I'm gonna jump!
Bullshit ...I double dog dare...
Aiyeeeeeeeee.....
...you! WHOA! That's bitchin!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-18-17
At Chez "ragu/_d_bacon"...
Hey ragu4u...drag yer fat can in here. I've finally figured out how you can NEVER lose another comic contest!
And how is that, oh keeper of all comic knowledge?
Quit entering!
The guy is a friggin genius, I tell ya!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-19-17
Ripped From the Headlines.....
Nelda the witch? But you look like my granny!
Shut up deary or back on the dog leash ya go, hung from the ceiling!
NO!!!! Not THAT again!
The Hag gets life in prison....
How was I to know she'd charge people to see my videos of her on E-Bay?
Kids these days are pretty darn resilient!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-19-17
Aw SHIT!
I need some fresh linens in here....
...and somebody to cut this jock, Hernandez, down.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-19-17
Santa at a Mall in West Virginia...
You sure look a lot like my daddy!
I'm sorry little girl, but I'm Santa Claus.
No way! I 'd know my daddy anywhere! Let's see yer pecker!
How's THAT gonna prove if I'm your daddy or not?
Cuzn you like it when I leave teeth marks! Daddy?
Smoke break!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-19-17
Why does he want to see me again?
He still thinks he'd make a great advisor.
No way! He scores absolutley ZERO on the "Pizzaz" meter! Ditch him!
Why me?
Sorry, but he said no..... AGAIN!
It's that darned "PIZZAZ" meter of his...isn't it?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-20-17
Faster...
Slower...
Deeper...
Harder....
Me & my brother agree. You can REALLY suck, fella!
If yous guys wanna watch Phreaky lick this jizz off me, it'll be an exrta $500!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-20-17
Wish me luck! I'm applying to work with Bill O'Rielly!
You WHAT?
Don't worry. He seems like a nice man and he says he will mentor me!
OK, but I'd be careful.
...1 hour later....
I see you got the job!
It's THAT obvious?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-21-17
Child, did ya hear about Cuba Gooding....?
Oh my God, don't tell me he be dead! He was so hot in "Jerry Maguire".
Well, actually ...
Actually, WHAT?
It was his DAD...Cuba Gooding Sr. that died.
Fuck dat, ancient, broken down R&B crooner!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-21-17
Exactly what kinda sea creature are YOU?
Damn...he ate the poor bastard!
*burp*
Cement & all!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-22-17
You've been "Surgeon General" long enough, Vivek. You're FIRED!
Who is my replacement? I want to fill him in.
I'm giving the job to your "Nurse Practitioner".
But she's not even a Doctor!
How the decision was made.....
Now Sylvia...show the "Donald" your bedside manner.
Fine! Do you prefer I demonstrate in the lace Teddy or the crotchless latex?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-22-17
You give Butch a hand in living room, ok?
Sure Butch...If ya need em, I'll give ya two!
Butch gotta admit...Russ go extra mile!
Wow Butch...this morphine is a hell of a drug!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-22-17
My dear ragu4u, what shall we do to commemorate "Earth Day"?
Excellent query d_bacon, my old chum.
The Two Great Minds Strained as One...
???????????? "By George, I think..."
???????????? ..."I've got it"!
..so they both fertilized the forrest!
Man rags, your shit even stinks behind this tree!
You musta ate nothin but broccoli & draft beer yesterday, d_bacon!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-23-17
This just in....Erin Moran found dead in her trailer park home.
Erin Moran! She played Joanie on "Happy Days". She later played on "Joanie Loves Chachi".
I guess after THAT, death was a refief!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-23-17
The Fonz visits Erin Moran.....
Wow...even Henry Winkler is paying his respects!
I sure hope she didn't tell anybody I was porking her when she was 14.
Nah... I think I'm safe!
If they only knew you jumped ME waaay before you jumped the shark!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-24-17
*QUEEEEEF*
One Hour Passes.....
...and 3 canisters of "AirWick" later...
Geez... that Maura out-did herself this time!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-24-17
2 am.
This is an outrage. I was only doing 55 on the highway. I demand to see my lawyer!
You'll all be brought up on charges of abuse. Wake up the Judge & get him in here. You DO have Judges here, right?
Quiet, cuz here come da Judge now!
You CAN'T be the Judge!
Here in Mississippi, I can! The name is Judge Knot, but you kin call me "Stretch"!!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-24-17
"beep beep, Richie"
"beep beep, Richie"
"beep beep, Richie"
OK Richie...which one is the REAL "Pennywise"?
...and the little smart ass SAID...
"Tim Curry, STUPID"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-25-17
Ya think he'll talk to us?
Let's hope!
*knock, knock, knock, knock, knock*
What in the HELL do those two morons want? I better go hide!
Well rags, if the site moderator won't even talk to us we're screwed!
It's probably aboot too many Canadian put downs, eh d_bacon...ya hoser!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-25-17
What do you want?
My dad says you're the FONZ? Can I get your autograph?
Fuck you, you piece a horse shit. I'm gonna shove my boot up yer ass! Scram, ya little faggot!
Ok...ok...geez
Not the Fonz? Then who was he?
Some dude named "Dice-Clay"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-26-17
Mama...I got named to the "superlative" list at school today!
How nice , Kimmy. "Most Likely to Succeed"?
Not quite all THAT!
Well...what then?
Just... "Most Likely to Suck"!
See? All that practice with daddy finally paid off.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-26-17
So how fast were ya going.
Just a tiny bit over the limit.
How tiny?
About this tiny.
You DO know our limit here is 30 miles per hour, right?
Not miles per second? I crawl faster than that!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-27-17
What are those, Phil?
The Chef calls them his "Cupcake Suprise"! He's making a bunch.
You think he'd make me some?
Sure...but I'd try them first. They're an acquired taste.
You no like my...ahhhh-choo... "Cupcake Suprise"?
I must say, adding SNOT was a surprise...that's for sure!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-28-17
You got a choice. A) Stick your finger in a light socket, or...
...B) Get your head cut off! Take yer pick!
Uhhh......I'll go with........(A)!
Too bad! Butch like (B) better!
WTF!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-29-17
So you're telling me this device makes sex robots?
Absolutely! The 5 thousand dollar woman I made for you is ready to come out now.
Get out here you sexy thing, you!
Hello, ragu4u! In all fairness I must inform you that I'm a lesbian! You disgust me!
I demand a refund, Doc! I didn't know when she came out she was... "Coming Out"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-30-17
AtomicLunch thinks they own a dog.....
I've got a question.
And what, pray tell, might THAT be?
...but ragu4u & makin_d_bacon know...
Have you purchased a dog?
I'm not at liberty to say. I can neither confirm nor deny!
...otherwise!
Then I guess YOU'VE taken to shitting on the carpet, huh? You know how I feel about that!
I hate it when he chases me around with that damned rolled up newspaper!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-01-17
Is that for me?
I'm not sure.
Who's it from?
Some guy named Shakespear.
I've heard of him. Just let me read it.
I'm trying to decide if I should. It starts out with..."To Bee or not to Bee... THAT is the question!"

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-02-17
1960's
Yup Timmy, I AM the "Marlboro Man"!
I wanna grow up to be just like you.
Just keep on smoking Marlboros & you WILL.
Thanks, Marlboro Man. I think I'll even rip off the filters to get more flavor.
Today........
Timmy, it's time for your Chemo!
Damn! Always....right after I light up!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-03-17
Why have you insisted we stay in this windowless room for the past 2 weeks, Rags?
To keep us from looking out the window & screaming about our predicament.
Screaming for WHAT?
For the damn rain to stop, d_bacon!
Oh yeah......THAT!
Excuse me while I go make sure the sump pump in the attic is ON!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-04-17
Hey ragu4u!
What d_bacon?
We're buried here because of WHAT, again?
Others have claimed THIS is where OUR kind of humor belongs!
They're right, ya know!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhh, hahahahahahahahahahahaha.........You were being funny, right?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-04-17
C'mnon baby, who's yer daddy? Ya know ya love me , so tell me...."Who's yer daddy?"
C'mon baby, all that moanin ain't good enough! Tell papa..."who's yer daddy?"
C'mon now sweetie, you can do this..."Who is your daddy"?
I sure hope it ain't you, NERD! I want a paternity test.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-05-17
In the kitchen of "Hiromi's" Restaurant
And who might you be?
Me? I'm "Cock of the Walk", the new Head Chef here. Pass me that Chinese skillet, boy.
So , the cock of the walk wants the Wok of the cock, does he?
Turn in your spatula, smart ass! There's a new sheriff in town.
But a short time later.....
What you mean by "You no put eggs in egg foo yung"?
So...using THAT logic, you want I should chop up your kids to put into the Chinese Fortune Cookies, eh?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-05-17
Sorry Maura but I have to let you go.
It the copies, isn't it?
Frankly, yes! You can't seem to make them without my originals coming back smelling of shit.
I'm sorry sir. I just don't understand it.
...but truth be told......
Oh oh, gotta hurry...here comes Maura. Time to copy my ass while farting!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-05-17
Hey ragu4u....ever hear of "LIFEGAME"?
What? Do I look like I was brought up in a cave?
*goo*
Quit yer bitchin, you saucy lil bastard!
Absolutely!
Shit!

 

d_bacon now has 13 followers! Miracles DO happen!
by Makin_d_bacon, 5-05-17

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-06-17
Today in Kentucky......
You're wearing MY colors. You can't do that!
Shhhhh....the fix is in. I'm running FOR you in the Derby today!
So what am I supposed to do?
If I win...or...if I lose?
Either!
If I lose, I'll hide and you take my place among the losers. If I WIN, you're carcas will be sent to the glue factory! Got it?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-06-17
Well boy, how was your first day as a teacher at the women's prison?
Lousy, Granny. They wanted me to teach literature to those hookers.
As warden, I feel it's important that you teach the prostitutes here some literary culture.
OK...I'll try!
The Warden has tasked me to find ways to introduce a whore to culture!
Horticulture? Knock yerself out kid but, unless it's "pot", I don't thinks these bitches are into gardening.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-07-17
Holiday Inn Lounge/ Peoria, Illinois
I bees wookin puh nub in all de wong paces....
Mr. Murphy, STOP right there! Look Eddie...try something else. "Buckwheat" is a little dated. Maybe "Mr. Rogers" or "James Brown"?
"Good Gawd...too hot in the hot tub..."
Perfect!
Ladies and gents...give it up for MR. EDDIE MURPHY!
*cricket-cricket* Who dat?

Showing page 13.

« Previous Next »