All comics by ralahinn1

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by ralahinn1
7-08-17
It's Gay Pride Day at an amusement park-
Why is the park so empty?
Nope!
Hey kid, wanna see a magic show?
Faaabuulous.
Stick it in and win a prize!

 

by ralahinn1
7-08-17
Gay Pride Day at an amusement park(2)-
Right behind ye, Cap'n
Arrgh, I be a lookin' fer booty.
I say, I rather like the look of all that meat, is it government inspected?
You must be "this tall"for this ride.

 

by ralahinn1
7-08-17
Gay Pride Day at an amusement park(3)-
$10 and I'll play any song you want.
$10 and you can play with this new and improved, state of the art-
Nope, there's some things we can't allow, even here-
Oh, leave dah man alone, it's ok in dah park today. Chuck, come talk wid me. Might have work fo' you.

 

by ralahinn1
7-08-17
Honey,it's late, what are you doing? Come to bed.
Nope, waiting to see who makes a video on you tube saying the Illuminati forced JAY-Z into making "The Story of O.J." video.

 

And now a word from local police-
Yeah, we know weed is becoming legal in many states, but not all-yet, so we invented a game called "Toke-eman".
Gotta catch them all.
by ralahinn1, 7-08-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-08-17
And now- a word from our sponsor-
Hello, you know me. I am here again with Dr.Bill, and he wants to tell us about an amazing offer-
That's right, as you age, the needs of your body change. Let me send your listeners a free bottle of our amazing product, they would just pay shipping.
Some time later-
I tried your product and I really don't feel any different-
Well, maybe you should subscribe to the formula, it's $19.99 a month, plus shipping. You should see results immediately.
How about I kick you in the nuts, you should see results immediately.

 

And now a word from Anonymous-
Greetings, World. OMG- we just discovered Chemtrails! I guess we should have paid more attention to"Richie from Boston" and "Coast to coast am".
by ralahinn1, 7-09-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-10-17
I'm confused, because, on a local talk show, they say this-
I don't like liberals, the idea of "using other people's money" is a bad thing-
You're so right.
But they take this guy's advertizing...
-we will show you techniques"using other people's money"in flipping houses.

 

by ralahinn1
7-10-17
Join us for a special show- as Hillery takes the stage-
(*to the tune of "Rainbow Connection")- but we just can't find it, the "Russian Connection"-fake newsmen, the liberals, and me-
Yay, Hillery!
Hillery wants to show she is still down with the people, as she interviews what ever Bruce Jenner is this week-
I see-
It's a lot more work being a woman as I thought there would be-
And many other surprise guests-
Hello, Nancy-
Michelle couldn't make it for her lunch recipe cooking segment, so she sent me,tee hee-

 

by ralahinn1
7-11-17
(* to the tune of "sharp dressed man")
Tee shirt, old shoes,live in a basement ain't got nothin' to lose-
Women be runnin' just as fast as they can-ain't no woman desperate for a"broke azz man"-
Faabuulous! Buy you lunch?
...sure,,,

 

President Trump, what should I do? I got a letter saying I won a case of Russian dressing. Is it a crime to accept it?
Only if you don't like salads. The problems come when you add nuts, like a lot of western media these days.
by ralahinn1, 7-12-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-12-17
I say, Percy, did you hear they built a copy of the Titanic and will launch it in 2018?
Really? I guess it will be like an expensive version of those busses they fix up to look like trolleys in some cities for tourists.
Past few years, the Titanic get's milked more than I do.

 

I am calling to congratulate Chris Wray on becoming head of the FBI. I knew his grandmother,Fay-
I am not sure they are related, sir-
by ralahinn1, 7-12-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-13-17
You tube in the middle of the night-
Hello, You tubers, I'm Steve, and I will try to bring a real spirit into the room with me-
Come on down-
Young man, you'd better have a good reason for this-
Ulp?!

 

by ralahinn1
7-14-17
Stand by for Actin News-
This just in- Nancy Pelosi is suggesting that all the twitters and emails of all the Trump family should be examined-
Join us for an Actin News possible inactment of what may happen -
CIA headquarters -
Sir, Baron Trump just tweeted that he's thinking of retiring his Pikachu and using his Squrtle for a while.
The fool! Don't he know what he's planning?This will impact our National Security!
Wow. It gives you something to think about-
Agreed, we should get some awards for our news this year.

 

Somewhere in downtown DC
Programs here! Programs here! You can't tell one crooked politician or conspiracy from another without a Program.
by ralahinn1, 7-15-17

 

Reaction to "The Story of OJ"-
Who's a good boy. Who's a good boy. Who wants a grammy? You want a grammy don't ya boy?
Oi veh...
by ralahinn1, 7-16-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-16-17
You tube in the middle of the night-
Hello, You tubers, I am Steve, and I talk to ghosts-
Are there any spirits with a message for us tonight?
Steve...Steve...Steve?
What?!
Nevermind...

 

From an actual radio informercial-
-this supplement worked for my dog, and it will work for you.
by ralahinn1, 7-16-17

 

Dad, I am super bored. There's nothing to do.
Wow. I can't wait until the academy reopens- I guess we can swing by that secluded bar near the mesa, and let the drunk locals report sighting us again. Maybe give someone an anal probe?
by ralahinn1, 7-16-17

 

I say, Percy,did you hear, the"13th doctor" on "Doctor Who" is going to be a woman?
Tally ho! I see a new use for the "Sonic Screwdriver" or maybe an episode which tells who designed the Daleks!
by ralahinn1, 7-16-17

 

To add more about "Doctor Who", you ever wonder if "Cyber men" cyber?
by ralahinn1, 7-17-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-17-17
Stand by for Actin News-
This just in- Kevin Camant has announced he will go on a "hunger strike"to protest the violence in Baltimore-
Gee, I wonder how that will work out-
Sometime later-
"chirp" "chirp"
Mean While-
Go, Kevin.
Go, Kevin.

 

by ralahinn1
7-17-17
I don't know,but maybe for Ragu, this might be the way to get the "missing" comics back-
Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no moar-
What is love?

 

by ralahinn1
7-17-17
Some humans never learn-
Woopsi...
Do not eat fro the "tree of knowledge" for when you do, you will surely die-
In the time of Lot-
My wife looked back!
Whatever you do- don't look back- you will turn to stone-
What will happen next year?
Mid-term elections are coming up, don't vote Democrat-
You don't own me,man-

 

Sir, what are you doing?! All the alarms are going off!
We are getting the hell away-remember Karglara 5? Like them, this world will set off an EMP and try blaiming us!
by ralahinn1, 7-18-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-18-17
Some people just don't change-
zzzzzzzzzz
Son, you got to get up, you'll be late for school.
A number of years later-
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Ok- everyone, wake up! We got to get done working on this health care thing...

 

Sign of trouble-
Hey, take my beer, and watch this-
Nope, been there, don that-
by ralahinn1, 7-18-17

 

At a recent film audition-
I don't know how you heard we were auditioning for "My little pony 2"- but one ass to another, you are not a good fit. However, we could rochambo for it.
by ralahinn1, 7-19-17

 

I say, Percy, did you hear that Montgomery Co. in Maryland is seeking to make a law to ban circuses and other traveling exotic animal shows?
Since the political scene in Montgomery Co. is a circus, maybe they will ban themselves.
by ralahinn1, 7-19-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-19-17
And now, welcome to that wacky new game show-"Who Wants To Date god"?
To be fair, this weeks contest will get a chance to date a version of the"Jewish or Christian"god-
When do we start?
Actually, dad's busy this week, but he said I could fill in-
I am early, when will Buddah be on?
Damn, details,details...
See you next week?

 

by ralahinn1
7-19-17
You tube, in the middle of the night-
Hello, You tubers, I am Steve, and I talk to ghosts. Tonight, we are heading to a special location, to see if anyone wishes to speak with me-
A short time later-
Hello, I am Steve, and I talk to ghosts, does anyone want to speak with me tonight?
NO!

 

A prediction for tomorrow's Rush Limbaugh-
This just in- John McCain has been diagnosed with "brain cancer"- well, that explains a lot. Anyone want to suggest that Nancy Pelosi go get a check up too?
by ralahinn1, 7-19-17

 

At the OJ parole hearing, just after a "recess" is called-
Madame Judge, would it help my case if I said I was a "gay moslem"?
Why, it's clear-this man must be released right away!
by ralahinn1, 7-20-17

 

While there are some who rejoice at OJ's parole,in one cell, there is sadness-
What's wrong, Bubba? Most people are happy OJ's getting out.
I will miss not having 0J in the morning.
by ralahinn1, 7-20-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-20-17
(*Michael Jackson's "Thriller"plays) Just in time for the Halloween season-
Awoooowoowoowoo!
- an ancient legend will walk among us once again-
-OJ!
I'm back! Bring on the book and movie deals, and sports commentary jobs!

 

Seems like Brown's stadium was tiled with the same building materials that caused the fire to spread in London. You don't want to hear this-
The roof,the roof,the roof,is on fire-
by ralahinn1, 7-20-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-23-17
Daddy, can I ask you something?
Why, sure, you can ask me anything.
Gary heard his dad tell the mailman that mom was "the town bicycle", what does that mean?
Say what?!
Ok,dad.
Humph, I have no real answer, but we are going on a nice vacation to see a nice man named "Maury", bet he's got answers. Let's keep it a surprise for your mom. We'll get tee shirts^_^.

 

I say,Percy, did you know the race between Michael Phelps and the shark was a hoax? The shark was cgi, and it still beat him. I heard the show lasted an hour.
-you ever see how they treat an actor, when his career is ending? Phelps was probably doing more than drinking when he took this gig.
by ralahinn1, 7-24-17

 

Somewhere in DC today-
Ok, Kushner,your free to go-
Sir, the check cleared-
by ralahinn1, 7-24-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-24-17
Stand by for Actin News-
This just in, a company in Wisconson is planning to microchip their employees, so they can open doors and use snack machines -
We have a sent a team out to speak to a prominent scientist about it-
Microchipping humans- there is nothing to fear- what could go wrong?
Not now, we are on live tv...
Sir! It escaped again!!!

 

by ralahinn1
7-24-17
How books are reviewed, by other authors, pre-release -
Sir, your company sent over a package for you to review-
Did the check clear?
After some time....
Omg,did this guy get paid by the word? It's barely suitable to put under the bird's cage.
At the bookstore-
Hmmm, says we should say "animal lovers will find this a "suitable"read".
Well, I was thinking of reading it myself, and giving it a review- but I guess a famous author would give a believable review, so we'll use it

 

I say, Percy, did you hear 2 brothers from Turin, Italy were just arrested, because they are suspected in robbing dozens of ATMs while wearing Trump masks?
Really? They might have got away with it, if they wore Hillery masks.
by ralahinn1, 7-24-17

 

I say, Percy, did you hear that a black reporter wrote a story for "the New York Times" saying that white women were racest because they wouldn't get out of his way when he was walking on the sidewalk
Really? Having walked the streets of New York city, I want to ask him,"Weed much"?
by ralahinn1, 7-24-17

 

Standby for Actin News-
This just in- Justin Bieber is canceling the rest of his tour this year, due to " unforeseen circumstances". Tickets will be refunded.
Humph, guess he wanted to do more tours as "Miley Cyrus" this year.
by ralahinn1, 7-24-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-25-17
Standby for Actin News-
This just in- former FBI head, James Comey wants to make a statement -
We sent a team out to talk to him-
Comey sad, no one talks about ME anymore.

 

by ralahinn1
7-25-17
Standby for Actin News-
This just in-technology and electric entertainment company, Samsung, has announced they are branching out into pharmaceuticals-
We sent a team out to talk to aprominent scientist about this-
Mixing technology and pharmaceuticals- what can go wrong?
Not now, we are on live tv...
Uh, sir, we think "it" may have gotten into the sewers-

 

ralahinn1 got another one, awesome!
Thanks!
by ralahinn1, 7-26-17

 

by ralahinn1
7-26-17
"Knock- knock"
Good, it's not meant for you anyway.
Pardon me, your bird feeder is out of seed.
Sometime later-
ralahinn1, there's a big mess outside your house, and a note saying, "Since you won't give us seeds, we return what we took"

 

by ralahinn1
7-28-17
Stand by, for Ape Time News-
This just in- It's almost time for the release of "Planet of Humans". We sent a team out to film a discussion of this film-
Programing note: Statements about the "belief in humans"are not necessarily the views of the employers or advertisers of this station-
So, Koko, is it silly to believe in humans that are intelligent as apes, or is this a sad attempt to pit one class of ape against another.
I am in ihe camp that believes the film is entertainment. If some group or another see political motives in this film,it just adds to the story.
-and now, a word from our sponsor-
Another day done, time to relax-
When I relax, I enjoy "nature's perfect food"-bananas. Mmmm.

Showing page 13.

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