All comics by MikeyG

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by MikeyG
3-29-05
This is the longest communion line ever.
May I ask why you've got a glass of beer?
I started bringing some when I found out they only let you sip the wine.

 

by MikeyG
3-29-05
Looks like there's no one else alive.
I believe it's just us.
You're the last woman, and I'm the last man.
Indeed.
So, er...
I said "NOT EVEN".

 

by MikeyG
3-30-05
How'd you get here?
I can only speculate.
I was just sitting by the pond.
I was tossing rocks at toads.
That may explain why we're in Kermit the Frog's stomach.
He's certainly a lot bigger than I remember.

 

by MikeyG
3-31-05
God must have really hated Johnny Cochrane.
Why?
Gave him a big ol' brain tumor.
Maybe God loved him and needed him closer.
Why?
Maybe God needs a Hell of a lawyer.

 

by MikeyG
3-31-05
You don't think Johnny Cochrane is in Heaven?
No way.
Why not?
He was a lawyer.
But what if God needed one?
Satan IS God's lawyer.

 

by MikeyG
4-11-05
So, I figured out why Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck didn't make it as a couple.
Why not?
Well, since Affleck is from Boston, and Lopez is from the Bronx...
I think I see where you're going with this.
Ben Affleck is a Red Sox Fan, and Jennifer Lopez is a cunt.

 

by MikeyG
4-14-05
Right here, Senator?
Sure, this is as good a place as any.
And what do I have to do?
Pull down your pants, bend over, and grab your ankles.
Why am I doing this again?
Do you want to learn what the Government does for the People or not?

 

by MikeyG
4-14-05
How did we get here? I mean, not just floating in the sky like we've found ourselves to be, but like, how did we come to exist in the first place? Is it the Will of God or was it just dumb luck?
If there is a Supreme Being, did that being plan for life to reach the levels of consciousness that it has? Do you think the Being ever thought we'd get smart enough to doubt its existence?
You know what I mean?
I can't breathe, man.

 

by MikeyG
4-15-05
Would it help if I said I was sorry?

 

by MikeyG
4-20-05
Why does dcomposed's mom have three titties?
Because she's a fucking mutant, why else?

 

by MikeyG
4-20-05
Why is dcomposed like a pile of dead babies?
Only little_kitty has ever been interested in having sex with it.

 

After years of searching, I've discovered that the meaning of life is...
by MikeyG, 4-22-05

 

by MikeyG
5-09-05
What's worse than a dumpster full of dead babies?
The live one in the middle eating his way out.

 

by MikeyG
5-11-05
What's the problem, Father Monahan?
Little Timmy O'Toole defecated on me!
Ah, I thought I smelled something amiss.
This is an outrage!
Tell me how it happened.
Well, I'd just put my penis in when...

 

by MikeyG
5-13-05
What do you call it when a certain red-mustachiod stripcreator user falls on you?
Kauf drops.

 

by MikeyG
5-15-05
*knock knock*
We're just about to enter the home of the next American Family, here on.... AN AMERICAN FAMILY!
The family from last week was disembowelled by their estranged father, who then danced naked in their entrails before choking to death on his own feces.
Mrs. Googiewitz?
I once fucked every member of the Police Academy 3 cast.

 

by MikeyG
5-25-05
ANALYSIS INDICATES:
"RIPE PEAR" PRADA BUTTON-DOWN BLOUSE WITH MATCHING "RIPE PEAR" SEGMENTED HANDBAG
I'm really glad I brought you shopping with me, Calculor 5000.
ANALYSIS INDICATES:
MANOLO BLAHNIK "CENTURY GREEN" LACE SANDALS WITH DOLCE & GABBANA "SEA FOAM GREEN" BELT
Awesome! Now, show me a bottom for that outfit!
*ERROR ERROR ERROR*
STACK FAILURE, ASS PARAMETERS TOO BROAD

 

*Don't be afraid to spit on my asshole, honey, SPIT ON IT!*
by MikeyG, 9-12-05

 

by MikeyG
4-22-07
It's times like this I remember why I embarked on this mission. The Earth looks so placid and calm in the context of the surrounding space.
What's amazing, really, is the fact that the closer you get to the actual planet, the more activity and ultimately chaos you begin to see on the surface.
You really are a pretentious fucker, aren't you?
Don't forget "lonely".

 

by MikeyG
4-27-07
Ay ee aye oh yoo ay ee aye oh yoo....Holy crap, I hope he didn't catch me making those stupid faces.
Hey Jim, what's up? Want to hear some fucked-up shit?
Uh...sure!
Gary down in Receiving got into an accident on his motorcycle yesterday, got half his face ripped off by the ground.
Oh my GOD! That's horrible!
Yeah, but not as horrible as those stupid fucking faces you were just making.

 

by MikeyG
1-10-12
So, do you think we keep doing this because of familiarity, or that we just don't find anyone else attractive?
Or do you think we keep having sex with each other because we're so self-possessed its like banging ourselves?
I dunno. I just really like the way you take it in the face.

 

by MikeyG
7-06-12
Hey, man! Long time, no see. God, i don't remember you being this ugly.
Fuck you, man.
Awww, don't be so testy. Just because you have micropenis doesn't give you the right to take it out on everyone.
Your mom didn't complain when I was banging the everloving shit out of her last night.
My mom died last year, man.
That would explain the smell.

 

by MikeyG
2-15-17
It wasn't cum, it was snot.

Showing page 14.

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