All comics by Speez

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by Speez
12-25-03
Dude, this is the nicest thing anyone ever done to me. This means alot man.
I know I can get alittle overboard picking on you. So, this is kinda of an apology. Also, don't open it till I get in the bomb shelter.
Oh, whatever you say...friend!
Quickly, I must get the radiation suit on.
Not much later, in the bomb shelter.
So, how long do we have to stay down here?
Well, the half life of the radiation is five thousand years...

 

by Speez
12-26-03
Hey, did you get Final Fantasy X-2 for Christmas?
Yep, the game where they have to change clothes in the middle of battle to become a new job. You can almost see nipple.
Did I hear the word "nipple"? Can I watch too?
Sure. Speez is making Yuna change from a white mage to a theif.
Outside Speez's room in the not so distance future.
I wonder why ever guy at UBCS is in Speez's room.

 

by Speez
12-29-03
Based on a true story. Pretend they are in a movie theater.
Dude, we are the only ones in here. This is great. We can like lay on the seats.
Yeah, we can do whatever we want.
Damn, here come some other people. We should stop acting like jackasses.
Damn, I have to put my pants back on now.
Please tell me your kidding about the pants thing. Please.
Always wanted to say I show a movie in the theater pantless.

 

by Speez
12-30-03
Ok, UBCS is broke, so we entered some contests. But, we are going to get all the UBCSers to vote for the suck ass board over the big ones so we can crush the sucky ones later in the contest.
CP, I have a question.
What is that Speez?
Is this illegal?
Probably.
Cool. Can I set stuff on fire along the way?

 

by Speez
1-01-04
Ok, what is so speical about this old episode of "Queer Eye"?
Well, back then they had a different person in the fab five.
Yeah, the dead bodies are a bother. You should get rid of the killing and add some more hot pink.
Explains a lot.
It sure does.

 

by Speez
1-02-04
What the hell? You playing Legend of Zelda: Wind Caker? That game blows like a chinese ho in New York.
Oh, not this stupid ass agruement again. I can feel the headache coming on.
How can you play such a kiddie ass game? Look, it's a cartoon. CARTOON! I can't believe you play "Celda" you caker.
Now, if you can let go of whatever stupid ass "manly" reason you have for not liking bright colors and see the fact that the new graphics are not only good, but add to the storytelling.
You caker!
What the hell is a caker?

 

by Speez
1-07-04
Speez and CP are arguing if UBCS is weird.
I disagree with you. Nothing is weird about UBCS. Yeah, sometimes we go on weird adventures and might weird people, but those are few and far between!
Then how do you explain that talking cat behind you?
Oh, don't mind me, I am just passing by.
That seems reasonable.
You see, the cat is just passing through.
Oh my god, I am just a floating body!

 

by Speez
1-07-04
The Sneaky Ninja is out looking for action. I make sure my sneakyness is on a all time high. I have a wedgie
Ah, I have found a victim.
What a great day. The sky is blue, the birds are chirping, Ace is playing Lingo with Speez so he can't do anything bad to me.
The Sneaky Ninja escapes before his prey notices he has shoved a hammer up his ass.
Whoa, what felt so good.

 

by Speez
1-07-04
CP, have you ever gotten that "Not so fresh" feeling.
CP, have you ever gotten that "Not so fresh" feeling.
CP, have you ever gotten that "Not so fresh" feeling.

 

by Speez
1-07-04
CP, have you ever gotten that "Not so fresh" feeling.
CP, you there?
Don't move. Maybe he is like a T-rex, he can't see me if I don't move.

 

by Speez
1-28-04
Speez's opinion on homosexuals...
You see, a man and a women fit together. Let's say a man is a stick and a woman is a cherry. The stick breaks the cherry.
Two sticks do not go together. They just don't fit. And if you put two cherries on top of each other...
..well, that is cool by me, I like cherries. Hell, but the two cherries on MY stick.

 

by Speez
1-28-04
CP has an announcement....
Ok, listen up you UBCSers, my mom is coming to visit the board. That means you all have to be on your best behavior. Any questions?
I have one. Do we have to take down...
Yes, you guys have to take down Mount St. Porn-mag.
Come on, that thing is in the porno world records! Do we have to cancel the...
...yes...you have to cancel the dildo races.
No way! I spent all that money on Black Power! What else am I suppose to do with it?

 

by Speez
1-28-04
Ok Speez, I am going to introduce you to my mom.
I understand. My pants will stay on, but the deal is only till 2 p.m. and then my legs are free again.
Hello. So they call you "Great" Speez, huh?
Jesus Christ! Don't stare at her chest. It is like the sun...but CP will kill me! Argh, my pants are giving negative pressure on the groin region! Damn that deal with CP!
Uhh, Speez, are you ok?
DUDE! You mom is a MILF!

 

by Speez
1-28-04
Dude, your mom is a MILF! Mom I like to fuc...
Dude, don't say it like that! She is my mom. Just say "feel" or something.
Ok, she is a mom I would like to "feel".
Ok, that doesn't sound as bad.
Yeah! A mom I would want to feel on my penis!
I hate everyone at this stupid board!

 

by Speez
1-28-04
CP, why the long face?
Ever since my mom came to the board, everyone been telling me how she is a MILF, and it just gets a guy down.
If it makes you feel any better, I don't think your mom is a MILF. To me, she is a MIAF.
MIAF? What is a MIAF?
Mom I already fuc...
NO! STOP! DON'T FINISH THAT SENTENCE!

 

by Speez
2-06-04
In Sweeden, animal sex has gone up since child pornography become illegal in 1999.
Hmmm, sex with animals.
Hey TAS, what is on your mind.
Hmm, you are looking pretty today Monkeyking.
Umm, no I don't. I think I will go over by that banana.
Damn I am sad.

 

by Speez
3-10-04
Hey Speez, I am going to McDonalds. You want anything?
Cool beans. Can I get twelve hamburgers, two 20 piece chicken nuggets...
...a super sized number 3 with a coke, a large bacon milkshake, a fish sandwhich hold the lettuce and fourteen happy meals.
So, the usual.
Yeah, the usual.

 

by Speez
3-10-04
When will Ace be back with the McDonalds? I need my fix of fatty foods Speez! I need it now!
Be strong Denza. He will be back wtih the stuff soon.
I can't do it man, the waiting is killing me! I need it now, and I need it super sized!!!! I will take my life to stop the pain!
Cool, can I have your food then?
Umm, aren't you suppose to talk me out of killing myself?
Hey, you already gave Ace the money, we shouldn't let the dead man's food go to waste.

 

by Speez
3-10-04
Misty looks over the carnage of McDonalds night.
God, everytime you guys order McDonalds food you eat too much and pass out. Is this how you want to live your life Denza?
Hey, the chicken nuggets have real white meat now.
This isn't health you know.
McDonald...isn't...healthy? Why would they sell us food that wasn't healthy?
Look at yourself Denza! You are too fat to stand up!
Hey, I could stand up if I wanted to, if it wasn't for the fact I am winded and see blue spots if I do.

 

by Speez
3-10-04
Denza appears on the nightly news.
So, why are you and you friends from UBCS involved in a class action lawsuit aganist McDonalds.
Well, that is simple Chip, McDonalds food made us fat.
My name isn't Chip, it is Dave. And some people would say you eat McDonald's food in large quanities.
What is wrong with eating their food twelve times a day. They shouldn't offer it at such a low price Chip.
For the last time, my name isn't Chip!
Do you have any McDonald's french fries Chip? I need another hit.

 

by Speez
3-10-04
In the McDonald's coporation meeting room.
Getleman, this lawsuit from the UBCSers is growing out of control. The fat public is on their side...which means everyone in the United States.
If we give into them, then we would have to pay everyone in the United States. There is only one thing to do.
We have hired the Sneaky Ninja to kill them all.
I am honored to kill off a whole commuity for Ronald.

 

by Speez
3-12-04
The Sneaky Ninja has been given a job, and I will finish the job with sneaky like abilities.
I can move though the shadows without being detected.
I blend into the background like a camaflauge shirt.
You can not find the Sneaky Ninja.
*RING* *RING* *RING*
Mertal note, put cell phone on silent mode.

 

by Speez
3-12-04
Excuse me god sir, could you tell me where I can find the one called Denza? I have been sent to kill him.
Second door on the left.
Thank you sir.
No problem.
Wait, isn't he your friend or something?
No, not really. Could you also kill TAS for me? Sixth door on the right.

 

by Speez
3-12-04
I have used my sneaky abilities to get behind the target unnotice. Now, I just have to kill him...sneaky like.
Man, who doesn't love cream cheese?
*FART NOISE*
Crap, I knew I should not have eaten that McDonald's food before this mission. Most abort before I am caught.
Did I just fart?

 

by Speez
3-12-04
The Sneaky Ninja has failed. We have to fall on plan B. Bring in the kid.
Ok kid, you win.
Did I win a pony?
No son, we cave. McDonald's does make you fat. But are you willing to settle out of court, instead of us paying you guys 4.2 billion dollars?
Sure, that sounds reasonable.

 

by Speez
3-12-04
Ok, let's see if I can get this strait. McDonalds was willing to pay you 4.2 billion dollars, but you decided to go on their other offer.
Yep.
And that offer was that McDonalds would stop offering Super Size items to help stop America getting fat.
You are right so far.
But, America will just buy two or three large items to fill that void giving McDonalds more money.
I think I made out in the postive on this one.

 

by Speez
3-12-04
Alright, so is everyone ready to go see "The Passion of the Christ"?
I am ready CP!
Uhh dude, your shirt reads "Go Jesus".
Yeah, and on the back it says "Take the Jews Down".
Uhhh, dude, do you even know what this movie is about?
HEY! HEY! I am trying to go into this movie spoiler free!

 

by Speez
3-12-04
Dude, I have been getting all prepared for thsi "Passion of the Christ" movie that I watched the prequels!
What? Prequels? Oh, this should be funny. Ok, what are these movies?
I watched the Ten Commandments.
Wow, that actually makes sense. Anything else you watched?
Ben Hurr. I learned so much about Jebus in Ben Hurr.
Umm, I am going to stand back so I don't get hit by the lightning too.

 

by Speez
3-12-04
The gang finally get to the movie theatre.
Ok guys, this is a serious movie, so everyone on their best behavoir.
No problem CP.
And Denza, can you do one thing.
What is that CP?
Put down the giant foam hand that has the words "Jesus is my daddy" on it.
Can I keep the "I am lost" sign?

 

by Speez
3-12-04
Durring the movie.
Dude, what is wrong with the movie? I can't understand it what they are saying!
Dude, it is in another lanauage, you have to read the subtitles.
OH! I get it now. I have just been making up things that they are saying in my mind.
I am curious, what is going on in the Denza version of "The Passion of Christ"?
Well, the town folks knew that beard guy know who Batman is, so they are beating him up to find out the information. And in a twist no one saw coming, Jesus admitts he is Superman.
Wow, I never saw that Superman thing coming.

 

by Speez
3-12-04
Still durring the movie.
Come on! How many times can a guy drop a stupid wooden cross! Seriously!
Kill me now.

 

by Speez
3-12-04
What UBCSers are thinking after seeing "The Passion of the Christ".
That was such a great movie all around. Showed what Jesus had to endor to save us all.
I wonder if that movie was faithful to the book.
That Jesus guy is hot.
Thank god for the gore. Without it, the movie would have sucked.
What was with that unnessarry gore? That was two hours of Jesus getting beat to a bloody pulp.
I am in the mood for hamburgers! Anyone with me on this?

 

by Speez
4-22-04
Why don't you make more comics?
Because you touch yourself at night!!!!
You stole that from Family Guy.
Doesn't mean it's not true.

 

by Speez
4-24-04
I have an important announcement. My hand smells like poop.
That is all.
Words no longer describe Denza.

 

by Speez
4-25-04
Hey Ace, I am random n00b295432. I have just joined UBCS and it is a pleasure to meet you.
I decided to reply to EVERY topic on UBCS to make my post bigger. Then I made a whole bunch of stupid clubs, and I spammed in games...
Hey, I have an idea!
What is that?
Instead of just rambling like an idoit, what don't you just say "Beat me to death with a sack of doorknobs!" You waste less oxygen that way!

 

by Speez
5-01-04
Hey, are you looking at that girls ass?
Uhh no! My girlfriend caught me peaking! It looks like this bird going to fly!
So then he jumped out the nearest window screaming "I regret nothing!"?
Yeah, that is basically how it went.

 

by Speez
5-22-04
CP, can I ask you a question?
Sure TAS.
CP, can I ask you a question?
Sure TAS.
CP, can I ask you a question?
Sure TAS.

 

by Speez
5-22-04
CP must teach TAS about the birds and the bees.
So, where do babies come from?
Well...you see TAS...umm... when a mommy loves a daddy they...
They what?
Well, the Daddy parks his car in the women's garage.
...so babies are born in gas tanks?
Kill me now.

 

by Speez
5-22-04
..and so that ends our discussion of the female...errr...down there regions. You get all that.
..and so that ends our discussion of the female...errr...down there regions. You get all that.
..and so that ends our discussion of the female...errr...down there regions. You get all that.

 

by Speez
5-22-04
So, that ends our talk about the female...down there...region. You get all that?
You are a liar CP!
Why do you say that!
I have taken the skirts off of Ian's barbie dolls! It doesn't look anything like that!
Get out now you sicko!

 

by Speez
6-01-04
Alright Speez, I am going to Japan for over a month. And as much as it scares me to think about it, I have to leave you in charge.
WOOT!
Uhh, just make sure UBCS is still standing when I get back. And no wild parties! I mean it. Last time you and Ace had one, the cops came and raped me with their nightsticks.
Yeah, that was pretty funny. But I promise, no party.
In the not to distance future...
Woot! CP is gone! It is time for the 1337 n4k3d parties!
I got the illegal substances covered.

 

by Speez
6-01-04
Ah ha! So the rumors are true! You are having a party while CP is gone.
When I turn around, no one better be there.
CP said not to have a party! And you are going to have one! I am going to tell CP you are having said party!
Alright, I will tell you the location of the prono bush if you will shut up about the party, and not come to said party.
Only if you also tell me the location of the tissue box bush.
Oh, me and Ace where smart when we planted those. They are right next to each other.

 

by Speez
6-01-04
Alright, Speez and Ace said it was around here! There it is! Excuse me while I step out of the pannel and have some fun.
OH MY GOD! It was the gay prono bush! Bah, I hate them both!

 

by Speez
6-01-04
At the party...
Wait, so you saying that every person at this party must drink at least 10 beers?
Or five Super Beers. Whatever. Also, all women must take off their shirt sometime during the party.
Gah! I hate you Ace! You and Speez lead me to the gay prono bush! Now I will never get those gay men out of my head!
I know what will get those men out of your head. A couple Super Beers.
Under normal circumstances, I would be a nerd and say beer is bad, but if it will get gay sex out of my head, I will drink all the beer in the world.
Well, we don't have all the beer in the world, just a large chunk of it.

 

by Speez
6-01-04
The next day...
Owww. My head. How many super beers did I have. I can't even remember last night.
Where am I. And...OH MY GOD!
Pretend what TAS is saying is true.
I am in bed, with a girl! A very naked girl! Oh my god, I am naked too!
Oww, my head. Jesus, I can't remember anything we did last night Denza. But you where great in the sack.
OH MY GOD! I had sex with a women! I have moved on from my hand and now I am a man!
Oh my god! TAS! Wait! What! I can't remeber anything that happen last night! I must have had sex with you by accident last night!

 

by Speez
6-02-04
No! I coulnd't have had sex with you! God, I must have been so drunk last night. I must have thought you were Denza!
Woot! I got my freak on! Woo! I did the dirty deed.
Oh my god, how many super beers did I have? What am I going to tell Denza?
Nothing! Not shut your mouth bitch and get back in the bed and prepare to be boarded by the love machine.
I think you better shut up, or I will rip off your balls and stuff them down your throat.
Uhh, I think I will put my clothes back on.

 

by Speez
6-22-04
The day after the party...
Man, my head hurts....I shouldn't have drank half the beer in the world.
Hey Ace! I just wanted to say that because of your great party, I got laid...by a women!
Wow, that must have been one bitching party to get him laid.

 

by Speez
6-22-04
Denza, I have something to tell you...
Is it that you had sex with TAS?
Yes! How did you know!
All the guys at UBCS had bet on when TAS would lose is virginity.
Oh, so who won?
No one. We all betted on never.

 

by Speez
6-22-04
Meanwhile, in Japan...
Man, Japan kicks ass. All the school girls are sluts, and there are no fatties.
Nice to get away from the crazyness that is UBCS.
Wait, did it just get dumber around here?
CP, I have a problem.

 

by Speez
6-22-04
You see CP, Misty slept with another man. Well, I use the term "man" loosly, because it was TAS.
It always hurts when a boy friend or girlfriend is unfaithful. Now if you excuse me, I have to get my mack on with some school girls.
Uhh, can I join in?
Denza, japanese girls are like delicate flowers.
Damnit, why can't I pluck the flowers with you!
Because you can't scream "Whose your American daddy" in japanese.

Showing page 14.

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