All comics by HCRoyall

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by HCRoyall
5-15-06

 

by HCRoyall
5-17-06
America Hates Bush!
Not all of America. Only ass bandits like you.
Oh, wait, you meant the cunt in the White House, didn't you?

 

by HCRoyall
5-17-06
...so then I said "Those rotor turbines shouldn't be making gravitons by themselves!"
And I said you shouldn't be sleeping with my wife!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by HCRoyall
5-17-06
...so I was thinking about it, and if you laid your fingers flat against your palm instead of curling them, there'd be less chance of your hand getting hurt when you punched somone.
No, then do you not only do less damage to your opponent, but you also run a big risk of dislocating all your fingers.
Just because I've never been in a fist-fight doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about.
I've never punched the shit out of a cripple. There's a first time for everything.

 

We were supposed to go to the bar tonight, but the priest never showed up...
by HCRoyall, 5-19-06

 

"Nathan," he said, "There comes a time in every chicken's life when he has to face the cookpot like a man." I had no idea what he was talking about, but damn, was he delicious.
by HCRoyall, 5-19-06

 

Pretending to be a mailman with messages from the draft board and visiting the frat house was the best idea ever.
by HCRoyall, 5-19-06

 

It turns out "Cthulhu and Bubbles" was not as toddler-friendly a program as I had originally thought.
by HCRoyall, 5-19-06

 

by HCRoyall
5-19-06
Breaking news! Aliens have landed downtown!
Our own Mike Hunt is on the scene trying to communicate!
After years of searching for intelligent life in the stars, you've landed on Earth! Please, share your wisdom with us!
STFU n00b!!1! lol! rofl!1!!!
Their language has scholars baffled as they try to translate.

 

It was then I started to suspect the squirrel wasn't a cosplaying furry at all...
by HCRoyall, 5-20-06

 

"Wait a minute!" I cried. "This isn't Disneyland!"
by HCRoyall, 5-20-06

 

I probably should have called the fire department, but I promised my neighbour I'd respect his privacy...
by HCRoyall, 5-20-06

 

And that was the last time I used Treasure Island brand toilet paper...
by HCRoyall, 5-20-06

 

by HCRoyall
5-20-06
I've been thinking...
Why is that never a good thing?
I should run for office! I'd be a shoo in for the support of the criminal demographic!
Felons can't vote.
That'll be part of my platform. "Giving felons their rights back."
You know what? Go for it. I'll be watching CNN for your interview.

 

None of us were quite sure what to do when the giant amish man attacked...
by HCRoyall, 5-20-06

 

The Winer! And Still Champeeeeen! Rockyyyyyy Baaaaallllboooooooaaaaa!
by HCRoyall, 5-23-06

 

Tired of that damn Earth always cutting across his lawn, Death arranged for George W. Bush to gain the presdency...
by HCRoyall, 5-24-06

 

I know it was cruel, but I couldn't keep him and the shelter wouldn't have been better. Besides, I couldn't afford to keep him drunk.
by HCRoyall, 5-24-06

 

Nobody ever believed little Susie when she claimed Jesus told her to do those things she did. It didn't help that he always claimed he tried to stop her. I mean, who are you gonna believe?
by HCRoyall, 5-24-06

 

"Why are we out here sir?" I asked my boss, Mr. Aynulraip. "Aren't we supposed to be at a conference?" "The conference is over there," he said. "Just turn around and you'll see it..."
by HCRoyall, 5-24-06

 

by HCRoyall
5-26-06
...so I was thinking...
Oh, dear GOD, not again.
Hypothetically speaking, would it be a bad idea to dismember the neighborhood kids and put theirhead on spikes out front instead of a "No Solicitors" sign?
Hypothetically speaking, yes, I believe it would.
Then, hypotheticaly speaking, I think we need to move.

 

by HCRoyall
5-26-06
Have you ever thought about the possible consequences of our habit of rampant murder?
Thinking leads to moral dilemmas.
Oh, well that solves a few problems.
Gotcha. I'm off to kidnap some cheerleaders.

 

by HCRoyall
5-26-06
This just in! The president has decided that stories about bad things are stressful and damaging to the morale of the public.
In order to help remedy this situation, only good news will be allowed on the air, and bad news will be replaced with American Idol clips.
This solves nothing, but it makes me feel better.

 

by HCRoyall
5-26-06
So you see Scruffy, it just isn't right when a woman would rather have you lick peanut butter off her than have sex with me.
mmm... peanut butter...
And I'm afraid that you getting more play than me means a day in the Hole for you.
Rules are rules.
Can I still have the peanut butter?

 

Am I supposed to eat you now?
Have you eaten the unimportant human characters yet?
by HCRoyall, 5-26-06

 

We all know the story of Jesus Christ. Now learn the story of the donkey that carried him into Jerusalem that fateful Palm Sunday...
by HCRoyall, 5-26-06

 

The swirling vortex of entropy was pretty fun until that one lady started screaming about nightmare creatures from other dimensions. Geez, what a way to ruin a good time.
by HCRoyall, 5-27-06

 

by HCRoyall
5-30-06
So I was shaving my asscrack and I got to thinking...
What?
WHAT?

 

by HCRoyall
5-30-06
Don't you just love what I've done to our apartment?
This isn't our apartment. You just killed our neighbors and moved all our stuff over here.
Can you just cut me a little this time? I'm running out of toes.

 

by HCRoyall
5-31-06

 

by HCRoyall
5-31-06
How come you always get upset when I tell you what I've been thinking about?
Because lately your thoughts have been so horrendously stupid that they threaten to cause my brain to hemhorrage.
Really?
Yes.
'Cause, you know, I was just thinking about something like that...
God Dammit!

 

by HCRoyall
5-31-06
...so then I said, "Them rotor turbines aren't going to generate gravitons by themselves!
Ha Ha!
I love going to the funeral home and having my way with the bodies.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by HCRoyall
6-02-06
... and then he sodomized himself with an ice cream scoop.
Goodbye.

 

by HCRoyall
6-03-06
Religion is the stupidest reason to fight over something.
I mean, what these extremeists don't realize is...
"Eternal Virgins" mean you can't have sex with them. Why the fuck would you want an eternity of cockteases?

 

"Checkmate!" Dracula shouted, while God scowled. I couldn't believe it; they had a Simpsons chess set in Heaven!
by HCRoyall, 6-03-06

 

by HCRoyall
6-03-06
Over, your training is.
But you promised to teach me the Force! All you did was beat me with a stick while you drank moonshine and poured Dran-O in my eyes.
Suck do you, Gene. Ha ha.

 

by HCRoyall
6-04-06
What's that?
An acceptance letter. Miramax liked my script for a sequel to "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days" and they're going to contact me about buying it.
You're kidding, aren't you?
Nope.

 

by HCRoyall
6-04-06
What does that have to do with selling my car?

 

by HCRoyall
6-04-06
And that's why you sholdn't brush your teeth with Preparation H.

 

by HCRoyall
6-04-06
How does that help me with my credit card debt?

 

by HCRoyall
6-05-06
Hi! I'm Hugh Grant. Most of you know me as the guy playing the rich gay-curious playboy in various movies that suck.
But my role in the upcoming sequel to all those previous movies at once will change your minds. In this one, I'm not gay-curious!
It's called "Nine Months About A Boy Giving Two Weeks Notice". In theaters next month!

 

by HCRoyall
6-06-06
Well Little Bro, it's your birthday. Time to die... I mean, time to take you out for your birthday dinner!
Sweet!
Head out to the car. I'm definitely not going to kill you from behind.
Surf and Turf, here I come!
I doubt he's the antichrist, but I was meaning to do this anyway.

 

The RapeMaster 5000!
by HCRoyall, 6-14-06

 

Now that you've enraged the villagers for the tenth time, maybe you should think about giving your fighter some ranks in Diplomacy.
Hey, I know my character's strong points. They just happen to be at the ends of his swords.
by HCRoyall, 6-15-06

 

by HCRoyall
6-15-06
RAAR! WELCOME TO McRAPEY'S! SPECIAL SURPRISE WITH EVERY ORDER!!
What's the surprise?
MANRAPE!
What?
I MEANT A CHILD SAFE TOY FROM THE BIN BEHIND YOU.

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-06
WELCOME TO McRAPEY'S! MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
I'll have two McRapey Jr. meals, one Big Rapey, and a chocolate Rapeshake, and hold the Rape.
What?

 

by HCRoyall
6-16-06
WELCOME TO McRAPEY'S! CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
I want a Big Rapey combo with Extra Rape and double size it!
ONE BIG RAPEY WITH EXTRA RAPE, DOUBLE SIZED?
The rape is my favorite part!
We don't serve your kind here.

 

by HCRoyall
6-18-06
Have you seen Bill lately?
He went out on a date I think.
A date?
He said something about a surefire way to score without resorting to rape.
Necrophilia is a lot of work, but it's soooo worth it. Gimme some sugar...

 

by HCRoyall
6-19-06
WELCOME TO McRAPEY'S! MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
Is the Bacon Ranch Chicken McRapey any good?
WHY YES! IT'S THE ORAL EQUIVALENT OF A GIANT ROBOT SCHLONG IN YOUR ASS WITHOUT LUBE!
Oh... uhh... I just realized I don't have any money on me...
You're fired.

 

by HCRoyall
6-23-06
Can I get an application?
McRAPEY'S DOES NOT HIRE MINORITIES, ESPECIALLY NOT THE IRISH.
I'm not Irish, I'm Welsh.
I'M SO SORRY.
I won't hold it against you. Can I have an application now?
NO. I MEANT I WAS SORRY THAT YOU'RE WELSH.

Showing page 15.

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