All comics by LuckyGuess

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Wow, mom. Another Christmas present from yourself.
I hope it's the watch.
by LuckyGuess, 12-26-06

 

by LuckyGuess
12-27-06
I took a dump in the water cooler.
Don't you think you'll be found out pretty fast?
I've been eating a lot of pork fat so that it doesn't come apart.
Who put the plastic BM in the cooler? They need higher quality gag products.
Seriously. It's making the water taste like shit.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-27-06
So what can we do about the shipping fees? I hear we've had trouble with UPS.
Sounds good, Randy. And now I'd like you to look at our falling stock index.
Where's Harry?
Having another meeting with himself. Now hurry and finish me off before your recess is over.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-27-06
Daddy!
Hi, honey. Let me ask you a couple quick questions, okay?
Have you been sleeping with the guy from Legal? The one who is at least ten years older than you?
If I have sex with you will this problem go away?
No.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-27-06
Now what we do in here is pretty simple. It involves mostly filing, but on the occasion we see this yellow stamp we're supposed to mail the folder into IHS, which processes the frozen claim.
What we really do when we see a yellow stamp is put a blue stamp over it, which doesn't actually mean anything except that the two inks are highly flammable when used together.
When can we screw?
Hold your horses, Strawberry Shortcake. I have to unplug the security cam.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-27-06
Edward, this is the worst operation I've seen in years. Nothing is getting accomplished, meetings are held by a man who has developed schiztophrenia, and there was a turd in my coffee.
Those are fake. Some moron keeps putting them around the food.
Look at me squish it in my hand, Ed. That is most definitely real. By the way, I found your student aide eating God knows what out of a bathroom stall and was nearly raped while touring accounting.
Well at least you didn't run into my daughter.
The 12 year old with the candy apple ass?
She's fifteen.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-31-06
Am I dreaming?
Yes.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-31-06
What are we doing?
TOBOR WILL JUMP OUT AT THE NEW GUY AND SUPRISE HIS SNOW-HOLE.
I'm not that stupid.
I know.
THAT WAS HIM, WASN'T IT?

 

by LuckyGuess
1-04-07
Okay, gently now... we can't afford a single mistake.
Sir... you're sawing his left nut in half.
I smell a lawsuit.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-10-07
Debbie--your blind date is here.
Oh, boy! Yay!
Hey, you got a nice back end there.
Oh dear! I'm not Debbie!
Hey, you got a nice back end there.
That's my face.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-10-07
Rosemary--your blind date is here.
Oh boy! Yay!
I hope she likes Lilacs.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-16-07
Hey buddy, what time is it?
Uh...
Time to hand me that laptop.
Um... no?
I can just bust them for you.
Hold on, this is pretty funny.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-16-07
Come on, I don't want no trouble.
It's BROAD DAYLIGHT in a parking lot FULL OF PEOPLE.
Look, there's a car. It's three feet away, coming towards us. You now have a chance to leave.
Are you retarded or something?

 

by LuckyGuess
1-16-07
Car. Coming. Right there. If you don't want to be arrested, you should leave.
I'm so intimidating right now.
Hey, car!

 

by LuckyGuess
1-16-07
AHHHH CAR!
How.... lame.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-16-07
You can't get into this dance. Your date's shoes do not constitute semi-formalwear.
I feel awkward. Let's go back to your house.
I JUST BOUGHT MOVIE TICKETS. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME.
Hold my hand while you drive in the middle of the night.
You know we're going to die, don't you?

 

by LuckyGuess
1-22-07
So me and my clan are going to get back into Diablo 2.
You know, Dad still plays that game.
I think he shops for Runes online.
I refuse to play party to this gaming madness.
Don't worry about it. Some guy named "uberdad11" killed us all anyway.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-24-07
Hand over the laptop and nobody gets waddled.
I'm not kidding. I'll peck your groin.
I'm sure.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-24-07
What are you going to do with all these stolen laptops?
Hold them between my downy legs until they hatch into baby penguin muggers.
It's impossible to transmute a laptop into an antarctic waterfowl.
Nuh uh. I wished on a star and everything.
*crack*
Well, I'm going to go kill myself.
Hello there, snookums.

 

Jennifer, I'm ho- WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?
Oh yeah, gimme that honey.
by LuckyGuess, 1-30-07

 
by LuckyGuess, 2-03-07

 

Somebody fuckin farted.
by LuckyGuess, 2-13-07

 

by LuckyGuess
2-13-07
*sniff sniff*
What?
I can't believe you fuckin farted.
I DIDN'T FART!
I think it was Jerry. Jerry fuckin farted.
BABY! I DIDN'T FART!!!

 

by LuckyGuess
2-17-07
You see Carol today?
Yeah. She's still pretty pregnant.
You should have seen her in this morning's productivity meeting. She was trying really hard to get us to comment on her achievement.
Sort of like, "I'm a giant fucking bitch, marvel at my draconian spawn that will soon be unleashed upon humanity?"
That's good. Can I write that down for later?
Bob called first dibs.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-22-07
Alright, gang! We've just gotten a huge subsidy to refine resources in the area. Any ideas as to which resources it'll be?
Hookers and booze.
Anyone else?
How come my left nostril is full of snot and the other has this giant black booger in it?
Listen, we need a sound investment.
Well it doesn't have to be BAD booze.

 

So you see, Janie's gun was really like, the people. And the people were shooting the government.
Whoa, that's so crunchy. Let's fuck.
by LuckyGuess, 2-23-07

 

So the Master of Puppets is really, like, the government, and it's pulling our strings.
You're like, hella smart and stuff.
by LuckyGuess, 2-23-07

 

And when he says to himself, "What a wonderful world," he's really saying "Down with the government."
I am so horny right now.
by LuckyGuess, 2-23-07

 

by LuckyGuess
3-02-07
Hey, a forum for writers.
There are a whole lot of shitty fanfics in here.
See anything interesting?
They have a comic forum. And... nope, just crappy artwork.
I feel this time has been well spent.
what was that porn site you were on before? That was hot.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-02-07
What's the point of this place, anyway?
Looks like a global message board. And you get a creepy little mouthless avatar thing to dress up.
It's like the World Social Forum with less direction.
Hey, give the userbase a chance. They might not be that bad.
omg, ur liek 18? thats sooooo old. wanna cyber?

 

by LuckyGuess
3-02-07
Why am I getting gold for browsing the site?
That's just what happens. You can use it to buy clothes for your doll thing.
Maybe a nice Santa hat. You want a nice little Santa hat?
I'll switch to the laptop.
Good! Then maybe McAfee will stop alerting me to shit.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-03-07
T&D seems to believe our lipgloss line may cause sterility in women over 24. Can anybody draft a public statement?
You ever been sitting on the toilet, when you farted so hard you blew a dingleberry out of your ass?
Are those doughnuts for anybody?

 

by LuckyGuess
3-14-07
Charge the World Detroying energy cannon!
The cannon is down for maintenece. Something about a sandwich in the prime heat converter.
A sandwhich? Who would be stupid enough to throw a sandwich in a world destroying energy cannon?
You would, sir. You did it when we left the Galaxi Burger by Orion's Belt. Remember, I said "Don't throw that sandwich in the world destroying energy cannon."
Oh, right. "Don't be a puss, there's nothing to worry about."
"Except for the prime heat converter."

 

by LuckyGuess
3-14-07
Can we go for a land invasion?
Right, because the people of Earth won't notice a giant metal dong in the sky.
It is NOT shaped like a dong.
Face it, it's a dong.
Is not a dong.
Dong dong dong dong dooooong.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-14-07
Suit me up in my battlesuit!
Why can't you suit yourself up?
Do I look like I can put on my own battlesuit?
You look like a steaming hunka poo, that's what you look like.
That was hurtful.
I'm sorry, I didn't know my witty retorts could puncture the space age battlesuit you aren't wearing.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-14-07
Activate the teleporters! We march to war!
Activating teleporter.
*zweep*
You! What did you do!? I'm freefalling! Freefalling!
Who sang that? Was it the Eagles?

 

by LuckyGuess
3-14-07
I am saddened to report that Commander Poohunk has been slain. I will be taking over his duties.
Who's Commander Poohunk?
He's the Commander that looks like a hunk of poo.
Oh! Because he's a POO HUNK, so you called him COMMANDER POOHUNK. That's so clever!
I am saddened to report than Commander Poohunk and Vice Captain Retard have been slain. I will be taking over their duties.
Hehe, doodies.

 

by LuckyGuess
3-21-07
So... What is a furry? I mean... what does that mean?
It means I'm really an animal trapped in a human body and compensate by wearing a massive creepy suit when I go out and/or have sex.
So you're just delusional.
Not really.
My spirit animal is a panther.

 

by LuckyGuess
4-12-07
Play the sound you hear at the end of the world.
That was a crazy fiddle solo.
Incredible fiddle.

 

by LuckyGuess
4-17-07
Now watch as I destroy this feeble human boy, beginning by allowing a small slight to be nursed into an explosive problem.
Now I shall implicate an offhand comment he makes about an unrelated incident as the cause of said problem.
I'll follow by baselessly accusing him of wrongdoing, throwing insults, and saying my mother wants me to date more athletic men.
This, my friends, is a great victory for women everywhere.
I'M SOOOOOO SOOOORRRRYYYYYYYY

 

by LuckyGuess
4-18-07
So you're really concerned about other things and need to sort out some stuff before being in a stable relationship.
So you just can't provide the sort of qualities I believe a partner should have and can't care about me the way I think you should.
Huh.
Huh.
That doesn't sound too bad to me.
Yeah, she didn't even challenge me to a knife fight.

 

by LuckyGuess
4-19-07
Billy willy! I need you to run some comically heavy boxes of documents up five floors.
Kiss me, Charlamagne.
NO! OUR LOVE IS FORBIDDEN!
Then he started to cry.
I'm impressed. That hallucination usually ends with shitting his pants and passing out in the dining hall.

 

by LuckyGuess
4-20-07
Lansdale got a promotion.
You're shitting me.
Nope. He just walked in through the boss's door and asked.
Oh, daddy!Mom never should have left you!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

 

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He's still going?
Three more minutes and I win the pool.
by LuckyGuess, 4-20-07

 

by LuckyGuess
4-20-07
Crouching in the shadows, the sentry waits with eyes peeled for even the slightest movement.
His senses have been trained to their utmost, his body toned to perfection, his mind a steel trap. Only a cataclysm of the highest order will remove him from his post.
The vending machine ate my dime.

 

by LuckyGuess
4-28-07
It's 2:20. Where is everyone?
Mario is coming later.
I know Mario is coming later. Mario is a balla and can come whenever he wants.
What defines a balla?
One who balls.
That guy who caught his scrote in a bike chain did that.

 

by LuckyGuess
4-28-07
Hey, you coming to that party tonight?
Wish I could, but I'm driving to San Francisco early tommorow to see an art show.
Sleep? What is sleep? Sleep in class.
Sorry, maybe next time.
He can't escape me forever.
Offer an X-Box. Guys love X-Box.

 

by LuckyGuess
5-03-07
Our budget finally allowed for a company sick bay in case of emergency.
Where'd the money come from?
We dressed up the student intern and sold him to some homeless men.
It was horrible. They kept going and going and I screamed and screamed and screamed.
Haw haw haw.

 

by LuckyGuess
5-10-07
Your logs are due. Please hand them in.
All the logs look like the last set of logs with different hour marks.
But I need to ask for logs because that way I can make sure you're doing ten hours of work per week.
I couldn't do ten hours of work per week for this class if I tried.
Go make a broadside for the magazine.
I did, it's the one with all the Mudkips.

 

by LuckyGuess
5-10-07
Why sit over here all by yourself?
I was just talking to Matt about coding a search bar into the magazine's website.
I bet you feel like the unappreciated genius over here all by yourself.
Not really.
Alllllllll byyyyyyyyy yooooooooursellllllllllllf.

Showing page 15.

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