All comics by UnknownEric

Profile

 

by UnknownEric
3-07-06
This old man, was a bum... he made mommy eat his come...
...with a pimp-slap, paddy-whack, oh so lightning fast...
...my pimp went and kicked his ass.

 

by UnknownEric
3-08-06
There is a guy who makes me laugh, mandingo is his name-oh
*clap* *clap* n g o... *clap* *clap* n g o... *clap clap* n g o
mandingo is his name-oh

 

by UnknownEric
3-13-06
...in order to beat it, you have to eat it...
I'll be damned.
I always thought it was the other way around.

 

by UnknownEric
3-13-06
Man, I seen a million faces out there.
What'd you do?
Rocked 'em all.
Sweet.

 

And in other news, the baby boomers collectively had a rib removed, making it even easier for the whole generation to suck its own dick.
by UnknownEric, 3-14-06

 

by UnknownEric
3-16-06
Hello, Maura!
Who are you and why are you in my bedroom?
I'm your new Vibrating Ass Robot!
Vibrating Ass Robot? Tell me more!
Vibrating Ass Robots from Whamm-o! Collect all 23 colors!
oooooooooooo...

 

by UnknownEric
3-18-06
Hmmm...
Hmmm...
Hmm...
Hmmm....
Oh, NOW I remember. I ate your sister.
Bastard!

 

by UnknownEric
3-19-06
With thanks for inspiration to LuckyGuess.
So do you think Phil Ochs' mental health would have declined so severely without the events of the 1968 Democratic Convention?
It's hard to say. Surely, there had to be some inherent mental proble...
EVERYBODY WATCH WHERE YOU STEP! WATCH IT!
What the hell?
I think he just dropped a dope beat.

 

by UnknownEric
3-19-06
So, 99 Cent, when does your new CD come out.
My record be droppin' on April 5th.
Will you be there to catch it?

 

Now I'm gonna give you my "suicide bomb."
Ohhh, Allah be praised!
by UnknownEric, 3-20-06

 

by UnknownEric
3-20-06
One night in Berlin.
There are ten of us soldiers here, and we're all gonna rape you!
Nein!
Looks like you're gonna have to go home, Pete.

 

by UnknownEric
3-22-06
Hello.
Hi, this is Prince.
What's up.
Just wanted to let you know that I'm working up a black sweat.
Good to know.
Gotta go, Michael Bland is here. Later.

 

Can I interest you in some peanuts?
by UnknownEric, 3-27-06

 

by UnknownEric
3-27-06
Knight to Queen's Rook 6.
You sank my battleship!

 

by UnknownEric
4-03-06
Just before the first pitch.
This is the year! I feel it! O's all the way!
Just after the first pitch.
Fuck! They suck again this year!

 

by UnknownEric
4-05-06
What do we want?
An end to war!
When do we want it?
Fuck, I didn't know there was gonna be a quiz!

 

by UnknownEric
4-05-06
What do we want?
An end to war!
When do we want it?
Next Tuesday would totally be awesome.

 

by UnknownEric
4-05-06
What do we want?
An end to war!
When do we want it?
Can't we just smoke some weed and fuck?

 

by UnknownEric
4-18-06
Huh, I'll be damned.
What is it?
According to this ticket stub I just found, in June 1995 I caught a midnight showing of "Batman For Eve."
Sounds like softcore porn.
I was about to say the same thing.

 

by UnknownEric
4-18-06
Welcome back to "Lost Demos," I'm Dick Clark with a shocking discovery of the original lyrics to "Smells Like Teen Spirit!" Let's listen.
I just popped in a porno tape / Oh yeah, I guess it makes me stiff
My dick is hard, yet hard to find / Oh well, don't spank it, never mind...

 

by UnknownEric
4-22-06
The phone... the phone is winging... the phone... and I don't fuckin' cawe...
The phone... the phone is winging... thewe's a pwostitute in twouble... pwostitute in twouble...
Thewe's a pwostitute in twouble somewhewe...

 

by UnknownEric
5-31-06
Face front and bend over, true believers, for this is the greatest comic story ever published. 'Nuff said.
Ms. Badonkadonk!
Yes, my son.
I've come to warn you about the Butt Sects.
You're too late, my son, for my man tore my ass up last night.
Are the jokes going to get any better?
Sadly, no.

 

by UnknownEric
5-31-06
Ms. Badonkadonk, the Butt Sects are planning to steal the world's supply of Booty Juice.
This sounds like a job for Giant-Ass-Woman. Let me take my butt-growth pill here...
Damn.
You may go now.
Actually, I don't think I can. You wouldn't happen to have a spare pair of undawears, would you?

 

In Soviet Russia, corn holes you!
by UnknownEric, 5-31-06

 

by UnknownEric
5-31-06
And I, Buttneto, have a diabolical master plan on how we, the Butt Sects, can steal the world's supply of Booty Juice.
Mr. Buttneto, not to nitpick, but... what IS your plan?
Slip it in our coat pocket.

 

by UnknownEric
6-20-06
Hey, whatcha got?
Analcaine.
What the hell is analcaine?
It's this suppository that you stick up your ass. I'll sell it to you for 10 dollars.
5 minutes later.
Yo man, when do I start to get high?
High?

 

by UnknownEric
6-21-06
Oh man, I'm so excited to be working on this movie. Orson Wells is my hero.
You do know Orson Wells is dead, right?
What?
Yeah, and this movie is being directed by his great-nephew...
...TOBORson Wells.
So what's my motivation in this scene.
RAAR! CORNHOLE WAS A SLED!!!

 

by UnknownEric
6-21-06
I'm here, my dear Maura, let the lovemaking begin.
I thought I told you to leave your horse outside.
No, I'm sorry, he's demanding a threesome.
Well, I guess I'll just have to fuck you AND the horse you rode in on.

 

by UnknownEric
6-21-06
So, when we're done with the surveillance here, y' wanna go get a beer?
Damn, you're cold.

 

by UnknownEric
6-26-06
I, Iron Man, need to rally other superheroes into forming a group to fight evil. I will start by calling Ant-Man.
Hey, you're not Ant-Man.
No, we couldn't find a suitable character to play Ant-Man. I'm his partner, the Wasp.
What makes you qualified to join the Avengers?
Psh. Big titties!

 

by UnknownEric
6-26-06
And you are...?
I am Mighty Thor.
Wow, Mighty Thor! Your power will be a definite boon to this team.
No, no. I juth bit my tongue. It'th thor. Thor.
Shoot me now.

 

by UnknownEric
6-26-06
Next!
Hi, I'm Captain America.
No, you're not.
It's a fair cop.

 

by UnknownEric
6-26-06
Wasp! Stay here and I'll show you my new costume.
Sure thing, boss.
RAAR! What do you think?
Eh? It's not as exciting as I thought.
Did I mention the telescoping wang?
On the other hand...

 

by UnknownEric
6-26-06
Hi, I'm... *zoom*
...Quicksilver... *zoom*
... Can I join? ...
No.

 

by UnknownEric
6-26-06
Who are you?
I'm Quicksilver's sister, the Scarlet Witch.
Scarlet?
Coloring error.

 

by UnknownEric
6-27-06
1... 2... 3...
What ya doin'?
Counting the number of scars you've given me. 4... 5...6... 7!
*OUCH!* 8.
Don't forget it, bitch.

 

by UnknownEric
7-05-06
Hey kids, do you like playing with balls?
Sure.
Fuck yeah!
Then try Akin Balls, from Whammo!
No thanks.
I'd rather not.
They're so fun, you'll say...
Oh, my! Akin balls!

 

You saw my thighs / and it made your penis rise / you saw my thighs
It is a man's job / to give you a hand job.
by UnknownEric, 7-05-06

 

by UnknownEric
7-11-06
Welcome back to Lost Demos, I'm Dick Clark. Now we have the shocking, long-lost original version of Elton John's "Benny and the Jets." Listen.
She's got electric boobs / and curly pubes / I read it in a porno magazi-iiiiiiine
B-b-b-beat it till it jets.

 

by UnknownEric
7-12-06
Hey you, what are you doing with that hammer?
*sigh* Do I HAVE to say this line? Alright, alright...
Wehn a man loevs a woman he NALES the fuccin bich!
Ah! I am dieing!

 

by UnknownEric
7-20-06
And what will you have, madam?
I'll have the roast duck with the Man-Goo salsa.
Ah! Excellent choice!
Truly?
Yes, the Man-Goo salsa is beaten daily by hand.

 

by UnknownEric
7-24-06
Hi, I'm Bridget Tite.
And I'm Amanda Wett.
And we're Tite...
...and Wett!
This is the GREATEST. SHOW. EVER.
Shut up, they're about to bring out Thelma Biggins.

 

by UnknownEric
7-24-06
And my ass hurts from that shit I took...
Wait, wait, wait... you shit out your ass?
Well, yeah. Don't you?
Hell no.
What does your ass do then?
Fax machine, duh.

 

by UnknownEric
7-31-06
Hi, Ming-Ming. Would you like to go to the mall?
I don't know. I'll have to ask my pop if it's okay.
Who's your pop?
Dat Cuchi.
Pop, Pop Dat Cuchi, baby.

 

by UnknownEric
8-08-06
Well, on Thursday I turn 31.
In a way, it's worse than turning 30, because now, rather than just being 30, I'm "in my thirties."
When do I have to start hiking up my pants and eating bran?

 

Would you like fries with that?
Marry me.
by UnknownEric, 8-09-06

 

by UnknownEric
8-09-06
Brad, what does this "default" button here do.
Don't touch it, man, seriously.
Why? What's the worst it could...
ZAP.
I told you not to touch it.

 

by UnknownEric
8-11-06
JESUS CHRIST, get DOWN from there.
You shouldn't use the Lord's name in vain.
Excuse me?
I would appreciate if you kept your blasphemous comments to yourself, ma'am. Good day.
What's up his ass?
Probably an altar boy.

 

by UnknownEric
8-14-06
Peanuts, sir?
Yes. Thank you.
Peanuts, sir?
NO!!!!!
I've HAD it with these mothafuckin' snacks on this muthafuckin' plane!

 

by UnknownEric
8-14-06
Our feature film today is "Harry Potter and the Astonishing Vagina."
But first, for the children, we're going to show some cartoons from the 80s...
NO!!!!!
What's wrong now, Mr. Jackson?
I've HAD it with these muthafuckin' Snorks on this muthafuckin' plane!

Showing page 15.

« Previous Next »