All comics by mandingo

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nice hair
by mandingo, 6-22-07

 
by mandingo, 6-22-07

 

by mandingo
6-22-07
so what are you in for? armed robbery?
well, um... you see... i...
dude, dude, i'm just taking the piss
it couldn't be more obvious if you had the communal wine in a brown paper bag and were still wearing his team jesus underoos on your head

 

by mandingo
6-23-07
it couldn't be helped
he saw me with her
underneath the mistletoe last night

 

by mandingo
6-23-07
I STAB SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO I STAB SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO I STAB SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO
what are you doing?
since i was 12, it's been my dream to stand in front of the white house and scream crazy talk... ... ...just as it's apparently been your dream to stand in front of it wearing nothing but a polo shirt
you don't know the half of it
but you will. get in the van

 

by mandingo
6-26-07
my boy's gonna haunt ya, he's gonna taunt ya, he'll even fillyfofaunt ya! he can boo, he can shriek, he can even incite ya, don't try to run, he's comin inside ya!
why's that new guy heckling the house?
you didn't hear? Don King died.

 

by mandingo
6-27-07
do you ever get the feeling time is mocking you?
no, not really
"you're gonna die and there's nothing you can do about it! you're a fat cow and i mock you!"
oh, well sure
then why'd you say no?
you asked if i thought it was mocking me

 

by mandingo
6-27-07
hi. i'm here for the witch position
yeah, me too
forgot my broom

 

by mandingo
6-27-07
wow, so this is the house i was born in
yep! well, a soggy cardboard box round the side, but close enough! are you happy to finally get to see it?
you bet i am!
and you see that patch of dirt right there? where the color doesn't quite match the dirt around it? that's where we caught your dad trying to bury you!
wowee! are those other patches my brothers and sisters?
and your mother! who really really loved you! like a whole whole lot!

 

by mandingo
6-27-07
if you're a snow owl, shouldn't you be white?
that's my fault, sorry
with all the excitement, i guess i forgot we were in 1930s mississippi
you fuck

 

by mandingo
6-27-07
are you sure Burning Man's around here?
pretty sure, yeah

 

by mandingo
6-27-07
die, alien scum!
well this isn't fair! you've got that bayonet and what about me!
all i've got is my son's toy gun!
luckily his mother and i live in constant fear

 

by mandingo
6-27-07
rabbit season!
duck season!
RABBIT SEASON!
DUCK SEASON!
analingus season?
apparently.

 

please, god, let them be promiscuous
by mandingo, 6-27-07

 

by mandingo
6-27-07
he made his reservation over the phone. his last name is White.
he needs his tea refilled.
it's been four hours.

 

by mandingo
6-27-07
SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!
BACONMAN IS BACON!
sorry, thought this was one of those wilderness men self-affirmation thingies

 

by mandingo
6-27-07
if i was a duck and you were a viking...
if i was a choirboy and you were a birdcage...
if i was some sort of cat human mutant hybrid and you were that guy who always drove his car through Guy Smiley's gameshow...
would you marry me anyway...
would you have my baby...

 

by mandingo
6-27-07
*dumping: $100 fine*
what are you doing?
holy crap, you're alive? i thought you were some statue someone dumped here illegally.
nope, i'm alive alright. a-live. 100% living. goatus non-mortis
*loitering: $200 fine*
but alive can mean so many different things. i think Kant put it best when he said...

 

by mandingo
6-28-07

 

by mandingo
6-28-07
i love you, Brad. i've always loved you. and you love me too, i can feel it. we can't fight it anymore.
oh, mandingo, how i've longed to hear those words. i do love you. take me, my swarthy nigger sayer. take me

 

how's that black rights activist you ate?
it's hard to keep the man down.
by mandingo, 6-29-07

 

by mandingo
7-01-07
hello, Eric. how are you?
i feel terrible, Sister Celise. i'm ashamed to admit it, but i keep having lustful thoughts about you
oh my... well that's okay i guess, Eric, just so you repent. you of course realize why it could never happen?
i do, Sister. it's just something i think about. i'd never act on it. what would my friends say after all? it's just some sick obsession i have
with nuns?
fat chicks.

 

by mandingo
7-03-07
so how long you gonna balance that stupid book on your head?
i guess until you take off that ridiculous blue cape.

 

by mandingo
7-03-07
you about finished?
you're not even playing right
you just keep running him into the ghosts
punk's gotta learn

 

by mandingo
7-03-07

 

by mandingo
7-03-07
wow
what?
the color of your shirt matches the color of the gravestone so well, when you stand in front of it, it's almost like mom didn't die
almost.
*sniff*

 

by mandingo
7-03-07
why are you looking at your feet?
i'm trying to remember what they say about the size of a man's feet. i thought if i saw mine, maybe it would help.
any luck?
unfortunately, i can't see them past my enormous cock.

 

by mandingo
7-05-07
nudity is natural, Timmy. i brought you here so we could explore our bodies together. but don't tell your parents, okay? they treat you like a baby. unlike me, who sees how mature you are
you can quit the hard sell, mr. johnson. i'm into it.
you should have told me
that i have the clap?
that you were going to be so rough
the surprise is half the fun

 

by mandingo
7-05-07
shun me, will you??
THEN I SHUN YOU!
and that's why you never see any goats in support positions.
but i asked why mommy died.

 

by mandingo
7-05-07
i'm sure it was in this pocket
ah, there it is
later...
i do.
i do.

 
by mandingo, 7-05-07

 

by mandingo
7-05-07
you know how fast you were going when i pulled you over?
not as fast as you were going to catch me

 

by mandingo
7-05-07
christ, harry. that car you waved to pass us, then mooned when it didn't, is finally about to. this could be awkward
that wasn't so bad actually. speed up, harry. let's have another go at the pacifist crapfuck

 

by mandingo
7-05-07
UNGGHHHH! *flush*
christ, twins again. UNGGHHHH!

 

by mandingo
7-05-07
*PHEW* last nail hammered in and boy am i spent. all that's left now is to turn around and face the hope of a better day
not gonna do that though
cause you're the kind of sick fuck that would put zombie-l behind me

 

by mandingo
7-05-07
HA! zee man in a tux on zee battlefield! it is tres ridiculous!
what are you doin here, man in zee tux?
they told me if i wanted to look less conspicuous, i should go stand next to someone that looks even more out of place on a battlefield than i do
and you're french

 

by mandingo
7-05-07
i carved a little hole in his back. gave him a little pumpkin anus.
then i slathered my cock in peanut butter
let's see where the night takes us

 

by mandingo
7-07-07
Ethan Haas says the best possible blowjob is one with a 1984 Mattingly card up your ass
i don't have an '84 Mattingly. we'll need your brother's help
*glob glob*
Ethan Haas was right

 

by mandingo
7-07-07
greetings, i am Loren Coleman, eminent cryptozoologist and you, my hiding Plesiosaur, have been found
damn! i've been found! one thing though... you're drinking coffee and breathing under water while i'm a Plesiosaur walking upright on the lake's bottom wearing a top hat
and?
okay, how bout this. you used the phrase "eminent cryptozoologist" and i didn't give you even an ounce of shit
fuck, i'm dreaming.
bingo.

 

by mandingo
7-08-07
*BURN CRACKLE*
*BURN CRACKLE*
*BURN CRACKLE*
HELP! MY BABY!

 

by mandingo
7-08-07
bahhh
bah
bahhhh
bahhhhhhhhhh
they don't seem to be producing nearly as much wool as we hoped. maybe we screwed up and abducted the wrong thing again
at least this time we didn't have to sheer any Baldwins

 

by mandingo
7-08-07
sensei, i want to go to my school's dance but i'm afraid it'll turn me into one of those stupid popular automatons
you are just as much a sheep for NOT DOING something simply because the herd is as you are for DOING something simply because the herd is
really?
that's why those who eschew something solely because they don't want to be sheep have just unwittingly become one
then why don't you ever wear that Pantera shirt i got you that you like so much?
well, the other monks... there's a certain standard of... IT'S DIFFERENT!

 

by mandingo
7-09-07
we've had reports of screams of agony and someone shouting, "Shut up! If anyone comes knocking, I swear to Gloxar I'll disintegrate you!" you know anything about that?
nope, but i can check
and that ear-splitting laser noise i just heard?
tv

 

by mandingo
7-10-07
i think the guy behind us is dead
you should know
let's stick something up him to make sure
that is sooooooooo 10 minutes ago

 

by mandingo
7-11-07
it depicts man's struggle against log
no
what if we hang it in the kids' room?
now THAT might be fun

 

by mandingo
7-11-07
there's only one thing worse than waiting for your gynecologist in an eerily empty waiting room
waiting for her with the jettisoned husbands.
what's a Pap smear?
that's popeye's dad, stupid

 

by mandingo
7-11-07
timmy, i saw you put that firecracker in your pocket
just take it out of your shorts and put it in my hand, son

 

by mandingo
7-11-07
come on, Commander, let me down!
messiah, Mission Specialist Johnson? really?
it was the peyote!
and how do you get yourself crucified when you have a Transmogrifier 8000 that could have turned the entire Roman army into baby chicks
well i sorta used up its power on this water-wine bread-fish thingee
i hope it got you laid, pal

 

by mandingo
7-11-07
looks like you brought a knife to a gun fight
looks like you brought elmer fudd to a ninja smackdown
god, i never knew it could be like that
i've never come that hard without invoking oositsu
looks like you said you'd call but never did
looks like you were emotionally unavailable

 

by mandingo
7-11-07
alright, fine. cumin.
now we're talkin!

Showing page 15.

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