All comics by LuckyGuess

Profile

 

by LuckyGuess
5-10-07
Q, we get any funding from the regents? The businesses I'm going to tell me it's too late in the fiscal year for donations.
We're having a party this Saturday at my house. Bring beer.
Funding?
Beer.
Beeeeeeeer.

 

by LuckyGuess
5-10-07
I just took the biggest dump of my life.
Car or bench?
Shoe.
I propose we piss on the drapes to mark this occassion.
How the fuck did it hit the pantry?
They're getting smarter.

 

by LuckyGuess
5-13-07
I built that sign you wanted.
"Jews are in the tap water?"
Right over the highway. A lot of cars were honking and some people threw bottles of piss at me, but it's finished.
Piss is a good sign. We could all use more piss.
I need a drink.
Watch out for Jews!

 

by LuckyGuess
5-16-07
I've always found the act of smoking homoerotic.
You gonna put these condoms in your wallet and never look at em again?
Of course I tend to find a lot of things homoerotic, and maybe that's something I should work out.
I'm going to say no, but mean yes.
Have a light, kid.
I should spend less time watching gay porn.
Oh yeah, burn that ass up!
Now go make out with that tall guy.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-01-07
Lucky has 911 comics. Just think of all the humorous possibilities!
Technically this makes it 912, ruining all humor production scenarios.
Well this better be damn funny to make up for the loss.
poop
lol poop
lol

 

by LuckyGuess
6-13-07
All the Whos down in Whoville got stabbed in the chest.
"Oh God I'm Bleeding from the chest!" the Who fiddler fiddled.
That's based on a true story.
Check please.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-24-07
I invited over guy you don't like. He'll be loud and in the hall outside the guest room where you sleep.
I'm glad you asked me beforehand.
I'm glad too.
You didn't ask me beforehand.
Get me a Gatorade.
No.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-29-07
Dun duh dun duh duh duh
Here's a story, about a guy named lucky.
Insert generally bad situation which is handled poorly for comedic results.
I'm a maid!

 

by LuckyGuess
7-03-07
This is Billy. Hello, Billy.
Hello, everyone!
SACRAFICE MEEEEEEEEE
Billy likes to play video games, but only when they're very violent.
Gee golly, I hope that man I tazered stays stunned long enough to hit in the face with this subway sign.
I am an officer of the law! FUCK YOU!
But little does Billy know that video games are evil soul corrupting tools of Satan, like colored people, or not washing your hands before supper.
That doesn't sound like the video games I'd play!
But it is, Billy! Let me show you.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-03-07
Mr. TV? You can talk?
I could always talk, Billy. You just weren't listening.
With all the blood and gore and demonic spellcasting, you seem to have forgotten what a good friend I can be.
Like that time I was watching HBO late at night?
Yes, Billy. Just like that.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-03-07
But Mr. TV, when I play video games I see and experience the same things I see on television, but actually apply logic and reasoning to problems in order to achieve a goal.
You don't get to talk anymore.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-03-07
Billy, let me show you your friends on teamspeak.
Wow, GenrlPunAnyBaNany! I never thought I'd see you in real life!
He'll never respond, Billy. Years of furious masturbation and a steady diet of hot pockets and tang have all but killed his social skills.
Genrl?
He'll only ever get up if he hears the ding of the microwave.
A ding?
HOT POCKET?!

 

by LuckyGuess
7-03-07
Wow, what a sad piece of crap.
That's right, Billy. Now I want you to take a long look outside.
See, Billy? That sunlight is very good for your skin!
IT BURNS AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Billy?

 

by LuckyGuess
7-03-07
This is Jilly. Hello, Jilly.
Hello, everyone!
Jilly likes to play video games, but only when they're a Japanese RPG with sugary anime-style character models.
Oh, Shu. I love you so.
Come on guys! Special attack!
In general we just pretend people like Jilly don't exist.
I wrote a fanfic where we got married, Shu. I want your pixelly dick in me.
We have to save the Dragon Tower!

 

by LuckyGuess
7-03-07
So he's dead?
Too much Vitamin C intake. He literally melted into a puddle.
Pin it on the parents, and make sure Doom 3 is playing on the console when the police arrive.
By your command, sire.
Retire the Dreamcast, will they? Nobody fucks with Jack Thompson and gets away with it.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-07-07
It's not like I wanted to travel at first, mind you, but my cousin told me all about the native prostitutes.
They're regularly tested. A great lot, if you ask me.
I met this thrilling young woman named Peco the other day, told me a very wonderful story of bravery and triumph in the modern world and making a life for her children.
That's beautiful.
And the ball sucking, my lord the ball sucking.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-07-07
I have it on good authority that you're siphoning money from the sick bay into your cocaine habit.
That's a dirty lie.
The bay was covered in cocaine. There's cocaine on the sink, cocaine on the tables, cocaine in the pill bottles and cocaine in the Highlights for Kids magazines.
Well let me get my pen out of my front pocket here and click it furiously.
That's cocaine, isn't it?
Maybe.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-08-07
Y'know, I never had as many stupid problems as when I came back to this city. Suddenly I'm feeling depressed all the time and I hate everyone who lives here again.
Home is what you make of it.
What if your home is made of dried herpes-positive cattle stool and torn penis heads?
Really now, torn penis heads?

 

by LuckyGuess
7-08-07
How do I know which ones will have sex with me?
Just wait and let your senses do the work.
...boyfriend... ...breakup...
and like, he NEVER said I love you loudly enough around my grandmother
Good boy.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-13-07
And so it came to pass that the countess, who once bathed in the blood of a hundred virgins, was buried alive.
Fucking dumbest quest intro.
What does that guy do again?
He manages our data banks and owns the shit out of battlenet.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-15-07
Butt pirates is outdated. I'm changing it.
To?
Butt redcoats.
Butt redcoats.
If it was funny I'd have laughed by now.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-16-07
NO. Assad called me when I was driving in and he was clearly leaving Kristi's house.
HE SAID HE WAS AT THE STORE. I just find it funny that my friends would all lie to me. HAILEY IS IN THE CAR AND WILL NOT COME INSIDE SHE IS SO UPSET
What the hell are you talking about? Calm down.
Hah.
WHATS FUNNY ABOUT THIS
Everything.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-16-07
Hailey feels uncomfortable right now and will not come inside. Why is this happening? You are all liars.
Would you stop overreacting and just go get her out of the car?
NO. She is very upset and will not come out of the car.
Why? Did you say something to make her think we're out to get you?
I said nothing to her about this, on my honor I said nothing about this.
But when I told her how people were talking with me she got very upset.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-16-07
Did you say something to her? What are you saying? Because if she has a problem with us because of you then you told her something.
I did no such thing. Assad told me he was not here when he clearly was so obviously I was lied to.
But none of us are Assad, so I fail to see why this is a problem.
I CALLED YOU ALL SEVERAL TIMES AND ASKED WHAT YOU WERE DOING AND YOU SAID NOTHING
Except Jared.
I was going to say.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-16-07
THIS IS VERY SERIOUS if I am being lied to I want to know why. Nobody is telling me about these gatherings.
I sent you a text message earlier that I was here with people and you said you would be out with Hailey.
If you replied to the contrary I did not recieve it on my phone.
However if you would like to check it it's out on the table and we can go look at it right now.
We can go look at it. Would you like to go look at it?
FUCK YOU I sent you a text message.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-16-07
Jeremy, you can't just come in here and yell at everyone about something that has nothing to do with us.
OH I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOU
You were with Assad when he was here and then he lied and said he was not here when I clearly saw him driving away.
And now Hailey is very upset and is sitting in the car.
And she won't talk to us about it?
NO SHE IS VERY UPSET AND IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW BEING UPSET WITH EVERYONE

 

by LuckyGuess
7-16-07
Nothing that you're saying makes any sense.
It makes plenty of sense you idiot. Assad lied to me.
Nobody in this room is Assad, so we fail to see your point.
The point is I was lied to and now myself and Hailey are very upset.
And she's in the car.
She's very upset and in the car.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-16-07
Okay then, just making sure. I didn't want there to be a problem.
I'll go get Hailey and come back.
That was bizarre. Why is Hailey suddenly so upset? I bet he said something to her.
And why didn't any of you assholes say anything? That was a tagteam of myself and Kristi versus Jeremy and Jeremy.
Well I find it much more enjoyable to let him say things.
Of course I am motivated by a maleficent force and therefore you should take my actions with a grain of salt.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-16-07
Grill! Watch him slam both doors.
Haha, he will.
*slam*
That was one.
The suspense is killing me.
Of course I say that knowing full well he will slam the second door.
It's 12 AM and we need everybody to be awake for this.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-16-07
Impossible. He didn't slam the second door.
Is he still here? He must've slammed the second door.
He went for it but I stopped him.
So he's coming back? Oh boy, get ready for some Jeremy-Hailey tag team action.
I will not allow that to happen.
Steel yourselves for my crushing mindblows.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-16-07
He wouldn't dare challenge you.
My awesome fury hath been awesome.
I know words that will crush a man with but an echo of their power.
I could speak blistering sentences that would decimate him and his foolish points with but a nearly inaudible resonance on the winds.
I think they left.
Woe to those who stand against my ancient and terrible prowess.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-16-07
That was sort of a cop out.
Good lord, I was hoping it wouldn't get into an all-out brawl.
Now imagine that every day of your life.
Imagine that... and know in your hearts the word 'fear.'
Grill, get off the computer.
Hold on, I just downloaded the grafitti app.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-17-07
And so then I says, "No, YOU can tell Barricade I fucked his wife!"
*bzztbzztwrrbzztjng*
Not cool, man.
SHE LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF ME

 

by LuckyGuess
7-20-07
THIS IS NOT A QUESTION OF RESPECT, BUT INSTEAD ONE OF COMMON DECENCY. I BLOW MY BRAND OF FOUL WIND AT YOU SIR.
AND ANOTHER THING
You burned down my house.
CORRECT.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-26-07
Jared's making his character right now. A troll mage if I remember right.
There he is.
Yo.
Yo. We're about to hit up Ragefire Chasm. Who's your friend there?
Are you single? Married? Have a lover? If you want I can give you some sweet caster items for free. Who's that? Is he your friend? Want me to get rid of him?
I don't have the heart to tell him I'm a man, he may kill himself.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-26-07
Hey mom. It's me. I know we never really got along after you hit me with those plates, but I'm just here to say sorry.
Sorry that I never fought back when you beat me, sorry you chased off all my friends, sorry you locked me in the basement for the first years of my life, causing permanent environmental retardation.
Pussy.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-29-07
Why won't you cuddle with me after sex?
A man needs his space.
We always used to cuddle after sex.
That was years ago. Back then I believed that together, we could do anything with the power of our love.
We can still do anything.
No we can't, Martha. You're a fish.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-29-07
You ever been with a man before?

 

by LuckyGuess
8-03-07
The most horrible thing happened the other day! So this guy I dated showed up to my little brother's soccer tournament and took off his pants, then
I'm sorry Carol, but I care so much about your story right now that I can't possibly listen to another word you say without bursting with emotion.
In fact if it weren't for your amazing and interesting anecdotes I'd have killed myself years ago, as they are the sole harbingers of joy and wisdom in my life.
This whole angry sex thing isn't working for me.
Shut your fucking mouth.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-06-07
They're letting me grow mouse organs in jars. Gave me a grant and everything.
I wasn't sure about this whole medical research field of study, but being the geeky med student is better than being the girl who gives crazy deep throat.
I think I just swallowed my tea bag.
Then you know how it is.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-06-07
Sure is a lot of snow out today. We should go sledding... or build a snowman!
Actually I was going to bang that Brazilian chick that moved in next door.
The one with the miniskirt? It was fucking ten below and she came over in a god damn miniskirt.
Susie won't like that.
Susie's a bitch.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-19-07
At the end of the day I'm just a guy trying to make people feel good.
So then what's that black aura floating around you?
It's all foggy and sad.
I'm sorry, could you repeat that?
Star, check out this guy's black aura!

 

by LuckyGuess
8-19-07
Do I look like I have a black aura of cloudy sadness to you?
What the fuck are you talking about?
Some girl said I had a foggy emo cloud or some shit floating around me.
And you listened to her?
Well I missed out on Glo-Bowling and had to fill three hours.
With fucking emo clouds?

 

by LuckyGuess
8-19-07
Tell me something a normal human being would talk about.
I recently had a dream where I had sex with every similarly aged woman I've ever met.
Every girl was the same way, too. I would lose my wallet in their house, go upstairs to their room to find it, and they would be sitting naked in a chair.
What did you think of my breasts?
Well proportioned, definitely a ten.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-27-07
I want to go in the water.
I'm not so sure about that. Check out the fat kid with the full breasts taking up the entire ocean.
Hey mom! Mom! Mom! Look mom! Mom! Mom!
Fuck it. I'm just going to drown myself.
Why's he just floating there?
Dunno. Hey Babar, go back to the jungle where people can't see you.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-05-07
So I was taking a dump, and all of the sudden the whole bathroom smells like cornbread.
And I realize that my poop has cornbread in it, and the smell starts making me really hungry.
Your breath is terrible.
My breath is delicious.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-05-07
We're going on a three day trip up the coast. You're welcome to come.
No thanks, I'd rather not become incredibly annoyed with you singing for ten straight hours and then get into a fight with your wife over something retarded.
DID HE SAY I WAS RETARDED
NO HONEY HE SAID THAT HE'D FIGHT YOU OVER SOMETHING RETARDED NOT THAT YOU WERE RETARDED YOU'RE SWEET AND EVERYONE LOVES YOU
Man, if that didn't convince me.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-05-07
War in Iraq, gay marriage, hurricane katrina, stem cell research, global warming, governmental instability, rampant corruption of the Republican party.
War in Iran, gay marriage, church in schools, economic downturn, liberal media, terrorism, President Bush, pro-life, immigration, collossal failure of the Democratic party.
Vote for us because we're not them.
Vote for us because we're not them.
I watched the Inuyasha marathon the other day. What happened to you?
They upped the coffee I like at Starbucks by a dollar.

 

You sure I'll fit?
Oh honey, I'm sure.
by LuckyGuess, 9-18-07

 

by LuckyGuess
9-18-07

Showing page 16.

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