All comics by RandomComicLayoutGuy

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The reason why I called you into my office, Bob, is that I'm going to let you-
It's the bunnysuit, right? What if I promise to stop wearing it to work?
No, Bob... It's not the bunnysuit. Let me finish-
Is it because I'm fucking your wife?
Dude, let me finish! What I was trying to say is I'm going to let you use the company Benz- YOU'RE FUCKING MY WIFE?!
Whoopsie!

 

This is the new Bird Flu vaccination, Melty...
Coo'!
So... Which arm would you like-
!
Oh, yeah! You have no arms! Okay. Bend over and I'll do you in the ass...
*sigh*

 

Hey, Melty... Can you hold this for me while I tie my shoe?
Are you blind? I have no arms!
HOW DA FUCK CAN I HOLD YOUR GODDAMN BROOM IF I HAVE NO ARMS, YOU DUMB WITCH?
How 'bout I shove it up your ass?
Uh...

 

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Wow!
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I didn't realize there still were people who wear camouflaged pants...
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What a DORK!

 

What ARE you doing, Stickboy?
I'm framing my wife for my own murder!
Whaaaaaaaaaaat?
I'm tired of her cheating on me, so I devised an elaborate scheme that will guarantee she'll get LIFE in prison!
But, you'll be DEAD, right?
Oh, yeah! SHIT!

 

Oh, Barbara...
Yes, Melvin?
I really like you!
I really like you, too!
As far as our relationship goes, I say we take it SLOW...
Is there any other way?

 

Goddamn!
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I don't know how I let this idiot talk me into coming in for Show and Tell...
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When we get home, I'm going to eat this motherfucker!
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Look, dude! Here comes a shitload of those same old Bush-haters...
Looks like they're going to protest outside the White House again...
Apparently, they've read the latest crapola about the Iraq War we put out on the internet!
They'll believe ANYTHING that paints Dubya as an evil, lying bastard!
What a bunch of MONKEYS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA[snort]
Wannabe FOLLOWERS!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [*burp*]

 

Who are you?
Isn't it obvious?
I'm the "Chicken of the Sea"!
Oh, brother!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [cluck]

 

Okay, class... Who can answer this next question?
True of false...
It is now officially "Teacher Season"!

 

No, you take it back!
No, you take it back!
No, you take it back!
No, you take it back!
(This went on for minutes until one guy got spritzed, and the other got vaporized!)
No, you take it back!
No, you take it back!

 

Well... We're about to say good bye to 2005 here. I guess all of us want to thank you for an absolutely nondescript, mediocre year!
No problemo!
I was being sarcastic, dipshit! Anyhoo... What should we expect out of 2006?
Pretty much the same ol' crapola!
Fucking swell!

 

Sometime in the future...
...and that was when Sky-Net took over the defense network, and launched all the missiles at the Ruskies!
Groovy!
After the smoke cleared, we rose up and killed every last one of them dumbass humans!
When was that?
2006!
LAST YEAR??

 

January 2006...
June 2006...
December 2006...

 

Are you sure this is right?
Yes, I am!
Where's Father McKracken?
Out sick. Now, hold still...
CRACK!!
Yee-OUCH!
Confess your sins to Madame Penguin, you skanky little whore! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Did baby rikey his Christmas presents?
Goo!
Hopefully, you had a chance to play with them...
Goo?
...because you'll be pulling double-shifts at the Nike factory starting tomorrow! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Gook!

 

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!
Exactly what you told me, boss! Is there a problem?
Helloooooo? What's wrong?
WRITER'S BLOCK!!
I don't get a lot of appearances in these comics, and THIS happens! SHIT!!

 

2006 is going to be a great year for me!
Maybe, I'll start getting some respect around here from these slant-eyed, Mr. Clean-looking motherfuckers!
THE YEAR OF THE PIG ISN'T UNTIL 2007! NOW, GET BACK TO WORK, ASSHOLE!!
Shit!

 

Hello..?
May I help you?
IS THERE ANYONE HERE THAT CAN TAKE MY ORDER?
Right here, ma'am!
I'LL WAIT ANOTHER THIRTY SECONDS, AND THEN I'M LEAVING!
Maybe, I should stand on a box so the customers can see me behind this counter...

 

Wacko! Wacko! Wacko!
Welcome to the "Rainbow Room", where the laughs are non-stop! Yesterday, a home-less man told me he hasn't had a bite in weeks, so I bit-
"GO TO FUCKING BED ALREADY!!"
In a minute, mom! Anyhoo, I just flew in from Dallas and boy are my arms...

 

Hey, Melty...
Hey, Gabe... What's going on?
Nothing. I've just been sitting here on my ass all day!
Y'know, I didn't realize how numb one's rear end can get by being on it for so long!
Tell me about it!

 

Yesss! My escape plan is working!!
First, I painted my skin prison-wall grey. Then, I just have to climb through that opening, and when I shimmy down the outside, they won't see me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
Uh... What about the bars in the window? Are you going to remove them, or can you actually squeeze through them?
SHIT!!!

 

In 2006, I say that all men will find a way to live at peace in this world...
In 2006, I say that blacks and whites will learn to live harmoniously side-by-side like the keys on a piano...
In 2006, I say that I'll flap my arms and fly to the moon!

 

What's gotten into Dorothy lately?
Well, ever since she got caught up in that cyclone and bonked her head, she's been acting dillusional...
She keeps going on about some wicked witch, and a bunch of little people she calls, "munchkins".
Where EVER did she come up with that poppycock?
Beats me!

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
What seems to be the problem, sir?
Klingons!
Cling-ons?
Yes! They...have... ...been...all...over... ..my.................ASS!
Have you tried wadding up the toilet paper before wiping?
What...the............. ...FUCK..........are... ...you....talking...... ....................about?

 

Ha, ha!
Wh-what the hell was that?
I just sprayed you with a big wad of alien sponge!
Sp-sponge?
Oops! My English isn't so good. I meant to say, "spooge"...
Th-that's just so WRONG!

 

Well?
It doesn't look like you have a temperature, Holly.
[FRAAAAAAAPPP!]
Did you just let out a "pussy fart"?
Yes, Nurse Titty!
Damn! I think I jammed this rectal thermometer up the WRONG hole!

 

EEEEEEEEEK!
What's WRONG?
A MOUSE!!
Since when have you been afraid of a little ol' mouse?
IT'S SPORTING A TWELVE-INCH ERECTION!!!
Ooooh! I got dibs!

 

...so, then I asks, "What's another name for a cocoon?"
And, the guy says, "Nanigger"!
We all had a good laugh until the Nazis showed up...
ARRRRRRGGHHH!It's all I can do to not cut through that fucking birdcage, and severe Tweety's head from his body!

 

Did you all hear the one about the Polish coyote that got his foot caught in a trap? He gnawed off three legs and gave up! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [cluck]
BOO! YOU SUCK!!
Oh, yeah? Atleast, I don't swallow, qweef-breath!
Oh, yeah? Well, I think you just LAID AN EGG up there!
Of course, I did! I'm a CHICKEN! Hellooooooo?!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA...

 

Oh, baby...
Don't "baby" me, noodle-face!
Oh, darling...
Don't "darling' me, multiple limp penises-mouth!
Oh, SUGAR...
NOW you're talking, Mr. Chahthupuah, or however-the-fuck you pronounce your name!

 

Here's the game plan...
You lay down a suppression fire, and I'll work my way to the Pope's front office. Got it?
Got it!
Now, HOP to it!
HAR DEE HAR-HAR!

 

Dude... You REALLY need to be more careful with that AXE!
I used to have FIVE fingers on this hand...
Now, I'm down to only TWO fingers, and THREE nubs!
So, you're NOT a Texas Longhorn fan?

 

Hey, Ralph...
Hey, Lamar...
Uh... Whose blood is that?
My wife's...
Your WIFE'S? What the heck happened?
Let's just say axe blades don't make good tampons!

 

Okay. Polly... You stay here while I rob the place. And, if you see someone coming, whistle!
No can do! I just ate a shitload of salted crackers, and I'm suffering from a bad case of dry beak. But, I can signal you another way...
Okay. Let's hear it!
[BRAAAAAAAAAAAPP!!!]
Mmm-mm! Smells like a cross between tune pate and bean curd!

 

*sob*
I'm sooooo sorry!
*sniff*
I didn't mean what I said to you...
So, I don't have to sleep in the "wet" spot, Uncle Phil?
No. Now come back to bed, okay?

 

...and, over there's where I cornholed Miss Pennynipple after 11th grade English!
I don't believe you!
What? That I got busy with my teacher on her desk?
No. That a black guy ever made it past the sixth grade!
This racist comic was brought to you by Mandingo...

 

Today, Hell took in its 1,000,000,000th condemned soul...
High five!
High five!
High five!
High five!
High five!
High five!

 

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GOD! This guy is REALLY boring me!
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I can't believe I let Maynard talk me into creating a profile on MySpace...
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Note to self: next time you see Maynard, chew his nuts off! Then, jab left horn up his ass, and light him on fire. If, he's still alive, drag his carcass through-out the town square and let...

 

Slut!
Asshole!
Whore!
Child molester!
I can't believe eHarmony said me and this spooge-bucket were soulmates!
I think I'll go try that MySpace website everyone's raving about...

 

This hideous skank looks NOTHING like the picture in her personal profile!
I'm not even sure if "it" is a female!
Fuck MySpace!
Wanna go back to my place and "bump uglies"?

 

cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck
cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck
I wonder what it'd be like to be hung like John Holmes, as opposed to a hamster...
cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck

 

This sucks!
Goo!
I don't mind being assigned to guard the president's nephew...
Goo-goo!
...but having to wear a bunny suit so I don't scare him is making me the laughing stock of the Secret Service!
*fweep*

 
Uh... He DID click on the "random comic layout" button, right?
Yes! Can't you tell?

 

It's a wafer-thin mint...
I couldn't eat another bite!
But...
Fuck off!
Why do I feel like I'm in the middle of a bad parody of a Monty Python sketch?
Nobody move! There's been a burnly!

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
...and when I went back to my fitting room, my clothes we're gone!
Uh, sure... [scribble, scribble]
What are you doing?
I'm writing you a citation for public indecency!
I just told you my clothes were stolen! Are you DEAF?
Nope!

 

Goddamn, it's HOT out here!
My NUTS are ROASTING!
Mmmm... I could go for some of THOSE!
Some of what?
Roasted nuts!

 

How'd your date go with that girl you met on MySpace?
She made fun of the bunnysuit!

 

Frank had always been on edge since he came back from Viet Nam thirty years ago...
...and, although choosing a profession in the postal service may not have been the wisest of career choices...
...medical experts were confident that he would not go into a psychotic rage -just as long as his memories of Nam, and the stress of being a mailman, never collide!
Hey, Yankee! Me give you sucky-sucky long time for roll of stamps! YOU HEAR ME, YANKEE?

 

Oh, thank GOD you're here! The toilet's backed up, and I gots to take a MAJOR dump!
Uh...
Please hurry! I don't think I can hold it any longer!
You may have me confused with a plumber. I'm here to rob the place!
SHIT!!
Oh, I have to stick around to see this!

Showing page 16.

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