All comics by HCRoyall

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by HCRoyall
10-11-06
Luke, the Rape demon has you firmly in its grasp. It whispers in your ear "I'm going to make this last for years..."
Can I make a Will save to force myself to die?

 

by HCRoyall
10-15-06
Okay, the 276th Engineering Battalion has some people who need their records reviewed, so we'll have to take care of them before we leave.
One hour later...
No one's showed up, Top.
They're at other stations right now. They're on their way.
One hour later...
Still nobody, Top...
Not until we've finished with all of them!

 

"You're missing a contact lens," I told him. Then his blasted me in the face with his laser vision.
by HCRoyall, 10-16-06

 

by HCRoyall
10-16-06
The animals have been viciously slaughtered and devoured, and the only thing left alive is a bison drawing its last few breaths.
My druid will heal the bison immediately before we continue on our way.
And my necromancer will have his skeleton minion remain behind and kill the bison as soon as the druid is out of sight.

 

by HCRoyall
10-16-06
Hunter, the dragon grabs you in its jaws and flings you off the mile-high waterfall.
I give it the finger all the way down.

 

by HCRoyall
10-16-06
I cleaned your bathroom while you were out.
Thanks honey. I love you.
You'd better.

 

by HCRoyall
10-16-06
...so as a Christmas resent, me and Jeff are going to paint hearts all over his Mom's car.
That sounds more like a prank to me.
Are you objecting?
No...
I want to help.

 

by HCRoyall
10-17-06
Chris, your cone of acid melts all the were-weasles. It also kills Asa's necromancer and seriously injures the rest of the party.
When I get resurrected, I am totally going to kill you and turn you into my zombie minion.

 

by HCRoyall
10-17-06
Hee, hee--with my new time machine, I'll be able to go back and fuck...I mean, MEET various historical figures! Oh boy, oh boy, oh--
What happens if I pull THIS switch, Daddy?
Interrupt me again and it'll make me kill your kitten, Mopsie.

 

by HCRoyall
10-17-06
Hee, hee--with my new time machine, I'll be able to go back and fuck...I mean, MEET various historical figures! Oh boy, oh boy, oh--
What happens if I pull THIS switch, Daddy?

 

by HCRoyall
10-18-06
Hee, hee--with my new time machine, I'll be able to go back and fuck...I mean, MEET various historical figures! Oh boy, oh boy, oh--
What happens if I pull THIS switch, Daddy?
::click::
HEE HEE! ME AM DOG ON BALL! ME EAT SHIT NOW! HONK!!
This is the best invention EVER.

 

by HCRoyall
10-25-06
I'd feel a lot better i you didn't have any "special entertainment" your bachelor party.
Okay.
Why did you want to do this at Chuck E. Cheese's?
Because Kara would rather I get drunk and possibly feel up a giant rat than another woman.

 

by HCRoyall
11-02-06
Fuck all y'all!
If you keep giving away the surprise, you'll never get promoted.

 

by HCRoyall
11-02-06
Luke, the wards on your cleric's quarters have successfully been made permanent.
Now I'm going to retreat back to where I'm safe from the murderous drow after my shiny equipment.
And the murderous drow will lie in wait outside his door.

 

I told you that blinking red light was a bad thing, Mr. Kevin "Look I'm Hercules" Sorbo.
Suck my sour balls, Pacino.
by HCRoyall, 11-02-06

 

by HCRoyall
11-03-06
Fuck all y'all!
At the same time!

 

by HCRoyall
11-06-06
8 A.M.
Top? The soldiers we're supposed to help with their records left for a training exercise and won't be back until 11.
What? Fine, just do what you can without them there and finish when they get back.
11 A.M.
Top? Me again. Now they say they won't get back till noon and then they're breaking for lunch.
Just take a lunch break and finish with them when they get back.
1:30 P.M.
Top? They called again; this time they say they probably won't be back until 3:30, maybe 4.
Fuck them. You're dismissed for the day.

 

by HCRoyall
11-06-06
Fuck all y'all!
That new guy's even worse at the register than you.

 

by HCRoyall
11-06-06
Fuck all y'all!
Me first!
Yeah, that guy creeps me out too.

 

by HCRoyall
11-08-06
Fuck all y'all!
And he's just been standing there pointing at nothing ever since. It's making the customers really uncomfortable.
Put extra lube sauce on everything.

 

by HCRoyall
11-08-06
Fuck all y'all!
Fuck all y'all!
I'm feeling alot of animosity from the other employees.
More assrape is in order. Bend over.

 

Do you have this in an extra small?
by HCRoyall, 11-08-06

 

by HCRoyall
11-10-06
Welcome to McRapey's, Home of the Big Rapey! May I take your order?
What comes with the Super Rapey Meal?
Look, there are known knowns and unknown knowns and that's a known unknown! You have to go to lunch with the food you have! Stay the course! Stay the course!
Rrrrriiiiigght. Nevermind, I'm going to Burger Rapist.
You're fired, Rumsfeld.

 

I am most definitely not in the nude.
by HCRoyall, 11-16-06

 

by HCRoyall
11-16-06
Three demons have appeared in the middle of a group of students from the Mage School.
Mass harm effects up to ten people, so I hit the demons and seven students.
You can choose to target less than the maximum, you know.
I'm targeting the demons and six students... and the sorcerer.
Hey!

 

by HCRoyall
11-18-06
Hunter, your murderous drow has been charmed by the beholder. It tells you to attack your friends.
Ha! Joke's on him! The murderous drow doesn't HAVE any friends!

 

by HCRoyall
11-18-06
The Prince has given you a task, to destroy the holdings of a rival vampire in the city before he can use those resources to take power.
"Curse this undeath in which I am trapped!" my character says. "My soul is damned for the killing I am forced to perform!"
My character blows off the whiner's head with his shotgun. Then burns the remains.

 

by HCRoyall
11-18-06
Hunter, your murderous drow find a +3 holy longsword on your victim.
Hey Tom, I'll give you this here sword if you use your magic artificer powers and upgrade my weapons.
Why not just use the longsword? It's better than your other weapons.
The fact that my character sucks with swords nonwithstanding, it's a holy weapon. I'm evil. I'm sure that bit of logic explains everything.

 

by HCRoyall
11-18-06
Hey Luke, thanks for letitng us set up shop for game nights at here at the Outpost. But shouldn't you at least leave the doors unlocked?
What for?
I don't know, maybe because there's a run on the new Magic: the Gathering set and this is the only place within miles that still has some? And of course the rabid mob outside waving bills at us.
Look, if I have to deal with customers, my monk won't get to inflict horrible punchy doom upon my enemies.
At least you have your priorities straight.

 

by HCRoyall
11-18-06
Asa, you have successfully made that goblin into your mummy slave. Unfortunately, though he understands common, he only speaks goblin.
Dammit! Al right, how can I translate what he's saying?
My sorcerer speaks goblin.
Or you could buy a Helm of Languages for about 50k.
Anything's worth not having to talk to the sorcerer.
Hey!

 

Close the door! Were you raised in a barn?
And what if I was, you insensitive prick?
by HCRoyall, 11-19-06

 

I hate it when I calmly tell someone I'm not in the mood for their jokes and ask them to hold off and they go...
All right, all right, Calm down already.
I was prefectly calm until you had to be a complete ass just now.
by HCRoyall, 11-19-06

 

Dude, it's just a game; stop taking things so seriously.
Then stop trying to play fucking Checkers with your chess pieces!
by HCRoyall, 11-19-06

 

If "everyone" was jumping off a bridge, would you do that too?
If it meant not having to listen to your stupid shit anymore, then yeah.
by HCRoyall, 11-19-06

 

Do you think I'm made of money or something?!
I wish you were, because then no one would convict me for murdering you.
by HCRoyall, 11-20-06

 

Mate, in all fairness, you can't really say anything. *saw your comics*
Okay.
by HCRoyall, 11-20-06

 

Say it, don't spray it.
Fuck you then.
by HCRoyall, 11-20-06

 

I'm part of a drinking team with a bowling problem.
]The only thing ranker than your jokes is your breath.
by HCRoyall, 11-20-06

 

I like all music except for Rap.
So you're a big fan of Mongolian Nose Chanting and the Aztec ass-flute, then, are you?
by HCRoyall, 11-20-06

 

by HCRoyall
11-21-06
Last episode...
Ha? What has happened here in this, the scene of destruction?!
Aha! It is I, Great Owl Fu Master Shin-Ju-No, here to destroy this place!
Now I will charge up for my mighty super ultimate attack! AAAAAAAAAA!!!
Oh?! What is it he is doing? He is gathering power! What could this mean?!
Next time...
Aha! I have defeated you Great Owl Fu Master Shi-Ju-No! Now I will let you leave even though you will obviously return at a later date to attack again!
Argh! I may be defeated, but I will return again when I am stronger, and I will defeat you even though you will be stronger as well!

 

"Well," I said to myself, "I certainly never imagined things would end like this..."
by HCRoyall, 11-28-06

 

Needless to say, Eddie never really got the whole Goth thing right when it came to decorating.
by HCRoyall, 11-28-06

 

... one of your best friends is a squirrel.
by HCRoyall, 11-28-06

 

... you ARE a squirrel.
by HCRoyall, 11-28-06

 

... you're related to Humpenstein.
by HCRoyall, 11-28-06

 

... you ARE Humpentstein.
by HCRoyall, 11-28-06

 

by HCRoyall
11-30-06
Oh dear...

 

by HCRoyall
11-30-06
Have you finished your characters for the post-Apocalypse campaign?
Yeah! We're twin sharpshooters with the same stats.
He wears a black mask with white clothes, and I wear a white mask with black clothes.
I hate both of you.
o/^Ebony...o/^
o/^...and Ivory...o/^

 

by HCRoyall
11-30-06
It turns out that the survivor of the demon attack was a succubus in disguise. She entered the clerics room by mistake and was killed by the magical wards.
The murderous drow will take this opportunity to hide herself in the cleric's quarters before he can reset the wards on the door.
Can I just start roling my new character now?

 

by HCRoyall
11-30-06
As your characters search the woods for the Elder Vampire's hidden sanctuary, you are beset by a pack of werewolves. They snarl as they recognize you as vampires, then attack.
"Let's get some silver weapons," I said. "We might Need them, since there are werewolves in the woods," I said. "No," you said. "It costs too much money," you said. "We'll be fine," you said.
I think we can agree that the goth freak is clearly at fault for this.
Hey!

Showing page 17.

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