All comics by UnknownEric

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by UnknownEric
1-10-07
Hi Jane! You look down, what's wrong?
Well, it's that time of the month and my maxi isn't absorbent enough.
You should try Always with Wings!
Wings? Sweet!
I got Denny Laine in my box.
Aw, crap... I got Linda in mine.

 

by UnknownEric
1-11-07
Say, asiangirl2, I've been wondering. Are you Chinese? Japanese? Vietnamese?
Taste your Coke.
*sip* Oh... oh GOD.
Chinese, eh?
You know it, baby.

 

Wait... come back!
by UnknownEric, 1-13-07

 

by UnknownEric
1-16-07
You've got the dookie touch! No backsies!
Fuck.

 

by UnknownEric
1-16-07
Hey Jim, did you know that research shows that dolphins are the only creatures besides humans to have sex for pleasure?
What are you trying to tell me?
I fucked your wife.

 

by UnknownEric
1-17-07
So, wanna screw?
Sure.
Aha, it is me, Jesus!
Aww, does that mean I'm not getting laid?
I didn't say that.
Sweet!

 

by UnknownEric
1-18-07
I, Terrell Owens, called this press conference to announce that I have 25 million reasons not to commit suicide today. Thank you.
SLAM!
What the fuck?

 

by UnknownEric
1-29-07
How went the vasectomy?
Good and bad. The best part is no more condoms
What's the worst part?
Balls. Knife.

 

by UnknownEric
1-29-07
How went the vasectomy?
Good and bad. The best part is no more condoms
What's the worst part?
They kinda messed up. I'm Lisa now.

 

by UnknownEric
1-30-07
At the Justice League headquarters.
What is it, Robin?
Wonder Woman, Lex Luthor is attacking Metropolis, but Superman is in his Fortress of Solitude and I don't know how to reach him.
IM.
IM?
IM Superman and tell him what's happening.
Doo-doo, doo, doo, doo-doo...

 

by UnknownEric
2-02-07
Wow, I'm really dehydrated. I could use a lift!
How about a punch???
*oof*
A Hawaiian Cock Punch!
what the fuck?

 

by UnknownEric
2-05-07
At the NFL offices, months ago...
Hello Prince, thanks for coming today. To get to the point, we want you to play at halftime at the Super Bowl. What will it take?
Well, I would just have one small request.
Name it.

 

In Soviet Russia, cock sucks you!
by UnknownEric, 2-05-07

 

by UnknownEric
2-08-07
Hey, did you hear that Anna Nicole Smith just died.
Huh, I'll be damned.
Though, to be fair, was she ever really alive or was it all just a great puppet trick?

 

by UnknownEric
2-10-07
Oh fuck.
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
*sigh* Moooommmmm...
...I was speaking SPANISH!

 

by UnknownEric
2-10-07
Uncle Ricky, is your rat sleeping?
Yes, Emma, rats usually sleep during the day.
But she's not wearing pajamas.
Rats don't wear pajamas, honey.
Oh... when I was a rat, I didn't wear pajamas either.

 

by UnknownEric
2-10-07
I thiiiiiiiiink...
I thiiiiiiiiink...
I thiiiiiiink... GIRLS go to my school.
I would think so.

 

by UnknownEric
2-15-07
I'm tired... so tired... I'm tired of having sects...
...so tired...
I'm spread... so thin... I don't know what I am...
...I am...
Monday night, I'm Protestant... Tuesday night, I am Baptist... Wednesday night, I am a Catholic...
...oh why can't he be making love come true...

 

by UnknownEric
2-15-07
If you want to destroy my loincloth, pull this thread as you walk away...
as you walk away-ay-ay
Watch it unravel, i'll soon be naked
hanging on the cross
Hanging on the cross, I come undone...
doodoodoo, doodoodoo, dooDOOdoo, doodoodoo...

 

by UnknownEric
2-16-07
Oh my God, Jenny, on my way into work today I heard some godless homosexual trying to force buttsex on another man.
That's exactly what Pat Robertson said they'd do.
We need to stop these queers before they ruin America.
They should be thrown out of the country.
What she actually heard...
But, Tex...!
Don't you "But, Tex" me, Jon...

 

by UnknownEric
2-16-07
Lately, my son's started to get into the Wiggles. They're okay, I guess, but... is it just me, or does Jeff Wiggle look like a creepy sexual predator?
Every time they play "Where's Jeff?", I half expect the answer to be "cybering 14-year-olds on Myspace."

 

by UnknownEric
2-22-07
Brooklyn Mouse, it's only February and we're already running behind. We need you to be a fill-in elf.
Why, I don't know what ta say... I... I wanna thank you.
For what?
Falettin' me be Mice Elf again.

 

by UnknownEric
2-24-07
Breaking news, Britney Spears is destroying downtown with an umbrella. We go live to Ed Porkley in the field. Ed?
BRIT SMASH!
Wait, can we have an exclusive interview?
BRITNEY IS CRAZIEST THERE IS!

 

by UnknownEric
3-07-07
Welcome to Fox News... Captain America is DEAD, bitches! Too bad if you haven't read the issue yet, HE'S DEAD!!!
Man, I HATE it when the media ruins comics like that. You don't see them spoiling the end of movies the day they're released.
If Fox News were around in 1980...
This just in, Darth Vader is Luke's FATHER!!! Suck on that for a while!

 

by UnknownEric
3-09-07
...and then I totally told Spider-Man to fuck off and...
Excuse me, Mr. Stark. I have to arrest you for suspected rape and buggery in the first degree.
What? But I'm director of SHIELD and Iron Man!
Exactly, this woman was raped by a man she described as a man in a suit of red iron, just like yours. Come with me, please.
raar.
I want my lawyer.

 

by UnknownEric
3-12-07
There once was a girl name of Midge / who lived down by South Park and Ridge
One night over drinks, she said "Kiss me where it stinks"
So we drove to the Grand Island Bridge.

 

by UnknownEric
3-16-07
Seriously babe, we need to get out of Vegas before we lose everything.
But we still have 3 more nights in the hotel!
But we've spent every dime we brought with us.
What do you have left in your pocket?
Two ticks and a pair of dice.
Pack your bags, we'll leave tonight.

 
by UnknownEric, 3-22-07

 

by UnknownEric
3-22-07
My girlfriend dumped me.
Did you take a shit on her chest?
Yes, just like you told me to!
But did you do it with love?

 

by UnknownEric
3-25-07
Hey man... what's wrong, you seem down.
I took my mom shopping in Canada and she had a total freakout.
She didn't understand the exchange rate and thought they were ripping her off, so she punched a hole in the wall!
But, all in all, I guess it's just another wall in The Brick.

 

by UnknownEric
3-28-07
Now TOBOR, alls I really need ya ta do is hand me the tools and materials I need when I need 'em.
Man, it'll be great to have an extra set o' hands when I'm jamming myself into these tight places.
Now give me that smooth pipe.

 

by UnknownEric
4-02-07
Jimmy, is that you? I need you to come over right now!
Dude, calm down, I have a lunch date with a hot blonde.
CANCEL IT, MAN! Seriously, get over here!
Dude, what's so damned important?
I'm being attacked by internet memes!
I can has cheezburger?

 

by UnknownEric
4-02-07
It's you!!!
Good evening, gentleman.
All your base are belong to us.
You have no chance to survive, make your time!

 

by UnknownEric
4-02-07
Hey, what are you doing in the bathroom?
Masturbating.
Why?
Because you know what God does every time you masturbate.
Aha, it is me, Jesus!
Oh, shit.

 

by UnknownEric
4-02-07
Man, that was a hard day of masturbating, but I did it.
My house is finally free of memes! I think I'll celebrate with a cold one.
O RLY?

 

by UnknownEric
4-05-07
One two three and I count to four... won't touch yo momma cause yo momma a whore
raar
Get out the bed if yo ass gonna snore... now I'm gonna kick it to my man TOBOR!
RAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!
Nigga, you suck.

 

by UnknownEric
4-11-07
So I said, "Those nappy headed hos ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves."
Ha ha ha.
Jigaboos!

 

by UnknownEric
4-12-07
I have come for your children.
In what way do you mean that?
What?
I mean... are you here to steal my children? Or do you have semen to give to my children?
Both, actually.
Oh okay, then let me hand them over.

 

by UnknownEric
4-12-07
Hey Kev, why so down?
I just lost my gardening job.
What happened?
Well, I brought my baby with me, and he took a poop so I had to change his diaper. I didn't want to put it on the ground, so I stuck it on top of the tool I was using...
Oh no, I know where this is going.
It's not MY fault everyone's worked up about "nappy headed hos"!

 

by UnknownEric
4-14-07
Hey Jenny, I hear you dated Mike in high school.
Mike Loud? Yeah, we were together for a while... until an unfortunate incident...
What happened?
Well, we were in the broom closet making out and decided to go all the way. So I climbed on top to control the pace...
And then the next thing I know, I hear the principal saying, "Hey you! Get off of Mike Loud!"

 

by UnknownEric
4-18-07
Hi, I'm Doodoo Brown...
...and I'm Jack DaLad, and welcome to Extreme Championship Diaper Throwing!
Our first contestant is Wilma Fingerdo, from Philadelphia.
She's got a great arm, but her accuracy leaves a lot to be desired.
Oh no, her throw went off target and landed on the head of a spectating prostitute!
Oh man, now she's a nappy-headed ho.

 

by UnknownEric
4-21-07
I was wondering who the Johns Hopkins Lacrosse Team is playing today.
Navy.
Who?
Navy... the U.S. Naval Academy.
What state's navy?
Wait... what?

 

by UnknownEric
4-21-07
What state's Navy?
The United States Navy... the whole country.
Yeah, but what state?
Well, the Naval Academy is in Annapolis, Maryland, but it's still the United States Navy, not the Maryland Navy.
Well then, what state's Navy is it?
What's your address... I have a kick in the face I'd like to send you.

 

by UnknownEric
4-24-07
Heh heh, "balls." LOL.

 

by UnknownEric
4-25-07
I hope my office supplies come soon.
Aww, I only wanted a three-hole punch.

 

by UnknownEric
4-26-07
Oh MAN, Jesus, that was the greatest guitar solo EVER! You fuckin' shred, man!
Thanks, dude. Hey, I just turned your cup of water into Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Oh, oh, YES! You are fuckin' tits!
Catch you later, I gotta take my Camaro to pick up Debbie. We're probably gonna do it in the back seat down by the lake.
That is one BITCHIN' Camaro.
Later, bro!

 

by UnknownEric
5-01-07
Ahhh, help me! I broke my foot and the bone's sticking right out!
I'd like to help, ma'am, but we're not surgeons. We are but cowboys.
You said "butt cowboys."

 

by UnknownEric
5-01-07
Howdy!
Can I help you?
Yeah, I heard you guys are butt cowboys.
Kill me.

 

by UnknownEric
5-01-07
Excuse me...
Oh, god DAMN it. We are NOT butt cowboys!
I just wanted to use your phone.

 

by UnknownEric
5-01-07
Jim, sorry to call you in here on such short notice, but we're going to have to let you go.
Let me go? What for?
You said Vanessa looked like a "jigaboo."
Yeah. What's wrong with that?
It's a racial slur, Jim!
It is? Shit! I thought it was the name of the purple Boohbah!

Showing page 17.

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